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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11

Old 08-11-2017, 10:27 PM
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Coconut Bliss chocolate ice cream is pretty good.

For those of you who don't already know, I am in the service industry. In New Orleans.
Some of you might already know that I consider myself quite a stubborn and contrary person, and I like to go against the grain. I don't like anyone to define me or tell me what I will be. So I refuse to let my industry and location define me and my state of sobriety.

That said, I just want to express how thankful I am that I work in a restaurant that makes this choice sooooo easy. It's a job where we do not party, we are expected to all be en pointe and we keep each other in check, and we are adults who understand a variety of ways of living. I feel at a very low risk at this job. It's great.

It's just me I worry about. My habits and choices. My addictions.
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Old 08-11-2017, 10:42 PM
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sounds like a good place to work Plenny

D
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Old 08-12-2017, 09:10 AM
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Wow! Your cooking sounds amazing Plenny. I always get hungry when I read your posts. I'm a terrible cook. I always start out with great intentions but somewhere along the line something always gets burnt or dropped on the floor. I once tried to make profiteroles which admittedly is quite an advanced level of baking. Took me weeks to get all the pastry off the baking tray. Stuck to it like glue. Baking and reverse parking are the two things in life I find really tricky. Thank goodness I'm awesome at everything else......... (that was a joke!)

Glad you enjoyed the motorcycle ride Poppy, hope you are having a good weekend. Hope everyone is. I just went for a lovely long walk with the kids and now I've come home and my husband's friend has come to visit. Normally I'd be rushing around, tidying the house, getting snacks and making conversation. Instead I've come upstairs to chill out for a bit and read my book. My husband can entertain his friend. It's nice for them to chat without me fluttering around. I'll go down in a bit and be sociable. I seem to be getting better at going with the flow. I think I've spent years on auto pilot doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. The result of this is exhaustion and inauthenticity. Far better to be myself. Think I'll probably get more respect. I'm recognising that when I drank I spent my life in 2 states : drunk or people pleasing. Often I'd behave so badly when I was drunk I'd have to spend ages making up to everyone to try to get them to like me again. It's so liberating to just be me. And much less work.

Nands, how are you feeling today? Better I hope. And how is everything with you Kev?

Steely, hope the move is going okay. Steely and I managed to exchange photos and I hope she won't mind me telling you that she is beautiful. Beautiful face to match a beautiful soul....I feel so honoured to have met you Steely. I feel blessed to have met you all. I feel like my addiction is the darkest part of me. But if it wasn't for my addiction I wouldn't have met all you awesome people. And that makes me far more accepting of the dark side of me. And I think accepting that part of me is a massive step in my recovery. And I am so grateful to each and every one of you for that xxx
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Old 08-12-2017, 12:09 PM
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Hi everyone! I'm fine today! I knew the mood would pass and of course sometime in the future I will probably face negative moods again. Glad to be able to stay sober through the bounces. I use to call it living in the bounce and use to be pretty good at it.

I am mowing this afternoon - 15 minutes then a 1 hour nap!

Steely - I always think moves have a few moments of isn't this fing awesome! One for me is before the items arrive and the house is empty and fresh. Another is when I move in and get unpacked in a clean house. The house will never be as clean again or in as good a repair as I'm just not that good at that sort of thing.

Kenton - I think learning to live with our darker side is important. Of course acting out of it is something else and to be avoided whenever possible. That said I hate to be the wet blanket ... Be sure you don't set yourself up for disappointment. One time, with significant sober time, I did the worst thing I have ever done in my life. I ended up running back to the bottle. So although I don't plan to do any bad, and hope I never make the kind of error I made then again, I hold firmly to the idea that drink I not the answer. I have to learn to live with my mistakes - past present of future.

Plenny - I worked in the restouront and hotel business for years when I was younger. Of course our entire crew was into taking speed prior to plating up the 400 person dinner, and also relaxing by getting totally smashed and stuff. That said, I was still doing this work in my first sober run. I got sober and 2 days later, due to too high labor costs, I was made the daytime bartender! It actually worked out well. I surrounded my self with AA literature and also got to see what the hard core alkies look like as they are the ones who came to drink in daytime hours. Some of my customers ended up in AA at a later date.

Poppy. I always considered myself a poet ... but the well has been dry in this sobriety (so far). I expect that it will become a critical part of my recovery sometime in the coming year.

Now that I am therapistless for a period of time I will have to work through things on my own for a while. He thinks he should be set up for insurance "soon". If so I will start seeing him at least once a week so we can work through this crap.

I'm really enjoying my time with K. She is just so adorable. I think she doesn't like to be described that way ... but it is what she is. She tells stories about the crazies that start going on in her head and spill out on others and I laugh the whole way through. She doesn't mind because this happens when she is not in the middle of it and is laughing herself. The first time I asked her to be my sponsor ... it was because she was the only woman (at that time) in AA that actually seemed to be happy and having fun. She is about 20 years younger than me but that doesn't matter at all.

OK ... so a good day ... a long post .... and more mowing to do

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Old 08-12-2017, 01:36 PM
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Glad you are feeling better Nands, good luck with the mowing xxx
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Old 08-12-2017, 02:30 PM
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Hey Poppy - I saw you were asking about an injection on another thread. I had injections of vivitrol and was able to stay sober about 9 months each time I used it. I liked that you took it once a month and didn't have to think about making a decision not to drink for a whole month. I think the reason the cravings stop is because if you are on vivitrol you will not get any positive affects if you drink. It is also used for opiod addictions.

Unfortunately, in the US it is about 1,200 - 1,500 per shot monthly.

I recommend trying it if a person has insurance to cover part of the cost. My Pharmacy contacted the vendor who produces it and was able to get the co-pay portion waived and accept just what insurance covered.

I don't know if it is available in Austrailia, but you might check. My Doctor had not heard of it and I had to tell him about it. He then prescribed it.
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Old 08-12-2017, 03:18 PM
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11.15pm in UK and apparently the best time to go outside and see the Perseid Meteor shower. Went outside and expected to see nothing but we could see loads. Saw 4 shooting stars. Absolutely beautiful xxx
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Old 08-12-2017, 04:30 PM
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Hello Nobenders! Yes the Badge is crawling out of her hole to say greetings and to tell you how much I have been thinking of all of you, who was still here, who is new, your lives in general..

Steely, Plenny, Kenton, Poppy hello!!

Wow, I cant believe how long I have been away, to long for sure, so let me summarize the last few months. I will start by saying that the thing that I was so afraid of, complacency, happened. It started as a drink after a rough week, thought I could handle it, control, moderate, whatever,,, well I was wrong. And I quickly went back to my old habits of hiding, binging, well you know the story.,,, not proud. Had some situations that may not have occurred had I not been drinking and my paranoia of getting caught was making my life so unbearable, and the money that I was spending, I added it up,,,, that I finally hit that wall again. So I am back to square one, sigh. and I am hoping you all will take me back,
I have however for the past few months been walking daily, 3 miles if possible, lost 30 pounds (been more if i hadn't drank,) The job is still hanging in there, we are short staffed, so have been putting in lots of overtime hours.

Anxious to hear from all of you, I missed you and shouldnt have went away.

Love ya

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Old 08-12-2017, 05:02 PM
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Hi Badger!! Great to hear from you. What's done is done, the important thing is that you're back now and sounding good. Three miles a day and 30 pounds weight loss is awesome Badger. It's absolutely fantastic that you are back.

It's 1am in the UK and I should definitely be asleep but I seem to be obsessed with the meteor shower. I can't believe how beautiful the sky looks. It says in the news that the best time to see shooting stars is 11pm to 1.15am so we went out at 11pm and saw loads. We went to bed at about midnight but I just had to get up and watch the sky until it turns normal again. It's so incredible. A reminder that we are just a tiny part of the universe. Makes me feel very small but also very important to be part of this amazing world. I'm so tired, think I definitely need to get to bed and stay there this time. Night Badger and all other nobenders xxx
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Old 08-12-2017, 05:25 PM
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Hi Badger!

I'm Ananda, but you can call me nands. I was late coming to the thread, so we haven't met before. I'm glad you are back!

I didn't make it straight through sober the first time either, so remember that although sobriety for the rest of our lives is the goal, if we have a relapse, we simply need to pick ourselves up again. I also had to look at what sorts of things seemed to lead to relapse and what sort of things seemed to build a firm sobriety. I have made it my goal to have multipule things that are specifically in support of my sobriety (although they do much more for me). That way, when one thing starts to come unglued, I still have several lifelines to see me through. I currently haven't got my therapist, but I have other things that will keep me just fine till I can get that rolling again cause it isn't the only thing that keeps me sober.

Anyhow ... I may ask you dumb questions cause I'm new, but I sure am glad to meet you and hope you stick around. It's a great thread to be a part of!
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Old 08-12-2017, 06:01 PM
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Have not read anyones posts since a bit back as this move is horrendous. I'm going to post "19th Nervous Breakdown" and tell Mick he's got nothin' on me, I've given up counting.

My son has turned into double d/head and I can't 'win' whichever way I turn. If I'm here he abuses me, and if I'm leaving he does the same.

Learned from my daughter this morning that my former husband, my son's father, described my son as having a "vendetta" against me. Even he can see it, and he wouldn't go out of his way for me normally. It is almost pathological.

Feeling really washed out, exhausted, anxious, tremulous. BUT thank God for sobriety so I can work towards the prize slowly and methodically. I am a Nobender and I will not be defeated.

They don't make girls like us for nothin'. Hey, girls?

He didn't even ask me what it was like.

Must go as in the middle, but wanted to check in as you guys are so important to me. Even typing this has helped to calm me because I know I am talking with people who understand and care. I love you all so much.
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Old 08-12-2017, 06:02 PM
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Great to see you badge I also had a blip recently and have gotten back on the sober horse again. It was building for awhile but totally scared the bejeezers out of me how quickly I fell back into old habits.
Turns out I can't moderate, for years I drank to get plastered and that usually resulted in negative things happening. This blip was no different.
Spent a bit of time being sad that I didn't make a year, but came so close. But I will and then another and then another. You will as well.
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Old 08-12-2017, 06:22 PM
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That sucks about your son Steely. But I'm glad you are coping and avoiding the plonky poo
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Old 08-12-2017, 06:27 PM
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Welcome back badgerden

I'm sorry things are being made so hard by your son Steely

Hi Plenny, Nands and Kenton and anyone lurking
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Old 08-12-2017, 09:13 PM
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Still not read any posts but did see your name fly past badge.

THE BADGE IS BACK,
Yay!


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Old 08-13-2017, 12:31 AM
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I'm sorry your son is being difficult Steely. I thought you moving out was what he wanted? Sounds like the issues he has are his to deal with. You've got enough going on and need to focus on yourself and the move. It's hard work now but will be so worth it.

Feeling a bit churned up today. Keep thinking back to this time last year when dad was dying and I was self medicating with booze. I used to come home from the hospice in the middle of the night, stand in the kitchen and drink wine straight from the bottle. I remember thinking, "thank god for alcohol. I wouldn't be able to cope with this without it". Crazy how booze twists your mind inside out. It makes you think you need it to survive the difficulties of life. Blinds you to the fact that it's the booze causing the difficulties of life. So glad I'm approaching the anniversary of dad's death sober but feeling a little overwhelmed by the force of emotion. Just going to keep going.

Glad everyone is here. Haven't heard from Kev for a few days. I know she's busy but just want to say hi Kev for whenever you read this. Hope all is going well in your world xxx
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Old 08-13-2017, 07:02 AM
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Taken a break from the grind, had a shower, eaten and have a satisfied feeling about all of the work I have done. Methodical, organised, selective and paring down. I have visions of my little garden.

I think about what today would be like if I were drinking. I would have achieved nothing and woken to the same (only worse) chaos than before, and hated myself the moreso. Interesting how three of us have had a blip and each and everyone regretted the move. Learning.

Though I'm tired and can't sleep I feel accomplished and am planning my new little pad in my mind. I wish the relationship with my son was better and just maybe after I have moved we will be able to work things out. It's what I truly want, and think he does too. So much pain from the past.

It's true kenton, I thought my moving would make for resolution but still he keeps at it. There is more to his "vendetta" (awful stuff) than just my living here, or my drinking as I didn't drink like a lunatic when he was young. I think it has a lot to do with the breakdown of his father's and my separation. He lost his Mummy and still he blames me. It's sad, and I worry about him even though he can be a little duck.

Crumbs, I started drinking at the LOSS of my children not BECAUSE of them. My husband was a relatively powerful (for those who don't know) academic who took the children to Queensland leaving me to languish in a psych unit. The good old nervous breakdown.

There were no refuges back then nor adequate single parent pensions, and I had nowhere to live, nowhere to raise children and my husband ripped me off with the house. I didn't know it at the time but in a moment of honesty he admitted to it. I had no leg to stand on and lost my children and became an out of control drunk.

I have been talking solely about myself and am so sorry, but have gone back and read everyone's posts and going to take me a bit of time to process and digest but I'll tell you what kenton, you look like the last person in the world to neck the bottle. Thought it was only me that did that.

I still can't get Tinypics to upload so can't post my pic yet Nands. I was so anxious that my age would have people run a mile (top feminist ) and not take me seriously, burnt out or something.

I'm glad you are starting to feel better Nands, you know how much I love you.

I don't know, except that (I know) ageism is alive and well and I love talking with younger people with wise minds, and hope the same from those younger wise minds in regards myself. I love the diversity of our beautiful Nobenders. Can't believe how lucky I got to have met you all.

My post is too long but believe me Plenny when I say I once nearly wrapped a skim board (they're pretty light) around a bloke's head because he was being such a d/head, and I was d/head drunk. I would never have done that if sober, hate violence.

There is anger in me that needs to be understood and expressed properly. Skim board 'round the head doesn't really fit this criteria, and I don't want it to.

Sorry about long post and self rave but wanted to check in if for no other reason than to say Nands that the tiara is mine, all mine, I say! Mental image of hands gleefully rubbing together. . I am the sister of sop.

More hard yakka tomorrow but there is end in sight and cannot thank you enough for your unwavering support.

And I made ice blocks out of freshly squeezed orange juice. For me, that's full on creative.
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Old 08-13-2017, 07:50 AM
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checking in!

I'm doing pretty well. I have been able to get started a bit earlier in the ay for 2 days now. I'm getting ready to go in and pare my schedule down a bit as for now I can't get so much done.

(please do not get into politics about this...but I think I can talk about this in a general way)

Things just seem so crazy these days. First it feels like we are moving toward a war with a start date of August 15. Then we hear almost nothing about it and it's all about the car attack in Virginia. So was the whole war thing BS? or is it a real probability? And of course the car weapon thing is an issue too.

I guess that is just a hard backdrop to be doing real life stuff through. At this point, it is all becoming just an annoying buzz in the background of life that I can't get rid of. So I'm off to look at the beauty in life Something Dee said rang true ...

I do believe in the good in people ... even the ones I want to blame and hate. Regardless of all the hate filled rhetoric and fear induced and inducing actions I think there is a place in the heart of all people that wants to drop bitterness and cynicism and change the world in a warm and inclusive way. Now I am not always able to see this. but it has come to my rescue time after time. I am a cynical romantic at heart

So despite my schedule for the day, what I really will do is finish mowing the back, get my last load of laundry up and away, and sort some more boxes in the study. the heck with the rest of it.

Steely .. as you unpack and sort you can think of me as I am doing the same!

Kev - I hope you are ok and just very involved with your AA support groups.

Poppy, Plenny, Kenton ... best to all of you as well.
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Old 08-13-2017, 08:07 AM
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Oh Steely,,, thank you so much for that greeting, its the boost I need today.

Kenton, I love meteor showers! Always have, so thrilling to see. Now that silly eclipse is going right over my house, I think we are at the 99 to 100 % totality of darkness, the whole area has just gone bonkers, they are expecting several hundred thousand people to descend upon us. I am (fortunately) not working, husband is stay home, so we will take our lawn chairs to the back yard, put on our special eclipse glasses, and enjoy the show away from all the craziness.

Spent a bit of time being sad that I didn't make a year, but came so close. But I will and then another and then another. You will as well.
Thank you Poppy, yes I am beating myself up over that as well, but looking backwards never solves anything, and it is extremely comforting knowing that I am not alone.

take care all.

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Old 08-13-2017, 10:55 AM
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Hey Badger!

My son and I (and unfortunately my mom) are going to a place in Kansas that is suppose to experience total eclipse. Son ordered the glasses months ago and is soooooo exited. We will be taking a picnic lunch as the event will happen at 1 pm our time. The drive is about 3 hours. All the hotels in the town are full! I hadn't thought there would be such a big deal, but we figure that we can just drive around the country side and find a pasture to sit in.

Then Chris said yesterday .... I hope it isn't cloudy or rainy. OMG that would be such a disappointment!

The following day my mom takes me to the city where the hospital is that will be doing my surgery. The next day surgery, and the next day hopefully home again!

It will be a busy week, but I will be glad to have it over.
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