sleepie

Not a soul to talk to.
Would normally fill alone time with drinking.
Spent all of last weekend watching everyone including my bf drink at Memorial Day gatherings and such, and enjoy themselves. It was boring and alienating.

Another solitary Friday night.

Losing my mind with loneliness and solitude. Way to anxious to meet new people. Bf distant as usual.

endlesspatience

I understand how you feel. All of us feel lonely sometimes particularly if we're not drinking and other people are. I think in terms of making friends, people respond to a large extent to the signals we send them. I had to work hard on that in order to improve my social situation. I have stopped going through life thinking I deserve a friend and I'm being rejected. I'm more inclined now to think about what would make another person happy - how can I do them a little favour or pay them a little complement.

zlhzlh

I am so sorry to hear this sleepie, big hug x I really suggest to rehome a dog, not only will you get unconditional love but it will get you out of the house to meet people.

sleepie

I never thought I deserved anything in life. I don't really consider myself that much. I am loyal and giving when it comes to those I do know. I do not have anything at all to my name but give freely what matters. I'm not one of those "I deserve" kind of people. That's maybe part of the reason I have nothing. Literally everything I have in life is in a handful of boxes. I own nothing- not a home not a car not even a bike anymore as it was stolen. Just a host of health issues and dr bills. And a very distant bf who is soundly sleeping while I sit awake due to anxiety and loneliness.

I would love a pet but bf is allergic.

Kaneda8888

I know how you feel. You can be lonely even in a room full of family and friends. Its not the number of bodies present. Its the folks you connect with; who gets what you feel; gives you a hug; supports you with no judgement. I've felt that way many times. I do lots of meditation and spiritual practice. I am gradually understanding the difference between solitude and loneliness. It all resides within one's mind. What works for me is the practice of being comfortable with myself. It isn't easy but it helps remove the feeling of loneliness. Maybe it will help you ? Hang in there, Sleepie !

sleepie

Hi Strailya and UK people.

I love our members from overseas.

It was fun at first when I had some sober time to hang out and watch people drink. But I have struggled with a lot in the past 2 years and now I am just sad and angry that I never get any relief. There will be no benzos to get me through and never again in my entire life can I enjoy the refreshing relaxation of a cold beer. Not me. But everyone else.

It would help if my bf was supportive but my sobriety like most things I do are ignored by him. He's an introvert so he does not care about such things. It doesn't affect him. He is in his own world that I am to be careful of and sensitive to at all times.

Also I maintain my right to complain about the bf when I need to, for those that know me. It is venting people. I watch him drink beer with my friends and yes it is irritating to me.

zlhzlh

Sleepie, then offer to walk somebody else's dog. Not only would you help people but could get affection and get out to meet people, I am thinking of youx

Kaneda8888

Firstly, it might be a good idea to develop coping mechanisms so that you can obtain relief. I used mindfulness techniques at the beginning which my psych taught me. The key is developing alternative methods for seeking relief. Whatever these methods can be. They dont deny your feelings but teach you how to manage them.

Then, maybe its worthwhile to take a step back and understand what you are seeking relief from ? Is it realistic ?

sleepie

I was a dog walker for a living for quite awhile. Maybe I should take it up again. I am currently being evaluated for learning disorder. I am kind of at a stand still with my life until this is all said and done. Like should I dog walk again or actually try for a new job again? I crashed and burned at the last one. Don't know that I can handle the dog commitment. If word gets out I am dog working again I will be booked through the holidays...

Actually though I do watch/walk dogs. I just did a week or 2 ago for a really high maintenance creature. There was a lot of cleaning up and other stuff as he goes indoors all over the place.

Kaned do you have any youtube recommendations for what you mentioned?

I need relief from all the things I have to go through alone. I need support and validation but have nobody to get it from.

I am also miffed that bf does not at all acknowledge my "triumph" over drugs and alcohol. He is a total enabler and I hate it. I want a partner who does not want me to use at any cost, and after all I have read about the user/enabler dynamic I don't know what it is to be so angry at the enabler and where is any simply human validation for my efforts? If I can be made a villain for drinking can I be a small hero for quitting?

Maybe time for another thread on that topic. I will be back. Thanks for being here guys

Kaneda8888

Sorry I don't know of any YouTube videos. Try and google mindfulness techniques. Alternatively, One fave technique I used was to pretend that you are hosting a family dinner at your home. a relative that you don't like comes to the front door and you welcome him inside. Then you sit him down, make sure he is comfortable and walk away. Be busy with arranging other aspects of the dinner. The negative feeling is that relative. Don't deny it, recognise it and leave it be. It's uncomfortable but you leave it alone. Direct your energies elsewhere.

zlhzlh

Sleepie, I think that would be an excellent idea! It sounds like you would be really busy if you took it up again! I wish I had somebody to call on to walk my dogs for me when i wasn't at home. I hope things get better for you soon. ��

Dharma33

Last week I tried AA for the first time after being sober a year. All of the loneliness, lack of understanding, and zero support I felt is now gone. I tried a couple of different meetings. I have found awesome people of all types.

The person I ended up asking to sponsor me said...."there is no reason to ever feel lonely again...you have all of us, and we are family".

Everyone has all kinds of reasons not to go to AA....the 'god' thing, etc etc. If you don't want to be lonely, have people who understand your addictions, accept and love you for who you are - well, it's right around the corner in AA.

zjw

Give it time my wife took it lightly in that 6 months or so in she suggested i get a 6 pack of my favorite kind to celebrate how good i've done it was tempting too. A year came and went and she didnt notice. But now at 5 yeas I wake up to a card today "to my hero". I have not opened it yet I'm just eyen it like oh wow not gonna open it yet tho. So maybe give him time.

Hang in there!

least

Big hugs for you Sleepie. I love you just the way you are!

Ariesagain

A gentle reality check on this...first, there are a whole lot of people on this board who can't drink, either. Then there's the fact that about a third of the adult U.S. population doesn't drink at all....which is about 80,000,000 people.

Sending you a hug.

Croutie

Hi Sleepie... Thinking of you.

sleepie

Hi Croutie how have you been?

Croutie

II"m doing ok Sleeps. I'm sad though to see you unhappy. I know you are getting very thoughtful feedback on your post about your BF, and I know the logical thing to do if you are so unhappy is to leave....but I also recognize it's a little more complicated than that for you. I understand it's just not that simple.
Well, here's how much I care about you, you made me climb out of my "no posting hole' to say hi. Please don't forget all you have accomplished and how talented an artist you are...even if you're in a wee dry spell in that department at the moment.
I think you are an amazing person...well, heck, you're the top, you're the coliseum,...haha! Hope that brought a smile to your face!
Ok, back to my hole.....xx

sleepie

Thanks Croutie and please don't stay away too long again.

Fabela

Sleeps...