How to stay sober?
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Originally Posted by sleepie 
Maybe some of this can be put down to having an ld. Either way I tried my best to conform as much as I could for years, to the loss of my own self and hopes. No more.
I never really had a problem with myself actually, I have a huge problem with how others have treated me. Like I was telling someone elsewhere, I am just fine til someone rains on my parade.
I actually believe I am a good person. I think I am a friend who is loyal to a fault and also very dedicated, and not someone who just gives up. It took a looooong time and a lot of adversity to get here. I am someone who does not just settle for simple answers either and I also stand up for what I believe in. It's humanity and people who disappoint me, actually.
At the end of the day?
Still sober.
I know I did the right thing.
Now I am going to draw, something I haven't done in weeks.
I never really had a problem with myself actually, I have a huge problem with how others have treated me. Like I was telling someone elsewhere, I am just fine til someone rains on my parade.
I actually believe I am a good person. I think I am a friend who is loyal to a fault and also very dedicated, and not someone who just gives up. It took a looooong time and a lot of adversity to get here. I am someone who does not just settle for simple answers either and I also stand up for what I believe in. It's humanity and people who disappoint me, actually.
At the end of the day?
Still sober.
I know I did the right thing.
Now I am going to draw, something I haven't done in weeks.
Please post what you draw. Your drawings always make me happy.
D.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks guys.
I am letting the dust settle a bit, these last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Woke up with the worst stomach pain today. After the dust settles I can try and look for something else. Already doing a little freelance for a friend.
I am letting the dust settle a bit, these last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Woke up with the worst stomach pain today. After the dust settles I can try and look for something else. Already doing a little freelance for a friend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Part of my decent into total excess drinking earlier this year was just my own, horrible, horrible job. I ran screaming from that mess. Different situation from yours, it sounds like, and in my case it was mostly just the horrible, horrible boss that had me running away screaming (and I've gotten calls from three other staff members, since I left, looking for the union president's phone number because of issues, and I've heard from or been told by a few others that they want to leave too now . . . and we're talking a work site with only about a dozen staff).
I just officially started my new job last week after several months of looking and a few weeks of waiting on background checks and whatnot to clear, and I am so in love with my new job. Hang in there Sleepie. I'm sure others have better advice for surviving in that space, but in the long run, it sounds like a toxic culture in place, and that's just something you need to get out of.
I just officially started my new job last week after several months of looking and a few weeks of waiting on background checks and whatnot to clear, and I am so in love with my new job. Hang in there Sleepie. I'm sure others have better advice for surviving in that space, but in the long run, it sounds like a toxic culture in place, and that's just something you need to get out of.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Sleepie,
I've been sending good mojo your way and couldn't think of anything to say aside from "quit, then." Wasn't sure that was the right thing to say.
In the end, each of us need to find what is truly right for us. I know this has been a huge struggle for you.
Enjoy drawing!
Maybe you and Cow can collaborate on a book.
Not kidding.
xo
O
I've been sending good mojo your way and couldn't think of anything to say aside from "quit, then." Wasn't sure that was the right thing to say.
In the end, each of us need to find what is truly right for us. I know this has been a huge struggle for you.
Enjoy drawing!
Maybe you and Cow can collaborate on a book.
Not kidding.
xo
O
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i think one of the main things here is that you decided your worth more then this. You decided your not gonna be some doormat and that you got a bit more self worth. I dunno I think thats a good thing and I went through the same stuff in early sobriety. it was liek since i cant drink this BS away at the end of the day I guess i'm gonna have to put my foot down. A lot of people didnt like it. But too bad so sad my sanity and sobriety had to come first i wasnt going through the hell i was going through for nothing!
It'll work out sleepie I say relax some collect yourself etc..
It'll work out sleepie I say relax some collect yourself etc..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Yes, for one I can go back to the benzo support group. I haven't been in a long time. I always worked when it takes place. So at least I can take care of myself a little. I have a lot of stuff kind of "backed up" because in life I had a crazy, chaotic, violent upbringing and never not once got to think for myself, be myself or become myself... then it was always do what I am told and I became hollow and waiting for the next explosion, ridicule or order. It was dehumanizing, it's a lot to handle during formative years.
After 18 years of that, school (which I was forced into) then loans, work, debt, flying solo many years and flopping... trying to manage life with defective grey matter, unknowingly. Went no contact with abusive parents. It was so much struggle all the time, stressful low paying jobs, two jobs many times, having to move every 2 years being priced out of one crummy studio apartment to the next. I didn't get to have a childhood or teen years, I never really got to have a 20's since it was work and struggle, no time for friends or anything else and things were failing all over my life, probably again the grey matter being the cause. By my late, late 20's, I drank. It took awhile for me to finally burn out entirely and just drink. So now I am pushing the "pause" button, as I fear my entire life will slip away without my ever having realized any part of myself.
I have never gotten to just make my own choice or live my own life, ever. Everything has been dominated by what others force me to do or tell me to do or make me do or whatever. I want my chance to live.
That's what I got sober for.
After 18 years of that, school (which I was forced into) then loans, work, debt, flying solo many years and flopping... trying to manage life with defective grey matter, unknowingly. Went no contact with abusive parents. It was so much struggle all the time, stressful low paying jobs, two jobs many times, having to move every 2 years being priced out of one crummy studio apartment to the next. I didn't get to have a childhood or teen years, I never really got to have a 20's since it was work and struggle, no time for friends or anything else and things were failing all over my life, probably again the grey matter being the cause. By my late, late 20's, I drank. It took awhile for me to finally burn out entirely and just drink. So now I am pushing the "pause" button, as I fear my entire life will slip away without my ever having realized any part of myself.
I have never gotten to just make my own choice or live my own life, ever. Everything has been dominated by what others force me to do or tell me to do or make me do or whatever. I want my chance to live.
That's what I got sober for.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by sleepie
So now I am pushing the "pause" button, as I fear my entire life will slip away without my ever having realized any part of myself.
I have never gotten to just make my own choice or live my own life, ever. Everything has been dominated by what others force me to do or tell me to do or make me do or whatever. I want my chance to live.
That's what I got sober for.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I guess I'd have to agree with some others here, Sleepie. Don't take their behavior personally. Don't bring the work home with you - as soon as you're out the door, let the issues drop from your shoulders. Live in the present, and enjoy what you have.
If you dislike the job you have, and can't get another one - then there aren't any other options except to start trying to like the job. I am guessing that's what many people down here in Guatemala do. But maybe you actually can change your career and find a new way to make money? You might just be a little unsure of how to get started or even look. It's a really tough situation to be in. But I'm guessing a major change on this front might be exactly what you need to start living in a happier personal world.
If you dislike the job you have, and can't get another one - then there aren't any other options except to start trying to like the job. I am guessing that's what many people down here in Guatemala do. But maybe you actually can change your career and find a new way to make money? You might just be a little unsure of how to get started or even look. It's a really tough situation to be in. But I'm guessing a major change on this front might be exactly what you need to start living in a happier personal world.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I always worked when it takes place. So at least I can take care of myself a little. I have a lot of stuff kind of "backed up" because in life I had a crazy, chaotic, violent upbringing and never not once got to think for myself, be myself or become myself... then it was always do what I am told and I became hollow and waiting for the next explosion, ridicule or order. It was dehumanizing, it's a lot to handle during formative years.
I got sober and it was like WTF am I? WTF makes me happy? wtf is it that I wanna do or be etc...
so used to spending all my life trying to fit everyone eleses stinking mold for me that i had no idea who i was or what made me tick etc..
its not wonder i drove myself nuts too. trying to fit everyones mold becasue you cant fit everyones mold there all diffrent! but i sure tried and drank away the frustrations of that for years!
not now.
I realized I can do go what it is i wanna do be what it is i wanna be that makes me happy and such. and today it might be one thing and tommorrow it might be another it will probably be continually changing.
and figureing out what makes you tick and who you are etc.. is scary adventureous and fun. Its nice to finally march to the beat of your own drum.
I think you got the right attitude!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Sleepie! I'm so happy for you! There's no reason to stay in a sucky job. Now maybe you can find something you like. I saw one I wanted a couple of weeks ago. Taking care of plants in corporate settings.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Good for you for quitting! I left a job where I wasn't happy and have never regretted it. Be creative in your job search, there's lots of opportunity out there. Set the high beams of your intention on finding something that suits you. I'm sure you will find it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks guys- Trach I was just scoping out plant places today, thinking back to your suggestion a few weeks back.
I want to water the plants, grow the plants, play music for the plants... but NO selling the plants to people lol!
ya know how they say the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? That's what I have been doing in my work life. I have a horrible time, leave, reboot and try again, telling myself it will be different this time and it never is. So my new rule is No working with people, and I am sticking to it. Years ago I had a no people job. It was just working with papers and stuff. I remember I could count on one hand the times my phone rang.
I want to water the plants, grow the plants, play music for the plants... but NO selling the plants to people lol!
ya know how they say the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? That's what I have been doing in my work life. I have a horrible time, leave, reboot and try again, telling myself it will be different this time and it never is. So my new rule is No working with people, and I am sticking to it. Years ago I had a no people job. It was just working with papers and stuff. I remember I could count on one hand the times my phone rang.
How could anyone be unhappy tending flowers and plants all day?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
There IS a way to find gratitude in any situation.
This, and being willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober will help.
Glad you left the job, if it was that much of an impediment to your serenity.
A big part of sobriety is looking at the situations that we find ourselves in and oftentimes realizing what is unhealthy and needs changing.
This, and being willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober will help.
Glad you left the job, if it was that much of an impediment to your serenity.
A big part of sobriety is looking at the situations that we find ourselves in and oftentimes realizing what is unhealthy and needs changing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
I love working with plants.
I have many in my office--I'm always rescuing the ones people throw away
in my building.
They are dried-out and look dead on top of the trash can
I water them, give them some attention, and pretty much all the time
the burst back into life and bloom.
It is really rewarding and peaceful--
they do talk, but in a very relaxing way you'll enjoy sleepie
I have many in my office--I'm always rescuing the ones people throw away
in my building.
They are dried-out and look dead on top of the trash can
I water them, give them some attention, and pretty much all the time
the burst back into life and bloom.
It is really rewarding and peaceful--
they do talk, but in a very relaxing way you'll enjoy sleepie
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