I really have a problem with the word "alcoholic"
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I really have a problem with the word "alcoholic"
And I really think this keeps me stuck. To me it is a shameful word. I can handle alcohol-dependent, but not alcoholic. I know...a rose by any other name...but still.
I have gotten to the point in my drinking career where I now see I really have to go back to AA. Having to say I am an "alcoholic" has really kept me from going there. Still, I am not willing to die over semantics. Sigh. Does anyone have thoughts on how I might get past this?
I know drinking has to go completely. I know it's going to kill me if I don't stop. But having to say I am an alcoholic over and over is a real issue for me. Thanks in advance.
I have gotten to the point in my drinking career where I now see I really have to go back to AA. Having to say I am an "alcoholic" has really kept me from going there. Still, I am not willing to die over semantics. Sigh. Does anyone have thoughts on how I might get past this?
I know drinking has to go completely. I know it's going to kill me if I don't stop. But having to say I am an alcoholic over and over is a real issue for me. Thanks in advance.
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If you are an alcoholic, which only you can decide, then that could well be the turning point in your recovery, it certainly was for me. I now accept that i'm an alcoholic, it's not something i tell people i meet or even those close to me, i'm one year sober and i've not even said it to my father because of his views on alcoholism.
The important thing is for me is to admit it to myself and be honest with myself, because that's what i am.
Paul
The important thing is for me is to admit it to myself and be honest with myself, because that's what i am.
Paul
problem with authority
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Location: Washington, DC
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Participating in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings does not require you to introduce yourself as an alcoholic. You can attend virtually any open A.A. meeting.
Closed meetings are "for alcoholics only", but if you are there because you have a desire to stop drinking and wish to discuss your problems as they relate to alcohol, then you will likely be welcome in many of them.
That said, you may find that certain groups (as you have probably ascertained if you have been reading on here) will have certain requirements or tacit expectations. Some groups like to "qualify" the newcomer to make sure they are alcoholic. These are probably not for you.
We have a person who comes around to our groups who says, "My name is ____, and I have a desire to stop drinking today."
(She is free to do so, but a lot of people find her annoying for trying to be "special"...you may find a tacit judgement in doing so.)
Closed meetings are "for alcoholics only", but if you are there because you have a desire to stop drinking and wish to discuss your problems as they relate to alcohol, then you will likely be welcome in many of them.
That said, you may find that certain groups (as you have probably ascertained if you have been reading on here) will have certain requirements or tacit expectations. Some groups like to "qualify" the newcomer to make sure they are alcoholic. These are probably not for you.
We have a person who comes around to our groups who says, "My name is ____, and I have a desire to stop drinking today."
(She is free to do so, but a lot of people find her annoying for trying to be "special"...you may find a tacit judgement in doing so.)
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Originally Posted by Chamabama 
Which is more shameful? The word or the behavior?
My therapist has told me to just say I am Katie and have a desire to stop drinking, but even at that I'll be a misfit and not conforming and I'll just be shunned for not fitting in most likely.
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chamabama,,hit the nail on the head! im not ashamed to be an alcoholic,i dont wear it on a tshirt either but im not ashamed.in fact it was a relief after all the years to find out what in the h£ll was wrong with me.we arnt ashamed of other illnesses so why alcoholism?? which if you are going to AA this is what alcoholism is considered to be.like chamabama said is it not the behaviour?? it sure is with me,and my spritual malady and the insanity i suffered,putting a name to the illness was a relief,it meant i knew what was wrong and could seek a solution.which for me happens to be in the 12 step recovery programme of AA.if you are ready to honestly give AA a go and put the work in then i wish you well.
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Originally Posted by FightingIrish
Participating in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings does not require you to introduce yourself as an alcoholic. You can attend virtually any open A.A. meeting.
Closed meetings are "for alcoholics only", but if you are there because you have a desire to stop drinking and wish to discuss your problems as they relate to alcohol, then you will likely be welcome in many of them.
That said, you may find that certain groups (as you have probably ascertained if you have been reading on here) will have certain requirements or tacit expectations. Some groups like to "qualify" the newcomer to make sure they are alcoholic. These are probably not for you.
We have a person who comes around to our groups who says, "My name is ____, and I have a desire to stop drinking today."
(She is free to do so, but a lot of people find her annoying for trying to be "special"...you may find a tacit judgement in doing so.)
Closed meetings are "for alcoholics only", but if you are there because you have a desire to stop drinking and wish to discuss your problems as they relate to alcohol, then you will likely be welcome in many of them.
That said, you may find that certain groups (as you have probably ascertained if you have been reading on here) will have certain requirements or tacit expectations. Some groups like to "qualify" the newcomer to make sure they are alcoholic. These are probably not for you.
We have a person who comes around to our groups who says, "My name is ____, and I have a desire to stop drinking today."
(She is free to do so, but a lot of people find her annoying for trying to be "special"...you may find a tacit judgement in doing so.)
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: SoCal
Posts: 373
I'm trying to imagine 2 different scenarios...
A sober friend tells me that they're an alcoholic: I would not judge them. I would feeled honored that they told me and I would be ready to support them if they needed it.
A friend keeps getting falling down drunk: I would be concerned, and after awhile, annoyed. If it continued, I really wouldn't want to hang out with them. Heck, when I was drunk, I didn't want to hang out with myself.
For me, the behavior is a huge turnoff; in myself and others. The word is just a word. Who cares? Call it rumpelsteilskin (sp?).
A sober friend tells me that they're an alcoholic: I would not judge them. I would feeled honored that they told me and I would be ready to support them if they needed it.
A friend keeps getting falling down drunk: I would be concerned, and after awhile, annoyed. If it continued, I really wouldn't want to hang out with them. Heck, when I was drunk, I didn't want to hang out with myself.
For me, the behavior is a huge turnoff; in myself and others. The word is just a word. Who cares? Call it rumpelsteilskin (sp?).
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
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Originally Posted by Chamabama
I'm trying to imagine 2 different scenarios...
A sober friend tells me that they're an alcoholic: I would not judge them. I would feeled honored that they told me and I would be ready to support them if they needed it.
A friend keeps getting falling down drunk: I would be concerned, and after awhile, annoyed. If it continued, I really wouldn't want to hang out with them. Heck, when I was drunk, I didn't want to hang out with myself.
For me, the behavior is a huge turnoff; in myself and others. The word is just a word. Who cares? Call it rumpelsteilskin (sp?).
A sober friend tells me that they're an alcoholic: I would not judge them. I would feeled honored that they told me and I would be ready to support them if they needed it.
A friend keeps getting falling down drunk: I would be concerned, and after awhile, annoyed. If it continued, I really wouldn't want to hang out with them. Heck, when I was drunk, I didn't want to hang out with myself.
For me, the behavior is a huge turnoff; in myself and others. The word is just a word. Who cares? Call it rumpelsteilskin (sp?).
Semantics is not something to kill yourself over.. just take care of you.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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Wow...what an awfully long time to be trapped by nine letters (six if you don't count dupes). I think I was six years old.
I guess it must be worth it as long as you don't have to say the word "alcoholic".
M
I guess it must be worth it as long as you don't have to say the word "alcoholic".
M
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Originally Posted by charmian
chamabama,,hit the nail on the head! im not ashamed to be an alcoholic,i dont wear it on a tshirt either but im not ashamed.in fact it was a relief after all the years to find out what in the h£ll was wrong with me.we arnt ashamed of other illnesses so why alcoholism?? which if you are going to AA this is what alcoholism is considered to be.like chamabama said is it not the behaviour?? it sure is with me,and my spritual malady and the insanity i suffered,putting a name to the illness was a relief,it meant i knew what was wrong and could seek a solution.which for me happens to be in the 12 step recovery programme of AA.if you are ready to honestly give AA a go and put the work in then i wish you well.
Also, I was in AA many, many years ago but things were different then (how things were done, one didn't need a sponsor to do the steps and the sponsor thing was not as emphasized), but I still had the semantic hangup. Didn't pick up a drink for a couple of years after that.
I will go. But I am going there primarily for f2f support so setting myself apart due to my hangups probably won't win me many friends.
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Originally Posted by Chamabama
I'm trying to imagine 2 different scenarios...
A sober friend tells me that they're an alcoholic: I would not judge them. I would feeled honored that they told me and I would be ready to support them if they needed it.
A friend keeps getting falling down drunk: I would be concerned, and after awhile, annoyed. If it continued, I really wouldn't want to hang out with them. Heck, when I was drunk, I didn't want to hang out with myself.
For me, the behavior is a huge turnoff; in myself and others. The word is just a word. Who cares? Call it rumpelsteilskin (sp?).
A sober friend tells me that they're an alcoholic: I would not judge them. I would feeled honored that they told me and I would be ready to support them if they needed it.
A friend keeps getting falling down drunk: I would be concerned, and after awhile, annoyed. If it continued, I really wouldn't want to hang out with them. Heck, when I was drunk, I didn't want to hang out with myself.
For me, the behavior is a huge turnoff; in myself and others. The word is just a word. Who cares? Call it rumpelsteilskin (sp?).
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
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I'm not saying it's right that they/we judge this person, but I think it's human nature.
I know for me, when someone makes a point of highlighting that they are different from me, something sinks a little bit inside of me and I tend to feel less connected to that person. It's very subtle, but it happens automatically.
I know for me, when someone makes a point of highlighting that they are different from me, something sinks a little bit inside of me and I tend to feel less connected to that person. It's very subtle, but it happens automatically.
Originally Posted by Katie09
Thanks, I don't want to stand out as special nor do I want to be judged. I've had this hangup for 32 years now. Even back in 1977 I wanted to say something like I am Katie and chemically free (has a more uplifting connotation) than chemically dependent. Back in those days they said chemically dependent a lot.
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Sorry, Katie but...it's just another excuse. We could all come up with thousands of reasons to "be stuck," but what it all boils down to is we aren't willing to do whatever it takes. When you're ready, nothing ... NOTHING will stand in your way.
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Katie...you said this in another thread...
Well, I sure can relate to you. I too hate being a person with this problem. I don't even say alcoholic unless required. However, I must say dying an alcoholic death is no picnic. I had an uncle die of cirrhosis at 72. He was all bloated in the ICU in his death bed asking for a beer.
My father died the same way...yellow and bloated and miserable. However, he was only 58 years old.
Well, I sure can relate to you. I too hate being a person with this problem. I don't even say alcoholic unless required. However, I must say dying an alcoholic death is no picnic. I had an uncle die of cirrhosis at 72. He was all bloated in the ICU in his death bed asking for a beer.
My father died the same way...yellow and bloated and miserable. However, he was only 58 years old.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
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I'm thinking all of us here, including you, have or have had bigger problems then the word "alcoholic".
I used to focus on that kind of stuff as well. I used to have a problem with all of the "god" talk, admitting I was helpless, the definition of an alcoholic. Now I believe that was all a distraction. I was focusing on what was wrong with other people's way of coping so I didn't look to closely at the fact that I wasn't. I am finding as I address the bigger problems I have, those kinds of things just don't matter.
Without alcohol, I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep. I thought I wouldn't have any fun or friends. All of that is just the mad chatter of fear, and it has all stopped for me. I am free.
I am learning to meditate. I am reading up on the Universe, and the different theories on my special place within. I am devouring books on how to be whole and at peace.
I am getting healthier. I can see it in every aspect of my life. I am in control of my reactions to my emotions for the most part. I can recognize negative thoughts and behaviors much easier. My relationships are benefiting. All of this after 5 months of not only being sober, but of doing outside research as to what was wrong inside me and working on it.
I used to focus on that kind of stuff as well. I used to have a problem with all of the "god" talk, admitting I was helpless, the definition of an alcoholic. Now I believe that was all a distraction. I was focusing on what was wrong with other people's way of coping so I didn't look to closely at the fact that I wasn't. I am finding as I address the bigger problems I have, those kinds of things just don't matter.
Without alcohol, I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep. I thought I wouldn't have any fun or friends. All of that is just the mad chatter of fear, and it has all stopped for me. I am free.
I am learning to meditate. I am reading up on the Universe, and the different theories on my special place within. I am devouring books on how to be whole and at peace.
I am getting healthier. I can see it in every aspect of my life. I am in control of my reactions to my emotions for the most part. I can recognize negative thoughts and behaviors much easier. My relationships are benefiting. All of this after 5 months of not only being sober, but of doing outside research as to what was wrong inside me and working on it.
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Originally Posted by FightingIrish
Wow...what an awfully long time to be trapped by nine letters (six if you don't count dupes). I think I was six years old.
I guess it must be worth it as long as you don't have to say the word "alcoholic".
M
I guess it must be worth it as long as you don't have to say the word "alcoholic".
M
But I did go in at 17 so not that old I guess. No, it's not worth it. I guess I'll just go to open meetings and just say I am Katie.
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Originally Posted by suki44883
Sorry, Katie but...it's just another excuse. We could all come up with thousands of reasons to "be stuck," but what it all boils down to is we aren't willing to do whatever it takes. When you're ready, nothing ... NOTHING will stand in your way.
I can just go to an open meeting and say I am Katie and that is ok. And that is what I will do today. Maybe in time my feelings will change. I guess the important thing is to just make the effort and be around people who have the same desire I do to not drink.
Last edited by Katie09; 06-10-2009 at 08:18 AM. Reason: add thought
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