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Old 08-25-2004, 09:22 PM
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Alcohol in the house

I still live at home with my parents, and they are moderate drinkers. The problem is they keeps tons of alcohol in the house. Even alcohol no one has a taste for. It almost brought me to a breaking point tonight when I came home from my substance abuse group to find my dad having drinks with his friends and my mom having wine. My choices are to either deal with it or move out, and I just don't have any money to move out right now. I haven't drank for 6 months or so and am still on probation until February. I just cannot slip up right now, and my parents are not very sympathetic to that. How do you deal with alcohol in your home?
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Old 08-25-2004, 09:28 PM
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Congratulations on the 6 months

I just remember... don't pick up the first one.
As long as I don't pick up that first one I will remain sober.
Self reminders of why I don't want to pick up that first one. Prayer for strength as needed to say no...one day at a time.
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Old 08-25-2004, 09:32 PM
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erin,
I see how hard this must be for you.Although it would be nice if your parents were a little compassionate to your feelings,it is hard to tell them not to drink in their own home.
I have had only one episode with someone drinking in my home sense I got sober,and just watching them make an a## out of themselves was enough for me.I no longer allow anyone to bring alcohol in my home.Not just to keep it away from me...but to keep it away from my kids who have been through enough!(from me)

Im not sure what to say...I understand how you feel,but Im not sure how I would handle this.All I can say,is HOLD YOUR OWN GROUND and dont give in to it!
And pray alot!! I will also say one for you.
Take one day at a time and choose not to drink for today and start over again tomarrow.
Welcome to SR!
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Old 08-25-2004, 09:47 PM
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Thank you for the replies. My biggest issue with the alcohol in the house is that I'm trying to come off Effexor XR, and the withdrawal from that makes me want to drink to take the edge off. I would try leaving the house for a while, but I have a court-ordered 10 PM curfew. I hate having to try to shut myself up in my cold, dark bedroom all by myself (I don't have any friends to call) to avoid the jealousy and the temptation.
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Old 08-26-2004, 01:16 AM
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Hello,
In the beginning the thought of being around alcohol made me nervous. I couldn't help being around it though, I would have had to do just what you said, shut myself up in my room.
So as time has passed and I have grown I don't fear booze. What happens to my life if I take that drink, yeah thats scary. The person I become just by taking one litte drink, yeah that I fear. As long as I don't take that first drink there is no way it is going to get into my system.

So no matter what don't drink. come around here and post about it if you are having a tough time. Hey good luck with the medication situation. Hang in, we know it's not easy.
H
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Old 08-26-2004, 03:31 AM
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Hi Erin, hey congrats on 6 months, that's fantastic, you have to be feeling pretty darn good about that, keep it up, we both know it's not worth going back.

I wish I could tell you what to do here, I have the same prob, different circumstances, and I know this person will continue, just a hunch, so we have to learn how to live with it in our face all the time, or find another means to live, as hard as that might be at the time, but we do have choices, they are out there for us.

It's a shame you know, alcohol is everywhere, so many think you need to drink to have a good time, you can't visit without people asking you to drink, and most have forgotten what coffee, tea, etc. are.

My heart goes out to you with your situation, not good parents causing their kids grief is it? Please keep the strength you have, you'll come out tons better for it. And think of me doing this with you, I'll be tempted all the time, but so SICK of it, and I know I can't continue, other wise......I'm on day five and starting to feel a bit better, it's just not worth it, just not.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, keep the strength you have, and do whatever you need to do to keep moving forward, hey there's something to be said for feeling better don't you think? And one more thing, when they say it's progressive, guess what, they weren't kidding.

Love and hugs.....Denise
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Old 08-26-2004, 03:51 AM
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Originally Posted by _erin
Thank you for the replies. My biggest issue with the alcohol in the house is that I'm trying to come off Effexor XR, and the withdrawal from that makes me want to drink to take the edge off. I would try leaving the house for a while, but I have a court-ordered 10 PM curfew. I hate having to try to shut myself up in my cold, dark bedroom all by myself (I don't have any friends to call) to avoid the jealousy and the temptation.
Hi Erin and congrats on 6 months

Erin, you do not have to do this alone, shut yourself in your room, or be friendless. There are many young people's AA meetings that can help you to stay sober, and make wonderful friends who want,what you want.... recovery.

I too had a hard time at first with alcohol in my home. I got it out of my home. In your case, this isn't your choice. Have you been completely honest with your parents about how you are feeling with alcohol in the house and with their drinking? If so, and they continue as usual, then Erin its time to take care of YOU and your sobriety.

Call "Alcoholics Anonymous", the number will be in your phone book. Ask them where the nearest AA meetings are in your area. They can send you a meeting list book with times and places of AA meetings.

Do it for you Erin,

Patsy
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:33 AM
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HI Erin
Congrads on 6 mos, I just got 10 mos yesterday
that is a tough thing you're talkin about, feel ya
but ya got to understand that the whole world does not have to change just for ya decided to get sober
my parrents are both heavy drinkers, and when I go to familly functions I coem early and leave early
when your dad is drinking, dont hang out
You cant change the world, but you can change how you deal with the world
come up with technicques with coping
The fact is the whole world gets messed up
we cant, and we cant change the world
we can only change ourself
Dan
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:36 AM
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hey you just saw your last note
you dont have to think of it as shut your self alone and bla bla bla
you are becoming a new being and that is hard
its cool, read, find enjoyment in TV, AA books, Bible, pick up an instrument
but remember this too will pass
the trick is to stick to it and learn a new way of life
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Old 08-26-2004, 06:05 AM
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Hi and congrats on 6 months!

I'm not sure if you have a means of support in your area, as mentioned, AA is a good place to find it. Isolating and loneliness were at the top of my list to work on. Force yourself to find new avenues to keep you occupied, if AA is not for you there are other options, but I assure you, you will find a great fellowship of friends and support.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, and if your parents aren't going to support you then you need to stay strong, determined, and just don't pick up that first drink!
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Old 08-26-2004, 10:44 PM
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Unfortunately there is only one AA for Atheists and Agnostics meeting a week within a half hour drive, and I have a class that night anyway. I feel very uncomfortable at the regular, religious AA meetings, and there are no other secular groups around here. All my classes start next week, so that's four nights a week I'll be busy + homework on the weekends. I did just find out that my parents are paying for me to continue my health insurance, so I can start looking for a couselor I like and get back on my anxiety medication. I'm hoping that will take the edge off the situation. The less anxious and depressed I am, the less I obsess over drinking.
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Old 08-27-2004, 05:44 AM
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Originally Posted by _erin
Unfortunately there is only one AA for Atheists and Agnostics meeting a week within a half hour drive, and I have a class that night anyway. I feel very uncomfortable at the regular, religious AA meetings, and there are no other secular groups around here. All my classes start next week, so that's four nights a week I'll be busy + homework on the weekends. I did just find out that my parents are paying for me to continue my health insurance, so I can start looking for a couselor I like and get back on my anxiety medication. I'm hoping that will take the edge off the situation. The less anxious and depressed I am, the less I obsess over drinking.
Hi Erin,

AA is not a religious program, its a spiritual program. What ones religion is or lack of religion is not the business of AA, or its members. Thats not what we do here in the halls of AA. I am not religious at all, nor do I attend any kind of church. I am deeply spiritual, which means that we get to choose the God of our understanding. Group Of Drunks.....
Good Orderly Direction

Erin, I am hoping that you do find a wonderful counselor, and that you reconsider AA, and what AA is really all about.

The difference for myself between religion and spirituality is a simple one.

Religion tells you exactly what to believe.

Spirituality simply asks... do you believe?

Keep on keeping on Erin,
Patsy
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Old 08-27-2004, 07:51 AM
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Talk with your parents. Ask them if it is not possible for them to not drink around you at least let you know when they are having friends over so you can arrange to go someplace else for a while.
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Old 08-28-2004, 12:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Patsyd1
Hi Erin,

AA is not a religious program, its a spiritual program. What ones religion is or lack of religion is not the business of AA, or its members. Thats not what we do here in the halls of AA. I am not religious at all, nor do I attend any kind of church. I am deeply spiritual, which means that we get to choose the God of our understanding. Group Of Drunks.....
Good Orderly Direction

Erin, I am hoping that you do find a wonderful counselor, and that you reconsider AA, and what AA is really all about.

The difference for myself between religion and spirituality is a simple one.

Religion tells you exactly what to believe.

Spirituality simply asks... do you believe?

Keep on keeping on Erin,
Patsy
I do not have spirituality or any "God as I understand him." I don't believe in spirituality. I believe in myseld, not an imaginary "higher power." I can't do the 12 steps of AA as they clearly ask that you believe in God. I've also read the "Agnostics" chapter in the Big Book and was deeply offended by the opinions of Bill W. If that's what AA is founded upon, I want no part of it. The meetings around here all discuss the steps, God, and religion. To say AA is not a religious organization is just a plain lie whether anyone realizes it or not. I guarantee going to an AA meeting that isn't pecifically for Atheists and Agnostics would get me very angry and ready to drink.

I had my last substance abuse class tonight, so I'm pretty much in my own with the whole sobriety thing from now on.
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Old 08-28-2004, 12:37 AM
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erin

The truth of how the steps work is the same no matter what is said before or after them.
Even a bad preacher can give a good message. Just need to weed out what you want inbetween the words used.
Something that could be for the future? Go to the meetings, learn the steps and then apply them to your understanding. If no groups around... maybe you could be the one to start one? An idea anyways.
Don S has posted in a few places some options other then AA.
The important thing for now is finding a support group before it may be needed. WIth others to talk things out with makes for a easier way to recovery. In a group we can learn from and teach each other.

Your doing good, keep up the great job... one day at a time.
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Old 08-29-2004, 09:43 AM
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Well Erin, it doesn't sound like you are desperate enough to go to any lengths. If you feel you can control this sobriety deal, then good luck. But if you are a REAL alcoholic, you will need a spiritual solution. (pg 44)

This is what you can look forward to regarding FREEDOM from temptation from alcohol, AFTER you take the steps:

Pg 84 tells un sanity will have returned:

"We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality-safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."


Then on the bottom of pg 100, it tells us we are free, we don't have to worry about being around alcohol anymore:

"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn�t think or be reminded about alcohol at all.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't..."

So, when you are desperate enough to follow directions, and NOT do things your way, you will work the Steps. Until then remember, YOU have a problem with alcohol, not your parents. So why should you be the "crazy actor" running the show?
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Old 08-29-2004, 10:17 AM
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erin....

AA is not for everybody. In fact, the success rate of AA is no better or worse than any other organized "program". There is one manner of quitting that has about a 1/2 of a percent greater success rate, and that is when a crisis of some sort occurs and the alcoholic makes a drastic life change. A program is not even a requirement to achieve sobriety. What is required is a decision to stop, and then lifestyle changes that affirm that decision.

What often happens though is that "my way to sobriety" becomes either the "best way" or the "only way."

People get sober in AA, or other 12-step fellowships, they get sober in church, in therapy, RR, SMART Recovery, MM, and of course the most popular of all the methods...they just stop. We don't often hear from that group though, and despite the studies (and studies, and studies) since we dont hear from them we don't believe they exist. Besides, if someone (actually many hundreds of thousands of someones) can quit WITHOUT AA-well....what does that say about me? Some of us that got sober in AA get defensive. Thats human nature. And even though all of our literature directs us not to promote, we have a hard time hearing someone say they dont want what AA has to offer. And so we keep right on "selling" it...

If you stayed sober yesterday, and haven't had a drink today, you're doing great. Keep up the good work and let us know how it goes.
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Old 08-29-2004, 08:32 PM
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bakedflounder, I do not at all appreciate your reply. You're everything I hate about "spiritual" people. And I don't think I have ever said I was "desperate." I was asking how other people handle having alcohol in their homes when they are staying sober. I don't even consider myself an alcoholic. I have an alcohol abuse problem. So by my definition I am not even welcome at most AA meetings in my area because they are closed. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON I AM REFUSING AA. I have done just fine in other areas of my life without a damn spiritual solution, and I know I will be able to handle this one without one as well. I am not impressed with AA's 5% (or less) success rate (according to AA) either. Maybe if you were more secure in your own beliefs you wouldn't have to push them on other people. Please don't reply to any of my posts with your BS anymore. The last thing I need is for you to write something ignorant to me that makes me angry and possibly pushes me over the edge.
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Old 08-29-2004, 10:09 PM
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Originally Posted by bakedflounder
Well Erin, it doesn't sound like you are desperate enough to go to any lengths. If you feel you can control this sobriety deal, then good luck. But if you are a REAL alcoholic, you will need a spiritual solution. (pg 44)

This is what you can look forward to regarding FREEDOM from temptation from alcohol, AFTER you take the steps:

Pg 84 tells un sanity will have returned:

snip

So, when you are desperate enough to follow directions, and NOT do things your way, you will work the Steps.
snip
Oh, my. Please define a 'REAL alcoholic'. No, never mind. We've had that conversation before.
There's a reason, I assume, that there is a separate AA forum--down the hall, to the left. AA isn't for everybody. In my opinion it isn't for most people, and is actually harmful to some people. It certainly is NOT for people for whom spirituality and/or religion are not important parts of their lives. And how likely it is to be successful is not related to how desperate they are.
Don S

PS--Great reply, Jon!
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Old 08-30-2004, 07:02 AM
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When we post on a public forum,asking for feedback it may be important for us to remember that we may hear things that may rub us the wrong way.

AA worked for me so when I give feedback it is going to be based on my experiences with recovery in AA.

I am sure Smart Recovery and RR may have their virtues but I cannot expound on something which I have no experience with so I stay close to base.

Alcoholism is a life endangering condition and it was the simple Spiritual principles that AA espoused that made me want to change.

AA and it's principles of "Openmindedness Honesty and Acceptance" made me aware of the insanity in my life and the willfulness of my ways.

I am not a religious person. I cringe at the mention of religion especially western ones.Spirituality on the other hand allowed me a better way to understand the world and how to harmoniously coexist in it.

Whether we understand it or not we all practise Spirituality at some point in our lives.
Forgiveness, Patience , and Tolerance are all principles which are of divine origin although not necessarily connected to religion and most of us here may understand the calming effect this can have on our lives.

The bottom line of any religion or Spiritual journey is to find peace within ourselves.When we find that peace the earth beneath our feet could tremble and we be not afraid.How simple then would the task of coping with alcohol on a daily basis be.
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