Sleepie's Testing Countdown Support Thread
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Thanks Rose I would like that, you know you are one of my SR favorite people 
and how have you been doing?
Fabela please tell whatever you like here. I meant this thread as a place to share my own thoughts and experiences and it's ok with me if others share too.
I am glad your meeting went so well
Cool!
and how have you been doing? Fabela please tell whatever you like here. I meant this thread as a place to share my own thoughts and experiences and it's ok with me if others share too.
I am glad your meeting went so well
Cool!
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Rose I know I share a lot here so team sleepie really means a lot to me. I hope that maybe out there is someone who sees what I am coming from and what I go through, and still I am sober. Then maybe they can see that even with these difficulties sobriety is still a worthy endeavor. And I know that many of us had less than ideal upbringings and maybe this will help them too.
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Originally Posted by sleepie 
Rose I know I share a lot here so team sleepie really means a lot to me. I hope that maybe out there is someone who sees what I am coming from and what I go through, and still I am sober. Then maybe they can see that even with these difficulties sobriety is still a worthy endeavor. And I know that many of us had less than ideal upbringings and maybe this will help them too.
I just got back from another visit with my best friend, on Vancouver Island. She brought out every card and letter I have ever sent to her and it was a considerable collection! Because it was an overwhelming pile to choose from I just picked letters at random to look at. Wow, if I didn't pick up the letter I wrote to her in 1992 to tell her I had relapsed after 6 happy sober years. The one line in that letter that I will carry with me, after I wrote all the relapse details, I said "I'm not going to quit for now, it is too hard." And sure enough, I didn't quit again for 22 years.
Man, am I ever glad I made it out alive.
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Hi sleepie! I don't know what sort of tests you will be undergoing, but I think it takes a lot of courage to do so in spite of being very anxious about it.
I don't really have much that I can offer except that in 2009, I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I don't know that I was afraid of the testing process or the diagnosis, and actually--it explained a lot!
Wishing you the very best! S
I don't really have much that I can offer except that in 2009, I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I don't know that I was afraid of the testing process or the diagnosis, and actually--it explained a lot!
Wishing you the very best! S
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Originally Posted by sleepie
being bullied at home by my own family and especially a very sadistic mother was especially painful because I remember being so confused, and just all kinds of hurt, to an overwhelming degree. I couldn't fight back, stand up for myself. She had a field day. I wasn't smart enough to see beyond it. She was picking on someone with a disorder. I think one day I even had a nervous breakdown at school from all the teasing. But, nobody cared.
The fault lies in the personality of the person who enjoys inflicting pain, not on the person on the other end of it. And they are generally cowards, because they pick on people who cannot fight back. You are worth a hundred of these people.
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Hi Seren!
Well it will be a WAIS test. That's an IQ test. I just can't much bear to get more bad news about myself. I am afraid they will tell me my IQ score is:
And I'll be tested for ADD as well. This Dr said after talking to me he is pretty sure I am, not even because of what I said but being all over the place, looking at stuff, interrupting etc.
Which goes to show you should see a specialist if you suspect you are living with such a disorder... my idiotic therapists in the past knew nothing, especially one very arrogant one comes to mind... the tactful individual who kept calling me "deficient" even though I explained to him it hurt me to use that particular word.
Well it will be a WAIS test. That's an IQ test. I just can't much bear to get more bad news about myself. I am afraid they will tell me my IQ score is:
And I'll be tested for ADD as well. This Dr said after talking to me he is pretty sure I am, not even because of what I said but being all over the place, looking at stuff, interrupting etc.
Which goes to show you should see a specialist if you suspect you are living with such a disorder... my idiotic therapists in the past knew nothing, especially one very arrogant one comes to mind... the tactful individual who kept calling me "deficient" even though I explained to him it hurt me to use that particular word.
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Welcome back lein
I cannot fathom that kind of behavior either. Have you read "Surviving a Borderline Parent"? This is a book that changed my life. It sadly rang so very true. You will get chills reading it, it is so accurate. Like they wrote it for you personally, about your particular parent. I still haven't begun to wrap my mind around the fact that I must have had disordered parents.
And again, the thick therapists... all the times I'd tell some tale of yet another bizarre and cruel behavior inflicted on me by a parent, not a single one ever brought up the possibility that I had disordered parents. And I wondered for years and years what I did to deserve it... turns out it ain't me, it's totally them!
And that is another reason I trust books more than people!
I cannot fathom that kind of behavior either. Have you read "Surviving a Borderline Parent"? This is a book that changed my life. It sadly rang so very true. You will get chills reading it, it is so accurate. Like they wrote it for you personally, about your particular parent. I still haven't begun to wrap my mind around the fact that I must have had disordered parents.
And again, the thick therapists... all the times I'd tell some tale of yet another bizarre and cruel behavior inflicted on me by a parent, not a single one ever brought up the possibility that I had disordered parents. And I wondered for years and years what I did to deserve it... turns out it ain't me, it's totally them!
And that is another reason I trust books more than people!
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Hi sleepie, yes, I blamed myself too, I think all kids do. But yes, you would have thought one of those therapists would have picked up that there was something not right with your parents
I got lucky with a lovely therapist years ago now, I had PTSD, from my childhood but was successfully treated and haven't had any symptoms for years and years
I haven't heard of that book, but I'll certainly have a look for it now. It sounds really helpful, thanks
I got lucky with a lovely therapist years ago now, I had PTSD, from my childhood but was successfully treated and haven't had any symptoms for years and years
I haven't heard of that book, but I'll certainly have a look for it now. It sounds really helpful, thanks
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Originally Posted by sleepie
Thing is about being down on myself, I know I am a good person, that's not an issue. However I have been told I am ugly all my life. In school I was bullied to epic degrees. I have seen the worst of people. Just the worst. I cannot even repeat what they called me here. And, it's not like I came home to a caring family that helped me deal with it or loved me anyway.
I came home to more teasing, more humiliation. My mother used to taunt me until I dissolved into tears and then call the family out to look at me and laugh. Then smack me around for not being able to "take a joke".
Have you ever been laughed at because of your appearance? It makes a person wish they were never born. And it wasn't a one time thing. It was all day, eery day, for years.
Then there were the jokes about me being stupid. My math teachers were pure evil. There is one that scarred me for life for what she said to me in front of the class. And my own mother again making fun of me for being clumsy, and in her words, hers not mine- a "******". I mean that word or a variation of it was basically my name to her.
So my self esteem, confidence in my appearance and my intellect all attacked and destroyed by my peers, teachers and even my own family.
I wish to god I had money for a vanity surgery. That would change my entire life. Or that I could qualify for Lasik, but my eyes are far too bad and I don't. I always felt I was being punished for reading too much as a child. Which is another symptom of this disorder- preferring books to people basically... and who wouldn't, the way I was treated? I am so tired of going through life like this.
Going on for these tests and being told that I have indeed lived with a learning disorder is like all the terrible things I have been told about myself are being validated. In essence- they were right.
I came home to more teasing, more humiliation. My mother used to taunt me until I dissolved into tears and then call the family out to look at me and laugh. Then smack me around for not being able to "take a joke".
Have you ever been laughed at because of your appearance? It makes a person wish they were never born. And it wasn't a one time thing. It was all day, eery day, for years.
Then there were the jokes about me being stupid. My math teachers were pure evil. There is one that scarred me for life for what she said to me in front of the class. And my own mother again making fun of me for being clumsy, and in her words, hers not mine- a "******". I mean that word or a variation of it was basically my name to her.
So my self esteem, confidence in my appearance and my intellect all attacked and destroyed by my peers, teachers and even my own family.
I wish to god I had money for a vanity surgery. That would change my entire life. Or that I could qualify for Lasik, but my eyes are far too bad and I don't. I always felt I was being punished for reading too much as a child. Which is another symptom of this disorder- preferring books to people basically... and who wouldn't, the way I was treated? I am so tired of going through life like this.
Going on for these tests and being told that I have indeed lived with a learning disorder is like all the terrible things I have been told about myself are being validated. In essence- they were right.
that being said you are what you are your the most perfect you. you wuldnt be you without your perfect imperfections etc..
Be good to yourself and do what you can to tune out the people who wanna say stuff that does nothing but make you feel crappy. what ever others say is there opinion. thats all it is it doesnt make it true or real etc...
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Often I wonder if anyone is truly good at heart you know, because of it. It really scars you in a special way when you have it coming from every single source possible and home as well as school is just relentless teasing and humiliation, nowhere to hide. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown when I was 13... I stopped eating for a year (nobody noticed) and never left my room, not even for dinner. I just wanted to die. I mean I don't trust anyone when it gets down to it. I don't believe anyone is essentially good.
It just breaks a person down. I remember there were days I felt "out of my body" in Jr High because every waking moment was a true living hell. And sometimes, I'd be beaten literally black and blue at home. Fun times.
I am saddened by friends I have even now. I mean once I was with an expecting couple and they were talking about hopes and dreams for their unborn child. The father said "I don't care what they are as long as they're not stupid".
Killed me inside. If they only knew the hell I've lived because of being what people would call "stupid". Being in a closet of any kind is no fun.
And I always wonder, if people pity me or actually care? You know... I don't know how I come off to others a lot of times. I often wonder do I come off as an airhead, or what.
It just breaks a person down. I remember there were days I felt "out of my body" in Jr High because every waking moment was a true living hell. And sometimes, I'd be beaten literally black and blue at home. Fun times.
I am saddened by friends I have even now. I mean once I was with an expecting couple and they were talking about hopes and dreams for their unborn child. The father said "I don't care what they are as long as they're not stupid".
Killed me inside. If they only knew the hell I've lived because of being what people would call "stupid". Being in a closet of any kind is no fun.
And I always wonder, if people pity me or actually care? You know... I don't know how I come off to others a lot of times. I often wonder do I come off as an airhead, or what.
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What!!! You got a bullying PM!!! Are you ok?
I'm fine today Sleepie! Thanks for asking, no meltdowns on the horizon that I can see!
I'm going to go crazy tonight and buy cake and stuff, then begin eating healthy again tomorrow.
I know what you mean about people being good.
I think people are both good and bad.
I am a FIRM believer that almost everyone is capable of almost anything.
I also believe you can never truly know another person and you're a fool if you think you do!
I'm fine today Sleepie! Thanks for asking, no meltdowns on the horizon that I can see!
I'm going to go crazy tonight and buy cake and stuff, then begin eating healthy again tomorrow.
I know what you mean about people being good.
I think people are both good and bad.
I am a FIRM believer that almost everyone is capable of almost anything.
I also believe you can never truly know another person and you're a fool if you think you do!
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It's ok, someone is just being snide to me, they know they would get in trouble for here. Plus with you all here, no worries. You guys are my SR friends
Those are wise words jsbodhi! It makes sense someone in your field would have that kind of insight about people. I bet you get to read a lot of interesting things for school.
And about the cake... you gotta live sometimes! Sounds good
Those are wise words jsbodhi! It makes sense someone in your field would have that kind of insight about people. I bet you get to read a lot of interesting things for school.
And about the cake... you gotta live sometimes! Sounds good
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Originally Posted by sleepie
It's ok, someone is just being snide to me, they know they would get in trouble for here. Plus with you all here, no worries. You guys are my SR friends
Those are wise words jsbodhi! It makes sense someone in your field would have that kind of insight about people. I bet you get to read a lot of interesting things for school.
And about the cake... you gotta live sometimes! Sounds good
Those are wise words jsbodhi! It makes sense someone in your field would have that kind of insight about people. I bet you get to read a lot of interesting things for school.
And about the cake... you gotta live sometimes! Sounds good
And people always say " I never saw this coming! I just can't believe they did this"
Or " he didn't look like a serial killer when I got into the car"
They never look like a serial killer or they would never catch anyone!
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