Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
No, that's the sad part Plenny and I think everyone in the world looks depressed. Except for me 
Everyone's spruiking war and all presidents are crazy. Might rejoin CND, Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament. I wonder if they still exist, they have been around for a long time. That would be a worthwhile thing to do, hook up with some old lefties with peace on their mind, back to basics.
Dropped in to see my daughter on the way back from the DoH. She had a glass of red wine on her coffee table and nearly leapt upon it like a beast. It came as a surprise, but must admit I was very anxious. This move is exhausting in all ways.
Made tea and just told myself that it would be THE most stupid thing I could possibly do, and thought of how I would feel the next day. ONE glass has the capacity to destroy my good thinking entirely. I knew that I wouldn't drink but the pull was instantaneous.
I am looking forward to decorating and gardening and with the pool close by might be able to set up a life of my own. Man, am I ever sick of adult kids. Gimme a break.
Just raving......
Everyone's spruiking war and all presidents are crazy. Might rejoin CND, Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament. I wonder if they still exist, they have been around for a long time. That would be a worthwhile thing to do, hook up with some old lefties with peace on their mind, back to basics.
Dropped in to see my daughter on the way back from the DoH. She had a glass of red wine on her coffee table and nearly leapt upon it like a beast. It came as a surprise, but must admit I was very anxious. This move is exhausting in all ways.
Made tea and just told myself that it would be THE most stupid thing I could possibly do, and thought of how I would feel the next day. ONE glass has the capacity to destroy my good thinking entirely. I knew that I wouldn't drink but the pull was instantaneous.
I am looking forward to decorating and gardening and with the pool close by might be able to set up a life of my own. Man, am I ever sick of adult kids. Gimme a break.
Just raving......
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Plenny, of course I don't think any differently of you and I'd be surprised if anyone here did. We all suffer from the same disease. We all know that when we drink we turn into people we don't recognise who do and say things we would never do or say when sober. There's no judgment here. I have full respect for you for your honesty and bravery in facing up to everything.
I was interested to read about your narcissistic mother. I've been reading up about narcissism lately. I think my mum is narcissistic and it helps me come to terms with things if I think that mum can't help the way she is. I think her mum (my grandmother) was narcissistic too. Does it run in families, carried dowm from one generation to the next? It makes me worried that maybe I'm narcissistic too? From my research, it seems that narcissists can never see anything from anyone else's point of view and can rarely say sorry. I try to always see things from other perspectives and I'm always the first to say sorry so I don't think I am narcissistic but researching it probably won't do me any harm. This is so typical of me. Not satisfied with being an alcoholic, now I got to be a narcissist too!!
Steely, well done for not pouncing on the wine. It's going to be great in your new place Steely.
Hello - that 'hello' was written by my 6 year old son. He snuggled up to me whilst I'm typing this and asked what I was doing. I said I'm sending a message to my friends and he asked if he could say hello to you all. He is the cheekiest kid I've ever met and makes me laugh hundreds of times every day. He did a magic trick earlier and told us all to put sunglasses on so we wouldn't get blinded by his genius!! (He then got bored half way through the trick and ran off).
Lots of love to everyone. So happy you are all in this world xxx
I was interested to read about your narcissistic mother. I've been reading up about narcissism lately. I think my mum is narcissistic and it helps me come to terms with things if I think that mum can't help the way she is. I think her mum (my grandmother) was narcissistic too. Does it run in families, carried dowm from one generation to the next? It makes me worried that maybe I'm narcissistic too? From my research, it seems that narcissists can never see anything from anyone else's point of view and can rarely say sorry. I try to always see things from other perspectives and I'm always the first to say sorry so I don't think I am narcissistic but researching it probably won't do me any harm. This is so typical of me. Not satisfied with being an alcoholic, now I got to be a narcissist too!!
Steely, well done for not pouncing on the wine. It's going to be great in your new place Steely.
Hello - that 'hello' was written by my 6 year old son. He snuggled up to me whilst I'm typing this and asked what I was doing. I said I'm sending a message to my friends and he asked if he could say hello to you all. He is the cheekiest kid I've ever met and makes me laugh hundreds of times every day. He did a magic trick earlier and told us all to put sunglasses on so we wouldn't get blinded by his genius!! (He then got bored half way through the trick and ran off).
Lots of love to everyone. So happy you are all in this world xxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Plenny, I too, was an angry drunk. Did things that horrified me as inherently it is not who I am. I've gotten physical with my hubby, I've made my mum flinch in fear, I've driven in black outs (crashed my car once) have absolutely no memory of how that occurred. I have no memory of any of it. So I totally understand the utter shame felt when one is made aware of ones actions whilst under the influence.
These reminders have actually made me realise I just can't drink. Ever. I recently tried to moderate, didn't work.
Thankfully I am back on track and am the lovely person I am 100% of the time (although I do get moody once a month and I am looking into anger management courses).
Some people describe me as volatile. I hate injustice and certain people who have selfish and narcissistic traits. And I tend to speak my mind when I feel someone needs to be taken down a peg or two.
Absolutely no judgment from me Plenny. It's a hard truth to face and admit and I appreciate that you did
These reminders have actually made me realise I just can't drink. Ever. I recently tried to moderate, didn't work.
Thankfully I am back on track and am the lovely person I am 100% of the time (although I do get moody once a month and I am looking into anger management courses).
Some people describe me as volatile. I hate injustice and certain people who have selfish and narcissistic traits. And I tend to speak my mind when I feel someone needs to be taken down a peg or two.
Absolutely no judgment from me Plenny. It's a hard truth to face and admit and I appreciate that you did
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,745
Thanks all. We have a lot in common Poppy. I guess I know I'm not perfect I'm just as messed up as the next human, I was just very upset that I'd hurt my sweet man and surprised that he is willing to see me through and has "hope and faith in us." It's a patience and acceptance I hope I don't take for granted.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Plenny - no shock or horror here. Alcohol distorted and deformed me - especially by the end - it was like DIY brain surgery with all the poison I was ingesting.
That wasn't the real me, and I don't think that was the real you either.
D
That wasn't the real me, and I don't think that was the real you either.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hello Master Kenton
Hope all the Kentons are enjoying your holiday
Steely - moving was hugely traumatic for me - I am not surprised if you feel a little emotionally washed out and depressed.
There is a finite end to this process tho - hang in there
Hi Poppy and Nands and anyone lurking
I'm an optimist when it comes to the world ...I lived in fear for too many years as a drinker...
I hope my optimism is well placed
D
Hope all the Kentons are enjoying your holiday
Steely - moving was hugely traumatic for me - I am not surprised if you feel a little emotionally washed out and depressed.
There is a finite end to this process tho - hang in there
Hi Poppy and Nands and anyone lurking
I'm an optimist when it comes to the world ...I lived in fear for too many years as a drinker...
I hope my optimism is well placed
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,745
Hi all, I had a massive to-do list that included a lot of shopping. I have just been cooking and taking care of the kitty and avoiding my projects of course. I guess I never really get a day to myself so I'm not surprised I'm procrastinating.
Also I am trying to distract myself from everything else on my mind. Maybe I'll just go out and finish my shopping, since it isn't raining, so that tomorrow I can have a nice studio day and not be so distracted by this to-do list.
Also I am trying to distract myself from everything else on my mind. Maybe I'll just go out and finish my shopping, since it isn't raining, so that tomorrow I can have a nice studio day and not be so distracted by this to-do list.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I like to think of it like this.... if I have good, decent, lovely family and friends who love me (warts and all) then I must also be good, decent and lovely. They wouldn't stick around for long otherwise. I have certainly cut people out of my life who I didn't think were good, decent or lovely as their 'normal'.
They see our true selves, not the poisoned twats we become when drinking.
Sometimes I don't believe this thinking but that is usually when I am feeling shame or guilt after a session.
No more sessions
They see our true selves, not the poisoned twats we become when drinking.
Sometimes I don't believe this thinking but that is usually when I am feeling shame or guilt after a session.
No more sessions
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Curry and chocolate sounds divine. Is it wrong to want that now? For breakfast?
It's sunny!!! This is big news. And from the weather forecast it looks like this may be the last sunshine of the non existent summer so we are all heading to the beach. Kids are excited, I'm excited, husband is excited and dog is really excited. He loves swimming in the sea and I love watching him swim in the sea. Until he runs out of the sea and does that dog shaking-to-get-dry thing all over me and I get splattered with drops of the freezing cold English channel.
One thing I noticed yesterday. .... I always used to notice other people when we were out. I used to watch them and wonder what it was like to be them. I used to look at happy people and wonder how they did it. How did they get to be so happy? Yesterday we explored a beautiful seaside town and at one point I looked up and noticed people watching us. Maybe it was because we were winning stuff in the arcades and shouting with excitement. Whatever it was, I realised I don't watch other people that much anymore. I think I'm too busy having fun living my life. I think I might have become one of the happy people.
Hope everyone is ok. Sending love to everyone xxxx
It's sunny!!! This is big news. And from the weather forecast it looks like this may be the last sunshine of the non existent summer so we are all heading to the beach. Kids are excited, I'm excited, husband is excited and dog is really excited. He loves swimming in the sea and I love watching him swim in the sea. Until he runs out of the sea and does that dog shaking-to-get-dry thing all over me and I get splattered with drops of the freezing cold English channel.
One thing I noticed yesterday. .... I always used to notice other people when we were out. I used to watch them and wonder what it was like to be them. I used to look at happy people and wonder how they did it. How did they get to be so happy? Yesterday we explored a beautiful seaside town and at one point I looked up and noticed people watching us. Maybe it was because we were winning stuff in the arcades and shouting with excitement. Whatever it was, I realised I don't watch other people that much anymore. I think I'm too busy having fun living my life. I think I might have become one of the happy people.
Hope everyone is ok. Sending love to everyone xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,745
Kenton, I was just thinking along those lines myself. I loved reading that you were having fun and noticed others watching you.
I used to really pine for happiness and safety. I ran away/got kicked out of my house a lot when I was a teenager, and I loved other people's houses. I'd examine how they organized their kitchens, their house plants. How they kept their homes a sanctuary. Even though I had some good apartments and tried to build my own families in the decade+ after I left my family home, I had a nagging, longing sadness. I thought I had done everything I could and that I was just going to be sad and hurt forever.
After I tore away from it all and exposed what was underneath, I was able to build a simpler life on my own. After years of just hanging in there and waiting and working and pining, I finally have a sanctuary, and although I am still hurting, I am really almost happy. I am content and I feel safe. I think others look at me and wonder how I do it. They don't want to know how hard it was to get to this state of contentment though!
I just have a few blips to iron out. I know sobriety will help.
I used to really pine for happiness and safety. I ran away/got kicked out of my house a lot when I was a teenager, and I loved other people's houses. I'd examine how they organized their kitchens, their house plants. How they kept their homes a sanctuary. Even though I had some good apartments and tried to build my own families in the decade+ after I left my family home, I had a nagging, longing sadness. I thought I had done everything I could and that I was just going to be sad and hurt forever.
After I tore away from it all and exposed what was underneath, I was able to build a simpler life on my own. After years of just hanging in there and waiting and working and pining, I finally have a sanctuary, and although I am still hurting, I am really almost happy. I am content and I feel safe. I think others look at me and wonder how I do it. They don't want to know how hard it was to get to this state of contentment though!
I just have a few blips to iron out. I know sobriety will help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,745
Oh the curry! I took every vegetable I had lying around and made a Trinidadian curry. I'm going to make roti later too. I invited Bf over for dinner. Yesterday was a cooking and nesting day. I spent my entire paycheck, which I JUST got. Oh well, I'm very well set up at home now and It's not like I need money to go out to the bars or anything.
I bought the kitty a new litter box, a new scratchy thing that is shaped like an S standing up, and a new soft little bed. I also put up white paper in my windows to try to help bounce out some heat. The filtered light is really nice.
I bought the kitty a new litter box, a new scratchy thing that is shaped like an S standing up, and a new soft little bed. I also put up white paper in my windows to try to help bounce out some heat. The filtered light is really nice.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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