Justfor1

Whenever I get a bit of sobriety time (6-9months) I slowly begin to slip into thoughts of drinking. My thinking right now is to drink for one day & then return to AA like nothing happened. Oh I plan to get really drunk for one day not just "a few beers". Physically I no longer look like a alcoholic or drug addict so I even have thoughts of drinking in high end type establishments. It is exciting to think of a temporary return to alcohol. I even have a plan on who I will blame for my relapse. Wow, it sounds a bit silly now that I'm reading it. Thanks for reading.

SDSurfn

You already know where that will lead, yet still considering it.

That's the insanity of alcoholism. I know because I have been there and done that myself.

Stick with AA, stay with the herd. You'll be fine.

Dee74

This is the second recent thread you've had on this J41....

Obviously you're not content right now.

Do you know why?
Can you do anything about that?

What are you doing to safeguard your recovery?
what steps are you taking? (no pun intended)

Have you spoken to anyone in AA? sponsor?
Dr?

hows the psych appointment coming?

I think those are the kinds of areas where you should be putting your energy, not devising relapse plans...sometimes recovery boils down to hard work, man.

Drinkings no solution, and that one day off is never a guarantee. I lost two years to one day off once.

Be smart. Be vigilant against this thing, y'know? It will eat you alive if you let it.

D

bliss12

I guarantee you that if you drink, you'll be hung over like there's no tomorrow. Do you really want to deal with the enormous pounding headache, dull, disgusting feeling,improper sleep and sweating that comes along with one night of drinking?

And it's only a few hours of drinking. A few hours, and it's all over. Go to an oxygen bar or sniff on an oxygen can or drink alcohol free wine or beer. This will help.

john44

OK, so you've played the tape up until the "drinking in high end type establishments". Sounds fun. Elegant, sophisticated and urbane. Let's play the tape a little further. Possibly to the point where you're driving home from the high end type establishment and get pulled over for another DUI. Fines, jail time, license suspension. Let's go a little further. "Hmm, that wasn't bad...maybe a few more wouldn't hurt"...further..."I only need a few to stop the shaking"....further...."Nurse!! IS IT TIME FOR MY ATIVAN???!!!

You don't want to go back there. Please don't. We've both been exactly there and it is hell.

tjhook

LMFAO!!! Oh man have I been there...."just 1 day...I have been good for weeks"!!!! I told myself that with booze, pills (of all kinds), gambling...whatever.

Now....I am 37, and hmmmm....let me see what I have lost in the past 8 years. Oh yeah, my condo, 2 jobs, my car, my fiance, my self respect, and have lost friends that just simply no longer watch me destroy myself.

Where am I? Well, sleeping from couch to couch and traveling by bicycle/feet/bus. No idea where I am going or if I even want to continue on, almost no money left so very limited options. My only idea is to check into the Salvation Army (food and shelter for 6 months).

NONE of this is an exaggeration...I have DESTROYED my life.

But, hey man....GO HAVE THAT 1 FUN DAY!!!!!!

Hope you catch my point.....please, don't end up like me...every day I consider suicide. It is not a good life.

Oh, I almost left out the legal and debt problems. I gained another dui last October after crashing into a pull in an ambien black out (no alcohol just ambien). Jail time for that one on the way (3rd). AND.....I have had 4 withdraw induced seizures in the past 4 years, which leaves me about 20k in debt for medical bills.

Guys/Gals......I am not just ranting, I TRULY hope someone will read this and it will have an impact on them. My drinking was under control the first few years, but once I lost control I never got it back. One day of drinking lead to 5-12 days, one bottle of sleeping pills gone in 2-3 days....so on. If any of you are strting to display addictive behaviors....do something about it NOW. Don't go through the misery of ending up like me.....broken/lost/sad/distant.

JBird100

Justfor1 I can relate. That's my pattern then a 3-7 day bender. I just play that tape out. It may be okay, 1,2 or 3rd time but inevitably it will turn into hell on earth. I am too invested to go back there. I do a cost, benefit analysis and there is no benefit. Thanks for your post and hang in there. Tomorrow always looks different.

Veritas1

I would ask you to consider your first sentence and change it to...

whenever I get a bit of sobriety I slowly stop caring about myself and the damage alcohol causes me, and get fooled that I could safely drink again.

I slowly am overcome by selfishness and go after what I want regardless of the harm to myself or others that my very experience has shown me in my past.

and...

I say to the power that has been helping me...thank you for your help, but I am going to do what I want to do now.

I don't need you, and I don't need to follow your will for my life. I think I will destroy myself.

Whenever I get a bit of sobriety, I need to never forget the hell alcohol caused to myself and everyone in my path.

Help me to never look to alcohol as a good thing.

The AA program teaches us even with a premeditated drunk, that it makes no sense in light of what always happens.

I pray the obsession leaves you.

We think we can always go back to AA, we'll always have that choice, but we never really know where one drunk is going to take us.

It's like russian roulette.

Don't gamble with your life.

Do something good for yourself or others today.

Be encouraged as I only say this with love, and only that I would say the same thing to myself.

Thereunconfined

I know this daydreaming all too well. I hope you find a way through it. The idealization of drinking has so little to do with the reality of it.

Sudz No More

You need to bury that hatchet JF1. Don't let it harm you anymore. Forget the past and what you think that it brought you positively. It brought more pain and misery than you currently seem to want to remember.

Get those bad thoughts of your mind Buddy and focus on all the great progress you have made.

TheEnd

Have you ever thought about the possibility of you not making it back or something terrible happening? I would strongly reconsider this......

wiscsober

The insanity and obsession...thinking someday somehow I could return to drinking safely. There is no guarantee that an alcoholic will ever sober up after taking the first drink...all bets are now off..."but I'll have just one and then return to AA." I have no control or willpower concerning alcohol, luckily I made it back, but it sure wasn't easy, and I really played no part in it.

wiscsober

For some threads there should be a thumbs down option for "Thanks but no thanks."

Caldus

I've done my fair share of daydreaming and romanticizing the alcohol since I've been sober. But the truth is that it never turns out the way we dream it out to be -- it never was like that and it never will be. It always ends up at the very least (if it doesn't involve trouble at some other level), a very ****** next day of being hungover and disgusted with myself that I threw away all of that sober time for nothing.

It was hard enough to get to a point where I didn't physically crave a drink so dang bad every night. I'm not going through that again if I don't have to. It's not worth it. And believe me, you will be right back to square one with all of that once you go back out.

LonerMan

lol---You walk in looking high end and walk out looking low life gutter tramp. Only takes one for the transformation to happen....

instant

My thoughts are with you and hope you choose wisely.

Romanticizing the positives and telling myself fairytales got me into trouble in the past.

It was hrad to claw my way back again.

wellwisher

Autobirography in Five Short Chapters - By Portia Nelson

Chapter I: I walk down a street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost...I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault. It is still there. It takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter IV: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter V: I walk down another street.

__________________

Just: The problem seems to be your personal "Ground Hog Day" in reliving chapters II and III, but the solution lies in advancing to the next chapter.

We can choose to close our eyes, but the reality is we cannot blame another for it.

You have choices - choose wisely, and don't believe for one minute that you will "snap out of it", just like that. So much better to break the chains that bind us. My hope is you walk down another street.

Soberween

Be careful. They say the relapse happens before the alcohol even hits the mouth. You sound like you are building up to one.

Db1105

I've seen far to many people think that they'll have just one more bender and come back not come back. Some ended up dead, in jail, kill someone else, end up in jail, or that desire to stop drinking just never came back. Today, I have a choice not to pick up that first drink. Once I pick it, it's in the hands of the disease that I'm powerless over.