I think I can relate to this. Unfortunately, I’m in no position to give any advice but I can share my thoughts and experiences with you. For the past 9 months or so I come on here and I say the same darn thing over and over. I desperately want to stop drinking. At the same time, though, I desperately want to get drunk. When you want 2 completely opposite things at the same time you get confusion, anxiety, frustration, and one side winning. Well, I’ve let the wrong side win for too long now so tomorrow (if I feel well enough) I’m going to my first AA meeting in 6 months.
I come on here because I need to talk to people that understand. I can’t vent my frustration to non-addicts because they just don’t get it. I’ve learned that when you’re stuck in addiction like this no one can really help you get out of it at all BUT it’s so nice to reach out and doing that is a BIG step in the right direction. So I keep coming back and I really hope you do too. Take care.