First post-would love to hear some stories with HOPE
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 23
First post-would love to hear some stories with HOPE
Hi all,
I discovered these forums last week and have spent many hours pouring over various forums. I became a full fledged alcoholic (in denial) a year ago after a potentially terminal illness diagnosis. I couldn't deal and became a classic high functioning female alcoholic who drank completely in secret. A few weeks I got caught and its actually been a bit of a relief since all the hiding was hard. That said I admitted I had a problem and started an Intensive Outpatient program a week ago. I start with a therapist this next week.
During my addiction I shut down completely emotionally and physically towards my husband. He is VERY angry right now, justifiably so, and I know we have a long road ahead of us. In doing my research the odds of my not relapsing based on statistics looks pretty abysmal. Looks like based on raw stats I'm almost certain to relapse which is terribly depressing. I've also been reading a lot on the friends and family forum and looks like almost everyone is either going through a divorce or contemplating one. All in all its pretty depressing. I think if I relapse my hubbie will very likely divorce me and I will lose our daughter which would devastate me. Is there any hope? Are there ANY happy ending stories out there?
Many thanks,
Angstfull
I discovered these forums last week and have spent many hours pouring over various forums. I became a full fledged alcoholic (in denial) a year ago after a potentially terminal illness diagnosis. I couldn't deal and became a classic high functioning female alcoholic who drank completely in secret. A few weeks I got caught and its actually been a bit of a relief since all the hiding was hard. That said I admitted I had a problem and started an Intensive Outpatient program a week ago. I start with a therapist this next week.
During my addiction I shut down completely emotionally and physically towards my husband. He is VERY angry right now, justifiably so, and I know we have a long road ahead of us. In doing my research the odds of my not relapsing based on statistics looks pretty abysmal. Looks like based on raw stats I'm almost certain to relapse which is terribly depressing. I've also been reading a lot on the friends and family forum and looks like almost everyone is either going through a divorce or contemplating one. All in all its pretty depressing. I think if I relapse my hubbie will very likely divorce me and I will lose our daughter which would devastate me. Is there any hope? Are there ANY happy ending stories out there?
Many thanks,
Angstfull
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Welcome Angstful. I am a woman who drank at home. Relapse is not inevitable. This is my first go at quitting. I quit Feb 10 2013. I did use once 90 days in but that was the only time in this past year. (If you feel the urge to use get ahold of you come and post before you drink it helps)
You can do this. It's difficult in the beginning but take it seriously and put it first for awhile.
You can do this. It's difficult in the beginning but take it seriously and put it first for awhile.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 170
First of all, welcome to SR! Second, of course there's hope!! Sounds like you have the desire to become sober. You have taken the first steps by acknowledging you have a problem. As you read through these forums, you will find many success stories!! Do you have a plan such as AA, Rational Recovery, or anything like that? Try not to sabotage your sobriety by expecting defeat before even getting started. This won't always be easy, but sobriety is very doable!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 342
Nothing is inevitable but death and taxes.
Even then they might come up with ways too prolong our life, probably so we can continue to pay taxes, but I digress.
Please don't focus on relapse and divorce. You tend to head towards that which you are focusing on (target fixation)
I know I had to change my way of thinking from negative to positive and it made all the difference.
Good luck
Even then they might come up with ways too prolong our life, probably so we can continue to pay taxes, but I digress.
Please don't focus on relapse and divorce. You tend to head towards that which you are focusing on (target fixation)
I know I had to change my way of thinking from negative to positive and it made all the difference.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 23
My IOP is eight weeks and I'm just starting my second week tomorrow so plans beyond this and starting with an addictions counselor for individual therapy are where I'm at. Quite sure I'll wind up attending AA meetings but not until I "graduate" from my current program.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
Welcome to SR !
Success story here ... My marriage was in trouble, my relationship with my 4 kids was in jeopardy, my drinking started affecting my work , I lost some friendships ....... But I turned it all around when I got sober . My marriage is more honest and solid now, and my kids and I are as close as we could possibly be now . We are happy again.
I work very hard in my recovery . It's not always easy but so worth it .
Success story here ... My marriage was in trouble, my relationship with my 4 kids was in jeopardy, my drinking started affecting my work , I lost some friendships ....... But I turned it all around when I got sober . My marriage is more honest and solid now, and my kids and I are as close as we could possibly be now . We are happy again.
I work very hard in my recovery . It's not always easy but so worth it .
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Angstfull, consider that forums like this are full of people struggling with sobriety and addiction. Why are they not full of success stories? The answer is simple - people get sober and then get on with their lives. Of the thousands that read and post here, only a small proportion have found the personal imperative to hang around and help others once they have become sober.
When I got sober, I decided I would do it, even if no one else in the world's history had done it. I was going to make it happen for me. No matter what. And I did it. One shot and done. And I know others that have done exactly that too, have come back from the edge of the abyss and live full and happy lives, with jobs and families and hopes and dreams and love and joy. Now why the heck would they hang around here to tell you?
You can choose, you can decide to make this happen for you. You do this by accepting nothing less than the best you can be. You do this by believing in yourself. You do this by doing the next thing first.
I am not trying to be a smartass here, Angstfull, but there is so much that hinges on the answer to this question: Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
When I got sober, I decided I would do it, even if no one else in the world's history had done it. I was going to make it happen for me. No matter what. And I did it. One shot and done. And I know others that have done exactly that too, have come back from the edge of the abyss and live full and happy lives, with jobs and families and hopes and dreams and love and joy. Now why the heck would they hang around here to tell you?
You can choose, you can decide to make this happen for you. You do this by accepting nothing less than the best you can be. You do this by believing in yourself. You do this by doing the next thing first.
I am not trying to be a smartass here, Angstfull, but there is so much that hinges on the answer to this question: Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,836
Why can't you attend AA meetings until after you 'graduate' from IOP? I'd think they'd want you to get a head start on reclaiming your sobriety.
Welcome to SR.
I agree that you shouldn't focus on possible negative outcomes, but go into it with the attitude that changes can be made and things can work out.
Welcome to SR.
I agree that you shouldn't focus on possible negative outcomes, but go into it with the attitude that changes can be made and things can work out. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 23
I have no aversion to AA meetings however I am spending nine hours a week in my intensive outpatient program, an hour a week in marriage therapy, and another hour a week in individual counseling. I also work fulltime and am a mother. I am completely comitted to sobriety otherwise I would never have voluntarily decided to do all of this. If I am not committed I lose my daughter which no bottle of wine is worth. That said you all make a good point in that those who move on and get better are likely not necessarily spending time on these forums. Thank you for the reminder:-)
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,637
Welcome angstfull. I agree with least - that you should be filled with hope and optimism. This is a time for looking ahead to a brighter day. You can rise above all the sadness and reach out for a better life.
I drank for almost 30 years. By the time I quit I had ruined everything & was drinking around the clock. I came to SR in desperation. Being here, among those who really understood, I found the courage and strength to turn my life around. I never drank again. It can be done, and you can do it.
I drank for almost 30 years. By the time I quit I had ruined everything & was drinking around the clock. I came to SR in desperation. Being here, among those who really understood, I found the courage and strength to turn my life around. I never drank again. It can be done, and you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by angstfull 
In doing my research the odds of my not relapsing based on statistics looks pretty abysmal. Looks like based on raw stats I'm almost certain to relapse which is terribly depressing.
You are not throwing dice here. You have within yourself the ability to determine the outcome.
And that can make for pretty good odds, if you are willing to do whatever it takes to get better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 138
I am 19 months sober, also a classic "high-functioning alcoholic" [although I know that to be an oxymoron, it was only on the outside], also a woman with a husband and kids.
I'm doing it.
You can do it. That's all you need to know. Focus on that.
Good luck!
I'm doing it.
You can do it. That's all you need to know. Focus on that.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 63
1 1/2 years sober. Heavy vodka user for I'm guessing 10 years, it's always a guess I can't remember when I started drinking heavy. Before that drank for 20 years. If I had read the stats I would have given up. What makes a drunk sober determination and a desire to be sober. I was a high functional alcoholic own my own buisness husband is sussecful in his buisness.
I have more energy for the grandkids I don't have to stop and think am I safe to drive luckily I have No DUIs. My children and I have a much better relationship. Being sober is a win win situation and I will never pick up a drink again. You can do this.
I have more energy for the grandkids I don't have to stop and think am I safe to drive luckily I have No DUIs. My children and I have a much better relationship. Being sober is a win win situation and I will never pick up a drink again. You can do this.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi angstfull, I hope your treatment is going well and you make a full recovery. You sound really committed to me, and although you aren't working a program you have good reasons for that. Deckard made an excellent point; it's not a roll of the dice. If you're determined and motivated to become sober you will succeed, because nobody is going to put a bottle in your hand except you.
If you want a good story: I was a bottle of wine a night girl and I'm coming up for my 2 years without relapse in April. I didn't use any program, but I was motivated like you.
If you want a good story: I was a bottle of wine a night girl and I'm coming up for my 2 years without relapse in April. I didn't use any program, but I was motivated like you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Hi angstful, I will be 8 months sober on the 8th. I came here, got my mindset, and a lot of support in this forum. I drank for more then 20 years. If I can do it, anyone can. I also paid my bills, kept a clean house, worked full time, and did not drink and drive. I once used the term high functioning alcoholic and got a lot of flack. I love being sober. Welcome to SR and know we are all here for you. You can do this, and you don't have to relapse. I have not yet and don't plan to. Good luck on your new journey.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
happy endings...I know many many people that have passed away sober, with many, many years of sobriety. I have 8+ years in so far.i want to not drink again, but I can only do that one day at a time, which has been workin pretty good for these 8+ years.
what I do is follow in the footsteps of the ones that went before me who have what I want, being careful not to trip over the ones that fall by the wayside.
to add, iw as diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months into recovery. one thing I knew is a drink wouldn't help.also, the statistics for survival rates for stage 3 metastatic melanoma( which went stage 4), say i shoulda been dead about 5 years ago. im not willing (today) to fall into the trap of statistics.
what I do is follow in the footsteps of the ones that went before me who have what I want, being careful not to trip over the ones that fall by the wayside.
to add, iw as diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months into recovery. one thing I knew is a drink wouldn't help.also, the statistics for survival rates for stage 3 metastatic melanoma( which went stage 4), say i shoulda been dead about 5 years ago. im not willing (today) to fall into the trap of statistics.
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