Boleo

What went through my head when I was relapsing every few months was the disease and discomfort that I felt STARK RAVING SOBER.

For me, sobriety alone did not allow me to feel comfortable in my own skin enough to make sobriety worth having. I was truly between a rock and a hard place; drinking was the rock and not-drinking was the hard place.

I did not even see it till I was released from the obsession by a spiritual awakening. I just wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin. Now that I have found it, drinking and not-drinking are both outside issues.

Not-drinking has nothing to do with why I am sober today. If that makes no sense - who cares. I would much rather get results than make sense. Spiritual principles don't need to make sense to get results.

shil2587

Thank you, this helps a lot. I think maybe it Might be like that for my partner. It explains why the run up to a relapse he struggles so much. So, for some people it's like feeling 'wrong' somehow and drinking seems like the very attractive solution until they do and rinse repeat etc.?

Thank you. I think I can understand a little bit now.

Jackandbess2

Is alcoholism a disease or is it an addiction that we choose to indulge or choose to stop? Isn't a disease something that is out of our choosing? Should an alcoholic receive sympathy? As one myself I personally do not think that I deserve any sympathy. I make my choice each and every day. In my view the choice that I make warrants the response that I get from others. Today I choose to stay sober.

Carbonized

I think sympathy would be towards those who started drinking for self medication and those who had alcoholism sneak up on them and now have difficulty coping with it and/or quitting.

shil2587

Yes, that's what I think too. And in this case, that's what it is. That and genetic predisposition. But it never hurts to have some.empathy. but for that, some understanding is needed surely?

desypete

this alcoholic would thrive in sympathy, i would bleed anyone dry who was daft enough to listen to me wallow in my self pitty

i have empathy for alcoholics its a bit like watching a child have to have a painful experience but you know its for there own good in the long run
they will kick and scream if there booze is under threat, every trick under the sun will come to there minds as they cling on to there drink

you can take anything else away from them but not there drink

hard action was the only thing that brought me crashing down losing everything was the only way i could of ever got to face myself and the booze

i tired for years to blame everyone and everything else for my drinking and those who got fed up with me i soon found an excuse to never have nothing to do with them again as they wouldnt believe my excuses

so sympathy not a chance, empathy yes as i do understand there struggle and how blind they are

Ryno03272009

I remember my friends family used to have something on the wall in their bathroom: a cartoon picture of a red bearded irishman leaning over the toilet sick and hung over. The think bubble captain read "God, If you get me through this I promise I will never drink again!"

We have all been there. But then we DO drink again.

In reference to your three questions - it is not about what we are thinking or feeling after the fact it is what we are thinking or feeling before and during...

This time wont be like the last...
I just wont drink this much...
It was what I ate before/during/after that made me sick so I wont eat that again...
I will never go to that place because thats where I got in trouble last time while drinking...
Ill give my keys to a friend...
I will just drink beer or wine...
-----
And then there is:
That will never happen again...
That was just one night...
Well now I know how much is too much...

Get my point? We alcoholics are not thinking about the negative we are sick and trying to rationalize how we can drink - instead of thinking normally - and then drink around the issue... But in reality the issue is control. Once we start WE CANNOT stop as we thpught we could and hence rise the problems/issues.

fini

for some people it's like feeling 'wrong' somehow and drinking seems like the very attractive solution

shil,

yes, it was very much like that for me.
but drinking wasn't so much an attractive solution as the solution that worked. it worked. until it didn't.
took me a long time of not drinking to really understand that, not drinking, i now needed a solution

seek

A Course in Miracles teaches that "sympathy" weakens the one you are sympathetic to. It is disempowering. Empathy is not joining someone in suffering (as is sympathy), but having compassion and boundaries. My understanding of the concept, anyway, and I have found it very useful.

Jackandbess2

I was dragged up, sexually abused, uneducated, suffered horrendous depression, self medicated and had alcoholism sneak up on me. I relapsed a few times and maybe I will relapse in the future ........ the choice will be mine. I empathise with others who suffer like I do (after all I didn't ask for my childhood to be wrecked) but I do not sympathise or feel sympathy for what I have become. I/we have a choice of what we make of the mess we find ourselves in. Empathy, absolutely......... Sympathy, none!

herradura

IMHO, save the sympathy for a person who has a disease like a child with cancer, they did not do anything to promote it, they just got it. They cant choose to not have it. I think this is what separates a disease from a condition. IRT the alcoholic who used it for "self medication" and it "snuck up on them". Every addiction I am aware of starts this way. the last person I know about who tried to be an alcoholic was Nicolas Cage in "Leaving Las Vegas", not a great movie to watch when you are drying out, or maybe it is a great movie to watch when you are drying out.

Few people who are addicts of any kind, made a conscious decision to become an addict, Meth, Coke, Prescription drugs, Food, tobacco.

In my mind I choose to be an addict and am looking at a lot of different way to break they cycle. I trade one for the other, but is seems that highway to sooth the addiction has to have a lot of traffic in it to make me "content". If it is not booze, then food, nicotine, sloth, the list goes on. I am working to shut down the highway first with roadblocks and then just flat out tear it apart so addictions cant be fueled.

Just my opinion from my experience. Have been given some good books by another member on this site to help explain the process of addiction, it is very helpful in creating roadblocks.

Good luck to everyone.

P.S if we continue to label every damn malady as a disease this world is not long for a bout of extreme suffering. Addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, ADHD, HAD, laziness, porn, etc.

SoberCAH

For me, alcohol was the only thing that made me feel normal.

And ultimately I couldn't not drink.

It was that simple.