sleepie

to another parent based holiday...

It's all over and all over facebook... Just wanna laugh and say... "You had parents? That's adorable lol tell me what that's like..." lmao

Yeah anyway another sober day. I'll tell you when it gets fun.

SparkleKitty

I hear you sleepie. I avoid FB on both Mother's Day and Father's Day. SR is more my speed today.

ScottFromWI

It is an important day for many people Sleepie, a little respect wouldnt hurt. I know you enjoy your BF's parents company, perhaps you could see some positives there. Resentments will only hurt you.

sleepie

Thank you Sparklekitty. It's really hard when you got beat within an inch of your life as a little girl by an angry man many times your size... and then all your peers celebrate what they had, ignorant to what you suffered. And mad if you aren't "positive". Especially when you were forced to smile after your beatings so as not to bring your abusers down.

Anyway, no matter the invalidations and abuses in my life, I am still sober. I wonder if there are others like me, with a lifetime of abuse and and then al the ignorance and invalidations that follow you into adulthood and life who got sober despite it all. Society heavily judges those such as I, who had no choice but to go No Contact. It's like, first there as being dismantled as a human being before you were even grown- terrorized by those who were supposed to protect you. And then, the ongoing judgements by those who know nothing about it... forcing you to continue to suffer in silence. No compassion.

oldsoul112249

I know how you feel. I refuse to give them anymore power, dead and gone for years now, and I survived. Under anger was pain... dealt with and done. But I do hurt for my sons who's dad died when they were only 3 and 4 and they only really had just me...no dad. That's difficult to live with. I'm trying to keep busy. I hope you feel better tomorrow

Ambuler

I'm right there with you. Both mother's day and father's day are triggers for me. But hey, what can ya do??

(((Hugs)))

tomsteve

"You had parents? That's adorable lol tell me what that's like..."

my father was the most outstanding man I ever knew.
im sorry you don't find it necessary to show him and others like him- men you have never met- such disrespect.

SoberJohn

My father abandoned me when I was five and my Mother hates me because she blames me for all my sibling's failure. Probably deep down it was the root of my drinking but it doesn't stop me on these holidays from maintaining sobriety or trying to be a good dad to my two children.

zjw

Just another day to me. I got 6 kids and the gestures of aknowledging the day and all is nice but really it wouldnt phase me if we didnt have it. To me stuff like this is just another hallmark holiday etc..

I even got annoyed because my father came over to see me and i had to rush home i was mad i didnt want to have to rush *sigh* But then i got to thinking like to scotts point. Its important to some people so i had to try and view it through my dads eyes its a big deal to him so whatever I hurried home and got over myself.

But I sure am glad I dont have to talk to the old step fatehr Lol aint talked to that one in probably 20 years or so WOOOOHOOOO now thats something to celebrate .

Ambuler

@ tomsteve whoa there....we are all living our own realities. My husband is the best father I have ever seen. Absolutely incredible. My own father, eh, not so much. This day still irks me to the core. We're all allowed to vent. No disrespect.

Spacegoat

I'l be the first one to state the obvious…

Some of us on here are also fathers and mothers ourselves, so there's that.

zjw

its best to try and see both sides and be thankful somehow if you got a raw deal. For example my step father was an abusive alcoholic SOB. and i'm estatic i dont have to call him today . Best thing he ever did for me was walk the Eff out of my life .

I also now live next door to my own father so while my step father robbed me of 20+ years i could have spent lots of time with my real father. as my step father moved us so far away regular visits where near impossible. Now i get to see my dad whenever and I'd be willing to bet rather i know i take this for granted. One thought that when tthrough my head today even was who knows how many more of these kinds of days i'll get with him?

zjw

and just to add my real dad is far from perfect but he means well and trys very hard and has a lot of heart. he is what he is and i've had to learn some acceptance over the years etc... My situation aint perfect but it could be gazzillion times worse as well.

sleepie

I will say this. It really could have been a lot worse than it was, me being an alkie who only hurt herself. At least I didn't hurt anyone or cause irreversible damage while I drank. I have one poor brother who is hopeless, just hopeless after what was done to him.

Oh, my folks are not the sort to ever be sorry for anything they did, ever. They would do it all over again, happily. I would fear even being in the same room as them. I had to be for a wake one time years ago and everyone said I was sheet white.

entropy1964

So I struggle with this stuff because it's easy to get sucked into a 'who's life was worse?' Contest. I won't and can't do that because it keeps me sick.

HOWEVER, funny story. I'm at Walmart with the kid picking out a Father's Day card for her dad....who is great dad. I have to get one for my not so great dad (leave it at that) and I start laughing because I'm thinking "man, none of these apply.....at all". So I vocalize this with the four or five ladies standing around and this started a bitch session that, if not kind of sad, was pretty funny. We all decided that we needed to create a line of cards specifically geared for dysfunctional, creepy, abusive, sexually inappropriate and neglecting families. It was good dark humor and just funny that each one of these people were thinking the same things. Happy birthday to the brother I lost my virginity to, forcibly....yay. That kind of thing.

Anyway, I'm not going to let the bastards win. Hang in there folks!

sleepie

A dark sense of humor has helped me through too Flicka. It is good when you find those who are kind of in the same lot. It really is being alone that is the worst thing. And can threaten sobriety.

Venecia

Sleepie, there isn't a soul on SR who doesn't have genuine sympathy for you and the hardships you've endured. It's expressed here multiple times everyday.

But to start a thread dripping with sarcasm -- "that's adorable," followed by guffawing emoticons -- is every bit as inconsiderate as you accuse others of being toward you.

There are countless posts from guys on SR who cite wanting to be a better father as their reason for seeking a sober life. There are guys who want the legacy of addiction to stop with them. These are guys who are working hard at it. There are some among us for whom today is solemnly spent with only memories. Yes, good memories for which we should not be expected to feel guilty or apologize.

No compassion? Ours is a community full of compassion. Same goes for accountability to the community.

Spacegoat

I hear that, I wonder if Morrissey et al would be interested



I'd only be sending them to myself of course, yano how it is

courage2

I think of my dead parents lots -- it's not like I need a holiday to remember them -- I can't imagine a thoughtful person who doesn't. Sometimes it's with sympathy, sometimes with whatever passed for love in my family, sometimes with confusion and pain. My mother put her disapproving stamp on all Hallmark holidays, and I can't get past that.

Simple holidays for simple things. Secretary's Day, I can get behind

I'll stick to my complicated feelings when it comes to personal relationships.

sleepie

Everyone else has a whole entire world out there for today.

I have a thread here that is totally optional to view. This is all I got. My one safe corner.

And... not drinking. Though I did come near today.