MaxxPower

Hello everyone, hope all is well..

Saw an old friend I haven't seen in quite some time. This is the very first thing she says to me,''well, you look good'' but it was in a sympathetic kinda way. I knew right away by the way she said it - that she knew about something.

People apparently like to talk about other people's problems.

Was blown away how angry I got inside(didn't show it). I don't need anyone's sympathy!

She didn't ask me anything, like how work was, bout school,family, nothing.
Everything was overshadowed by alcohol. ALL the questions she asked me was about how I was doing WITHOUT drinking.

It was so humiliating. Almost like it was an interview. argh..
This is the very first time i've experience anything like this in my life. These kinda feelings. It sucked!

Am I being over-dramatic over this? By reading on here i've learnt that in early recover your emotions are all over the place, but this hurt allot.

I'm sure many here have encountered this kinDa thing..thought id share.

7 months and counting. Screw you alcohol.

Thanks SR

ScottFromWI

Imagine what people said about you behind your back when you WERE drinking!

Some people don't understand, and you can't control how they react. It's entirely possible she has good intentions too. Worry about what you can control and you'll be just fine!

Longpasttime

She may not have known what to say. Possible she was just expressing love, concern, connection as best she could?

MaxxPower

She never acted sketchy around me at all when I was actively drinking. No weird vibes, nothing. She was talking to me like I was a different person.

I drank pretty hard over the years, but I still feel like i'm the same guy.

BradJustBrad

In situations like that, I try to BE the same guy. I smile, laugh and say heartily that I'm doing great!

Congrats on seven months. That's awesome. Don't let this get you down.

caboblanco

this is one reason i leave my recovery discussions to sr...and only sr

my one nosy cousins husband found out..and i never hear the end of it

Ruturn

If she doesn't know how to act around you now its HER problem. Let her have it. Don't make it your problem. Own your problems and no one can make you feel bad over them. I know, I've dealt with all the stigma and embarrassment and shame myself. Today I know where I was and also know where I am now. I spent decades owning everybody else's problems and making them my own over stuff like this, a lot of it not even alcohol related. Today I don't do that, and my peace of mind is an order of magnitude better. Don't take other peoples problems and make them your own. Good luck!

silentrun

Say alcoholic you get "no you are not" say out of control you get "it's a good thing you quit" IT'S THE SAME THING. That word just throws people like you are just going to relapse forever. They seriously don't know how to react. It's never fun to hear you are the topic of a conversation that you are not at. Give them the benefit of the doubt and hopefully whatever was said was out of concern and this woman was just didn't know how to approach it.

Anna

A Friend wouldn't make you feel so uncomfortable. A friend would be aware that you were upset by the conversation. A friend would offer a caring shoulder, rather than question you.

soberdude70

Strong work on the 7 months! Could you talk to her about how you're feeling? I mean, would she be receptive and supportive if you laid your feelings out like that?

huntingtontx

Congratulations on seven months. You are doing great. We all have our moments, but mostly it is good just to be in control of myself. Hang in there, you are doing great.

Nevertheless

I keep playing the emotional roller coaster card,and I'm playing it again here.
I blew up several times my first year,and a few times after that also.
One was my dentist receptionist. I had been going to this place for years. I disagreed about my bill,and I blew up over the phone. I wanted to reach through the phone and choke her.
After 3 or 4 days went by I realized what a jerk I had been. I called back and apologized.That was probably 4 years ago and I still feel like a jerk.
I still go to the same dentist. One thing for sure. When I walk in she knows who I am.
I am a little over 50,and have always been a mellow person. I have always kept my cool. But that first year or so after I quit,there were a few times I got madder than I had ever been in my life. And every time after a few days,I wondered just what the heck I was thinking.
Just my experience.
Fred

MaxxPower

Thx Brad,

I was doing all these things..didn't make any difference.

She probably thinks i'm going to start drinking again..

MaxxPower

caboblanco, I'm not sure if my extended family knows anything..Sure hope not! Sorry to hear bout that.

I've told everyone in my family to keep their mouths shut...

Believe me, i'm trying my best to stop this from spreading too.

Hard to run away from.

MaxxPower

I will practice this Ruturn, Thanks

Its going to be tough though..

MaxxPower

Thanks for that Fred, hehe

So it gets better after a year? It can get overwhelming at times..

I always thought that I was mellow too..maybe i'm not? I just don't know at this point..

Mountainmanbob

We need to be careful because for us recovering alcoholics the number one offenders are rresentments
Mountainman

FlygirlJ

Maybe she felt like she had to walk on eggshells so as not to trigger you, but in fact she actually did that...people are not mindreaders. If she was a friend before, and a healthy one, I imagine she only had good intentions.

I find that one of my major annoyances I experience is when people say "you don't strike me as/look like someone that would have a problem". MAN that just makes me want to CHOKE THAT PERSON!!!

JackieC

Maybe she was uncomfortable. I think most of the time, the way people act towards us is more about them then it is about us. So what you read as her perception of you was maybe her own issues, you know?

Also, most of my friends I've told have chosen to completely ignore it. No mention of it, no asking how it's going, nothing, even if I try to bring it up on my own (these people are heavy drinkers which I think has a lot to do with that). I only have one friend who will even ask me about it so I actually have come to appreciate her willingness to talk about it with me.

Dee74

I remember some occasions when people walked on eggshells around me too Maxx.

It is what it is - like Scott said, you can bet they were talking about us when we were drinking too....I prefer this kind of talking

Looking back from this point in my recovery, basically people either got used to me getting sober or they gravitated out of my life. Problem solved either way

(I learned to think a lot less about what other people thought of me too )

you're doing great Maxx - keep it going
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