hypochondriac

I'm not sure about this Veritas. I thought the BB put the onus on us the alcoholic and our spiritual condition. I found people in AA rarely blame alcohol itself. That tends to come from the physiological perspective in which if you drink enough alcohol you will become an alcoholic. Either way I think it's a bit irrelevant here. Why people relapse is less important than what they do about it.

Just, your writing is spot on here so I am assuming you are not under the influence right now, or if you are you are still capable of being rational. It sounds to me as if you are making a conscious decision to drive drunk, or just give up. This is where the element of choice can come into it. Please fight back and work on your recovery. You are worth fighting for. Just think of how many other people your recovery could help when you are strong in your sobriety. You don't have to hurt anybody. If it seems like people are making you accept blame it is only because it will help you recover. No one got better by blaming their problems on other people. Please do the right thing for yourself x

neferkamichael

Justfor1, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your horse. That's all ya can do. Rootin for ya.

Tamerua

Just, I hope you're feeling better today. It's like a bike race.... If you fall, you get back on where you fell. You haven't lost all of that ground. So you haven't lost all that you have learned in those 11 months.

john44

This is a very good point. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't say many of the things you'll hear in meetings, sometimes by long time AA members who I'm sure mean well. It's important to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff. This is why it's so important to read the book for yourself.

choublak

Well they can't really tell a customer how to spend (or not spend) their money.

oak

Justfor1- you still have those 11 months sober. You still have the experience and knowledge of being sober. You have tried to get sober a lot- so something in you must really think it is important.

I've definitely many times thought I could not get sober or stay sober. Every time that I have relapsed, I tend to think that. I also tend to go to a deep shame place.

I have been very wobbly in sobriety lately. I get that it is hard. But I think it is possible.

I hope you stay sober (or get sober soon). I hope you keep posting, as we all know what shame feels like and we know what it is like to have a hard time stopping.

sparky78

Just- I'm sorry to hear about your relapse and that you felt that drinking was the only answer. I think at this point its more important to pick yourself back and find different coping mechanisms than debate about blame.

You're obviously hurting but numbing yourself with alcohol only works for a little bit... and then all that other stuff that comes with drinking returns...It'll be easier to quit now than if you go on a long binge, its just makes it harder. 11 months tells me you are stronger than you think! You can do this!

Sudz No More

How you doing today JF1? I hope you are getting back on track. Please think back to all the great months of sobriety you had and the positive things you felt.

I understand there have been things that upset you like the limo license but you can't get where you are going without running through the woods first.

Hang in there Buddy.

TheEnd

Do you truly want to be sober or are you just trying to lessen the damage in your life? I'm starting to think it's the latter, because as you have stated previously you have been through this before many times, so none of this is new you. You were posting previously about how you could just drink for one day and go back to sobriety. I can't do that. Based on past experiences, once I pick up, I may not stop and I happen to like the way my life is going, so it's just not worth it. For you, for some odd reason, it is worth the risk. And I believe you like your 8-10 month binges, it seems to work for you, I guess.

So if you are truly not looking for sobriety, what are you looking for?

ivegotsunshine

[QUOTE=Justfor1;3935292] I don't usually weigh in on these kinds of threads but this retort is so foolish to me. The bartender is there to serve drinks. It is not up to them to review a medical history and have you fill out a gd consent form to consume alcohol. Hat was entirely up to you. I'd like to see what would have transpired had tht person who "knew better" actually refused to serve you. If I was going to relapse and didn't want to be stopped I would have gone to a bar where no one knew me. Seems to me like you wanted someone to try and tell you not to have a drink. Perhaps I'm wrong. Whatever your path I wish you the best.
Sorry just my 2 cents as a former bartender and alcoholic.

LosingmyMisery

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...head-time.html

This was posted on 4/23/13. I tried to help on 4/12/13 when you posted about thoughts of drinking, but you had your plan and you followed through on it. Meds or no Meds, you and only you can take action and control to change your thoughts when the urge strikes.

Justfor1

Well, I on day 2. I went back to the bar where I know the owner & told him what happened. Hopefully, she will get in trouble or fired for serving me. She knew I was a bad alcoholic & thought it would be funny to serve me I guess? Trying to get back on the sobriety wagon. Wish me luck.

suki44883

Sorry, but until you are ready to admit and you and only you are responsible for drinking, this will probably happen again. If you don't want a bartender to serve alcohol to you, then don't go to a bar. Simple, no?

TheEnd

Oh, because somebody forced you to go to the bar. No, you knew you were a bad alcoholic and should have known to stay away from there. Stop trying to place the blame elsewhere but yourself!

Platypus

I do wish you luck, but you can't blame the barmaid. There's only one person who makes the choice to put the drink to your lips and that's you. There are a million bars and liquor stores in the world and you can't ask them all to not serve you. It's your responsibility.

I'm not saying this to be unsympathetic, but just because there's going to be loads of times in your life when people offer you alcohol and so it's vitally important you learn to take full responsibility for abstaining, and don't put that responsibility on anyone else. Even after you've ordered a drink and it's sitting in front of you, you've still got the choice not to drink it and walk away.

Justfor1

I blame my abusive childhood, my first girlfriend, beer commercials, the local drug dealer ect... Why do I have to accept 100% of the blame? I was becoming a "big shot" at the local AA club & was going to be celebrating a year. I was cut off from my anti-anxiety meds & I self medicated. That is the main reason. I put the blame on the horrible "free" mental health clinic that I attend.

cutie

This disease is cunning, baffeling and powerful...if you let it it will consume you...if you stay on your pity pot it will stink...everyone has thought about or in my case relapsed but it's not falling down its having the strength to get upand change...as alkies we don't like chg but in order to arrest our disease it is necessary the change...
We all only have today so see if you can't stay sober today!!

deeker

I learned from AA, my sponsor that as long as I had reservations, I would drink again.

wiscsober

Not feeling guilty is actually a good point: if you are alcoholic, you drank because you are in the midst of active alcoholism -- that relapse started a long time before the physical part.

For an active drinker guilt leads to shame to drink. We've had enough of that. Right?

No one caused your illness, contributed to it, can't control it or can't cure it.

If I can come back from almost giving up the ghost 3 times from alcohol poisoning, hitting a train, and med. overdose -- I think you can too. I now live a wonderful damn near glorious life.

This time around try helping the other alcoholic to achieve sobriety. Try giving and helping instead of being lonely, isolated, and full of self-pity(all hallmarks of addiction)

May your recovery come swift and sure!

Mountainmanbob