OklaBH

You are brave to take the first step. I also hold down a job, keep the house, keep up with kids, go to the gym etc.... But Im still an alcoholic. Sometimes we have to not worry about what others think (i.e. hubby) and take care of #1.

ttbp

Can anyone please tell me how I ignore the wine hubby brings home, even though I ask him not to??? Should I be throwing it away? Would that get the message across?
x

Belier

Hi - Once you go to the doctor and have a plan and resolve not to drink, ask him again not to and then if he does, pour it out straight away. Someone gave me a bottle after I quite as a gift and I poured it out. This may seem dramatic, but he may also realise you are serious and that buying anymore is a waste of money.

Jfanagle

When my drinking got out of control, those around me who loved me and respected me seemed to focus on my strengths, while I knew my weakness. They did this because I was after all to some their Dad, to others their Boss, and to some a long time friend and someone they could always count on. It seemed as though I was drowning and everyone thought I was swimming!

There is a saying; "love is blind" and sometimes it is. It isn't a lack of concern, just the inability to believe that we could really be in this much trouble! It isn't their fault, they have no frame of reference, and they just don't see why we just don’t stop, or more deadly for me at any rate SIMPLY SLOW DOWN...

I turned to AA out of the same kind of desperation that you seem to be experiencing. I needed someone or several someones to empathize with me, people who knew my fear and desperation. It was several weeks before my loved ones really believed that I did need HELP. I found that after I had made a connection with people who understood my fears and lack of control with regard to alcohol, I was able to more rationally and calmly express myself to the non-alcoholics in my world. After these non-alcoholic people began to see the change in my demeanor they came to believe that alcohol for ME was a problem and they have been supportive ever since.

Taking care of you has to come first, not as a selfish act, but one of self preservation and then after we get a handle on the problem we are the best we can be for everyone else around us.

My sincere and heartfelt wishes and prayers that you can find the solution that I was so fortunate to find. Best wishes and remember the very fact you are confronting this issue means that you are already heading in the right direction. That is a huge first step. So be proud of the fact that you are already doing more than many people do.

Stay connected and you will find your way through this.

Jon

Reset

ttbp, my wife was the same way the first couple of times I tried to tell her that I wanted to stop drinking. I can understand why for some people it would be hard to accept that their spouse has a substance abuse issue.

When I finally quit, I just did it and didn't tell her. Took her a few weeks to figure out what was going on but it's been 106 days or so and only now is the picture becoming crystal clear.

But one thing I'm sure about is that she recognizes that overall the result has been a huge improvement for our family, even if she might wish I could still have a drink now and then. If you were to quit I am pretty sure that eventually your husband will come to a similar conclusion.

As far as the question about your husband buying the wine, don't drink it. I don't know if it's too hard for you to have alcohol in the house but for me anyway I just wouldn't even open it. If he pours you a glass, say no thanks and leave it untouched. He'll get the message without you having to pour it out.

If you can't have alcohol in the house then it's going to affect him too so I don't really know how to advise you on that. I didn't want to impose my quitting on my wife and I knew a condition of that would be that I have to be able to withstand having alcohol around and not consume it. I hope you are able to do the same.

LaFemme

Hi and welcome to SR!

That's rough that tour husband brings you wine...when I quit I wished I wasn't alone so I could have some support but after reading of many similar to your experiences I'm glad I don't have to contend with that. I would suggest pouring it out in front of him next time he brings it home...it might get your point across.

We are here to support you...we understand what you are going through...stick around...we will help as much as an online forum can

MrDavid

Welcome...ttbp

We'll be here to your support you, and help you pursue a program of recovery that suits your needs -one day at a time.

~God bless~

ttbp

I have made an appointment with my Dr. can't get to see who I want to see until 21st April but I am hoping this time can be spent trying to gain the support of my husband.

I'm also toying with the idea of going to the AA meeting today but I'm not sure I have the guts.......................

Belier

That is great news that you have taken that step ttbp, when I decided it just felt right, I think going to your Dr is the right thing to do, be really really honest they are there to help. Thinking of you and I am here for support! Be really proud of yourself for reaching out it is the first step to a better life. hugs

CarolD

You could ask your best girl friend or husband to go with you
to AA....I did attend my first meeting with a good friend...

Here is a good link for you to read about meetings

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

hope you find AA as awesome as I do

ttbp

Thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot!

I'm really pleased to say that I spoke to my husband again today, he''s now totally behind me. It's such a relief! I'm not ready to tell anyone else yet (maybe I never will - my family are very judgemental and can be horrid at voices their opinions)

My husband is going to come to the Drs with me too and he's said he'll do whatever I need him to, even if it means him not having a drink to start with - I don't want this to affect his life completely but it's lovely that he's offered.

ronf

YES !!!!!!, ttbp, You have just proven to me anyway that you DO have everything it takes to do this !!!! What does it take ? Honesty and guts, you got em both kiddo.

Now.....about that meeting Anybody who can achieve what you have has what it takes too get to there first meeting. One of the funnier things we laugh at (yes, we laugh) in AA is we would walk down the sidewalk drunk as a skunk and not give a damn who saw us, BUT when we went to our first meeting we parked 2 blocks away and snuck down the alleys to get there. LOL.
PLEASE keep posting, it does me SO much good to read posts like yours.

Ron

ttbp

Do you know what, Ron! that had me laughing out loud - I just read that out to hubby and he's giggling too. It's so true, the states I've ended up in over the years and I'm worried about a group of strangers that are there for the very reason I'm there.

Although, I wonder about today's meeting as it says it's an open meeting so that means anyone can go right?

Also, is AA religious? Sorry to ask so many questions.

ronf

GREAT !!!! I forgot, that's the third thing you need, a sense of humor Yes, open means anybody can go. Closed is for us drunks only. It IS spiritual not religious, but I suppose it depends on your definition of those words. I can just about promise you that the group will say the Serenity prayer and/or the Lord's prayer. If you prefer, there's nothing wrong with simply bowing your head out of respect for others and not repeating the prayer.
We also say "take what works and leave the rest" that includes any religious aspects your not comfortable with.

Now go getum Killer


Ron

ttbp

Thanks Ron. I've just been reading about AA and I am going to go

Phew - I feel worn out, I feel like I've done ten rounds in the boxing ring today. It was an emotional day speaking to my husband but I feel more positive already. A VERY long way to go though, I know.

artsoul

Way to go - and kudos to your husband, too!

I think you'll enjoy going to a meeting - it's a lot like talking to everyone here, like hearing your story and feeling relief that you're not alone in this.

So glad you have support at home now - that's awesome! I was so tired and overwhelmed the first week or two (did I say emotional, irritable, scared and sad too?)....... All I could think about was getting through the day sober and that was enough..... one day at a time.

It gets easier. It get better. Keep up the good work!

Ranger

And the crowd goes wild!

Regardless of whether AA is your ultimate path to lasting sobriety, you are about to take a huge, huge step.

Very proud of you and your husband. Keep clinging to each other while you're here in the trenches.

ttbp

Thank you. I'm so very proud of my husband - he really amazed me today. He kept on saying 'we'll get through this' I reminded him that it's my problem, not his.

He's an amazing man, we've only been married a year and he's the only person in my life I have ever been able to completely open up to and I know he's not going to judge me. I think it's called unconditional love. It's something I have never experienced before (apart from with my dogs LOL)

I'm very lucky to have him

Belier

That is so great that your husband is on board to love and support you. In regards to telling anyone, only one person in my family knows who is very very close to me and to all other family members they just think I am now very healthy and don't like to drink. They are judgemental as well so I decided this was my journey and my life and they did not need to know the details.

So happy you have taken these steps, you will not regret it. I can honestly say it was the best choice I have ever ever made.

ttbp

Thanks Ring. How did you explain that you aren't drinking? I know my family will quiz me big time.

They know I suffer from depression/anxiety (which they find highly amusing) so I was going to say it triggers that so I'm avoiding alcohol completely - do you think they'd believe that?