LosingmyMisery

I found great shame in being an active alcoholic. I have plenty to be proud of for being a sober alcoholic. I can not imagine anyone judging me for being sober. I can understand them judging me for being a drunk. I think in time, the search for the meaning behind the affliction does taper, with sobriety brings acceptance. Once you find sobriety, the rest will not matter. That is how it was for me.

Katie09

Well, I think I am in the minority in the shame category and suppose my feelings are a function of my belief system. And I think Cubile75 said it very well - I don't want to own the stigma. (Thanks Cubile!) My feelings are not a reflection of anyone at SR - just my feelings. As my treatment therapist would say - that's interesting you think that way.

Katie09

Thanks, I once was in a meeting with a Jewish guy who did stand up and express his feelings regarding a Christian prayer. It would be nice if AA were more inclusive of other religions - perhaps a Jewish prayer one time, a Buddhist prayer another, etc. You get the idea.

As to introversion, I have a book called the Introvert Advantage. 75% of the population are actually extroverts so we (I as an introvert) are in the minority. It's not about liking to be around people as much as where you get your energy from. Introverts recharge their batteries from alone time. Extroverts thrive in being in social situations and that is how they recharge their batteries.

Yeah, I do have a hangup about semantics but as I said previously, I am not willing to die over it so I'll just go along with the flow regarding that.

littlefish

Just a clarification: you are not "required" to have a sponsor in AA. A lot of people work the program without sponsors. A recent friend I made in AA, with over 17 years, told me she won't sponsor anyone because she was never sponsored. I have a sponsor, but that is because I felt the need to have one. A lot of people choose not to have a sponsor.

FightingIrish

A.A. does not sanction or mandate any prayer, or even that a group pray. A group can run its meeting how it sees fit.

Perhaps you should look for a meeting that offers what you are looking for, or bring this up at a Group Conscience.

Katie09

Do you think it's ok to walk out of a meeting before they say the Lord's Prayer? I do know people that do this. For me, in my previous place of residence I know they actually have meetings for agnostics, gay people, etc. I guess these would be called splinter groups ? but I liked it.

I have never been to a meeting here that ended with anything other than the Lord's Prayer. I think people should be able to walk out before this is they want to. Plus, and this may seem weird, I don't like holding hands with strangers. While it may be rude to arrive late, I see nothing wrong with avoiding the end.

Katie09

I think that is great. Maybe it's different in Sweden? I've been cornered by groups of women telling me I needed to get a sponsor. That is a bit over the top to me.

Sweets79

Hey,

I've been to a few meetings, and they used to end them with the Serenity Prayer. As far as the holding hands thing goes...haha I know what you mean. The few meetings I attended everyone held eachother at the end. I wasn't crazy about that. So, I understand what you mean about the holding hands part.

CarolD

We can share all day about what does or does
not happen in meetings. It's my experience
that no one made me do a darn thing in AA..

Find something that benefits you ...get involved
and find the joy of positive living....

Unchecked alcoholism kills....no exceptions
That is my destiny without recovery.

joedris

Just a couple of things that got my attention here. First, there is a program run by the GSO in New York for loners, those who cannot get to AA meetings. Gayle, who runs the program, can be contacted at [email protected]. It's basically a program where an AA member corresponds with the loner. Gayle will provide the match up.

And second, one of the problems with alcoholism is that very little is actually understood about it and there is no commonly accepted definition of it. AMA's definition is not the same as found in the psychiatrists DSM IV, for example. The AMA calls it a disease, but it doesn't fit into their neat little definition of what constitutes a disease. I call it a disease, but you may not. The best definition I can come up with myself is that alcoholism is an adverse physical and psychological reaction the the consumption of beverage alcohol which affects 10% of the population who consume alcohol.

But how we define it really doesn't matter. If we recognize that alcohol is problematic in our lives, then we should stop drinking it. How we go about this is up to the individual. Whatever helps you to stop drinking is the right program for you. There is no one best way. But the bottom line will always be to stop drinking.

Gypsy Feet

I think being able to think of reasons not to quit every single day says something. Sometime I hope you go back and read all of your posts on SR. I hope the day comes when the fight to be right and the fight to be different exhausts you. I hope sometime you find a way to quell the negatives long enough to surrender to healing.

Katie09

You could not be more correct Carol. Unchecked alcoholism does kill. Believe me, I do get that. Finally, after all of these years. I may have opinions, wishes, etc, but it's up to me to make AA work for me.

Katie09

With all due respect, people evolve over time. They change their way of thinking over time. They realize certain things over time. But thanks for your well wishes. And I am not thinking of reasons not to quit.

I joined the gym today, I bought the patch today, I didn't drink today. It's a one day at a time deal. It's the best I could do today. Progress, not perfection. Now please stop assuming things. Thank you.

gravity

What has really helped me is that somehow I have been able to keep an open mind about AA & recovery. My beliefs about myself & the world have changed dramatically in the past 18 months. That's why I try not to limit myself with preconceived notions.

You know, I was reflecting today on how when I first joined AA, I desperately needed help and was looking for answers. Move forward 18 months. At my meeting today, I was giving people my strength. A friend even told me how comforted she is to know that I am there for her!

Yes, we do change. AA will work for you but you have to keep an open mind. You will find your answers.

sfgirl

Katie—

I actually think you have shown a lot of change in the last few months. If you did go back to your posts a few months ago, you were quick to take any suggestion and attack why it wouldn't work head on. You would rationalize everything away. You were really defensive. You created some dramatic threads.

Cut to now. You seem so different to me. You are so much more willing to listen to people's advice and even support. Even when people come at you slightly aggressively, instead of using it as bait, you take it for what it is, their opinion, plain and simple, and usually just an attempt at trying to connect to and help you. Your rigidity in thinking has greatly diminished. I mean you are even going back to AA which a bit ago was something you would never, ever touch with a 20 foot pole. You gave every reason in the book why it was the most horrible organization in the world and now you are willing to give it a chance. I understand you still have reservations. Things aren't easy. You might not have sobriety down pat. But it seems to me you are in a better place right now. I just wanted to comment that I have noticed positive changes in you from this side of the keyboard for what it is worth.

Katie09

Gosh, SFGirl, I would like to think things have changed over the past few months, and they really have. But for you to express this means so much to me. I will keep on keeping on and see what happens. What is the alternative? Not good. At any rate, thank you so much for your support. And I won't put up a huggy thing, as I know that's not your deal.

Katie

Dee74

fwiw, I agree with sfgirl.
I love it when I see people grow here - and you have been, Katie.

Keep it up

D

sfgirl

Awesome, that cracked me up.

hendershot

I get it. "Alcoholic" for me was always such an ugly word with horrible societal connotations--a really shameful thing to be. But identifing yourself as one is not about semantics or about feeling bad about yourself--it is about the first step and acceptance. I find accepting myself as an alocholic to be incredibly empowering. It allows me to accept myself for who I am and move on to grow. Only you can make the determination for yourself but I think you, or anyone, needs to consider it as moving towards honest self-appraisal and empowering yourself to do real work for long-term sobriety. To thine own self be true.

tomvlll

Our group reads the following..

This is a closed meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. In support of A.A.'s singleness of purpose, attendance at closed meeting is limited to persons who have a desire to stop drinking. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you are welcome to attend this meeting. We ask that when discussing our problems, we confine ourselves to those problems as the relate to alcoholism. (The 1987 General Service Conference Made this statement available as an A.A. service piece for those groups who wish to use it.)

There is nothing in that statement which says you have to be an alcoholic.
I know one person who attends meetings of my group who is not an alcoholic but does want to stop drinking. The way that thing is worded she would appear to be welcome.