The thread for people with at least 8 years
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
“feeling” is scary – good (my anniversary) or bad (lots of stuff) – there’s this little person in me just screaming right now IT HURTS! I’M SCARED! FIX IT NOW! for so many years i calmed her with alcohol so she didn’t have to feel anything – i thought i was being good to her - AA/meetings/friends have taught me that i don’t have to do that any more – it’s ok to have feelings – even the ones that are seriously uncomfortable – now after (almost) 20yrs sober i get to learn how to walk thru this stuff, learn what to do with the pain – fear – anger – it’s good to not be the only one any more . . . but i’m scared + it hurts . . .
blue
blue
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 73
Hi Blue Moon,
I'm not 8 years yet but hopefully will be in May, so I keep it short :-). First I want to congratulate you on 20! years and I hope the "birthday crazies" won't be too bad. You're pretty special and a very nice lady but not unique as an alcoholic in responding to life challenges.
Love fuzzy1
I'm not 8 years yet but hopefully will be in May, so I keep it short :-). First I want to congratulate you on 20! years and I hope the "birthday crazies" won't be too bad. You're pretty special and a very nice lady but not unique as an alcoholic in responding to life challenges.
Love fuzzy1
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 73
I hadn't seen you last post. The difference between the adult and the scared little girl is that you can say "No" now. I had a dentist phobia and when I learned that the dentist can't do anything without my permission it wasn't too bad anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
BlueMoon, I appreciate your willingness to talk openly about what's going on and how you feel about it.
I've noticed a pattern that our 20th year is a difficult year for many. We may not have had the 'Birthday Crazies' as Fuzzy1 calls them for quite a long while but they very often make a reappearance for this particular milestone.
It's a good time to recommit to the understandings and actions that have supported and served you so very well to this point.
I've noticed a pattern that our 20th year is a difficult year for many. We may not have had the 'Birthday Crazies' as Fuzzy1 calls them for quite a long while but they very often make a reappearance for this particular milestone.
It's a good time to recommit to the understandings and actions that have supported and served you so very well to this point.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by BlueMoon 
sorry for hi-jacking the thread!
blue
blue
Hi-jack??
No Way!! What you shared, although very sad and scary for you, was also very well presented and absolutely a great example of how somebody with 20 yrs can work through the most dire circumstances and still land on their feet running and ready to get the job done with solid sobriety.
You're a wonderful inspiration of just how strong and how resourceful a beautiful sobriety can smoothly get us through the darkest trials and tribulations.
You're all that, and much more, (((BlueMoon))) !!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
[QUOTE]the arrogance of Not Calling someone in the program when i am hurting- this happens just enough that i know i need to pray this thing thru.
Oh yea, still a problem for me too, although I'm getting better. I don't call my sponsor but a close friend who has more time. I simply have more empathy for my friend who is also a therapist.
Oh this is tough, I know. My best friend in my first year (1991) went out and I was terrified it would happen to me. Hey, maybe it will, none of us know what will happen in the future. You can pray for your sponsor and thank god it isn't YOU. And take note of the fact that while I'm not drinking my disease is sitting on my shoulder doing push ups.
Oh yea, still a problem for me too, although I'm getting better. I don't call my sponsor but a close friend who has more time. I simply have more empathy for my friend who is also a therapist.
how do you grieve a sponsor who relapses? - 2 of the most influential men in my recovery went back out.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I've noticed a pattern that our 20th year is a difficult year for many. We may not have had the 'Birthday Crazies' as Fuzzy1 calls them for quite a long while but they very often make a reappearance for this particular milestone. It's a good time to recommit to the understandings and actions that have supported and served you so very well to this point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Should have mentioned it but didn't...my partner made it home in fine shape from the hospital and we are back in our usual groove (wow, did I ever miss my usual groove, but that's another subject) and life has returned to normal.
We've been looking at pulling up stakes here and moving to a new location for my partner to continue in her profession. I'm used to California home prices and have been truly amazed with some of the Midwest and Eastern property prices. I'm used to a 3k sq ft place and some of these big old houses are 2 1/2 times that for 1/4 the price I'd expect.
We'd be able to buy for cash and having no mortgage would be a new experience for us. A plus would be getting involved in the local AA scene and getting to know the people. We're convention goers, so that would help to explore the surrounding area.
We won't be sure exactly where we'll need to go for another few months, so the day to day scene is focused on clearing out the attic and garage stuff, and completing small fixups on this house to get it ready to show. Thank god for Ebay. A neighbor has said she and her husband want to buy it and the price she mentioned sounds good, but it's all talk until it's real.
Feels like we're on the brink of another adventure, with no clear vision ahead. I kinda like it that way.
We've been looking at pulling up stakes here and moving to a new location for my partner to continue in her profession. I'm used to California home prices and have been truly amazed with some of the Midwest and Eastern property prices. I'm used to a 3k sq ft place and some of these big old houses are 2 1/2 times that for 1/4 the price I'd expect.
We'd be able to buy for cash and having no mortgage would be a new experience for us. A plus would be getting involved in the local AA scene and getting to know the people. We're convention goers, so that would help to explore the surrounding area.
We won't be sure exactly where we'll need to go for another few months, so the day to day scene is focused on clearing out the attic and garage stuff, and completing small fixups on this house to get it ready to show. Thank god for Ebay. A neighbor has said she and her husband want to buy it and the price she mentioned sounds good, but it's all talk until it's real.
Feels like we're on the brink of another adventure, with no clear vision ahead. I kinda like it that way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by BlueMoon
“feeling” is scary – good (my anniversary) or bad (lots of stuff) – there’s this little person in me just screaming right now IT HURTS! I’M SCARED! FIX IT NOW! for so many years i calmed her with alcohol so she didn’t have to feel anything – i thought i was being good to her - AA/meetings/friends have taught me that i don’t have to do that any more – it’s ok to have feelings – even the ones that are seriously uncomfortable – now after (almost) 20yrs sober i get to learn how to walk thru this stuff, learn what to do with the pain – fear – anger – it’s good to not be the only one any more . . . but i’m scared + it hurts . . .
blue
blue
One of my old AA buddies used to say "I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it", sounds like that's right where you are.
Congrats on your Anniversary !! It's so important for the newcomers to see 20 yr celebrations...
All the best.
Bob R
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
We won't be sure exactly where we'll need to go for another few months,
Yep home prices are cheaper than california in most areas of the country, lol
I wish the 2 of you the best in your new endeavor. I too made many of the friends I still have today in recovery at Conventions, Roundups and Retreats. Learn a lot of how to deal with 'life's curveballs' at those Conventions, Roundups and Retreats.
Love and hugs,
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by langkah
We'd be able to buy for cash and having no mortgage would be a new experience for us. A plus would be getting involved in the local AA scene and getting to know the people. We're convention goers, so that would help to explore the surrounding area.
Feels like we're on the brink of another adventure, with no clear vision ahead. I kinda like it that way.
Feels like we're on the brink of another adventure, with no clear vision ahead. I kinda like it that way.
Hooray for the next as yet-unlived-amazing-times-and-milestones in all our collective and respective sober journeys!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Next week a guy I sponsor will fly in and stay with us for a week. I'm looking forward to carting him around and showing him the sights, winding back up at home most nights. We did his 5th roughly 1 1/2 years ago, haven't been f2f since just keeping up by phone and email. Believe he's close to 3 years sober now.
That's about the time I had when my sponsor became willing to go on camping, fishing, and backpacking trips with the crowd of new guys he sponsored. Off to Mexico a few times with 9 of us (60# Tortunaga caught), lots of high mountain lake trips, cabin repair weekends, Death Valley and Nevada trips, Motorhome trips for Salmon, great times.
So, a week of hanging out and deepening our relationship should turn into another great memory, joining the many past experiences I treasure living the AA life.
That's about the time I had when my sponsor became willing to go on camping, fishing, and backpacking trips with the crowd of new guys he sponsored. Off to Mexico a few times with 9 of us (60# Tortunaga caught), lots of high mountain lake trips, cabin repair weekends, Death Valley and Nevada trips, Motorhome trips for Salmon, great times.
So, a week of hanging out and deepening our relationship should turn into another great memory, joining the many past experiences I treasure living the AA life.
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
Today was the great B-day (anniversary) / Pizza Party!
It was so awesome! Hubby helped get everything ready – cleaning, paper plates, blowing up the medical exam gloves to look like chickens, etc. Son + his 5 daughters came and Son’s GF too – I like her, she’s cool. They were coming from 1/2 hour away and the 13yo – Sara – texted me every other minute to update me on their progress – and also to let me know that she was torturing her dad with loud, country music. (He’s strictly rock + roll!) So I had Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock + Roll” all queue-ed up, ready to play for her when she walked in the door. *evil grin*
We had a GREAT time. It was just wonderful beyond words. The 4 youngest ones (11, 10, 8 +6) all vying for my attention, while Sara sat quietly waiting her turn.
The 4 soon descended on Granpa and Sara and I gabbed pretty much non-stop for the rest of the time they were here – with periodic interruptions of course! *huge grin*
I got my XX chip last night at my Women’s Meeting (way cool!) and I passed it to Son via Hubby and Son passed it to GF. After a few minutes, she brought it back across the room, give me a big hug and whispered in my ear “I’m in recovery too. I’ve got 10 years this month.” I KNEW I liked her!
All these years and I’d never celebrated my sober anniversary before. The last 3 days have more than made up for that. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!
Thanks for reading.
Blue
It was so awesome! Hubby helped get everything ready – cleaning, paper plates, blowing up the medical exam gloves to look like chickens, etc. Son + his 5 daughters came and Son’s GF too – I like her, she’s cool. They were coming from 1/2 hour away and the 13yo – Sara – texted me every other minute to update me on their progress – and also to let me know that she was torturing her dad with loud, country music. (He’s strictly rock + roll!) So I had Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock + Roll” all queue-ed up, ready to play for her when she walked in the door. *evil grin*
We had a GREAT time. It was just wonderful beyond words. The 4 youngest ones (11, 10, 8 +6) all vying for my attention, while Sara sat quietly waiting her turn.
The 4 soon descended on Granpa and Sara and I gabbed pretty much non-stop for the rest of the time they were here – with periodic interruptions of course! *huge grin*I got my XX chip last night at my Women’s Meeting (way cool!) and I passed it to Son via Hubby and Son passed it to GF. After a few minutes, she brought it back across the room, give me a big hug and whispered in my ear “I’m in recovery too. I’ve got 10 years this month.” I KNEW I liked her!
All these years and I’d never celebrated my sober anniversary before. The last 3 days have more than made up for that. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!
Thanks for reading.
Blue
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
Thanks so much BMoon- i always feel grace-ed anytime someone with significant recovery shares what is going on Today in their life- and your posts have been touching and inspiring.
hugs!!!!
hugs!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Our guest arrived and has now gone after his week stay was up.
We did some sightseeing and he was able to shoot his 1k pics. Good time on both sides, and his travel experience was generally easy. Drinking he'd not done a lot of moving around so flying again impressed him.
And his brother, oddly enough. Another bad drunk who has watched his little brother improve in many areas of his life over the last 3 years while his got smaller and worse. After giving him digs about doing the AA thing early in his sobriety he's watching his brother closely now.
I'm too removed from their relationship to know for sure, but from the multiple calls some days it seems the older bro is hungry to know about the trip and how things were here and is interested in the sponsor-sponsee relationship we have.
Would be cool if the older brother comes in from watching his little brother get better. I've seen that happen more than a few times among family members.
So back to normal life again and some chores I put off doing for the last week.
We did some sightseeing and he was able to shoot his 1k pics. Good time on both sides, and his travel experience was generally easy. Drinking he'd not done a lot of moving around so flying again impressed him.
And his brother, oddly enough. Another bad drunk who has watched his little brother improve in many areas of his life over the last 3 years while his got smaller and worse. After giving him digs about doing the AA thing early in his sobriety he's watching his brother closely now.
I'm too removed from their relationship to know for sure, but from the multiple calls some days it seems the older bro is hungry to know about the trip and how things were here and is interested in the sponsor-sponsee relationship we have.
Would be cool if the older brother comes in from watching his little brother get better. I've seen that happen more than a few times among family members.
So back to normal life again and some chores I put off doing for the last week.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I only have 14 months, Langkah. But I wanted to thank you for this thread because once I qualified for the One Year and Over thread, I felt a little like Alexander the Great, regretting there were no more worlds left to conquer...
I joke, of course. I have a new world to conquer every morning when I wake up. But it is good to know I have a new milestone waiting me in six years and 10 months. So I'll see you all then!
Carry on, old-timers. You guys rock!
I joke, of course. I have a new world to conquer every morning when I wake up. But it is good to know I have a new milestone waiting me in six years and 10 months. So I'll see you all then!
Carry on, old-timers. You guys rock!
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