Drunk before the deadline
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thanks for all your helpful replies guys. I've decided to stop drinking right now. It's been 24 hours since my last drink and I'm not feeling too bad all things considered.
I'm going to meet the client tomorrow and update them on the (little) work I've got done. I'm determined to give the project the best possible chance of success.
My main concern at the end of the day is that the work might be too difficult for me to deliver, even sober. It is the most advanced scientific programming work I have come across and really needs a post-doctoral level of expertise to grapple with. I feel I may have made promises (while drinking) which I cannot deliver.
Still, the client has offered me a desk in their office which might help me focus. There are people there who know the software much better than I do and can possibly offer help.
I'll let you know how things go, particularly with the not drinking.
I'm going to meet the client tomorrow and update them on the (little) work I've got done. I'm determined to give the project the best possible chance of success.
My main concern at the end of the day is that the work might be too difficult for me to deliver, even sober. It is the most advanced scientific programming work I have come across and really needs a post-doctoral level of expertise to grapple with. I feel I may have made promises (while drinking) which I cannot deliver.
Still, the client has offered me a desk in their office which might help me focus. There are people there who know the software much better than I do and can possibly offer help.
I'll let you know how things go, particularly with the not drinking.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad to hear you made the decision to quit. While it may not help with this specific project, it will certainly help in many areas of your life.
Regarding the project itself, why not just be honest? If you cannot provide a quality end result that's most likely worse for your business than just admitting you need help and bringing someone in who can help.
Regarding the project itself, why not just be honest? If you cannot provide a quality end result that's most likely worse for your business than just admitting you need help and bringing someone in who can help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think recovery needs to be your main focus right now Forwards - you need to really make it a daily commitment.
I can see the sense in Scott's suggestion of being honest. I'm assuming you're not penniless - I'd rather default than do a half arsed job - that way you can really put recovery front and centre.
I can see the sense in Scott's suggestion of being honest. I'm assuming you're not penniless - I'd rather default than do a half arsed job - that way you can really put recovery front and centre.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree with those guys. You can say that as much as you'd hoped to be able to deliver a quality product, you're afraid you may have bitten off more than you can chew.
If you want to maintain your reputation, I think I'd offer to return what they've paid you (or at least the part that you haven't earned by producing what they paid for or something useful toward completion of the project) a maybe offering to help them search for someone qualified to complete it. Honesty and trying your best to put things right will be good for your recovery, too.
Another possibility is to leave it up to them--for you to continue to work on it to the best of your ability, or to bring someone else in.
Just be aware that most of us have brains that aren't quite firing on all cylinders right after we get sober. For me, there would be the temptation to drink just so I could feel "normal" to finish this job. That would truly be a shame, especially since you've just realized how your drinking impacts your career. There's no better time to make sobriety your absolute number one priority.
If you want to maintain your reputation, I think I'd offer to return what they've paid you (or at least the part that you haven't earned by producing what they paid for or something useful toward completion of the project) a maybe offering to help them search for someone qualified to complete it. Honesty and trying your best to put things right will be good for your recovery, too.
Another possibility is to leave it up to them--for you to continue to work on it to the best of your ability, or to bring someone else in.
Just be aware that most of us have brains that aren't quite firing on all cylinders right after we get sober. For me, there would be the temptation to drink just so I could feel "normal" to finish this job. That would truly be a shame, especially since you've just realized how your drinking impacts your career. There's no better time to make sobriety your absolute number one priority.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Promising the world and then producing very little after multiple delays, all while getting paid, is not the way to build a work history. This is what alcoholics do.
Limiting the damage and the inevitable fallout seems a good course of action. Seeing as you've continued to drink after barely forestalling another recent crisis, and that you hatched this plan while drinking, your judgment may not be as reliable as you'd like.
I don't mean to seem harsh, but continuing to do what you've been doing all along seems a likely outcome to all of this. Getting sober is one among many challenges you'll need to rise to if you don't want to be annihilated by this, and it is the first thing you need to do. Like right now. Alcoholism only grants delays in the service of self-destruction.
Many of us are well versed at coming up short, at waiting until it's much too late to make things right, but it eventually catches up with us.
Limiting the damage and the inevitable fallout seems a good course of action. Seeing as you've continued to drink after barely forestalling another recent crisis, and that you hatched this plan while drinking, your judgment may not be as reliable as you'd like.
I don't mean to seem harsh, but continuing to do what you've been doing all along seems a likely outcome to all of this. Getting sober is one among many challenges you'll need to rise to if you don't want to be annihilated by this, and it is the first thing you need to do. Like right now. Alcoholism only grants delays in the service of self-destruction.
Many of us are well versed at coming up short, at waiting until it's much too late to make things right, but it eventually catches up with us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think recovery needs to be your main focus right now Forwards - you need to really make it a daily commitment.
I can see the sense in Scott's suggestion of being honest. I'm assuming you're not penniless - I'd rather default than do a half arsed job - that way you can really put recovery front and centre.
I can see the sense in Scott's suggestion of being honest. I'm assuming you're not penniless - I'd rather default than do a half arsed job - that way you can really put recovery front and centre.
This limits my options as I have no real room for manoeuvre. I have to invoice at least 1 day per week to keep my head above water, this assuming I don't spend anything on drink.
I could quit the project and try to claim benefits but they would take a while to come through and wouldn't cover my outgoings. I could quit and try to find an easier job but I would be leaving with no references and again time would be a factor.
The client is very keen for me to work full time and get most of the project done by Christmas. If I can do this I will be ahead financially and can then take time off if needed to explore future options.
I do agree though that recovery needs to be a daily focus. I'll just have to do my best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
I work at home/manage my own Time as well. I drank heavily while working too, plus sprinkled the other chemicals in... I "got by" at work for quite a while. I started making some mistakes that were small, then started making some bigger ones...fortunately I was able to make it back to the program with my job still in tact. I definitely lost some clients though. It sounds like you had a nice blessing and hopefully a wake up call. The choice is now yours to respond to that.
If I kept drinking, I would lose my job. I would lose the respect of the professional community. I may "get dry" to get another job, but I would eventually lose that too. Next would come my family, then the roof over the head. At that point I would probably drink myself to a slow miserable death.
Keep coming back. You are not alone.
If I kept drinking, I would lose my job. I would lose the respect of the professional community. I may "get dry" to get another job, but I would eventually lose that too. Next would come my family, then the roof over the head. At that point I would probably drink myself to a slow miserable death.
Keep coming back. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
[QUOTE=Forwards;5635109]
The client is very keen for me to work full time and get most of the project done by Christmas.
/QUOTE]
Yes - this is because he thinks you're going to get the work done, not just put in invoices because you need the money.
Sounds like you've trapped yourself in your own web of deceit and are just keeping on spinning. That's a painful place to be, but not as painful as the self-pity phase that will happen when you think the s**t is about to hit the fan. Do you remember last time? And the time before? It might help you to re-read those desperate posts that you wrote - the ones you wrote when all you wanted was to get out of your own webs.
The client is very keen for me to work full time and get most of the project done by Christmas.
/QUOTE]
Yes - this is because he thinks you're going to get the work done, not just put in invoices because you need the money.
Sounds like you've trapped yourself in your own web of deceit and are just keeping on spinning. That's a painful place to be, but not as painful as the self-pity phase that will happen when you think the s**t is about to hit the fan. Do you remember last time? And the time before? It might help you to re-read those desperate posts that you wrote - the ones you wrote when all you wanted was to get out of your own webs.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
Originally Posted by Forwards
My main concern at the end of the day is that the work might be too difficult for me to deliver, even sober.
I've done quite a lot of scientific programming, and I can't fathom doing any of it drunk, but it's probably a good escape and distraction while you're getting used to sobriety. You might surprise yourself with what you can accomplish.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Read the quote at the bottom of Beccy's post. That hole has gotten pretty deep.
Your "plan" is more like a prayer for a miracle. Miracles DO happen, but not that often to rescue us from our own actions.
Yes, it will be difficult (and embarrassing) to admit, but seriously, are you going to starve to death? Die from exposure to the elements? I don't live in the UK, but my understanding is that there is a pretty effective social services network there.
My point is, if this whole thing implodes at the end, you've only postponed the inevitable and perhaps harmed your work reputation far more than you would if you admitted the problem in time for the client to make other arrangements.
Your "plan" is more like a prayer for a miracle. Miracles DO happen, but not that often to rescue us from our own actions.
Yes, it will be difficult (and embarrassing) to admit, but seriously, are you going to starve to death? Die from exposure to the elements? I don't live in the UK, but my understanding is that there is a pretty effective social services network there.
My point is, if this whole thing implodes at the end, you've only postponed the inevitable and perhaps harmed your work reputation far more than you would if you admitted the problem in time for the client to make other arrangements.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Forwards
My question is do I try an emergency sober up and go through the withdrawals, possibly making my meeting performance and anxiety even worse or do I keep drinking, in which case I might fail to deliver anything at all?
If one stays sober after treatment most all of these life issues work themselves out in short time.
If alcoholic and we keep drinking, things only occasionally get better and usually in the end just leads the drunk back into a sad life of despair.
MM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thanks guys,
I feel I should make it clear that I have not been invoicing my client for work not done. I only invoice for the work actually completed (sober) and in my judgement worth the money. This means of course that I have been paid very little, about a day or two per fortnight or month. That's why I'm broke...
Still, I got paid a small amount today - enough for 2 weeks survival providing I don't drink and I'm grateful for that. I'm hoping that if I keep sober for this duration I'll be in a better place to either deliver the project as planned or make judgements on my future.
I feel I should make it clear that I have not been invoicing my client for work not done. I only invoice for the work actually completed (sober) and in my judgement worth the money. This means of course that I have been paid very little, about a day or two per fortnight or month. That's why I'm broke...
Still, I got paid a small amount today - enough for 2 weeks survival providing I don't drink and I'm grateful for that. I'm hoping that if I keep sober for this duration I'll be in a better place to either deliver the project as planned or make judgements on my future.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Forwards
Still, I got paid a small amount today - enough for 2 weeks survival providing I don't drink and I'm grateful for that. I'm hoping that if I keep sober for this duration I'll be in a better place to either deliver the project as planned or make judgements on my future.
You mentioned you were going to quit Saturday night...have you stayed sober since then?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
You mentioned you were going to quit Saturday night...have you stayed sober since then?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Forwards
Thanks Scott, so far, so good. It's been 54 hours sober. I'm now compulsively drinking enormous amounts of de-caff tea though. Is this normal?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Forwards
Thanks Scott, so far, so good. It's been 54 hours sober. I'm now compulsively drinking enormous amounts of de-caff tea though. Is this normal?
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: canberra act
Posts: 42
Interesting for me having been in a similar position is that while drinking it's difficult to come up with many, if any viable solutions. The sober people on this site however have come up with many solutions. Some are permanent fixes. This speaks for itself as an answer. Not having a shot at you forward but I have been in the same place and used most of my energy on continuing to drink and blame everyone else for my position. I absolutely could not see this at the time. While I'm sympathetic to your postion I can't help but learn from your pain. All the best with it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 545
I hope you are taking advantage of the desk available to you in their office. Seems left on your own you are more likely t o fail. Ask for a once a week status meeting on the project. Become accountable. You owe it to these people and yourself. Work hard during the day and perhaps go to meetings at night.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Forwards
Thanks guys. I promised I'd let you know how it went so here it is...
After a sleepless night worried before the meeting I went out and bought alcohol first thing at 8am (the earliest possible with local licensing). I drunk this as fast as possible.
I then emailed my own agenda for the meeting focussed on what I could deliver rather than what I had not. This was accepted as the basis for the review.
My clients seemed to tactfully ignore the fact that I'd delivered nothing for 6 months. Instead we agreed a list of tasks to be completed before Christmas. I also agreed an interim invoice so I can pay my rent, thank goodness.
So now I have a challenge... I have been given a second chance to deliver. The software project is by far the most complex I have worked on and I'm not sure that even if fully fit I would be capable. I don't really know if I have just made the situation worse by making additional promises to my client.
I feel disappointed for having drunk myself though this and am worried that I have just postponed the problem and raised the stakes even higher. At the end of the day I'm still an active alcoholic and sorting this out must somehow be my top priority.
After a sleepless night worried before the meeting I went out and bought alcohol first thing at 8am (the earliest possible with local licensing). I drunk this as fast as possible.
I then emailed my own agenda for the meeting focussed on what I could deliver rather than what I had not. This was accepted as the basis for the review.
My clients seemed to tactfully ignore the fact that I'd delivered nothing for 6 months. Instead we agreed a list of tasks to be completed before Christmas. I also agreed an interim invoice so I can pay my rent, thank goodness.
So now I have a challenge... I have been given a second chance to deliver. The software project is by far the most complex I have worked on and I'm not sure that even if fully fit I would be capable. I don't really know if I have just made the situation worse by making additional promises to my client.
I feel disappointed for having drunk myself though this and am worried that I have just postponed the problem and raised the stakes even higher. At the end of the day I'm still an active alcoholic and sorting this out must somehow be my top priority.
I have not read the whole thread, only up to point where I quoted. I am in a related field. I feel your pain, but in my opinion, you need to improve your chances of delivering by (a) getting sober; and (2) admit your technical weak spot by planning for it.
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