so Stupid, need help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wausau WI
Posts: 134
so Stupid, need help?
Hey. i've been drinking every day this week. i know its terrble. but plz know that i don't put my kids at risk. i don't drink when i'm alone with them anymore. i just don't know what i want. i want my husband and our kids. but just am lost. i have gotten so much good advice i know, but i just hate my life so much. i love my family and my kids and i want to change to be better for them. they deserve the best. all i can think about is the alcohol and when i can get my mind off it? i hate myself and this stupid disease. why did this have to happen to me. plz i am ashamed. so stupid.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,912
PFF, I'm not sure what help you think we can give you. We've been through this many, many times but you just won't take that first step to get help. We can't do it for you. You said last time that you were going to go to a meeting, but you obviously didn't do that. We definitely feel for you, but we can't really do anything for you other than to repeat what we have all said over and over again. Ask someone in your life for help. Tell your husband you need help. Tell your parents or in-laws that you need help. You have to take that step. We cannot do it for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 23
Tomorrow will be Day 5 for me. I've been a "wino" going on 10 years now. Today was a tough day for me. I was out running errands all day. . . The only thing I wanted to do was stop at a restaurant for lunch & have several glasses of wine. Believe me, I almost did it! I kept thinking about my sweet kids at home who were waiting on me. I'm tired of being a drunk mom, wife, daughter, sister, etc. I got through today and am hoping I make it through tomorrow. You can start tomorrow . . . God bless and keep logging on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 265
Hey Pink! Glad to see you!
I've been thinking about and praying for you every day Sweetie! I'm glad to hear you are not drinking when you are alone with the kids. That is a smart move in the right direction. Keep reaching out, there is always hope and you know you are not alone! I believe with all my heart there is a miracle waiting, just for you, when you are ready. God bless you and your family, Love! 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wausau WI
Posts: 134
he's so mad. i never do anything right. i'm drunk ok. every one. i get it. i hate my life. why. this sucks. why. plz i need you. stop. i hate all this ****. ****. it sucks. its my fault, i know/ i am drinking, i know i'm the bad guy
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
What's stopping you from getting help? You want your husband and kids but aren't willing to go to AA, counselling, or something? It's tough to quit at first but does get easier with an effective plan AND action. I dunno...seen many people lose their families because they just didnt really want to quit.
The solution is right in front of you. Go for it!
The solution is right in front of you. Go for it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Pink, I think if you aren't already then perhaps talking to a counselor would help. Someone who understands alcoholism/addiction and can help you sort out what is going on with your life. The post partum period can be a very difficult time so with existing alcohol issues and now everything going on physically/mentally with your body it really is important to talk to someone.
You have the desire but need to physically put things in motion here. If you are unable to just quit and take the steps (its ok....some folks need more then just a tough love speech and a toss of the bottle) then do what you must in reaching out. This is a period of time that where women find themselves in PPD but since you are drinking....how would you know?
Drinking and anything else going on will not fix itself my friend. If I didn't quit and come to SR and read and share and then get face to face support....I would not be around my friend and I certainly would not be preparing for my baby's arrival. I can only give you my experience and what helped me.
Thinking of you but you really need to get help now. I am concerned for you Pink which is why I can only urge you to please get some help from talking to someone - counseling, AA, something here.
You have the desire but need to physically put things in motion here. If you are unable to just quit and take the steps (its ok....some folks need more then just a tough love speech and a toss of the bottle) then do what you must in reaching out. This is a period of time that where women find themselves in PPD but since you are drinking....how would you know?
Drinking and anything else going on will not fix itself my friend. If I didn't quit and come to SR and read and share and then get face to face support....I would not be around my friend and I certainly would not be preparing for my baby's arrival. I can only give you my experience and what helped me.
Thinking of you but you really need to get help now. I am concerned for you Pink which is why I can only urge you to please get some help from talking to someone - counseling, AA, something here.
Last edited by Kmber2010; 01-12-2011 at 09:58 PM. Reason: typos
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 72
Hey Pink, I completely understand where you are at. The thing is what's positive for you is that you have this site and all the advice you are given here is to HELP YOU.
It's a well known fact that everyone has their own bottom they need to hit from their alcoholism to finally have enough consequences to make a change and take the first step to recovery and (reaching out for help and ending the suffering).
To me, it would seem that losing your husband and kids would be along the lines of that bottom (although that may not even be enough for you, only you know what it will take to make this drinking so unbareable you will choose to get help).
You should be grateful for all the advice and support you have been given here because we are trying to guide you in the right direction so you don't have to go through the misery of that bottom that you are surely going to hit.
There is alot of courage and strength of character when someone steps up and finally asks for help, you can do it and have a much happier life!!
Good Luck
It's a well known fact that everyone has their own bottom they need to hit from their alcoholism to finally have enough consequences to make a change and take the first step to recovery and (reaching out for help and ending the suffering).
To me, it would seem that losing your husband and kids would be along the lines of that bottom (although that may not even be enough for you, only you know what it will take to make this drinking so unbareable you will choose to get help).
You should be grateful for all the advice and support you have been given here because we are trying to guide you in the right direction so you don't have to go through the misery of that bottom that you are surely going to hit.
There is alot of courage and strength of character when someone steps up and finally asks for help, you can do it and have a much happier life!!
Good Luck
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm glad you're not drinking when you're alone with your kids Pink.
There's some really good advice here Pink. That's our part.
Your part now is to do something with it.
You need to get up and go and find the help.
Take the leap - start the changes.
Take some of the suggestions here....please.
D
There's some really good advice here Pink. That's our part.
Your part now is to do something with it.
You need to get up and go and find the help.
Take the leap - start the changes.
Take some of the suggestions here....please.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
pink,
Is it possible that you have post natal depression and that's making the drinking worse? Can you talk to your OB/GYN about this? Maybe you need some treatment for both. You don't have to suffer like this.
Can you just not take the first drink in the morning, call your OB/GYN and make an appointment? We are not bad people, we just need some help to get ourselves on track.
Love,
Lenina
Is it possible that you have post natal depression and that's making the drinking worse? Can you talk to your OB/GYN about this? Maybe you need some treatment for both. You don't have to suffer like this.
Can you just not take the first drink in the morning, call your OB/GYN and make an appointment? We are not bad people, we just need some help to get ourselves on track.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Beating yourself up over this while you continue to drink is not the solution. You are doing this to yourself. All your pain and misery is self-inflicted, but the good news is that it doesn't have to be this way.
We can offer suggestions and advice until we are blue in the face, but you need to act. I think you need outside help because what you are doing is not working. You need to try something else.
Change your life, to save your life.
We can offer suggestions and advice until we are blue in the face, but you need to act. I think you need outside help because what you are doing is not working. You need to try something else.
Change your life, to save your life.
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Good Luck to you Pink...
I've been in your shoes many, many, many times before. The exact same thoughts.
I love my family and wanted to stop so badly.
I couldn't understand what was wrong w/ me.
Like, why me? Why did I have to have this problem?
Why can't just be a social drinker like all my friends?
I knew what I was doing to my family, but I just couldn't stop.
I knew the pain I was causing my fiance, but still, I had to stop at the liquor store to get my vodka.
Id hate myself so much that I would sit in my car and scream. (W/ a bottle beside me)
So I know exctly what ur going through and how you feel so stupid and angry at yourself.
How you hate yourself for being like this and looking for an answer from anybody.
Truth is...there is no specific answer. At least I haven't found it. Yet.
I'm only 3 months sober but I've come to realize that looking for an answer to those questions are important, but coming to terms w/ the hard facts were critical.
And the facts were, that I was slowly killing myself..that I was destroying my family..My kids were being neglected by me when drunk or hungover..and my fiance had lost trust and repect for me and I had no dignity, self respect and full of self pity and I was very selfish.
Looking for the answers to all those "why me" questions while not attempting to stay sober were my excuses to get drunk.
If I felt sorry for myself...theres my excuse to get drunk.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started thinking of my loved ones feelings for a change.
What they were going through because of my alcoholism.
Which was more than alot would put up w/.
I was tired of being the problem for our unhappiness.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It took me a while..but I eventually did it.
I'd much rather look for those "why me" answers when I have a clear head and a little bit of will power built up.
I wish you all the luck, Pink!
I've been in your shoes many, many, many times before. The exact same thoughts.
I love my family and wanted to stop so badly.
I couldn't understand what was wrong w/ me.
Like, why me? Why did I have to have this problem?
Why can't just be a social drinker like all my friends?
I knew what I was doing to my family, but I just couldn't stop.
I knew the pain I was causing my fiance, but still, I had to stop at the liquor store to get my vodka.
Id hate myself so much that I would sit in my car and scream. (W/ a bottle beside me)
So I know exctly what ur going through and how you feel so stupid and angry at yourself.
How you hate yourself for being like this and looking for an answer from anybody.
Truth is...there is no specific answer. At least I haven't found it. Yet.
I'm only 3 months sober but I've come to realize that looking for an answer to those questions are important, but coming to terms w/ the hard facts were critical.
And the facts were, that I was slowly killing myself..that I was destroying my family..My kids were being neglected by me when drunk or hungover..and my fiance had lost trust and repect for me and I had no dignity, self respect and full of self pity and I was very selfish.
Looking for the answers to all those "why me" questions while not attempting to stay sober were my excuses to get drunk.
If I felt sorry for myself...theres my excuse to get drunk.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started thinking of my loved ones feelings for a change.
What they were going through because of my alcoholism.
Which was more than alot would put up w/.
I was tired of being the problem for our unhappiness.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It took me a while..but I eventually did it.
I'd much rather look for those "why me" answers when I have a clear head and a little bit of will power built up.
I wish you all the luck, Pink!
I'm trying to try.
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 113
I think I can relate to this. Unfortunately, I’m in no position to give any advice but I can share my thoughts and experiences with you. For the past 9 months or so I come on here and I say the same darn thing over and over. I desperately want to stop drinking. At the same time, though, I desperately want to get drunk. When you want 2 completely opposite things at the same time you get confusion, anxiety, frustration, and one side winning. Well, I’ve let the wrong side win for too long now so tomorrow (if I feel well enough) I’m going to my first AA meeting in 6 months.
I come on here because I need to talk to people that understand. I can’t vent my frustration to non-addicts because they just don’t get it. I’ve learned that when you’re stuck in addiction like this no one can really help you get out of it at all BUT it’s so nice to reach out and doing that is a BIG step in the right direction. So I keep coming back and I really hope you do too. Take care.
I come on here because I need to talk to people that understand. I can’t vent my frustration to non-addicts because they just don’t get it. I’ve learned that when you’re stuck in addiction like this no one can really help you get out of it at all BUT it’s so nice to reach out and doing that is a BIG step in the right direction. So I keep coming back and I really hope you do too. Take care.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I wonder if posting here is like your penance. You feel like you have to make some token effort to quit so you can check the 'tried to quit' box and then go back to your glass.
I did something similar for years. I didn't post here (or anywhere else) but just mentally I'd make sure to make myself a whole bunch of promises and indulge some of my guilt. Then I could go back to drinking.
The thing is I didn't really want to quit. And I don't think you do, either. If you did you'd be trying, right? I mean it's just kind of silly to keep asking for advice and not entertaining it. That's what makes me think that it's just a box you're checking to extend the permission you're giving yourself to drink.
.
I did something similar for years. I didn't post here (or anywhere else) but just mentally I'd make sure to make myself a whole bunch of promises and indulge some of my guilt. Then I could go back to drinking.
The thing is I didn't really want to quit. And I don't think you do, either. If you did you'd be trying, right? I mean it's just kind of silly to keep asking for advice and not entertaining it. That's what makes me think that it's just a box you're checking to extend the permission you're giving yourself to drink.
.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Pink, i knew you were drinking on your first post. it seems like that's when you come here to relate to others...when you're drunk, sad and hating your current situation.
you're never going to stop obsessing about alcohol until you get some time under your belt. that's just a fact.
when i was drinking, it was the first thing i thought about when i woke up and the last thing i'd think about before i passed out. 14 months later, i can honestly say it almost never crosses my mind unless i dream about it.
that's how much your brain will heal. you just need to give it some time. i never thought i'd ever get free of the grip, but i did.
you say you want your husband and kids, yet you're unwilling to try to get sober. then you come in here sad and unload about your s#itty situation. it's really hard to sympathize when you refuse to try. An when i say try, that means getting help, not getting loaded and coming here to write about how bad you want it and then not come back until you're plowed again.
there will be a day in the not so distant future where you will lose your family and you'll have nothing but the bottom of a bottle for comfort. you want sad? that's a bottom i hope you don't have to find.
i think the hard truth here is you want a life of booze with no consequences and you're pissed because now you know that's just not gonna happen. So you really need to make a choice. what and who do you love more?
your family or your misery?
you're never going to stop obsessing about alcohol until you get some time under your belt. that's just a fact.
when i was drinking, it was the first thing i thought about when i woke up and the last thing i'd think about before i passed out. 14 months later, i can honestly say it almost never crosses my mind unless i dream about it.
that's how much your brain will heal. you just need to give it some time. i never thought i'd ever get free of the grip, but i did.
you say you want your husband and kids, yet you're unwilling to try to get sober. then you come in here sad and unload about your s#itty situation. it's really hard to sympathize when you refuse to try. An when i say try, that means getting help, not getting loaded and coming here to write about how bad you want it and then not come back until you're plowed again.
there will be a day in the not so distant future where you will lose your family and you'll have nothing but the bottom of a bottle for comfort. you want sad? that's a bottom i hope you don't have to find.
i think the hard truth here is you want a life of booze with no consequences and you're pissed because now you know that's just not gonna happen. So you really need to make a choice. what and who do you love more?
your family or your misery?
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