Astro

Now there's some good food for thought. My title at work is VP - Operations Which means that as soon as I'm done typing this post, I need to get the trash emptied and make sure the bathrooms are clean.

And I'm such a bigshot stud at my AA meetings that I get to empty the trash there too!

At the end of every day, I'm just Scott, alcoholic, father and fiance, wannabee janitor, friend, employee, etc. Rather than worrying about how I introduce or announce myself, I'm happy just being sober for one more day.

littlefish

The word alcoholic has negative connotations to a lot of people out there.
But those people out there don't understand alcoholism and that is why they attach shame to it.
It's like the word "feminist". I've been in discussions where a person blurts out: "Are you a feminist!!!???" and I am supposed to feel bad about that.
You don't have to let other people's misuse and misinterpretation of a word limit your use of it.

Katie09

I hear ya. I will go with their fine suggestions. Thanks Guys! And thank YOU Dee, Derek, etc. I think I think too much about stuff that doesn't really matter. But it matters to me or I wouldn't be thinking about it so much.

I remember when I got that "label" Bipolar 1 Depressive. That wasn't a good day for me and I couldn't think of anything worse than that. Nonetheless, the Dr. has had to prescribe based on that diagnosis, right? Now who cares what it's called really, right? Still, I am not going to go around telling people this as they'll think I'm crazy.

I also remember when I asked him if I was SMI (seriously mentally ill). He hedged and would not answer, bless his heart, although by this state's standards I could be considered so (I worked in mental health, believe it or not, and I know this).

You're right. Words are powerful. We use them to categorize people, for better or worse. Language is just that way.

joedris

Sorry Katie, our posts crossed in the wires so I didn't read what you had written. I don't say "I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic" to the wrong people, either. And I had to laugh at your reference to saying it in a business meeting. I came close to doing that a few times. But saying I'm an alcoholic at an AA meeting indicates that I recognize and accept my alcoholism. And that puts me on even footing with everyone else in the room. Warm fuzzy phrases don't hack it for me, but that's me. If you want to use a different phrase, you have every right to do so.

optra

Quote
"My only sticking point is the whole sponsor thing. I see the value in being accountable on a daily basis, but the last one who told me to lie was just plain wrong."
Many people make the mistake of looking for a sponsor they can relate to on a personal level. Look instead for the person who has a working knowledge of the Big Book and is comfortable in their own skin. When it comes right down to it the experience we need to pass on to the new person is the spiritual experience obtained by working the 12 steps. My sponsor is older than my father and a pastor besides. When I hooked up with him one of my hang ups was the whole God thing because I was mistaking God for religion. He was totally understanding and did not preach to me. He just took me through the steps right out of the Big Book making sure I UNDERSTOOD what it was saying.
As far as being ashamed of being an alcoholic I think we were all riddled with shame guilt and remorse before we worked the steps.
By the time I was partway through Step 9 all that was GONE and I've never felt more free in my life.
Best of luck in your recovery

Zencat

First off I'm an open AA meeting type of guy. I know I could easily understand, regardless how a person would identify themselves in an (open)
AA meeting, that they are there because of having difficulties (IMO, extreme difficulties in most cases) with alcohol consumption. I am of the mind that no matter what one chooses to call oneself in AA, they are there as I am there: to seek a solution to a problem that once was baffling. I choose to look past the differences and identify with the similarities. In that coarse when I identify that my name is Will and I'M; a drunk, a double vision alcoholic, an addict and alcoholic, a alcoholic, I have a problem that once had me (as I use all of these in my home group). I tend to attract open minded individuals that can see past my introduction and see a person willing to seek fellowship the best way they they know how. And I must say it works out good that way for me.

In addition, I belong to DRA. It's a 12-step program with a fellowship that members can choose to introduce themselves any way they see fit because, DRA had no official introduction that its members must adhere to. In that case: I'm Will a double trouble addict. And people in the DRA meetings don't trip on what you call yourself (as my experiences bears out) for its a no brainer why one would to choose to attend an DRA meeting...LOL.

least

You could also introduce yourself as "I'm Katie and I don't want to drink today". And if members go out of their way to make you feel like a misfit, try different meetings. I've been to some meetings that I never went back to, and I have a home group that I just love. Even so, if someone "makes" me feel out of place or unwelcome, that's just one person's opinion or personality. Get close to the people who make you feel welcome and never mind the others.

I identify myself as a recovering alcoholic and that sounds better to me than just "I'm an alcoholic".


PS, I'm also 'bipolar' but refer to myself as 'manic depressive' as that phrase more accurately describes what I go thru. Besides, to me, 'bipolar' makes me sound like a big magnet! lol. Actually, what it all boils down to is this: I'm me, warts and all, and those who love me accept me as I am, warts and all.

Katie09

Thanks, I got some good advice in my treatment group tonight. Just go in there not caring what other people think and be me. If I hear someone being judgmental, just say to myself, oh that is interesting. If someone asks if I have a sponsor just say I don't want one at this time. Makes perfect sense to me. I can take what I want and leave the rest. That means a sponsor and maybe even the steps (at least the ones after two or three, only I would substitute universe for God).

I go back to what worked for me many moons ago. I went to one meeting a week, didn't have a sponsor (well, got one at some point but she was just this really older nice woman who was more like a friend, and one could work the steps on one's own. I like that). That worked for me. I took what I wanted and left the rest and stayed sober for 26 months - much more than I've ever been able to do with the help of a sponsor. It was really the meeting after the meeting that helped me the most.

I've had maybe 10 sponsors. One was a mooch off me. The other told me after I'd done step three and drank again she couldn't help me as I drank again. The last one told me to lie and shamed me. That was it. Done with sponsors.

I will approach AA with a new perspective and do what I did so many years ago. It worked then and has been the only thing that has ever worked.

Katie09

Excellent least! I like that...and I don't want to drink today. There are such smart people here.

keithj

I'm not sure what you are getting at Katie. As far as taking the steps, that is a required part of AA. Not required for membership, not required to show up, but required to recover. AA is suggested as one of many ways one can try to recover from alcoholism, but the steps are not suggestions within AA. AA has no other message except this. AA's message is that you can recover, no matter how far down the scale you have gone, if you are willing to thoroughly take those 12 steps.

As far as sponsorship, it sounds like you had really bad experiences. And that can jade somebody. Many in the rooms of AA have little business sponsoring others because they haven't taken the steps themselves. They don't live by the spiritual principles. And they show you how they recovered, or what works for them. Big mistake in my opinion. Find a sponsor who can show you what it says in the book. The book is the precise directions for the program of AA. That said, I do know at least one guy that worked all the steps, had a spiritual awakening, and recovered all on his own. Just opened the book and thoroughly followed the directions. He doesn't recommend this, but it worked for him.

bugsworth

Katie...in all honesty here you know the deal. You can do or not do whatever you want...it's called free will. It seems to me that you have been struggling for so long...you have to be wore out by now. The only one that can do this deal is you. From what I have read of your past experience is that aa is clearly not an ideology that you can adopt and that is ok, your not alone. Go for the support group if it helps...do anything that helps but do it. Change your label from alcoholic to non-drinker.

Katie09

Very astute. I am sooooooooooo worn out by now. Yeah, I am going for the support group. I like your label too! Thanks! My treatment group is helping. The therapist is very Buddhist, which helps. I do have a year of aftercare after I am done, which is great. With an AA support group and aftercare, things just might work out. Thanks.

bugsworth

I was so tired in the last months before I quit...a shell of a human being. You can do this Katie...if you want it. Don't let another soul tell you otherwise...not hopeless...not powerless...stronger than you know...reach inside and dig deep.

Astro

There's a term for people like this in the program. Loners. In the early days of AA and even now it was not uncommon for alcoholics who desired recovery, but didn't have the ability to get to a meeting or who lived in rural areas, to obtain a Big Book, take the Steps as described, and recover from alcoholism. When time and means allowed, they would make the long drive to attend a meeting.

This information was passed along to me by several old-timers, but Google "aa loners" and you'll see that it's still a method of recovery. We used to have a member from Europe here who shared in the bikers forum. He was from one of the Scandanavian countries, and if I remember correctly the closest meeting to him was 200 miles away. But he made the ride when he could, and used the internet and Big Book to stay sober.

Yes, having a sponsor and taking the Steps is truly the easier, softer way. But those loners are clean and sober proof that it's not the only way.

Katie09

Interesting, Astro. I don't like big crowds and am a loner. I don't know if this means isolator or loner - most likely both. At any rate, large groups overwhelm me and I have to escape. As an introvert, people suck the life out of me after a couple of hours. The only way I re-charge my battery is by myself.

For those who live in rural areas, I bet they are loners and introverts too. Would make sense. But even they need social contact once in a while. Anyway, I digress but thanks for pointing out aa loners and I'll google on it. Just googled on it. Interesting and good. Where I live , there is a Sat. night speakers meeting with 300 people, so I hear. Wow!

gravity

Just a thought, but be careful with the label "introvert." All "tests" show I'm an introvert (inwardly focused) but I really like being around people!

Personally, I have to take care that all my thinking doesn't get disfunctional (too self-critical, awfulizing).

People can and do change! I used to be a totally self-centered ass but not so much anymore!

As for the alcoholic label so be it. I don't really like holding hands and saying the Lord's Prayer either but what are ya gonna do? It's all good (well 99% good anyway)!

Don't overthink it, just do it!

Gypsy Feet

I find it ironic that someone would post about the word alcoholic being shameful on a forum filled with people who identify themselves as alcoholics. I think it is a true testament to recovery that know one reading this who identifies themselves as an alcoholic took offense.

To me it would be like saying "It shames me to say I am a female/chick/broad/woman/lady. I am female, no 2 ways about it.

I don't know if I am an alcoholic or not, but I do know that if these fine people at SR identify themselves as alcoholics, then I have no shame in counting myself as one of them.

Eroica

I don't think anyone is an "alcoholic" because I don't agree with the definition as its stated on websites, AA literature, SR, posts, and so on. Its so vague, unlike real medical terms which have precise definitions. Thats why SR gets so many newcomers asking if they're alcoholics, because unlike other diseases you have to do the odd task of diagnosing yourself (what are we paying doctors for??) and doing "spiritual" work. Yea..

I'm not defective or powerless. and I don't think others are either. They may think they are.. but I'm not being rude by having an opinion of others, even if they feel differently about themselves.

Mark75

For that reason, I do not take offense that katie has a problem calling herself an alcoholic, presumably because of the stigma...and if a person doesn't want to call themselves an alcoholic because they don't want to own that stigma, they shouldn't have to...(I didn't reread the whole thread, so forgive me if I got it wrong)... I don't feel stigmatized, but someone else may, and since successful recovery should mean no shame... well...

Nor do I think one person can call another alcoholic.

Perhaps medically speaking, alcohol dependence or abuse might be a clinically acceptable phrase, if based on objective criteria it might be useful on some level... although even those terms may be objectionable to some, I don't know.

You know... Speaking for myself....I don't think alcoholics feel powerless over alcohol in the way that some may think of what it means to say they are powerless...

I haven't had a drink for 9 months.... I am home alone tonight, friday nite, watching movies, playing music... This was always a great time to get some beers and a bottle. Instead....I grilled a steak, had some ice cream and I have some Sprite Zero in the refrigerator.... I'll call my wife later, kids will get home, I'll go to bed late. I won't drink. No one can make me drink. Even if a bottle of vodka knocked on my front door... I still wouldn't drink... I am not powerless... And I am relatively content, as content as I ever was.

I call myself an alcoholic... Not based on whether I am powerless over alcohol, no matter what it means to say I'm powerless... I had an obsession with alcohol and a compulsion to drink it that left me powerless at one time. Nowadays...If I don't drink, I won't drink.

Neither am I... It may help some to say they have character defects, but I think it is so they can take a spiritual journey, or whatever, and learn to love themselves again and be at peace with the universe.... by correcting those "defects of character". ....I said I'm not defective, but there are things about me that I want to change... If I call them character defects, that's just what I'll call them... It doesn't mean I think I'm defective. Just like I chose to say I am an alcoholic, though that doesn't mean I am powerless over alcohol.

That was a good point Eroica, the purpose of my post was, mostly, to agree with you. I hope that I achieved my goal of expanding some mutual understanding. If I seemed contrary, that was not my intention.

And katie... good topic... I am glad you posted it. Just get recovered, from whatever, be happy.

tyler

Very true words. I have had similar issues with the whole addiction as a disease thing. I allowed it to hang me up for a long time. I've recently decided to go back and attend some meetings as I think it will help me.

That all said, if you are having such a hard time with this, understand that attending AA meetings is not a requirement for sobriety. There are many programs out there that not identifying as an alcoholic would not be an issue. These may or may not be helpful for you, but they are out there. The Secular Connections board has a wealth of information about these programs.

If AA is for you or not is something you have to decide. What you can't do is allow this "identifying as an alcoholic" thing be an excuse to keep drinking. You've gotten a lot of great suggestions from many people here. I hope you can find something that works for you.