Forwards

Dear SR friends,

I'm in trouble with work... I'm a self-employed software consultant with only 1 major client and have been working on a project for the last 6 months. The project is wildly ambitious (I wrote the project proposal while drunk) and may be beyond my skill level altogether. I have now been called in for a full review meeting in 2 days time. The trouble is I've got almost nothing done...

I'm an active alcoholic drinking the equivalent of about 3 bottles of wine a day. Every day (today included) I intend to work on the project but just end up drinking from first thing in the morning to last thing at night and get no work done. I can't write computer code when I'm drunk and am totally broke as a result.

So, I'm trying to save my career and finances here. I'm not sure what on earth I'm going to say on Thursday but I risk having my contract terminated or worse. My question is do I try an emergency sober up and go through the withdrawals, possibly making my meeting performance and anxiety even worse or do I keep drinking, in which case I might fail to deliver anything at all?

Thanks in advance for any advice from fellow working alcoholics...

zjw

It probably doesnt matter. I guess its all a matter of how you wanna go down. Maybe you can rescue it tho with some crazy BS talk and sobering up and buckling down. Being in software development myself I know i've BS'd my way through some tough spots here and there.

I like you found it near impossible to write code anymore when i was an active drinker tho i was sober while on the clock i was just such a mess.

Now i'm sober tho and I still struggle to get much more then an hour of work out at a time and then I require a break. I know it might end up costing me my employment at some point but I figure so be it I'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

But you mgiht have better luck. You might sober up and be able to continue on in your field etc.. you might be able to rescue this if you sober up too.

That being said if you cant rescue it I dont think thats a reason to simply go back to drinking either.

So i guess the main thing is to sober up let the pieces fall where they may and start moving forward on a new sober life. Thats what I think anyhow.

ScottFromWI

That's a tough situation to be certain Forwards. Since all the problems are caused by your drinking, that seems like the logical place to start. To be quite frank, you are almost certainly going to lose the job if you keep drinking and you don't have time to stop drinking and get the job done - so why not just be totally honest about the whole thing? Tell them you have a medical emergency and see if you can have an extension of sorts. It wouldn't be lying - drinking all day to the point that you cannot function is a medical emergency. And quite frankly i'd consider supervised detox or inpatient treatment at this point - you cannot and will cease to have a job if you don't quit drinking...it's pretty cut and dry to me.

doggonecarl

I don't see anything in your post about wanting long term sobriety. That's the answer to save your career...never drinking again. As for your fast approaching deadline and most likely failing to make it, perhaps they'll be sympathetic if you are honest about your alcoholism. But if you can't get and stay sober, I'm not sure what difference it makes.

bullmas

Forwards
It seems that alcohol is pre arranging your schedule for you.

Once I went recently sober I realized that I could make much better decisions

by myself than with the help of alcohol.

Cheers

Force

I agree with Scott in now is the prime time for you to get medical help and yes be honest that you are out of pocket due to emergency medical, but it's not wise nor required to say what your medical emergency is. Most are not sympathetic or understanding about alcoholism, and when you are back in top form you don't deserve this being thrown back at you

Forwards

Thanks zjw, I'm still holding out some hope that I can sort something out but the recovery times discussed here seem to be measured in months rather than days.

To be quite honest, I'm concerned about the ethics of the situation. I have already invoiced the client for a quarter of the project yet have hardly managed to get into it at all. Is it right for me to make further promises when I'm not at all sure I can deliver? Should I quit now and cut their losses?

Practicalities will probably dominate the decision making though. I can't afford to pay my rent unless I can continue working. If I quit I will leave with no references and much diminished career prospects. I have already been borrowing money from my parents and there are no funds left.

As for long term sobriety, I am solidly in favour though frankly rather scared of it. I have tried inpatient detox and it worked for a while (I have never felt healthier) until external and very real fears caused me to relapse. I guess I have to sort out my priorities and put abstinence above everything else.

So... I'm going to try and get through this sober. Tomorrow will be my Day 1 and the meeting will be my Day 2. I'm not looking forward to this at all...

Tooshabby

Forwards, I feel your pain. I think telling them you have a medical emergency to attend to and have to postpone is a great idea.....because it's the truth and it will give you more time. You are not obligated to tell them what the medical issue is and, if necessary, you could get a medical certificate from the doctor. Most people are reasonable though...an email or phone call about it might suffice. If it's been 6 months, what's another fortnight or month?

Perhaps you can get some medical assistance for detox, and when you are capable, really knuckle down and come up with the goods. You can do it, Forwards. All is not lost. Go for it!

Dee74

Noone's going to give you the OK to keep drinking Forwards

Put the bottle down and give it a go. You may surprise yourself.

I agree with Carl tho - there's nothing here about long term sobriety or even wanting that.

where are you with all that Forwards?

D

zjw

well the upside is life is gonna go on either way. I'd question the ethics too but if i really felt i could save the day i'd try to. Otherwise me? if i was serious about quiting booze? i'd probably tell them I quit and that I have to take a medical leave of absense of sorts. I'd turn in whatever i had done to justify the billing done thus far. I hate to say it but you also may risk being sued as well. But again in the end it is what it is whats most important is to get sober and stay sober this whole thing with the job is just a blip on the radar in comparison to long term sobriety.

I suppose all fo that is really hard to soak in from where you sit at the moment.

I sobered up and risked loosing my job. I hit a point where i simply did not care getting sober was more important to me then my job. and I was right about that. job or no job if I'm not sober i'm screwed. Thats how I felt so i put it first. i new my boss might not agree or whatever but ya know he's not gonna put flowers on my grave so it really doesnt matter.

tomsteve

im thinkin that didnt cause you to drink. im thinkin it was more that ya went to detox but didnt learn how to handle life. no coping skills learned.

i hopeno matter what the future job situation holds for ya, you chose to get and stay sober.

thomas11

Hi Forwards, I don't envy your situation and feel like I could write a response 10 pages long. I'll keep it as brief as possible. First, you have to get sober, you are no value to yourself, your business or this company while drinking. I agree with others that a medical emergency would be a good way to deal with it, and you could do it with a clean conscience. IF you get through those steps successfully, you have a formidable task ahead of you, that you HAVE to deliver on. Pretend wine doesn't exist. Hopefully you can salvage this project, earn some money and have it end up being a success.

I want to put this in a seperate paragraph because is a little different subject. There is active thread right now in the newcomers forum about people disliking their job, being laid off, fear of being laid off etc....and its horrible. I've been laid off. I also own a company that I am in the process of liquidating. I never worried about getting laid off. But I did worry about getting into a situation like you are in. Luckily I never did. I don't know the details so if I am out of line, please disregard. This project was an OPPORTUNITY for you to shine. To advance you consulting business with a large client, to expand your knowledge base, to have steady income and hopefully further work with this client and maybe other large clients. All positives......all ruined by alcohol. The thing about being self employed (and I'm sure you know this) is that you don't ever have to fear getting fired, but you do have deliver on your commitments. Period. I wish you the best and please keep us updated. I hope things go in your favor.

Kallistia

"Unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances I will not be able to complete the project" or some such thing.

Don't rush it to save your tail because your product will be mediocre and it is not what the client deserves. My opinion is diplomatically make it clear that you cannot complete the project so that the client can seek someone who can do so that will provide a quality produce and then take time to focus on yourself and your recovery. More work will be there when you are better able to take it on and focus on it.

fantail

I was in a version of your situation four months ago. I'm three months sober now and things are OK. I'm still cleaning up the mess in some ways, and it took some drastic moves on my part (along with the help of my family). But I have to tell you, what you're afraid of is not as bad as where you are. The crisis you're experiencing right now, and the condition you're in from the alcohol, are worse than any possible outcome, as long as you stop drinking. When you sober up, your resources return, and you'll know how to navigate yourself out of wherever you end up. And you'll be able to count on yourself to carry through on your plans.

Big hugs to you from the other side. You'll get through this.

Forwards

Thank you for all the advice. There's certainly a range of opinions here to consider. What's clear is that I must put down the drink for good. I know this - the question is when.

Unfortunately I have already postponed this review meeting once so can't really do it again. Taking medical leave is unfeasible because of my financial position. I have no savings and if I don't continue working I can't pay the rent next week. There's no flexibility here - I have already borrowed all I can from my parents and exhausted all other sources of funds.

There is another aspect to this story - I have been genuinely ill over the last 6 months with a long term condition, other than with alcoholism. I could use this to explain my lack of performance, though in reality the alcohol has been a major contributor.

I'm going to work late today so that I will have at least something new to discuss at the review meeting tomorrow. That's all I can really do in the circumstances. Thanks again. Forwards.

bullmas

"What's clear is that I must put down the drink for good. I know this - the question is when."

Starting right now , don't drink again period.

Forwards :

It would seem that alcohol has backed you into a tight enough corner already,

And only you can stop it!

Turn out the lights this party needs to be over ! Quit now , we are all in this together !

Cheers

zjw

its one of those things tho no matter how hard you try the situation with this job could be outside of your control. who am i kidding it definatly is. even if you had done all the work you could easily have it ripped from your fingers for a whole variety of reasons. You cant control it either way really. All you can do is try and control the things that you can control and try and do your best with everything else and accept things how they are IE let the peices fall where they may at times.

IE I'd keep it simple do what I can. Try and keep the drink from going down my mouth and tend to other things within my control. and whatever will be will be otherwise.

biminiblue

When to quit?

Yesterday.

Seriously, you have to reach for the life preserver, friend. How far down will you let this take you? It sounds like your snorkel is a half inch away from being underwater.

Forwards

Thanks - you are quite right of course. Deep down I know this. I'm going to sign off SR for today to try to get some work done. I'll let you all know how it all goes tomorrow.

bigsombrero

Sorry to hear of your predicament. Take the words of the good folks on this thread to heart - we've been in that spot!

Hearing your tale reminds me of the story of the captain who was worried which color he should paint his cabin while the ship was taking on water.

I understand that your meeting is all that matters in your head right now, it's natural to focus on the short-term problem as you scramble to pull things together. But perhaps this is the wake up call you've been waiting for. Don't sweat the small stuff, the meeting won't kill you and your life won't be ruined as a result. Alcoholism will do that, though. Be mindful of the long-term here. You can avoid problems like this entirely in the future by getting sober.