Fandy

I don't even KNOW what I could say to you at this point...YOU don't seem to care enough to change your situation but you have been coming here since October, 2010 asking for help, looking for validation of your drinking.

I just wish YOU would do something to change your situation.....it's something you have to do for yourself in real life....you have to ask for real help from someone other than us.

there is nothing shameful about asking for help, post-partum depression may be a part of it, but truthfully, you drank throughout your pregnancy, so it may not be.

however, from my experience, drinking exacerbates my depression which makes me want to drink more.

it's easy for us to tell you to stop...but we can't do it for you.

Lushwell

Let me paint you an analogy: Your house is on fire. Bad. Engulfed. You are on the second floor. Fire department and rescue workers below you, urging you to jump. You refuse to jump because you don't want to loose your beanie baby collection. Firemen scream "jump". You respond with "what about my cosmetics"? They say "jump". You disappear from the window to adjust the thermostat because its getting pretty hot. You return to the window, but forgot why the firemen are all out there. You tell them to come back later when the the timing would be better. The flames are getting higher and hotter.

At what point do the firemen figure out that you are loony as a pet raccoon, and make a decision to either force you out, or let you die. How much fight from you should they put up with before they let you perish? I mean, should they respect your right to choose, or should they be able to tell you are nuts, and need to be drug out for your own good? You have the right to choose, you just lack the ability to do so responsibly.

You are the one who must decide that it is time to vacate your burning building, in spite of the beanie babies, the hair dryer, the new air popcorn maker. Thats all stuff. In the grand scheme of things, they don't matter. They can be replaced.

Ya know whats crazier than a batty person refusing to vacate a burning building? Somebody helping them stay. Negotiating with them. Negotiation does not work with alcoholism. Abstinence, a plan and support does. You may not get sober on your terms. On your time schedule. Get real. Rarely are crises scheduled. They happen. Often without our permission. A responsible, sane person deals with them. The only things that go away when you ignore them are your teeth and your significant other. Ignoring alcoholism is like throwing gas on this fire.

You can come out to the rescue squad or go down in flames. Your call. But I won't help you stay, or tell you its OK to keep doing what you are doing. If I read correctly, there are kids in this burning house.

If reason can't hit you hard enough with its knuckles to get your attention before those kids perish, I hope it beats on someone else who will get them out. Hard and quick.

Opivotal

I know that when I was in the throes of my addiction I couldn't seem to find my way out. Like you I had the same feelings of self loathing. Absolutely hated my life, myself and everyone around me. I was a miserable wreck. Took me three years to find my way out. I finally had to deal with the pain inside that was causing me to destroy myself.

I wish I would have found this place sooner. I thought I was the only one in the world who was going through this agony. I didn't feel so all alone when I came here. I read, I listened, and I made a decision, to try one day at a time to reclaim my life.

I'm not gonna advise you because I never listened to anyone myself. When you reach your rock bottom you will make up your own mind. I know you want to quit. Heck, none of us wants to drink ourselves into the situations we get in. We just wanted to drink enough to feel better. It never happened for me. I hated the first drink of the day and I hated the last. I hated myself for no control and for letting alcohol run what little I had left of a life.

I hope you can find your way out of the misery your in. Only YOU can do it. You know that. One day you will have had enough and will pick up the phone or reach out to someone and seek help.

Best Wishes To You

newby1961

It is truly heartbreaking to watch a person over and over kill themselves. I answered your last post a week or so back and it was almost the same as this one. I say many people reach out. I believe you said you were going to tell your husband or that you did tell him of you alcohol problem? Some people like me had to go to treatment to stay away from it so I could start to get sober. Wishing doesn't work. You know what to do you just have to dig deep inside and just do it. We will be here. Keep the Faith Judy M

bdiddy5522

I feel sorry for you Pink. Many of us here understand this illness pretty well. We know that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help it is too much for us. Amazing how powerful this "liquid" really is.

I am not sure what you want from us, but know that we are here for you when you decide to get help. We have three choices when it comes to this disease. We get: locked up, covered up, or sobered up. I pray you make the right choice.

hopeless2day

Pink, I don't know you, but you seem to have a history around here. You have some great advice posted here, take some of it and use it to your advantage.

You sound a lot like me just a few short weeks back. I loved to put my problem out there, and got all the advice I needed, but none of it was exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted some magical solution, but quickly learned there isn't one.

Only you can take action to change, no poster here can do that for you. I wish I would have started sooner than what I did, but I really think you have to experience all the pain of alcoholism to want to take action to change.

A good first step would be going to a meeting. Call the AA hotline, someone will pick you up. I was amazed how friendly these folks are.

I finally got off my pity pot and stopped looking for just the "right" answer, cause in reailty, there isn't one.

I ran a lot of people off that were willing to help me, cause I just wouldnt get "it". Hopefully in time, I can gain trust in those folks again with the action I am taking now.

Best of luck

tmbg

Wow, Pinkff. Your drinking has progressed since your last post. I really wish you'd find the strength to discuss what's happening to you (the way you do here) with your doctor and therapist because I'm sure they would be able to offer the support you need to get moving on treatment.

That's the thing though. You have to make a move. I'm guessing that you're still afraid to get medical help because it would mean that you'd have to commit?

brokenheartfool

The way to not quit is to indulge in the self-loathing, and hating your life. That gives you a reason to drink some more, which is what the drinker in you wants.
So it stands to reason that the way to quit is to stop the self-loathing and hating your life.
It will take away your excuse to drink, you won't have one!

Fandy

I hope you are at least reading the Moms who drink forum, even if you do not participate.

I would think you might find it easier to relate to other parents with young children?

julez

Pink, you have a daughter. What would you tell her if it was her acting this way with your grandchildren? My guess is that it would break your heart. Think of what you would tell her, then follow your own advice!
It is so clear to everyone reading your posts that you are in desperate need of HELP, and that you can't do it by yourself!
Honey, break the cycle. Don't teach your daughter that this is how mommies behave.

smacked

I know a few drunken posts ago, you mentioned that your husband was giving you one more chance. I honestly (for everyone's best interest) hope that this time he is mad enough to at least protect those children.

It's your choice to kill yourself.. it's your choice to save yourself. Even if you're not drinking when you're alone with the kids, you're obviously drunk quite often when you're around them. My heart breaks for them. Especially that tiny little newborn who only knows you in his world, depends on you for life, and comfort. It really does break my heart.

pinkfirefly

thank you every one. i'm sorry for wasting every one's time. i feel so ashamed of myself. feel like such a bad mother. i am being selfish and only thinking of myself. i just want to be happy. that's why i pick up that drink. last night was so horrible. i was laying on the floor drunk and crying, in so much pain, and so sick, throwing up, feeling so low. and my husband went to bed and left me with the baby. i felt like a terrible mother watching my son lie there crying and screaming. he wanted me. and i was so out of it. too drunk to take proper care of him. that can never happen again. i won't let it. my son deserves better. i did manage to take care of him through the night, but it was a long, horrible night. im sick of letting every one down. my husband has given me so many chances. im not gonna drink any more, at least i'm gonna really try and make the effort. i havn't touched a drop today, 1 day sober, i have had it with this. i need to make some changes for me and for my family. i can't live like this any more. im hurting every one, and i'm slowely dying, with every drink. im really gonna try and im gonna look up the aa meetings and seriously go to one. i want to

Nikkle

keithj

You're in luck! There's a meeting tonight at 5:30 where I'm sure they can provide you with a more complete schedule.

AA NA Meetings in Wausau, WI | In The Rooms

SoberNVa

good idea. I suggest calling your local AA and find the location of a meeting tonight. and then go.

pinkfirefly

I'm gonna try to find a meeting for tomorrow. i'll let you all know how it goes.

Nikkle

Looks like there wont be another until Sunday, Pink.
I also looked up the Celebrate Recovery in your area. It is at Highland Community Church on Tuesdays at 7 PM. Here's their link Life Issue Groups

hopeless2day

Tomorrows kill a lot of people.

Hope your tomorrow comes sooner rather than later

SSIL75

No 'try', no 'tomorrow'. DO it

CarolD

I hope this will be the time you find your way ..
You are correct...action is required for you to find sobriety.

Prayers going out to you..your husband and 2 children.