ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear about your medical condition, but to be blunt I simply see more attempts to rationalize not quitting in this response. Drinking is the problem and until you quit nothing will change - period.

SoberCAH

Thanks for your posts, Forwards.

Many of us have been in your shoes at one or more points in our lives.

For me, the prospect of losing my career, which was really all I had, made me decide that I was more afraid of losing important things in my life than I was trying a new way, including the relinquishment of my best friend and worst enemy - alcohol.

I am so happy I took the plunge by entering treatment and letting the work-related chips fall where they landed.

All seemed lost to me, but all I really lost was an awful lifestyle that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Please keep us posted and know that God is with you always.

hopeful4

If nothing changes, nothing changes, except you lose all methods of supporting yourself, then what?

I would do what Scott suggests. I would bow out with a medical emergency. No need to explain what it is. Then...actually do something about this. Go, get the help you need so you can move forward in a healthy career and life in the future.

Best of luck!

Forwards

Thanks guys. I promised I'd let you know how it went so here it is...

After a sleepless night worried before the meeting I went out and bought alcohol first thing at 8am (the earliest possible with local licensing). I drunk this as fast as possible.

I then emailed my own agenda for the meeting focussed on what I could deliver rather than what I had not. This was accepted as the basis for the review.

My clients seemed to tactfully ignore the fact that I'd delivered nothing for 6 months. Instead we agreed a list of tasks to be completed before Christmas. I also agreed an interim invoice so I can pay my rent, thank goodness.

So now I have a challenge... I have been given a second chance to deliver. The software project is by far the most complex I have worked on and I'm not sure that even if fully fit I would be capable. I don't really know if I have just made the situation worse by making additional promises to my client.

I feel disappointed for having drunk myself though this and am worried that I have just postponed the problem and raised the stakes even higher. At the end of the day I'm still an active alcoholic and sorting this out must somehow be my top priority.

zjw

Being in the same field I can kinda gather whats up here. It sounds like you dazzled them with BS and saved your hide. It sounds like they fell for it hook line and sinker. And believe me I have played this game like crazy myself as well. Do the bare minimum to get by just keep the funds coming and usually the other side is none the wiser. Its really sad how ignorant people can be.

I think this is kinda what I was getting at you do in one of my earlier posts. stroke them along keep the income coming so you can sober up etc.. Ethically I cant say if this is cool or not. I guess its no big deal if you sober up and if you deliver. Otherwise yes you have an ethical problem on your hands.

Use the chance you have wisely tho. You might sober up and still mess this up good. But do what you can do at least try and deliver htem there moneys worth in product or meet there expectations. If down the line you find this work isnt for you so be it. But figure this all out sober. you'll be doing yourself a huge favor.

Fluffer

Forwards,

Since you've doubled down on your bet and the client is letting it ride, why not go for the Hail Mary pass (pardon the US slang) and quit drinking right now and work the hardest you've ever worked in your life to get this project done and save your career and health in the process. The all encompassing project might help distract you from the mental BS of quitting the drinking. If you are unable to stop drinking without some structured help, then you may need to call off the charade and do what you need to do to get sober. In any event, I'm rooting for you!

ScottFromWI

This is really the only statement in your recent message that matters. I'm glad you realize this.

All the rest will take care of itself - if you don't lose this specific job due to your drinking you'll lose another eventually, or you can make your drinking your priority and quit.

You've been coming here for almost 5 years now with many horror stories about the damage drinking has done to your life, and now it's going to take away your livelihood. Take a look here if you'd like to read some of them http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...archid=6635359

So in reality, the extension and the job is pretty much irrelevant right now. Your drinking has reached the point that it has taken away your ability to function and peform your job. What are you willing to do in order to quit drinking?

Tooshabby

For goodness sake, Forwards, seize this opportunity to turn it around by quitting drinking for good....pretty please! Go and see a doctor about it asap and get some medical support to help you quit. Then Quit!! And then get that project done :-)

Brian316

I've just been reading this thread and all the posts and I have no experience in the software IT business so I can't speak to what you have at stake here. All I'll say is my experience over my drinking career when I was faced with some potentially life-altering issue was, pray I'd be alright (and I usually was) and then as soon as the heat died down a bit, I'd be right back out there drinking again. As a result of my inability to achieve long-term sobriety, my problems continued to escalate (as did my alcoholism, never mind the job and the money, you can get much worse physically and mentally) until I realized I basically would have no life period if I continued to drink. There's some good advice in the thread. I would do what you can but make sobriety your number one goal. Definitely look into medically assisted detox. Unless you really aren't ready mentally to give up the drink, in which case I won't speculate on your future.

EndGameNYC

Whenever I was in the process of screwing up a long-term project and somehow survived due to an extension or some other other miraculous delaying tactic while drinking, I promised myself that I'd put down the drink until I finished the doomed project of the day, being that drinking got me in trouble in the first place. My next thought was that, now that I have additional time to finish, there's no reason why I should stop drinking. I'll stop when I'm done.

There has been and continues to be some unfinished business in my life.

You're playing a dangerous shell game here, Brian. Your work is on the line and, based on your comments, it doesn't seem that you have any good prospects were you to lose this job.

We're all good at procrastination and self-sabotage. A milestone of maturity, and also recovery, is in the completion of things that we set out to do, unless to do so is out of our control. If I thought that a robust "Hang in there, buddy!" would be enough, I'd leave it at that. You need to get a hold of yourself and start working on getting sober right now.

Berrybean

I agree with Scott that there is a bit of a long term pattern here. Especially this one...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-employer.html

It may be painful, but he could be right about revisiting some of these old threads. Hopefully the pattern will jump straight out at you and strengthen your resolve to make sobriety your top priority.

thomas11

Much better minds than my own have already provided excellent advice Forwards. But I will say this, you are at a fork in the road: your drinking career or your professional career. Only you can decide which path to take. Sounds like you just got paid, I would do a medical detox, and deliver this project. With regards of it being beyond your skill-set...sub contract some of it out. I have to believe you can network and find someone who can fill the gaps that you cannot complete on your own. Obviously I do not know you or your personality, but if I were in your shoes, I would consider this a 10 out of 10 on the seriousness of this matter.

Della1968

I got a lot of stays of execution at my FORMER job because for the most part I was a stellar employee and good at the job.. till I lost that job due to drinking. I was unemployed and unemployable for 6 months...got a felony DWI got my **** together went to counseling and IOP and got sober. A friend took a chance on me and gave me a job which I didn't deserve. You know what staying sober has allowed me to excel at that job and enabled me to not let her or myself down. Get help.

Grungehead

Brian is 2 years sober (TODAY! happy anniversary Brian!!!). I think your response was meant for the OP, Forwards?

Soberpotamus

Have you considered getting some outside help with this project? You might need to hire out someone to consult with you about the parts that are too complex, just a thought.

It might be worth it to do so.

And as others have said, it's the stopping drinking that's critical here, because until you do, there will most likely be more of the same for you, and worse.

Best wishes.

EndGameNYC

Yes. Brian's comments triggered my thinking, but I was responding to the OP.

Foxd

It doesn't matter. You've lost it. You have had all the time in the world to complete the project the best that you could and you chose to drink instead. Not drinking for a few days won't solve the problem. You will feel like ****, and the work you produce will resemble that. The only thing you can do is be honest to yourself and your client - call them.

Also - I see no mention of long term recovery ... but I guess you have to hit your rock bottom first. - if you haven't already.

Fluffer

Hey Forwards -

How about an update? Are you getting help? Working on your project?

Soberwolf

Rehab is an option saved 2 members of my family one of my sisters is 3+ years and my other sister is approaching her first year in less than 2 weeks

JK130

Ive been thinking of you Forwards, and hope all is well.