Tooshabby

I've never had a normal inner clock either, and envy those who do.

God, that must be so hard - the packing up and going through stuff. You are handling this so, so well. Even just being able to talk to people amidst the pain you must be feeling. What a strong person xxxx

Cow

Melissa, please no be discourage with you self. I often, very often, discourage with life, or with my situations or circumstances or health, but not with self anymore. Some time ago, I stop that and start being very kind and gentle with self. It not make life suck any less, but, well, at least it put person closest to me, only person who know what I has gone through, back in my corner, and that very important if one gonna perservere I think.

I remember when my mama die, I had to clean out her stuff ASAP, cuz had been so much pain for so long in losing her, I just want it over with. As if. The purging was cathartic, but it not stop me from growing more motherless every day. Even still. No doubt, Robby would be here boosting both of us, and everybody else. Not superficially, but with his innovative tenacious words and spirits. Now we left with us lot. Doh!

I hope somehow we can does him proud. ...I mean, but not today, cuz I wallowing.

Quirky

Sorry so many are having a bad time right now. Why does life have to be so hard?
I just don't get it...
I've been sick with a bug or from drinking unpasteurized "green juice", not sure which, (leaning towards green juice), but it was a doozy! Put a lot of time and effort into getting that foul tasting stuff and that's the thanks I get! I know many swear by it, so it must be good for some folks, but I'm giving it up.. That's what an old dried up prune gets for trying to be all "hippy healthy" (LOL)....
Cow, I didn't take any harmones during menopause either, and it's tough. I tried the patch, but had a bad reaction, so I just said forget it..I'll do it the old fashioned way. Pretty nasty business, especially the hot flashes and insomnia, but they did eventually go away. Ahh, the joys of womanhood...

trachemys

Not to rain on the parade but, I had a great weekend. Went to Florida for five days with the parents and one sister. Golfed, snorkeled, hiked...ate out and cooked seafood for 4 days straight...had a great time. Tired as heck which is how a good vacation should leave one.

courage2

Yay trach!!

Hmmm -- I can't do hormones anymore either due to risk factors. I wheedled them out of my ob/gyn til I was 50 -- going off hormones was part of what finally drove me into the arms of a shrink. But psychopharm does nothing for hot flashes.

I have very bad memories of cleaning out my mother's apartment after she died -- I had like 3 months sober, and there me & my alcoholic/mentally ill siblings were, dividing her valuables, and there I was pouring her liquor cabinet down the sink. Melissa, be proud that your memories and the things you shared with Rob are good ones.

Tonight, I actually went to an AA meeting -- first time in about 2 months, lousy meeting but somehow I wanted to be there. Also today I moved around a bunch of heavy furniture, which always works out some of my kinks. So all's ok on the snark-front.

sleepie

I hope you will feel better soon.

You deserve better you have had enough of the bad stuff

You did just say what was wrong.

See?
LD- proof! I just saw a bunch of emoticons and wondered what was ailing you.

I are not so smart cow.

Ajax

Watching non-stop Forensic Files on HLN does wonders towards making me feel " normal"!

Cow

Trach! That awsome! I hope people not hesitant to post good times here, cuz that what we all aspires, too! You keepa go Trach!

Bunny, I was suppose to go to women's meeting tonight, but too much stomach pain to make it, and such bad mood. I mean, I think is okay to still go when in terrible mood, but sometime I just "know" is not gonna be real me, and I got nothing to add but bitter bile (literally) and pessimism. So, I gonna stay here and distract self with TV and try try try to get some sleep. Menopause is some powerful shht when even my benzos can no knocks me out.

RTDB, I got eye cysts and had to have surgeries from green juice, so was not for me either. It suck when you put lot of effort and expense to do "something good" and then KAPOW!

Melissa, I seen ALL those. Love true crime. Dateline, 48 Hour, that HBO 6-part on Robert Durst was chilling! Sometime I think I like it, cuz, to be honest, I can go, SEE THAT PERSON MEET WORSE FATE THAN YOU!!

courage2

Don't disagree. But you know, you don't have to add anything. For some reason, there wasn't anything I wanted to do this afternoon at 5:30 more than I wanted to go to a meeting. I didn't want to go home, or get on the forums, or work more, or take a walk. Most of the faces were familiar & because I don't have many friends, that's kind of nice. Didn't talk to a soul. When somebody sharing got particularly boring, I took my list of character defects out of my wallet & looked it over. Impatience -- check. Disdain -- check.

Useful reminder for 60 minutes & $2.

puffy

I'll join the misery club. I had my 3rd treatment today and came back to a scorching hot apartment. Lots a fans but all they do is blow hot air. I feel like a can't breathe. It's nice to see the honesty in this forum and I like knowing how everyone is actually feeling.
Hoping for better days for all of us,
Puffy

courage2

Puffy -- how many more treatments do you have to have?

Cow

Puff, I glad our miserable honesties make you feel at home. I has heard chemo can cause similar hot flash as menopause. Is no fan or AC or ice waters or anything that help cuz hellfire heat is coming from inside you ... ...

The coal is coming from inside the house!!!!!

sleepie

Does getting a cold bath help?
Curious.

Lenina

I wish I could have a cold bath. I can't have any baths, or soaks or swims for a few more months since my laser surgery. I did not realize it would take so long to fully heal enough. I can take showers, just no soakings. And I miss those.

Trach, , good to see you out having some fun. Glad you enjoyed time with your family. I miss the saner ones of mine.

Our bodies are such delicate work. Chemical soups. It takes so little to set the pots boiling or going mad. I have two books for some while now about those very menopausal things and I can't bear to read them. Just too miraculous creatures are we--ish. No.

bunny, glad you got to a meeting. I should have rallied and gone to the kitchens tonight but I just couldn't. I just don't want to have to talk to anyone just now. I might make some cucumber soup. But it seems too much trouble. It all seems too much trouble.

And I need to get ready for work. I don't want to go.

Love from Lenina

Ajax

Sleepie,
Is your new avatar blowing a snot-rocket?
(I had to ask)

Trach,
I'm so glad you had a great vacay! I think you and yours are the ones I used to look over at and think," Why can't we be that family?"

Puffy,
You rock! Tell cancer I say, "F**k You! You get well and join me!

Cow,
I watch all those shows. My mother, too! (Guess I'll have a hard time slipping her A little something...)

❤️

puffy

Courage- I'm at the halfway point so I have 3 more left. Then I have surgery followed by radiation. Yes, Cow you are right. They are pinning premenopausal on me. I get waves of hot flashes to my face. It doesn't last long but it is annoying. And sleepie I've taking many cold showers and it seems to help for a short bit. Therefore, I keep a squirt bottle of water close by and just douse my head. Now, that I have no hair it feels good. I thought about getting a hotel for a couple of nights but I hate wasting money when I have so many bills to pay. It just doesn't seem smart. I just have to get through it like a certain raccoon I know. I can do it. It just sucks doing it.
Puffy

Cow

Sleepies, is nothing from "outside" that, for me anyways, can bring relief cuz is like you burning up from inside. Then when flash subside, I immediate get chills, cuz my skin all moist and it like you drop 50 degree all of sudden. Over and over and over again. Is like nature way of torture you for being too old and no longer able to reproduce the precious DNA. Hello? I doing world a FAVOR by not replicating, okay? Give me freaking break, Mother Nature!

Melissa, I know right? Is like anytime anybody give me juice, I like... ... is they anti-freeze in this?

Puff, hugs from Cow.

sleepie

Lenina what did you have laser surgery for? I had it years ago in my eye for a retinal hole. It was scary but also incredible as all I had to do was have a light flash repeatedly like a camera flash in my eye for a minute or something. I wish they could laser or stem cell everything, I wonder if there really are cures for things and they are keeping them from us or if all the medicines are in the jungles being destroyed.

Melissa lol almost... That's Maggie from "Love and Rockets" comics, she is just sticking her finger up there, she's bored with her stay in, artist boyfriend in the background but you can't see him!

Cow that sucks! I will know your pain someday, in that department. I guess Kristine Northrup who many know and love wrote a book on menopause too. I have one of her other books.

Cow

Sleepies, I just see that you tapering off benzos. I sure is horrible. Is ironic, one thing I never get addict to my benzo, but I think my doc choose flurazepam for that reason. It only knock you out. I still think it contribute to my depressions though.

Lenina

Sleepie, I had varicose veins in my legs. It didn't look bad on the outside, but my legs hurt so much all the time it was interfering with my work and my life. Mostly painless, mostly just very inconvenient. Leg feels way better now but still some complications. It involved only lidocaine for drugs and just Advil once in a while afterward.

Puffy, please know I'm keeping a list for some new moon candles. You're on it. It's a good time for healing. I'm betting of men had those flashes and freezes, it would have been cured centuries ago. But no. It is odd how some women (like my mom) had a few flashes, skipped a moon time and that was it for her. Some of us drag it out for years....it's better for me now but still annoying.

Love from Lenina