potfree

Without going into detail, I suffer from a few major mental illnesses. I won't have Medicare until June, so after 3 years of no health insurance I saw Doctors few and far between. My sponsor has 2 small children and often can not return my calls. So, I made it a point to meet many people at AA and pick up phone lists for support. Sobriety is a matter of life or death for me. The first drink or hit will lead me back to my hellacious obsession as this is a progressive disease.

caboblanco

Just, take a deep breath, throw out the empties and throw out the full bottles, sober up, eat healthy, drink healthy, get outside and walk around. you can do it. you can't just give up

Anoronha

You can do it. Please don't give up. I don't see how this anyone elses fault im sorry to say this but you made the choice to drink.

DoubleBarrel

Until you realize that you are the only one that controls who puts a bottle in your mouth and swallows, you aren't gonna stop.

Some will claim that a higher power helps in this effort, and Im not gonna argue the point. But at the end of the day, after all the excuses blaming and reasons, YOU raised your hand.

tomsteve

i dont think this is about giving up on recovery. its about giving up on yourself.
cmon,just, do you really think goin n a bender is gonna help anything? do you think the problem wont be there at the end?
i sure hope ya get the insane thoughts outta yer head that gettin drunk is gonna help

now, i read ya did a lot, but i dont read one vital ingredient:
"wheres your higher power in all this???
if yer gonna say he/she/it isnt there, then its time to find one thats ALWAYS there for ya.
i am one who believes what the big book says when it says AA isnt a cure all( to that effect). most alcoholics have underlying mental and emotional problems. heck, i think that if every friggin person in the U.S. went to a psychiatrist, everyone would be diagnosed with some disorder. but theres good news for ya: you know theres an underlying issue!
H.O.P.E.- Hold On Pain Ends.

PLEASE!! for yourself!! pour out the alcohol and get back into the solution!!
yer worth it!!
if no ones told ya they love ya today, i have no problem being the 1st: i love ya and so does my Higher Power and my Higher Power is always there for me and you can use him,too. He dont make no junk!

Recovery1983

While I was in treatment, all the counselors had mentioned that there was a bar, near the treatment center, where you can drink all the booze you want in exchange for your 30 day treatment coin. Unfortunately, there is a wall with plenty of coins of the people who decided to take the offer. Are some bartenders gunning for people to relapse? I think there are people who are, but most of the bartenders don't really care. They are there to do their job.

I'm not going to repeat what a lot of the people have posted, but there is no point in trying to justify your reasons of going out with us. We are all addicts/alcoholics in here. You can't bullsh*t a bullsh*tter. Many of us have been in your shoes or are currently in your shoes. The good news is that you aren't alone in this specific situation and you aren't alone in this recovery process. I suggest that you pick yourself back up and get back on the road of recovery. If you continue to drink, it will get worse.

beatle

You know where this will go if you relapse: you are going to end up in an even darker place and life will be more miserable than it was before, it's simply going to happen. Unless....you have the will within yourself (not anyone else) to realize that you simply can't drink. Try devoting your efforts on living a happy life being sober, life will not be happy otherwise. Spending time focusing on how to live a happy life sober will have far more rewards than spending that same time focusing on convincing yourself to drink again and them blaming the results on others. It's up to You.

Sudz No More

I've got to admit JF1, you lost me on the Bartender's fault too.

I could walk a mile in another Man's shoes and my feet would still hurt the same. What you do to yourself is all up to you. Dude, reread your own posts and hopefully you will see just how nuts it is that you would even think of drinking again let alone planning a weeklong bender.

Why? Get back on track Man, don't throw all you have worked for away. You need to stop making excuses for your drinking and find natural ways to bring your dopamine up. Relying on other meds to balance you is only contributing to your problems. I firmly believe you can't move beyond this if you don't start thinking positive.

JBird100

You can be assured that I've been there done that. I don't claim to have the answers and could tell you some horror stories. Lost my house, job, cars, relationships and became a frequent guest of county jails. Bout time for me. I still feel like a Loser, with a capital "L" sometimes. But feel better about myself everyday (for the most part).

Justfor1

The bartender knew my history & I was stumbling around drunk. Isn't there job to get me a cab & not ridicule me? Of course, I had money so I got served. I do know the owner will be angry with her because I was on a "don not serve" list behind the bar. I'm going to try to stay sober today but I'm currently digging around for change to buy a cheap beer.

hypochondriac

I'm sorry you relapsed Just. That really sucks. But you are not entitled to special treatment because of your alcoholism or any other issues. Sometimes it's really hard to get a doctor's appointment, and it is no one else's responsibility to make sure you don't drink. I don't think that means you should beat yourself up about this but I don't think you're being honest with yourself either. There are no genuine excuses for drinking. This was your choice and you're just trying to blame other people. Be honest and pick yourself up and start again x

Elisabeth888

Don't do it Just. It seems like a good idea now because you are feeling ****** but, it will only make it more so.

You know what you need to do. Maybe it is time for a new home group. A new sponsor. Don't you live in a large city?

regeneration

Justfor1, I felt sad reading this. Go and get some help, like Elisabeth888 is saying. Try something different, but you need to decide to put the booze down and try again. Don't give up.

Dee74

It's their job to serve you drinks, Just.
It's your job not to drink 'em.

The end.

I do get it - I spent a lot of years dodging responsibility - I was a teenager for 20 years....for most of that time, it was easier for me to drink and blame the world, than not drink and have to change.

I know you have other issues as well, just as I do - and I used those as an excuse too.

In the end, there are millions of people with your trouble and mine - and worse, who got themselves together.

If you want to get somewhere, everyone has to embrace responsibility sometime Just. It's part of adulthood.

I was scared of it - but now? I'm glad I did.
D

Thereunconfined

Was this is Iowa by any chance?

Thereunconfined

Also, I'm really sorry about your relapse, Justfor1. Maybe assigning blame--either to yourself or others--is not the best way to look at things right now.

fallgirl613

Wow. I have definitely been there, and all the time a little voice in my head was telling me, "Are you kidding me right now? This is pathetic! You've been hunting around for change all over the house for what seems like forever just for a cheap stinking beer???" What does that tell ya? Ugh. The things we do for a drink. Don't give up on yourself.

noanxtime

Making the choice to drink is 100% yours along with all the consequences that come with it. As a former bartender, I would never comment on my customers choice of drink especially if they were a regular. He/she could get plowed every day at my bar and they day they decided to order just soda, coffee or tea would never be a source of judgement towards my customer. They could sit there all night and drink sprite if they wanted to.
As for the Dr not following through or the unanswered phone calls by your sponsor, I don't know what to say about that. I did my program on my own with the support of my husband and family. A Dr would have and is a luxury I cannot afford.
Yes, the urge is there, but if I picked up a drink, I would only have myself to blame.

Someguy23

I don't want to derail this thread, but I do want to point out that bartenders have a legal obligation not to serve alcohol to customers who are already drunk... so for what it's worth, Justfor1 has a point.

That being said, you can't have it both ways man.

If you were drunk when you got to the bar, you can't possibly blame the bartender for getting you drunk.
If you were sober, or only somewhat tipsy, when you got to the bar, you can't blame the bartender for serving you.

Either way, the responsability is primarily yours.

EDIT: Also, be honest now, if they had refused to serve you in the bar, you would have probably just gone into a liquor store (which, AFAIK, have no legal obligations)...

Dee74

They have the same laws here.

Many many times I was too drunk to even stay on my stool.
I still got served.

Once, I was the last person out - they turned off the lights... and I fell down a flight of stairs.

I was hell bent for leather on suing at the time.
I'm glad I didn't.

If I'd gotten a payout, the money would have probably killed me.

I can't own other other people's responsibility, but I can damn sure own my own.

D