Kjell

GO
TO
AN
AA
MEETING
(just go)

TheEnd

You said you just hate your life so much, but then right after you say you love your family and kids. What exactly do you hate about your life?? Why does someone with a new baby hate their life so much??

I think it's great you're going to an AA meeting somewhere in the near future, but have you considered seeing a therapist or something, to sort some of these issues out?? I don't remember if you said you were seeing one before.

undercoverangel

This is the most heartbreaking situation. Pink, you are going to So regret this someday. I know the baby years can be stressful but I remember them as the best years of my life. I don't think I had ever been happier. I have trouble letting go of those years actually, I still pull out the albums and reminisce often. Those years were so full of precious moments. Pink, what is it you hate about your life? You never really answered that. I wish you the best, take the step you need to, to get better, you won't be sorry.

skg

If you want to drink that is your business. If you want to stop, AA can help.

Justfor1

Just because you drink at home doesn't make you a bad mom. It sounds like you have issues with depression that fuel your desire to drink. Seek professional help if you decide against going to AA.

Sasha4

Pink - I hope this does not sound too personal, but I hope you are making sure that until you get your issues under control, there is no chance whatsoever of becoming pregnant again.

I know that you were having problems before this baby was concieved. I know you found it hard to stop during pregnancy.

I would just hate for it to happen again when you are so unhappy. And we all know what can happen when you have too much to drink and caution goes out of the window.

Also you say that you are soooooooooooooooooooo unhappy. What about your husband - he must be as miserable as sin living with you in this situation?

Fandy

congrats on your first sober day, you took a step towards taking control of your life.

believe me, drinking won't make you happy or solve problems...it just masks them and leaves you feeling worse.

one thing you may discover is that you deal with your problems very differently as you get sober, you are more logical and calm.

smacked

THAT, literally made me vomit. I admit it. I literally ran to the bathroom and threw up my lunch, imagining a crying newborn on the bathroom floor next to his pissass drunk mother, neglected and placed in danger by it's father who is the only person in this world that can protect him. And then I cried, a lot. I likely should stop reading your threads if I'm going to be that affected by what you post, so I'm done here.

However..

THAT gives me hope. I wish you well on your journey, pink. I'm bowing out of your posts, and I hope you understand.

ZZworldontheweb

Good luck sis. Do it one day at a time. If you can't imagine going without liquor, then just at least wait UNTIL TOMORROW. Then see how you feel.

pinkfirefly

im sorry if i offended or upset anyone. that was not my intention. i'm holding my son right now. and he is very happy, just drinking his bottle.

Nikkle

How are you doing today?

Lushwell

Translated, that means you didn't go to the meeting, right?

pinkfirefly

no i didn't go to a meeting yet. i've been really busy watching my kids all day and cleaning my house. i really do want to go to one of the meetings. but i have to wait until sunday or monday now, cuz they don't have any more meeting until sunday. i know every one says i just need to make the time and do it. and i'm trying really. i'm gonna call up my mother in law tomorrow and see if she can watch the kids so i can go to a meeting this week. i am also really nervous and scared. i don't know what to expect at the meeting. what do they do at these meetings? i'm scared of how they will look at me and judge me, especially because i'm a young mother.

SSIL75

Are you on day 2 today? (sober)

hopeless2day

Pink.....some offer babysitting

suki44883

what do they do at these meetings? i'm scared of how they will look at me and judge me, especially because i'm a young mother.

If you want to find a place where you will not be judged, then AA is the place to go. Don't even worry about that. They know all about alcoholism and that it is no respecter of persons. It affects the rich as well as the poor. Judgment is the last thing you need to worry about at an AA meeting.

simplyfab

Pink...I was the same way.
Well, still am.
I haven't been to an AA meeting since I've been sober, but I know I need to go.
The support I feel here has given me so much hope, so I know going to a meeting will be 10x better.

But something I tried was, promising myself. The day I was feeling myself again (meaning I had just gone through 2 1/2 days of detoxing and was no longer aching, vomiting, and feeling I was gonna die every minute of the day)
I woke up and immediately made a promise to myself that I wasn't gonna drink, for that day.

After driving my son to school, I went passed the church, walked in and said a prayer to God to give me strenght and made a promise to Him and myself that I wasn't gonna drink that day.
And that became my routine from then on. My daily promise.
I don't go to church in the mornings anymore (I do on Sundays when I can)
but I still make my promise to myself.

And now when I have the urge, I remember my promise and keep on driving past the liquor store.

Maybe thats something you can try if you still find it hard to go to an AA meeting.
Maybe even try saying your promise out loud..looking into your baby's face and smiling while you make it.
Whatever it takes to make it feel as powerful as it can be for you.

I hoped this helped, somewhat.

childofnite

Is to STOP. DRINKING. NOW.

Give your body and mind the time to detox and heal - otherwise, you are being controlled by a substance, and it is defeating you since it always gets final say!

Please, read the below. GET ANGRY! then GET SOBER! You are way too young to give up your whole life for a stupid SUBSTANCE! Find out who YOU are without giving control of every aspect of your life to alcohol!


"Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.

I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.

It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.

The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.

And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.
Faithfully yours,
Your addiction"

childofnite

Quote:

Originally Posted by simplyfab

I'd much rather look for those "why me" answers when I have a clear head and a little bit of will power built up.

EXACTLY. THIS!

You can always go back - it is always a CHOICE to go back. But right now you don't HAVE that choice - since you are being forced to feed the monster or risk withdrawal. Go through the withdrawal, Pink. It may not be that bad at all. And when your head is finally CLEAR, and you have some time sober, THEN examine. If you're anything like the majority of us, you will decide this side of the fence is much MUCH better.

Bottom line: You will always be 'able' to drink if that's your choice. However, you never know when/if you will get another chance to get and STAY sober.

Take the chance.

Danae

Hi Pink,

I've been lurking and reading for a while, and just now starting to post. I'm also a mom, and I've only recently stopped drinking. Two things I have found:

1) I thought about quitting for a long time. It was a process, not instantaneous. Keep working on any step you can take towards quitting, please.

2) I was terrified of going to an AA meeting. I have now been to a grand total of 4 so I'm no expert. But there is no right or wrong, just go and try to keep an open mind. This will be progress! Just put one foot in front of the other. Even if you decide AA isn't for you, you will have reached out and spent some time in a room with other people who understand.

Good luck, and keep coming back here.