Jade1224

Some days I have a hard time believing I am an alcoholic.

I am pretty high functioning. I work two jobs, I workout hard daily and I'm generally a very responsible person.

So I get to thinking... I work 60 hours a week and do everything I'm supposed to so why can't I go to happy hour with my friends?

It's hard to feel like an alcoholic when I'm surrounded by high functioning friends that drink just as much as I do. When does being an alcoholic turn into a problem?

I feel like realizing you're an alcoholic only comes when your life is in shambles from drinking too much.

Jade1224

This is totally my AV trying to rationalize things.

CAPTAINZING2000

The consequences are what makes the difference. When I drink bad things happen to me and the people that are in my fall out.

My idea of sobriety doesn't rest with being sober. My sobriety includes inner peace and serenity. If you believe that having a drink is the only way you can find happiness do a little self examination. Try and find the joy in your life with out a drink.
And yes, there's a world of things to do in life with out a drink.

EndGameNYC

Uh-oh.

Many of us have lost everything before we got sober, but it isn't a requirement. Repairing the damage I'd done to myself, my life, and other people was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. And there's still more work to be done after two-and-a-half years "back" following my three-year relapse.

We lose everything very quickly, but putting Humpty Dumpty back together again often takes years.

Mek2

Many alcoholics are surrounded by other alcoholics. I think if you look back through your other posts you will see that you saw alcohol as an issue. Your initial goal was 30 days and then evaluate. Are you close to that goal yet? Good luck!

Jade1224

I get this.... but if I put work, responsibilities, and working out FIRST and drink only after that (there's not much time after) does that still make me an alcoholic? That's what I'm trying tp figure out.

doggonecarl

Keep drinking and the priorities will likely reverse themselves. And even you admit there have been binges where your sole priority has been drinking.

Trying to talk myself out of being an alcoholic was my strongest alcoholic characteristic. It keep me drinking for 35 years.

If you are sober now, rejoice. It's a gift. Really. Lose it and you'll realize it.

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Most alcoholics were high functioning at one time too. This is my guideline: I can not drink today. But when I have a drink I can't stop. Non-alcoholics have an internal switch that tells them "enough"!

Climber122

Consider taking a self-assessment as an objective tool to help you decide. Work it honestly, and see how you score: (google: alcoholic self-assessment)...

I too had a hard time struggling with the idea that I was alcoholic. Even saying it in meetings didn't feel right for a long time. If it helps, you could refer to yourself as a "person with alcoholism", which places emphasis on the fact that you are an individual and not primarily identifiable by your condition.

Also consider pride as a factor - we don't typically like to admit there's anything wrong with us, and as it sounds like you are a very active, achieving, disciplined individual, it would be that much harder to admit you don't "win" at something. Of course, the truth is that acknowledging an addiction and working a program of recovery is hard and admirable work, and is in fact "winning" in a very real way! It just doesn't seem like it at first because most of us didn't expect to be considered "addicts" and all the negative connotations implied by society. It takes a while to become comfortable with the notion that despite all the control we have tried to apply to our lives, that things are not neccesarily going exactly how we want them to. Hang in there, don't drink and keep searching for answers!

Amajorityofone

Amen.

The best piece of advice I ever got was this. After you have that first drink now fast forward the movie.

Now how does it end?
If your answer is badly, then you don't need ask yourself anymore questions.

Nonsensical

You are the expert on you. Seems like it's been a bigger issue in the past than what you are relating in this particular thread, though.

ImperfectlyMe

So do I. So I don't call myself one, I just don't drink.

Jade1224

This is true. That was me. I don't even recognize that person anymore...

It's true alcohol can turn you into someone you're not.

Also, the pride thing is a major factor. I am so strong and in control with everything else, I don't want to not have control over this. It's devastating. That's why I can't tell anyone who knows me. Ever.

ScottFromWI

Not too long ago you wrote

"Three years ago I was an alcoholic for about 8 months. Taking shots of liquor from about 11am to night time. I went through alcohol poisoning and then withdrawals. It scared me and embarrassed me so bad that I drank responsibly for three years after that."

Perhaps you could re-read the rest of the post in case you have forgotten the details
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...n-binging.html

What has changed inside you between then and now that makes you think you'll somehow be able to regain control of your drinking?

Mrmellow11

I was the same as you great job high pay in management working 50 hours a week but after work I would drink every night usually 6-8 beers and the 10-12 on the weekends....I just found I could be doing way better things with my time and could use the money way more important things.....someone told me an alcoholic isn't the person stumbling around drunk but it's the person that can not go without a drink

Jade1224

I was in a really bad place. In a depression due to a bad relationship and I was dealing with struggles. But i picked myself back up and drank normally for quite some time. I have only had an issue with drinking for two very short episodes. I have drank normally from 16 to 22. I went though a bad time at 22 so I had an 8 month episode. And then I drank normally for 3 years. And recently I again went through a struggle and I had another episode. This one only 6 months and not nearly as bad as the first one.

It seems like I only need it when I'm going through hard times.

ScottFromWI

"Needing" alcohol at any time is a sign that you have a problem.

However, just as no one can tell you are an alcoholic, no one can tell you that you are not. You must find out for yourself - are you willing to take that risk knowing what you already know about your past and multiple "episodes" of alcoholism?

Lovenjoy

Your thread really spoke to me Jade. I have found that an awful lot of people who can't drink are very intelligent and high functioning. The word that jumped out at me in the above quote was generally.

I had just finished my final degree and relocated to another state to start my new career. Pretty high functioning. But by this time my drinking was out of hand whether I wanted to admit it or not. I wasn't finding that job or that new place to live but I was doing ok. My last drunk was another blackout. I woke up again despondent and afraid. And something in me snapped. I quit drinking because 'it was counterproductive'. I wouldn't admit that drinking was destroying my happiness. Within a month I had that job and that new place to live. Told myself see, it was counterproductive. But I still was spiritually and emotionally very sick. I didn't pick up but I didn't embrace recovery either.

It wasn't until I acknowledged that I was a person who could not drink safely, that I was indeed an alcoholic, that I was able to grab recovery by the horns and get on with building a life 'second to none'. I have used many, many different tools from many different sources to grow up and be the person I was meant to be. I live a full, productive and joyful life these days. I handle life as it comes and really like myself. I have all this today because I got honest with myself. And I would not have got honest with myself if I hadn't put down the drink.

If you thought at one point that alcohol was a problem for you then it probably is. You don't have to call yourself an alcoholic just don't drink and see where sobriety can lead you. If you think you can take it or leave it then why not leave it? I wish I had woke up to the truth of my addiction years before I did. And I wish I had gotten into recovery when I first got sober instead of fighting the truth….. Wishing you all the best Jade and keep posting! I love when people get me thinking!

BumbleBee

I just wanted to say that your post here, Jade, was the first one I read today and it really resonated with me.

I don't have any answers to the questions you are asking - just that I have these same questions constantly. And I'm starting to think that the fact that I can't STOP thinking about whether or not I should be able to drink is itself a huge sign of a problem.

Sudz No More

I was exactly like you when I was younger, worked long hours and still found time after work to tie one on. I would still get up the next day and function. The problem is as many have already said here is that it gets worse over time. Eventually I started to get brain fog in the morning and I would be light headed after the first beer. When I tried to quit the mental impulses were way stronger than in my younger days when I would cut back.

Don't become that worn out old person that knew when they were young that they should stop but kept going.