ttbp

Hi I am new

My Dad died aged 55 of alcholism so what have I done for the last 12 years? Down a bottle of wine most nights

I NEVER used to drink indoors, I liked a few when socialising, then I got together with this guy who drank wine with meals and hey presto there I go

I know I've got to do something about it, I feel depressed and anxious (suffer with both) but I just don't know where to start. I've never been very good at opening up about problems but I had the courage to tell my husband I was worried about my drinking (not the same guy who I used to drink wine with) and he's just brushed it aside twice now. Last Friday I told him I wanted to stop, I get home from work and he's bought me wine. He says I've got a stressful job and I'm just unwinding but I'm not even enjoying it anymore

But....the thought of going home to a house with no wine ???

Where do I start? It feels overwhelming with no support from my husband. He drinks once a week on his night off so it's not like he's saying it so he can continue drinking every night

There's no way I could talk to my Mum or anyone else in the family, they would just disown me like they did my Dad. I didn't disown him though

ttbp

anyone got any advice i am so scared

ronf

Mornin, First you've taken a great first step by posting here ! You need to talk to someone, do you think you can get hubby to understand your fear ? I'll spare you the details, but I'm living proof this thing has a genetic predisposition too it. The Internet is a wonderful tool for you. You'll find many different approaches to our common goal here. My self, I've been active in AA for quite a while and it's worked for me. I found that face to face support essential for me. The rest of your family need know nothing till your ready to tell them. That's one of the reasons anonymity is so important for us. If your interested in AA as a possibility I'm sure you can find meetings in your area (google is our friend) including women's meetings if that sounds more comfortable. Regardless of what hubby or anyone else thinks you need to explore this thing for YOUR SELF ! Now hang in there, this forum is busy and quiet at times. I promise there will be more people chiming in.

Ron

Anna

Hi,

First of all, it's very difficult for others to understand alcoholism and how hard this is for us. Don't let yourself be influenced by your husband's comments. You know that you are in dangerous territory and that's what matters.

Know that you can do this. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed with the idea of never drinking again. Focus on each day. If you drink every evening, my suggestion is that you shake up your routine. That's what helped me in the early days. Evenings were deadly for me, so I started going out for long walks after supper and that helped me on so many levels.

I'm glad you found us.

CarolD

Welcome....
You have found a very good place for understanding
information and support ..glad to see you here..

sunrise1

Hi and welcome... I too had the same problem with my spouse when I first told him I had gone to a couple of AA meetings. His response was: "I didn't think you were that bad"... so dummy me, I got back on the merry-go-round for 2 more years until it was clear not just to myself but him too- that yes, it IS a problem.

Don't let others prescribe, define, or diagnose you. For me, I spent 2 years that could have been sober ones not remembering most of them.

We're glad you're here... stick around!

Opivotal

Welcome ttbp! I spent a lot of time reading through the posts here. It helped me so much to know I wasn't alone. It really doesn't matter what anyone else says. If you feel your drinking is causing you concern then its time to address it. Good for you in doing so!


Best Wishes To You! :ghug3

artsoul

Welcome ttpb! It's scary to think about getting sober. I had the same fear - what will I do without a drink? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Why do I keep doing this to myself? Believe me, you're not alone.

You really can get sober and be happy, even though it may not feel that way right now. Like Anna said, you have to take it a day (or an evening) at a time and do whatever it takes to not pick up a drink. You're right to take this seriously, especially with alcoholism in your family.

I spent the first few days on this forum, just reading, reading, reading (well, and eating! - it really helps with the cravings). Each day I made it my one and only MUST do: stay sober........

We're here for you. :ghug3

ttbp

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Is it dangerous to stop completely? Should I be tapering down at all?

It's this time of the evening when I normally pour my first glass of wine. Just got in from a long walk with the dog, had dinner.

I'm just so disgusted with myself, how could I let myself get this bad. How do I not pick up that first drink?

There's an AA meeting locally tomorrow I've found out but I'd like at least my husband's support before I go, I just can't do this on my own

Anna

It's always a good idea to talk to your dr about your drinking before you stop.

How to not pick up the first drink - shake up your routine, drive home a different way, walk a different route, get rid of the alcohol in the house and don't buy anymore, find a good book or movie for the evening, call a friend, whatever it takes to get through the evening.

ttbp

Thanks Anna

Any ideas how I get my husband to take my problem seriously? I really feel so low right now and feel like I won't get through this on my own

LauraS

ttpb, I am a bit like you in that I have recognized that I have a problem with alcohol early in the process of alcoholism, so many people around me do not think that I am an alcoholic because I don't drink the way they think an alcoholic should drink. But you can't let other people define this problem for you. I think it would be good for you to talk more with your husband about your concerns and fears and ask him for his support, also do some reading about the progression of alcoholism and share some of that information with him.

I'm learning through too many starts and stops that I get worse each time I go through this, even though I also was "only" drinking a bottle of wine a day the last time I stopped, I had two days of kind of nasty detox and it really shocked me. I don't want to end up like some of the alcoholics I read about and know through AA meetings. You don't either. Your husband probably has no reference for how bad things can get and it might be good to point him toward some literature that will help him understand.

Hope this helps! Congrats on deciding to quit.

ronf

ttpb, With out knowing you or your husband, nor anything about your relationship it's very hard to give you good advice on how to deal with him. Your the one who grew up with an alcoholic parent. He wasn't there to see, hear, and fell the things you did. If your recognising any of your fathers behaviors in your self try to explain that to him. You can't avoid getting the help you want because he doesn't see the things you do.

Wishing you all the best,

Ron

PS. No doubt the ladies can give you better, more supportive answers than I.

JohnBarleycorn

Does your husband know about your father's history with alcohol? Though not always the case, the disposition towards alcohol dependence does often run in families.

I would recommend reading "Under the Influence" by James Milam, and then having your husband read it. It is widely available, and is an easy read, but it explains a lot. It did for me.

That said, you should be happy that you have decided to address this, even if others do not agree.

My case was the complete opposite. While most people told me to "cut back," my parents told me quite clearly a few years ago that I should quit, for good, and never touch it again. I did not listen, because in my mind, I was "not that bad" and I had no intention whatsoever of quitting.

I now regret not having taken their concerns more seriously.

ttbp

My husband knows about my Dads illness but I think because I hold down a job, run a household, walk the dog, go to the gym, he thinks I'm OK.

I'm not OK. I'm struggling, every day

I need to talk to him again but I know he'll poo poo it and say I don't have a problem. He thinks I am paranoid. I guess I am because I know how 'it' manifests. I can't do this alone. I am lonely, unhappy and scared and right now, I've now idea who I can talk to about this.

My family would just freak and think I'm at the stage of drinking aftershave and living on the streets like my Dad did. Why can't any understand that's why I want to intervene and do something NOW....not when I've lost everything. NOT when I'm homeless, jobless etc????

Dee74

Hi ttbp

Welcome

some great advice here - I hope you will see a Dr.

As for making your husband understand - I hope he will get some idea, but he may not ever get it completely - but he doesn't have to, your family doesn't have to either - but you do.


Its why this place is so important to me - even when people in my life don't get my problem, people here always will.

You're not on your own Have you thought of face to face support too? recovery groups like AA? counselling?

D

ttbp

I'm really sorry to admit on this forum that I've downed a bottle of wine. I can understand how this isn't helpful, or supportive of other members.

Please admin delete my last post :-(

Dee74

Many people post here still struggling still finding their way - still scared to let go of the bottle.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got here either.

We won't kick you out of the gang - I think helping people who are having a rough time of it is exactly what SR is here for

It would be great if everyone had the kind of support you'll find here in real life - but it doesn't always work out like that.

I don;t know your husband, but sometimes our loved ones find it easier to deny there's a problem - my family was like that.

4 years on they still have no real understanding of why I stopped drinking...but I'm glad I pushed on regardless....and I think even they'd admit I'm better for it.

D

ttbp

Thank you Dee
xxxxx

Belier

Hello ttbp, I think it is really brave of you to admit and take action. You say you need someone behind you, you have all of us behind you! This site has been my support. I was also drinking one bottle of wine each day and a bit more after a while, it really is progressive. This is when you need to find strength and my suggestion which worked for me. I am now 100+ days free of any wine!

Go to your DR, be totally honest, say you have joined this site, advised your husband etc and that you need their assistance to detox - I was on some medication to help me in the first week to ensure I did not go through too much detoxing that could be dangerous. It helped emotionally and physically and put my plan to quit into perspective with accountability - my doctor and here for emotional support. I could not have stopped the wine with out my DR as your body does get dependant, so that is most likely scaring you as well, because your body starts to demand it.

You really can do it, if I can anyone can. It was a challenge, but gosh it is so worth it. I have not told anyone that I stopped other than a few close people that I want to be healthy and I have learnt alcohol is not really that good for you. We are all here for you "behind you" so take that first step to the dr. I also know that someone here uses a counsellor (addiction) one and that helps. Although support from family is good it is really something you can do with SR, your DR and a counsellor and once your hubby starts to see the positive changes he may realize what a great choice you made.

Not sure if this has helped but I could not have just stopped and needed to have a plan. SR is a second home for me. Also the physical benefits are amazing, looking healthy etc and no more anxeity.

I am thinking of you and you can do this!