Questions for Hardcore, Chronic Alcoholics
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
I didn't start this until my 30s. I could never understand what the big deal was either. I thought people that got drunk were weird because it just resulted in me getting sick. Then I started some tolerance training because of a work situation and it started to get out of control. Slowly at first that I didn't even realize what was going on. I could drink more without getting the room spins or getting ill. It felt good. I would get this really happyass feeling that I didn't get before. I also stopped getting roaring headache hangovers too because my body was adapting. I didn't realize what was going on. I didn't get sick and I didn't get myself into any trouble. What problem? It became a regular thing for me.
It is toxic to the brain and goes after that part of your thinking that figures out if something is a good idea or not. My thinking changed so that you can't connect the dots. I was actually incapable mentally of seeing things as they were. It is like being trapped in the dark and not being able to find the door. Is all I knew by the end is that I was sick of it but I felt like I must do it every night. I was in such a deep depression that it was the only thing that brought me any relief at all. It destroyed my capacity for feeling happiness. The thought of not drinking is inconceivable.
Now I am recovered back to being able to see it for what it was. It doesn't make sense to me in the least bit. I hate alcohol. Every once in a while a memory of a time when it was still fun will float in though.
It is toxic to the brain and goes after that part of your thinking that figures out if something is a good idea or not. My thinking changed so that you can't connect the dots. I was actually incapable mentally of seeing things as they were. It is like being trapped in the dark and not being able to find the door. Is all I knew by the end is that I was sick of it but I felt like I must do it every night. I was in such a deep depression that it was the only thing that brought me any relief at all. It destroyed my capacity for feeling happiness. The thought of not drinking is inconceivable.
Now I am recovered back to being able to see it for what it was. It doesn't make sense to me in the least bit. I hate alcohol. Every once in a while a memory of a time when it was still fun will float in though.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Some call it an moment of clarity. I realized my life was getting in the way of my drinking and one was about to go. I hadn't got into any trouble or lost anything yet so I was unwilling to push everything to the side all at once like that. Some people lose things slowly and probably don't see it that way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 164
About the hangovers. For me they kind of went away after awhile, or maybe just became easier to bear. My tolerance built up and I started spending money I don't have on more expensive booze, just so that I would have less of a hangover and could function better the next day.
So between those two factors, instead of the horrible, "I'm never drinking again" types of splitting-headache, vomiting-all-day, college-kid types of hangovers, I would have bad insomnia, horrible anxiety, mild stomach issues, mild headaches, trouble focusing and getting motivated, and just an overall blah feeling.
Also, "hair of the dog." In the morning, if its the weekend. In the evening if not. Always, more alcohol makes you feel better. When I first started drinking this was not the case. The idea of drinking more on a hangover used to make me feel sick! But eventually it became THE thing to do.
About the bad consequences. As long as I stay sober now, the main consequences will be some relationship damage control with some family members, and some financial damage control. I'm trying to keep the damage to a minimum.
Addiction isn't logical, but all of us here have logical enough brains to know at some point that we need to stop. So you're right to sense that. But we had to figure it out on our own.
A lot of people self-medicate anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other issues and mental illnesses with alcohol. I don't know if that's helpful to you, but usually there's other stuff going on beneath the addiction surface, I think.
I like that you're trying to understand your family member's addiction from a place of compassion. That's amazing.
So between those two factors, instead of the horrible, "I'm never drinking again" types of splitting-headache, vomiting-all-day, college-kid types of hangovers, I would have bad insomnia, horrible anxiety, mild stomach issues, mild headaches, trouble focusing and getting motivated, and just an overall blah feeling.
Also, "hair of the dog." In the morning, if its the weekend. In the evening if not. Always, more alcohol makes you feel better. When I first started drinking this was not the case. The idea of drinking more on a hangover used to make me feel sick! But eventually it became THE thing to do.
About the bad consequences. As long as I stay sober now, the main consequences will be some relationship damage control with some family members, and some financial damage control. I'm trying to keep the damage to a minimum.
Addiction isn't logical, but all of us here have logical enough brains to know at some point that we need to stop. So you're right to sense that. But we had to figure it out on our own.
A lot of people self-medicate anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other issues and mental illnesses with alcohol. I don't know if that's helpful to you, but usually there's other stuff going on beneath the addiction surface, I think.
I like that you're trying to understand your family member's addiction from a place of compassion. That's amazing.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by seek 
Hi There!
I am attempting to not judge alcoholics who "don't learn from experience," but I'm having a hard time understanding (and I "get" that I will never truly understand, as I do not have the "disease" of alcoholism).
I am confused by the following:
1) In my experience, getting really super drunk creates a horrible hangover. I can understand doing this a few times until it clicks that "feeling bad was caused by drinking too much." I can't understand why anyone would "agree" on some level to live in so much agony. Does it register that the miserable hangover is caused by the booze or is the entire process unconscious? I would love to hear actual experiences of people who have lived like this for years.
2) When you begin to have negative consequences (lose your stuff, your job, your relationships) what do you say to yourself? And when you don't stop and things keep getting worse, what are you thinking?
3) If you have been in and out of detoxes and rehabs, what is your thinking each time you land there again (just before you decide to "go out" again)? What is your life philosophy at that point?
I am struggling to understand, as I said, and know I never really will be able to, but perhaps I might be able to have compassion even without understanding instead of harsh judgment . . . that is what I am shooting for. From where I stand now, I just think "they know what they are doing and they are making these choices knowing what the consequences are" - and then I wonder about "not learning from experience" and then I start to judge. Trying to gain compassion.
Thanks for any insights into the internal processes and thinking that goes on.
I am attempting to not judge alcoholics who "don't learn from experience," but I'm having a hard time understanding (and I "get" that I will never truly understand, as I do not have the "disease" of alcoholism).
I am confused by the following:
1) In my experience, getting really super drunk creates a horrible hangover. I can understand doing this a few times until it clicks that "feeling bad was caused by drinking too much." I can't understand why anyone would "agree" on some level to live in so much agony. Does it register that the miserable hangover is caused by the booze or is the entire process unconscious? I would love to hear actual experiences of people who have lived like this for years.
2) When you begin to have negative consequences (lose your stuff, your job, your relationships) what do you say to yourself? And when you don't stop and things keep getting worse, what are you thinking?
3) If you have been in and out of detoxes and rehabs, what is your thinking each time you land there again (just before you decide to "go out" again)? What is your life philosophy at that point?
I am struggling to understand, as I said, and know I never really will be able to, but perhaps I might be able to have compassion even without understanding instead of harsh judgment . . . that is what I am shooting for. From where I stand now, I just think "they know what they are doing and they are making these choices knowing what the consequences are" - and then I wonder about "not learning from experience" and then I start to judge. Trying to gain compassion.
Thanks for any insights into the internal processes and thinking that goes on.
Perhaps you are viewing alcoholism as a moral issue - one of choice. It is not. Most have never learned and never will learn skills to deal with the disease. If we had an allergy to peanuts, or strawberries - we wouldn't touch them. Alcohol is different.
There are underlying issues of WHY people continue to pour poison into their bodies. If these are not identified and addressed, most will continue to drink. Unless one achieves a level of willingness and desire to change and realizes they truly drink in an alcoholic manner , there is very little hope. Frankly, most never do and never recover. It becomes a mental obsession of the mind and the first drink or two leads to physical cravings. At least for me, that was the case.
Perhaps consider this - is there anything / habit you have, while maybe not particularly damaging, but you'd be better off not having - that you simply cannot or will not quit???? That may help in understanding.
IMO, those who quit and continually relapse have in the back of their mind they will indeed drink again. They believe this time will be different, I know my limits now. Typically, they actually believe this. The idea that somehow,someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death, the Big Book tells us correctly.
Kind Regards,
FlyN
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Apache Junction, AZ
Posts: 111
Answering your questions from personal experience:
1- Until I hit early 40s I didn't have many real hangovers. So, very little physical consequence during years and years of heavy drinking, until the last couple of years when it got bad. By that time I was physically addicted and a daily drinker so quitting became VERY difficult and drinking became a necessary way to stave off the REAL hangover that was to come (days of withdrawal).
2- Looking back I did lose some "things" from drinking. Fortunately I didn't lose everything like some people have, and really it could have been far worse. While drinking I was clueless about the negative effects it was having on my life. Again, until the end, when I REALLY knew it was the alcohol ruining my life.
3- I did go to an outpatient rehab once for 6 weeks. I hated it. I thought the staff were a bunch of phoneys (one of the counselors was clearly an active drinker) and I was 20 years older than everyone else. I felt like a fool. When I smelled alcohol on my counselor one night it confirmed my suspicions. Rather than confront him or go to a manager I just thought AHA! I knew it! This is all a show so these people can get insurance money and create a career for themselves. Typical cynical drunk thinking. I did my part and completed it and 4 months later started drinking again.
For me personally, I don't believe alcoholism is a disease, but I do believe alcohol can be a disease causing agent. It changed my brain and body chemistry. I hope your relative finds out early life is better without being a drunk.
1- Until I hit early 40s I didn't have many real hangovers. So, very little physical consequence during years and years of heavy drinking, until the last couple of years when it got bad. By that time I was physically addicted and a daily drinker so quitting became VERY difficult and drinking became a necessary way to stave off the REAL hangover that was to come (days of withdrawal).
2- Looking back I did lose some "things" from drinking. Fortunately I didn't lose everything like some people have, and really it could have been far worse. While drinking I was clueless about the negative effects it was having on my life. Again, until the end, when I REALLY knew it was the alcohol ruining my life.
3- I did go to an outpatient rehab once for 6 weeks. I hated it. I thought the staff were a bunch of phoneys (one of the counselors was clearly an active drinker) and I was 20 years older than everyone else. I felt like a fool. When I smelled alcohol on my counselor one night it confirmed my suspicions. Rather than confront him or go to a manager I just thought AHA! I knew it! This is all a show so these people can get insurance money and create a career for themselves. Typical cynical drunk thinking. I did my part and completed it and 4 months later started drinking again.
For me personally, I don't believe alcoholism is a disease, but I do believe alcohol can be a disease causing agent. It changed my brain and body chemistry. I hope your relative finds out early life is better without being a drunk.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Nodding my head at many of the responses - the "horrible hangovers" you speak of don't happen nearly as often as you'd think. I also found that drinking early in the morning solved that problem. I had money in the bank, my own apartment in a good neighborhood, and I was single. I was convinced I was more fun and "loose" when drunk, and like a bold teenager I felt invincible...except I was 35.
I also eventually became physically addicted and couldn't function without alcohol. You see, I was an active alcoholic. I was mentally and physically dependent on alcohol. That's what it means. When I started looking for a way out and stopped drinking, I had terrible withdrawal seizures that could have killed me. After one of these seizures I could barely even walk. The last time it happened, I woke up in a hospital bed at rock bottom, and finally asked for help.
During my active drinking days, quitting alcohol with a safe and thoughtful plan never once occurred to me. It's impossible to see the big picture when you're an alcoholic, and that's one of many big problems with this condition.
I also eventually became physically addicted and couldn't function without alcohol. You see, I was an active alcoholic. I was mentally and physically dependent on alcohol. That's what it means. When I started looking for a way out and stopped drinking, I had terrible withdrawal seizures that could have killed me. After one of these seizures I could barely even walk. The last time it happened, I woke up in a hospital bed at rock bottom, and finally asked for help.
During my active drinking days, quitting alcohol with a safe and thoughtful plan never once occurred to me. It's impossible to see the big picture when you're an alcoholic, and that's one of many big problems with this condition.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Re hangovers, I rarely had them -- almost never after I "learned" to drink, until near the end when I went on some bad binges. As long as I drank all day, every day, starting shortly after I woke up, I suffered the shakes but no hangovers.
For me, my alcoholism was always mixed with fear and despair. I knew it was self-destructive. That was part of the point. I don't think that's true for all alcoholics, but some of us are seeking self-annihilation, and alcohol looks -- deceptively -- like an easy path there.
Address what's driving the self-destruction in healthy ways? Healthy ways like quitting drinking, seeking help, getting honest with yourself and others? No Way! I'd forcefully, angrily reject any such idea. Until the bitter end.
Originally Posted by seek
Curious if there was any realization (at any level of consciousness, whether waking, sleeping/dreaming, etc.) of the self-destructiveness . . . and if so, what can you say about your process around that?
Originally Posted by seek
Did you ever question what was driving the self-destruction or think about how you might address it in healthy ways? Or did that not come to your awareness at all?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
There is a dichotomy between understanding that alcoholism is in part a disease, and treating the alcoholic like a helpless child (also known as 'enabling').
You can spend a lot of time trying to understand an A, but there may not be much point. They sometimes can become sober when the consequences become too painful, but some unfortunate ones actually drink themselves into an early death, in the full knowledge of what they're doing.
I am eternally grateful I'm not in this category, although I don't take credit for an accident in my genes or a loving childhood which have given me the ability to quit before major damage.
You can spend a lot of time trying to understand an A, but there may not be much point. They sometimes can become sober when the consequences become too painful, but some unfortunate ones actually drink themselves into an early death, in the full knowledge of what they're doing.
I am eternally grateful I'm not in this category, although I don't take credit for an accident in my genes or a loving childhood which have given me the ability to quit before major damage.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
You don't just wake up hungover one day. It really creeps up on you. In the early days you don't really get hangovers but then they start getting a teeny tiny bit more noticeable until you're so used to waking up dehydrated and you think waking up with a headache is normal. You get used to anything you do 365 days a year.
You feel better as the day progresses and by the time work is over you just want to dive into a strong cocktail. You feel great in the beginning. Such a relief to come home to a nice cold drink that literally melts your stresses away.
Because you drink to get buzzed, the quantity keeps going up. Once again, by teeny weeny amounts but steadily and before you know it, a six pack is nothing for one evening. You don't even get that buzzed from one so you start having eight beers.
Few years later.... Oh crap now you need 12 beers to reach that same relaxing place you used to get to with three beers. People are shocked when they hear how much you drink which stresses you out and makes you want a drink. Or 12.
And just when did these hangovers get so bad? They creep up on you. The only way I can describe it as that you are continually more stressed out and worn down the longer you drink which makes you want to drink more.
I never went to detox or rehab.
Oh, someone made a good point about the daily "hangovers." They are not classic barf-in-the-toilet hangovers. I had not vomited in years even when drinking.
I never missed a day of work but I did go through daily withdrawals. I would have walked through 20 miles of snow to get to work each day because if I ever missed work that might mean I needed to stop drinking.
I think addiction has to be the most illogical thing in the whole universe. It makes no sense really.
You feel better as the day progresses and by the time work is over you just want to dive into a strong cocktail. You feel great in the beginning. Such a relief to come home to a nice cold drink that literally melts your stresses away.
Because you drink to get buzzed, the quantity keeps going up. Once again, by teeny weeny amounts but steadily and before you know it, a six pack is nothing for one evening. You don't even get that buzzed from one so you start having eight beers.
Few years later.... Oh crap now you need 12 beers to reach that same relaxing place you used to get to with three beers. People are shocked when they hear how much you drink which stresses you out and makes you want a drink. Or 12.
And just when did these hangovers get so bad? They creep up on you. The only way I can describe it as that you are continually more stressed out and worn down the longer you drink which makes you want to drink more.
I never went to detox or rehab.
Oh, someone made a good point about the daily "hangovers." They are not classic barf-in-the-toilet hangovers. I had not vomited in years even when drinking.
I never missed a day of work but I did go through daily withdrawals. I would have walked through 20 miles of snow to get to work each day because if I ever missed work that might mean I needed to stop drinking.
I think addiction has to be the most illogical thing in the whole universe. It makes no sense really.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by seek
Curious if there was any realization (at any level of consciousness, whether waking, sleeping/dreaming, etc.) of the self-destructiveness . . . and if so, what can you say about your process around that?
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
. You are trying to wrap your head around something completely outside of any human understanding. If I had not experienced alcohol-ISM first hand, I would not stand a snowball's chance in hell of understanding it. The ISM component of alcohol-ISM renders logic and reason completely useless. It is what's know as an enigma.
I am simply seeking, to my ABILITY, to understand. That's my M.O. Probably an addiction - ha ha!
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
One thing that makes alcoholism difficult to understand is that there are two facets to the disease -- the physical allergy AND the mental obsession. I don't think non-alcoholics can comprehend what these 2 facets do to an alcoholic. They might think they can relate to a physical "craving", but that is really not what the physical allergy is at all. Say you crave a bowl of ice cream. After you eat that bowl of ice cream your "craving" is satisfied. For an alcoholic their "craving" for ice cream would be intensified after eating the first bowl.
The other facet is the mental obsession. When an alcoholic is not drinking they start to become restless, irritable and discontented (what I call being uncomfortable in my own skin). So even though I know that bad things happen when I drink and have honestly vowed to never drink again, I eventually become so uncomfortable that I turn to the only thing that fixes that feeling -- a drink. Then the physical allergy kicks off again and the cycle is continued.
It's this continuous cycle of the mental obsession followed by the physical allergy that makes it so difficult for an alcoholic to stop drinking. Towards the end of my drinking there was no denial that I had a problem. The problem was that despite having an honest desire to stop the madness the mental obsession kept driving me back to a drink -- and once I took that drink the physical allergy kicked in and I had no control how many drinks I would have. Rinse and repeat.
For me I had to find a way to break the cycle, and for me it was by finding a way to stop the mental obsession -- what many here call the AV (addictive/alcoholic voice). As long as I don't take that first drink the physical allergy never kicks in. So for me the key to finding lasting sobriety has been to quiet the voices in my head telling me that a drink will make everything better (the 12 steps have done that for me).
The other facet is the mental obsession. When an alcoholic is not drinking they start to become restless, irritable and discontented (what I call being uncomfortable in my own skin). So even though I know that bad things happen when I drink and have honestly vowed to never drink again, I eventually become so uncomfortable that I turn to the only thing that fixes that feeling -- a drink. Then the physical allergy kicks off again and the cycle is continued.
It's this continuous cycle of the mental obsession followed by the physical allergy that makes it so difficult for an alcoholic to stop drinking. Towards the end of my drinking there was no denial that I had a problem. The problem was that despite having an honest desire to stop the madness the mental obsession kept driving me back to a drink -- and once I took that drink the physical allergy kicked in and I had no control how many drinks I would have. Rinse and repeat.
For me I had to find a way to break the cycle, and for me it was by finding a way to stop the mental obsession -- what many here call the AV (addictive/alcoholic voice). As long as I don't take that first drink the physical allergy never kicks in. So for me the key to finding lasting sobriety has been to quiet the voices in my head telling me that a drink will make everything better (the 12 steps have done that for me).
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
For me, it was like being possessed. I needed a drink like I needed food and water. But drinking was more important.
I knew the drinking was causing hangovers and withdrawals (which were normal to me at the time but crazy scary in retrospect)--but living without alcohol was worse. And like someone else mentioned, the hangovers weren't so bad. They felt normal. It wasn't until the last year or so of my drinking that I started getting totally insane once I came out of benders. (Auditory hallucinations, shakes, suicidal, delusional thinking, horrible physical pains until I had a drink, etc. Good times...)
I knew I had to stop, would swear off drinking forever, but the need for alcohol outweighed any rational thought. If you're starving, would you turn your nose up at moldy bread? Yeah, you might get sick, but it'll stave off the hunger pangs.
I became increasingly isolated, was struggling to hold it together for work, called in sick a lot so I could drink, started to alienate my friends and got dumped by my boyfriend--but drinking was a solace for all of these problems. I even ended up unemployed and moving back in with relatives and still couldn't quit drinking. Been to rehab (briefly) and have been medically detoxed a couple of times. I kept trying to get sober, but struggled and kept relapsing. A few people close to me confessed they were waiting for "the phone call" that I was gone.
Like others have said, you will probably never fully understand because it's insane and irrational. Be glad that it will never fully make sense to you.
For me, not much thought went into my relapses. I needed to drink. Period. The mental obsession was stronger than any rational thought. What eventually happened is I became willing to do anything to stay sober. I had to go through a complete meltdown, and be willing to change completely and fully. A psychic change of sorts. (AA and therapy helped me more than anything else.)
And for what it's worth, I've changed so much since I got sober that sometimes I look back at my drinking days and wonder what all the fuss was about. I'm as baffled at my behavior as anyone else might have been looking at me. I can't imagine picking up a drink these days and feel like I'm looking back at the memories of a different person. And yet that person is still part of me. And there have been moments of extreme stress that the desire to drink came rushing back full force, despite how much better my life has gotten and how much better I feel and how strong my desire to stay sober forever is. That's the part that is truly insane to me.
I hope you never fully understand and never experience alcoholism, but I'm glad you're trying to understand from a place of compassion.
I knew the drinking was causing hangovers and withdrawals (which were normal to me at the time but crazy scary in retrospect)--but living without alcohol was worse. And like someone else mentioned, the hangovers weren't so bad. They felt normal. It wasn't until the last year or so of my drinking that I started getting totally insane once I came out of benders. (Auditory hallucinations, shakes, suicidal, delusional thinking, horrible physical pains until I had a drink, etc. Good times...)
I knew I had to stop, would swear off drinking forever, but the need for alcohol outweighed any rational thought. If you're starving, would you turn your nose up at moldy bread? Yeah, you might get sick, but it'll stave off the hunger pangs.
I became increasingly isolated, was struggling to hold it together for work, called in sick a lot so I could drink, started to alienate my friends and got dumped by my boyfriend--but drinking was a solace for all of these problems. I even ended up unemployed and moving back in with relatives and still couldn't quit drinking. Been to rehab (briefly) and have been medically detoxed a couple of times. I kept trying to get sober, but struggled and kept relapsing. A few people close to me confessed they were waiting for "the phone call" that I was gone.
Like others have said, you will probably never fully understand because it's insane and irrational. Be glad that it will never fully make sense to you.
For me, not much thought went into my relapses. I needed to drink. Period. The mental obsession was stronger than any rational thought. What eventually happened is I became willing to do anything to stay sober. I had to go through a complete meltdown, and be willing to change completely and fully. A psychic change of sorts. (AA and therapy helped me more than anything else.)
And for what it's worth, I've changed so much since I got sober that sometimes I look back at my drinking days and wonder what all the fuss was about. I'm as baffled at my behavior as anyone else might have been looking at me. I can't imagine picking up a drink these days and feel like I'm looking back at the memories of a different person. And yet that person is still part of me. And there have been moments of extreme stress that the desire to drink came rushing back full force, despite how much better my life has gotten and how much better I feel and how strong my desire to stay sober forever is. That's the part that is truly insane to me.
I hope you never fully understand and never experience alcoholism, but I'm glad you're trying to understand from a place of compassion.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
just to name a few
Originally Posted by seek
2) When you begin to have negative consequences (lose your stuff, your job, your relationships) what do you say to yourself? And when you don't stop and things keep getting worse, what are you thinking?
next time I will do things differently while drinking
or
I will never do it that way again
or
I won't let it get to that point next time
or
I will control my drinking from now on
or
oh well -- some losses -- but -- I got through it -- life goes on -- drunk again
MM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
What I thought was just normal is terrifying to me now. I still give thanks every morning for not having that daily hangover anymore. It was really a drag. They would last until I started drinking again, depending on how hungover I was. The line between hungover and drunk became razor thin, to the point where I would start to get drunk from the hair of the dog--I was probably already drunk from the night before. I found my drunk friends to be more and more annoying. I never threw up but my guts always felt at least a little messed up. Some of my friends got sick all the time and I could never understand that. I've been blessed with a strong constitution.
The idea of quitting was almost impossible. I really didn't even try until I actually did it. Oh I would take a month off here and there but I never thought I would even quit for good. Drinking, horrible drinking, was a part of my personality, a part of me! Even though I truly hated it several times a week, it was my closest friend. More than anything else. Ick!
The idea of quitting was almost impossible. I really didn't even try until I actually did it. Oh I would take a month off here and there but I never thought I would even quit for good. Drinking, horrible drinking, was a part of my personality, a part of me! Even though I truly hated it several times a week, it was my closest friend. More than anything else. Ick!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I was aware that it was not normal to wake up with a daily hangover but today was never the day to quit. I'll bet we all agree that one of the cornerstones of addiction would be setting a quit date for sometime in the near future? I've never talked to an alcoholic who will tell you with a straight face i am going to keep drinking until I die. it's always after the holidays or this weekend, Monday or my personal favorite: tomorrow. It still amaze me how I always planned to stop in the near future, just about every day which turned into about eight years of daily drinking.
So, in regards to the hangover question, when I would wake up on a workday, hungover to the gills, I really thought I would only have to get through that bad of a day once. Once right? I wasn't going to drink that night....until I changed my mind on the way home and stopped at the liquor store. What's one more day?
So, in regards to the hangover question, when I would wake up on a workday, hungover to the gills, I really thought I would only have to get through that bad of a day once. Once right? I wasn't going to drink that night....until I changed my mind on the way home and stopped at the liquor store. What's one more day?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
You can't explain it in rational logical terms because addiction is not rational, almost by definition it is irrational. Any normal person would think that if they drink to excess then they move past a point where it is enjoyable and suffer a hangover that also makes no sense. Addiction make you want more and more irrespective of the consequences. In the middle of a bender I would not care if the world ended, I was drinking and that was that and nothing was going to change that. I had no off switch.
Regarding hangovers, my body simply learned to handle them. I knew that a for "normal" nights drinking of lets say 2 bottles of wine and a couple of beers I could contain the hangover with a couple of pints of water before bed, a couple on waking and a couple of coffees. The really bad hangovers came when I drank all day and night or for a few days on end. Those hangovers were horrific but I though they were worth it for the pleasure of an extended blow out. I simply wanted the booze more. I would drink with non alcoholic friends who would complain of terrible hangovers the next day after drinking 3 or 4 beers. I would consider it deeply unfair if I got a hangover drinking any less than 10 beers.
The unfortunate consequences like losing things were all part of the price I paid for choosing this life. I expected things like this to happen from time to time and my addiction convinced me that they were just an inevitable part of my life. No big deal.
For me, the worst part was waking up knowing that I had said something terrible to someone (made sense at the time) and could not remember what or to whom or was it an email, or sms, or instant message or god forbid something to a work colleague or my boss. Then having to check all my accounts and phone until I found it and then cringing with dread when I would find it or not as the case may be.
Regarding hangovers, my body simply learned to handle them. I knew that a for "normal" nights drinking of lets say 2 bottles of wine and a couple of beers I could contain the hangover with a couple of pints of water before bed, a couple on waking and a couple of coffees. The really bad hangovers came when I drank all day and night or for a few days on end. Those hangovers were horrific but I though they were worth it for the pleasure of an extended blow out. I simply wanted the booze more. I would drink with non alcoholic friends who would complain of terrible hangovers the next day after drinking 3 or 4 beers. I would consider it deeply unfair if I got a hangover drinking any less than 10 beers.
The unfortunate consequences like losing things were all part of the price I paid for choosing this life. I expected things like this to happen from time to time and my addiction convinced me that they were just an inevitable part of my life. No big deal.
For me, the worst part was waking up knowing that I had said something terrible to someone (made sense at the time) and could not remember what or to whom or was it an email, or sms, or instant message or god forbid something to a work colleague or my boss. Then having to check all my accounts and phone until I found it and then cringing with dread when I would find it or not as the case may be.
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