feelings suck
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
feelings suck
I am feeling some feelings that are uncomfortable for me. I went to a meeting today and told my sponsor that I needed to talk to her and she told me to write about it then call her. So I did that and left a voicemail. I had a meltdown this afternoon and cried a lot to my friend over the phone. I just don't like a side of myself right now and it is really bothering me. My relationship with my parents is bothering me and my past actions. Eventhough I have been through all the steps and have made my amends I still cant forgive myself. Resentments that I thought had gone away honestly against my parents have popped up again. I feel better now that I talked to someone. But dealing with feelings suck my natural instinct is to drink and hide. I haven't had a desire to drink but I know if I don't deal with them in a healthy way then I will end up drinking in the future.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 138
I don't know where you are in your sobriety, but my first 6 months I found I had all these emotions it was hard to feel...I'd been numbing myself for so long I didn't know how to deal with my feelings.
It took me a long time to deal, and then I'd deal with stuff only to have it pop up again.
I just wanted to say I relate and it's ok...and maybe be a little patient with yourself?
It took me a long time to deal, and then I'd deal with stuff only to have it pop up again.
I just wanted to say I relate and it's ok...and maybe be a little patient with yourself?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Anoronha
I am going to just throw this out there because it took me a while to realize why I hung on to resentments and once I identified why it helped them to go away. I think that anything that might shed light on a situation is worth sharing. Nothing is lost even if what I say is not the case.
What got me thinking was this:
Resentments, anger, sadness, and depression are all rocket fuel for addiction. You might have worked on making amends and forgiving yourself but there's nothing that can erase the past from your brain. All that you can do is to find comfort in the fact that you've done what you can to make things right. At any given time those stored thoughts can creep back in and usually it's the AV coming to call. It doesn't matter how happy you are being sober, it was the same for me. Completely content yet there would be these days when I felt angry at my husband for something in the past or mad at myself for things that I had done.
Using the sobriety tools that I have helps me to look inward and further than just the surface value of what I'm feeling. So I would ask myself "What is this really all about?" I had done the work, what I needed to do, and I was all of a sudden upset about it again. Well, in finality, what I found was that it had nothing to do with what I thought I was upset about rather the AV stepping in and finding ways to entice me.
We will invent reasons to be angry or resentful if need be. If everything is good and we don't care about drinking and nothing is up then all those little tidbits that can never be erased will find their way back. This is regardless of whether or not we made amends.
If you honestly thought that a resentment went away and all of a sudden it's popped up again why do you think that is? It's the AV throwing what it can at you to make you think about drinking and it's worked. However, you've done what needs to be done, you came here and posted. You know that you need to deal with this in a healthy way or you're going to drink.
Coming here is very healthy
You can get past this. Recognize those feelings for what they are. You've done what you needed to do and they're nothing but a worthless attempt by the AV. YOU CAN DO THIS.
I am going to just throw this out there because it took me a while to realize why I hung on to resentments and once I identified why it helped them to go away. I think that anything that might shed light on a situation is worth sharing. Nothing is lost even if what I say is not the case.
What got me thinking was this:
Resentments that I thought had gone away honestly against my parents have popped up again.
Using the sobriety tools that I have helps me to look inward and further than just the surface value of what I'm feeling. So I would ask myself "What is this really all about?" I had done the work, what I needed to do, and I was all of a sudden upset about it again. Well, in finality, what I found was that it had nothing to do with what I thought I was upset about rather the AV stepping in and finding ways to entice me.
We will invent reasons to be angry or resentful if need be. If everything is good and we don't care about drinking and nothing is up then all those little tidbits that can never be erased will find their way back. This is regardless of whether or not we made amends.
If you honestly thought that a resentment went away and all of a sudden it's popped up again why do you think that is? It's the AV throwing what it can at you to make you think about drinking and it's worked. However, you've done what needs to be done, you came here and posted. You know that you need to deal with this in a healthy way or you're going to drink.
Coming here is very healthy
You can get past this. Recognize those feelings for what they are. You've done what you needed to do and they're nothing but a worthless attempt by the AV. YOU CAN DO THIS.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,615
Hi Anoroha,
When I first got sober I didn't have much idea about feelings. Then as time passed I began to experience all kinds of feelings, good and bad, in varying strengths, and often I did not know what they were. I wouldn't have known an honest feeling if I fell over it. I was growing up. Previously I had got all the feelings I wanted from a bottle, now I was learning to live as a human being for the first time. It takes time.
My solution was in two simple prayers:
"God, please take these stupid thoughts away" and
"God, please send me the right thought or action for this situation"
I still use them today, and they still work.
Then there is the advice in the big book:
"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves."
When I first got sober I didn't have much idea about feelings. Then as time passed I began to experience all kinds of feelings, good and bad, in varying strengths, and often I did not know what they were. I wouldn't have known an honest feeling if I fell over it. I was growing up. Previously I had got all the feelings I wanted from a bottle, now I was learning to live as a human being for the first time. It takes time.
My solution was in two simple prayers:
"God, please take these stupid thoughts away" and
"God, please send me the right thought or action for this situation"
I still use them today, and they still work.
Then there is the advice in the big book:
"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves."
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