Justfor1

I'm beginning to think I am mentally incapable of being sober. I've been sober a few days again but believe I'm too insane to grasp long term sobriety. While under the influence, I am a common criminal. I really believe that treatment for me should focus on mental health now. Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I believe picking up a drink saved me from committing suicide on one occassion many years ago. I'm unemployable sober or drunk and a burden on people so why not be a "professional drunk"? I can successfully beg for enough change per day to drink. Why bother looking for a job? It isn't worth it. I'm comfortable being labeled a drunk & accept it.

instant

We've all got work to do and we have to start somewhere. I think "experts" have their limitations- ultimately I had to own my problem.

In my time on SR I have never heard of anyone making substantial progress whilst still using- but I could stand corrected.

melivinsober

I'm not convinced you're "insane." Even if you don't have a diagnosed mental issue, a psychologist may help you. I agree with INSTANT that experts have their limitations, but one might help you figure out whatever issues you think you might have, including drinking. I wish you luck.

1newcreation

I think you should do inpatient treatment coz of course u've tried it on u're own & didn't work. But behind u're words I hear pain, shame & unresolved guilt that's bearing on your shoulders as a bag of rocks. If not treated, I fear u might just take u're own life coz of being sick & tired.

suki44883

I think the fact that you still come here means that you haven't totally given up. I've read many of your posts and seen where you don't accept the theory of possibly hurting or killing someone while driving under the influence, you blame others, at least partially, for drinking. This tells me that you want to drink, you just don't want all the crap that goes along with it.

Unfortunately, there's nothing we can really do for you other than to strongly suggest that you get some inpatient help. But, if you aren't really, truly, honestly ready to do whatever it takes to embrace recovery, even that won't help. It all lies within you. YOU have to want it more than you've ever wanted anything. You have to be willing to go through whatever it takes to leave your addiction behind. You have to want it or it just won't work.

You have a decision to make.

Deckard

Just going by what you have told us.... If you think that you may have a primary mental health problem, then you should not ignore that just because you may also have a substance abuse problem. Sometimes this is called "dual diagnosis" and it is difficult to treat one without treating the other.

Again, just going by your own remarks. Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist?

Gottalife

It's very sad to read such despair JF1. I guess we have to go back to basics. Who, in the first few days fo sobriety can grasp 'long term sobriety". I remember thinking 3 weeks, that's 21 whole days, was an impossible goal. But I could manage just one day.
Just for today. It's been a while now.

If its any help I once stopped drinking for about three months and sank into the most awful place, lost the ability to function in life, couldn't get out of bed. The doc thought it was depression, which alcohol would make worse you would think. But actually, alcohol fixed it, at least to a point. I believe I was really feeling an internal spiritual malady and alcohol was the solution. When the alcohol stopped working my only option was to find a spiritual solution.
Hope that makes sense.

There is hope for you yet my friend.

robgt350

i dont think you are insane. as for mental health, that is for you and a professional to decide. but i will say this, i worked in mental health units at a jail and many times i seen people complaining many things you said go with out alcohol for a long time while locked up. they make it because they cannot buy alcohol there. but have you sought doctors in the mental health profession to assist you?

tomsteve

its good to see yer finally lookin at yourself as being the problem,just. are you insane? IMO,no. insane poeple dont ask if they are insane. they dont know it.
you've posted a lot about the program of AA and there has been one thing missing in your posts: talk of your higher power.
from what i read from ya, i have to agree that long term inpatient may be a good option for ya. we've done a lot to try and help and i dont think theres much more we can do.
please look into it.

Sasha4

I don't think drinking alcohol is the best way of treating your mental health issues to be honest.

It might be that you do something really bad, end up in jail or an institution for a long, long time and someone else makes the choice for you that drinking is not a good option.

My best
x

2granddaughters

You aren't insane .. or a drunk. You are an alcoholic just like me. And you need to commit to AA just like me.

All the best.

Bob R

john44

There's so much truth in this. I'm a pretty intelligent guy and have been able to tie psychologists in knots. It was only when I got honest with myself that I was able to progress and improve. "experts" can only facilitate impthe willing.

JF1, you are not unique. If willing, you can get well. You just have to put in the effort.

visch1

Hi and hang in there even if. AAs second step says "return us to sanity" and that STARTS when we put the plug in the jug and follow the suggestions of the people there to help us. I rejected much of what I heard until the pain got me to surrender to my dis-ease. Over the years I learned what alcohol does to our emotional maturity and stunted actions and reactions, not pretty but repairable if we let it happen and are honest with ourselves. BE WELL

MeFree

I cannot tell you how many times I stopped drinking for a few days , the anxiety and insanity drove me back to drink, or so I always convinced myself. However, that is because I had lived so many years being a drunk, I had no idea how to live sober, and five or six days is not enough time to master anything! you MUST drown yourself in AA, or some strong support system, instead of alcohol. Once you get some real sober time under your belt, you will start to be able to function again. Remember , you have been drinking posion for a long time, your brain and body are screwed up, but it doesn't make you crazy. WORK HARD @ your sobriety, it is WORTH IT!!!!!

ru12

Just, the "steps" aren't going to fix mental health issues. If some want to hang their coat upon faith healing then fine, but I'll go with modern psychiatric care myself. If you do have mental issues then you must do whatever it takes to get services. If that involves moving to a different state that has better care for the indigent then try to make that happen.

raku

To go back to your original post...if you were insane, you would not be reaching out as you are. Perhaps you may have a mental dis-function, or perhaps it's just alcohol having a formidable influence on your thinking. You are the one who knows what you need....a psych Dr. might help you alot...if you can get sober enough to ask for help, it will be there !

Cindy

Justfor1

I would be willing to do in-patient care but only certain ones like Betty Ford, Hazelton, Malibu Shores, ect....The free ones & State funded ones did not work. I did not receive the right kind of help. I give 100% to staying sober yet I fail over & over.

Grymt

Towards the end, even though I'm grateful for any place where I can have a chance to get sober it did take me a lot of them before I found one that really moved things along for me. It followed a realisation that it had to be for me. Whatever else I hoped for I had to let go of and see where they fell. I'd passed a point where maybe in earlier attempts I could have made it through in a more difficult one. I then had to figure out what 'for me' was/is. With the help of being sober and practising what I know works for me I'm figuring that out.

Joe Nerv

Sounds to me like you just aren't ready enough. Getting sober is tough. Without a sincere desire to do it, chances are kinda slim. Not impossible, but the cards are stacked against you.

You can wait for things to get really bad (hospitals, jails, institutions...), or somehow find the sense to get off the roller coaster now. Nobody here will be able to convince you to not be a drunken criminal. If that's what you want for yourself, that's what you'll get.

And for the record, I was completely incapable of getting sober for years. And then it got bad enough, and things changed.

Pete55

The way I interpreted the alcoholic insanity was this,

Physical "allergy" that being the phenomenon of craving for more alcohol after the first drink, but before the drink is the thought of a drink.

But what were we thinking?

If I know I will crave more alcohol after the first drink and think I can try to control that craving which occurs in the metabolic process, and the fact is I can't control it, then my thinking is "insane"...the next part is acting on that insane thought, to actually take the drink.
Then that becomes an act of insanity, or to defy the odds, knowing very well I will black out.

Not only that, my personality changes and I cannot control that change either, then comes the abnormal reactions, that is my drunken behavior.

If I think I can control all 3 and know very well in my heart and soul it will never be controlled, then my thinking is "insane"...

Now that I am aware of these Step 1 facts, Powerless over alcohol ,
I can turn my thoughts ( will ) to something else other than alcohol.
I will always think about alcohol, but I don't remain obsessed over those occasional insane thoughts.
But I become restless irritable and discontent unless I take a drink, and I know what a drink will do, what is the solution to ease me and remain sober and sane and be able live life on life's terms?
That is what you need to honestly ask yourself.

Unless, when you say you are a "professional alcoholic"...is to me is a cop out,a con, it tells me you are not ready and you really want to remain a drunk.
That's not insanity....you know you are going to get drunk. your actions are insane, but you are not really insane.

A ex work associate I know is in the exact same situation as you have described, and he to prides him self a "professional alcoholic"....but I now see through it, I been conned in sobriety when I used to visit...there was always a "drive me to the bottlo for bottle", type of thing. Or drive him here and drive him there, but there was always a motive or a barter.
Your and his whole reason for living is the next $$ for the next bottle.

That's the nature of alcoholism...we all have it, it's a matter of wanting sobriety more than acting out the so called "insanity".