ScottFromWI

Read the 2 paragraphs above very carefully. You are making many assumptions that are patently false - addiction/alcohlism is very good at tricking us into thinking these things are true. The majority of people do not binge drink or drink alcoholically.

What is probably true is that the people you hang out with drink a lot, I did exactly the same thing. But mainly I just did that as an excuse to keep drinking myself.

The bottom line is that there is no one here on SR that is going to tell you that it's OK to go back to social drinking, we are alcoholics and we cannot ever do so.

Tamerua

It's in how it makes you feel. And if you're like me, you have 1, forget it, there's no guaranteeing when you will stop. It's frustrating, it's unfair, it sucks. But accepting it changed my life for the better.

Tetra

I think that's sad. I thought that EVERYONE drank too. But now I see that they don't. I'm finding that the opposite is true. Actually, I am getting invited to more things now that I'm sober. I was at my friends house recently and one of her friends was there, we were chatting for a while and he said to me "wow, you've changed...you are actually really funny with a dry sense of humour".

JustODAAT

I cannot judge you, I can only judge me...but I will say that some of the lies I told myself for many years sound like some of the things you wrote.

I have been described by people in my field as successful, smart, accomplished, high-achieving, blah blah blah. I let myself think all that meant my having a problem with alcohol was impossible. I liked to think that I was special, and I let myself think that meant I was special in some magical way that meant that even though I was exhibiting textbook early stages of alcoholism (as described by Under the Influence and other well-researched sources)...I was totally in control.

And I decided that all I had to do was ace "moderation"...always an "A" student, I tackled it just like any other challenge. I told myself that if I worked at it, focused on it, I would overcome. So I moderated, sometimes more successfully than others, often not even close to successfully, but always with anxiety. Moderation was just a new way for me to ruled by alcohol.

Trying (and failing) to moderate...and then quitting and realizing how hard it was...people without problems with alcohol don't struggle like I did. They really don't.

I am not going to tell you 19 months in I have it all worked out, no more struggle in my brain, no more thoughts of drinking. I will say though more often than not I feel a relief at not having to wonder and worry about whether I have a problem. Once I could admit I did, everything changed.

For me, allowing myself to keep questioning whether I had a problem was just another way to obsess. It was only when I decided I did and decided to do something about it that I felt a weight lifted off me.

RocketQueen

Can you please define "drinking normally"? I see this term thrown around a lot here, but have never really truely understood what it means. My understanding is that it's drinking responsibly (obviously), but ive never known or even heard of an underage drinker regularly drinking responsibly.

Im not having a go, this just jumped out at me. I was just wondering what you meant

tomsteve

2 things pop out at me:
have YOU invited her out to do something non drinking?
do you know enough about her to know that she might have non drinking friends that do invite her out?

tomsteve

so...you know ALL of the people your age to say they ALL party?
over 89k people in santa Barbara.430k in the county. I can break it down to age group too, but I think this is far enough. I will bet everyfriggin thing I own that not everyone your age in your town drinks. its where yer hanging and the people yer hangin with.

I don't get it. you say your label yourself a problem drinker, but you also said you were an alcoholic for 8 months.

its your choice. no one here can convince you if you have a problem or not. theres many here that have given their opinion and tried to help ya. all this "label" crap has ya all screwed up. the question you have to answer to yourself:
no matter how it is consumed, is alcohol a problem in your life?

and this is a lie:
"I always label myself as a problem drinker not an alcoholic."
as ya already "labeled" yourself an alcoholic.

Nevertheless

I kind of did that for over 30 years. I busted my butt,made good money,and saved money. After hours I drank every day. I got in a lot of trouble and did a lot of stupid things over the years that I wish I could take back.
I guess I had to be almost 50 years old to realize what an alcoholic I am. When I was younger I constantly felt I was missing out on something,and somehow had it in my mind drinking would put me in the middle of things.
For the most part,it put me in the middle of lower quality life.
Fred

Hawkeye13

Honestly Jade it sounds like you are finding a reason to go back out.

I hope you try the "90 day take it or leave it test" first to see if there is or isn't a problem.

I'm turning 50 this year, and spent most of my life as a "functional" binge drinker.
I got a BA, two MAs, and a PhD while drinking. I never got a DUI or lost a job due to alcohol.
I have worked, pretty much without missing a day, from the time I was 16 years old.

However, in hindsight, I wish I had had the wisdom you have shown in trying to deal with a developing alcohol problem much earlier.
I missed out on fulfilling much of my potential because I spent the time drinking and hanging out instead of creating, growing, and manifesting my dreams.

I'm saying it is bad to party by any means--but so many of us humans pretty much settle for aimless entertainment instead of growth.
Beware and be aware of that, and know everyone here wishes you the best.

wheresthefun

Jeez Jade, this is an easy one, just don't go through any more hard times, the rest of you life - problem solved!

You do know I'm kidding, right?

IOAA2

Hi Jade. There is a lot of for your good health advise above. I and probably the majority of alcoholics have gone through your dilemma. I've been in AA years before you were born and probably the vast majority of people denied they were alcoholics. Fine, that doesn't remove the problem, denying we have diabetes does not make it go away. I personally identify myself as a person who cannot drink in safety. I don't hang out with people who over drink by nature, don't have it in the house because...... and don't romance the days I drank.
There are many kinds of alcoholics so comparing is like saying my bruise is smaller than someone elses, they are both bruises. Many years ago I read that a "normal" drinker has about the equivalent of 1 can of beer a week so for many of us that seems ridicules, why bother. One thing that irritated me was a normal drinker not finish a drink within an hour or just not finish it. Non alcoholics don't notice those things.
During my early sober days I did a lot of comparing and usually said this or that didn't happen to me and was told to use the word YET = You're Eligible Too.

BE WELL