Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Finishing my post from earlier after coming home from a long day.
Lunch with my old friend was lovely, he doesn't ever drink which I really appreciate these days. We had a nice chat about AI, education and travels and some amazing cake after lunch.
When I went to the train station and was just about to decide whether to go home or to the only Sunday night meeting on the other side of the city, I ran into an AA friend! What a coincidence! He was about to get on the same train like I did and so we decided that that was god guiding us to go to the meeting which we did. It was a good meeting with many of my friends and friends of my BF from his time in AA.
I then went for dinner with them and it was nice.
I told my BF about it and he reacted a bit weird like he did last night too when I told him that I went for dinner with the guys. Today he explained that he worries a lot that I meet someone who I like more than him and leave him.
Which I told him was no reason for.
I don't know if this came across the wrong way before but I was never thinking about leaving my BF for that AA guy or cheating on him. I would never do either of those. I'm not fantasising about that AA guy.
He's just separating from his GF and needs to take care of himself.
And I want a future with my BF.
My problem is just that that guy attracts me in ways I couldn't / can't quite figure what they are and that I get excited when I see him which I don't like cause again I don't know why that is and i was worried it could distract me from the meetings or my relationship.
But I think Nand's post really helped me to pin point what's going on. And I think it is that I desperately want to be friends with this guy. But because part of me is still used to thinking that no one wants to be my friend (especially not men cause I'm a boring girl) I think the only way to get him to like me or to get his attention is by being flirty or sexy.
But yes I think I just really want him to like me and be my friend. That sounds so pathetic in a way.
I need to let go of that fear that he could only ever be interested in my body. And also if that's the only thing he's interested in, i can flirt as much as i want and be as sexy as i want, he'd never be a true friend. This may sound very obvious but I guess I never thought it through like this.
Now going to read Steely's post!
Lunch with my old friend was lovely, he doesn't ever drink which I really appreciate these days. We had a nice chat about AI, education and travels and some amazing cake after lunch.
When I went to the train station and was just about to decide whether to go home or to the only Sunday night meeting on the other side of the city, I ran into an AA friend! What a coincidence! He was about to get on the same train like I did and so we decided that that was god guiding us to go to the meeting which we did. It was a good meeting with many of my friends and friends of my BF from his time in AA.
I then went for dinner with them and it was nice.
I told my BF about it and he reacted a bit weird like he did last night too when I told him that I went for dinner with the guys. Today he explained that he worries a lot that I meet someone who I like more than him and leave him.
Which I told him was no reason for.
I don't know if this came across the wrong way before but I was never thinking about leaving my BF for that AA guy or cheating on him. I would never do either of those. I'm not fantasising about that AA guy.
He's just separating from his GF and needs to take care of himself.
And I want a future with my BF.
My problem is just that that guy attracts me in ways I couldn't / can't quite figure what they are and that I get excited when I see him which I don't like cause again I don't know why that is and i was worried it could distract me from the meetings or my relationship.
But I think Nand's post really helped me to pin point what's going on. And I think it is that I desperately want to be friends with this guy. But because part of me is still used to thinking that no one wants to be my friend (especially not men cause I'm a boring girl) I think the only way to get him to like me or to get his attention is by being flirty or sexy.
But yes I think I just really want him to like me and be my friend. That sounds so pathetic in a way.
I need to let go of that fear that he could only ever be interested in my body. And also if that's the only thing he's interested in, i can flirt as much as i want and be as sexy as i want, he'd never be a true friend. This may sound very obvious but I guess I never thought it through like this.
Now going to read Steely's post!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Sorry Nands, our posts crossed. I keep crossing posts with you guys.... spooky!
I'm glad you've had such a productive day Nands. I think you should wear whatever you want whenever you want. I think your spiritual growth work is awesome Nands. I'm not in your league in this respect but I am still doing my daily mindfulness and this is definitely helping me to learn more about who I am. I thank you for getting me interested in looking within myself for answers. Nobenders are amazing beings. No wonder Steely's writing a book about us
xxx
I'm glad you've had such a productive day Nands. I think you should wear whatever you want whenever you want. I think your spiritual growth work is awesome Nands. I'm not in your league in this respect but I am still doing my daily mindfulness and this is definitely helping me to learn more about who I am. I thank you for getting me interested in looking within myself for answers. Nobenders are amazing beings. No wonder Steely's writing a book about us
xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Steely, I'm deeply sorry if it came across like I was upset by your joke. I wasn't. I know you love me and I never find you come across in a bad or patronising or trivialising way. And without humour it'd be so much harder to deal with our disease.
It helps to hear from you and from Ananda that I wasn't alone with that weird way of thinking. I always had problems identifying with my role as a woman and felt uncomfortable about being one. It was first when I met my BF that I started to feel 'natural' and relaxed about being a woman. He didn't ever expect me to do certain things, dress a certain way or act a certain way because I'm a women. He finds me attractive and sexy the way I am naturally with all my quirkiness and geekiness and that's one of the reasons I love him so much. He loves me for who I am. I do look very pretty and girly, I'm petite but still very feminine, i love science and maths, I'm not good at dancing, I'm really loving and caring and love to cook and bake for the people I like, I do / did graffiti, I do a lot of sewing, weaving and other fabric art, I paint, I run, I build my own furniture, I DIY a lot and fix things around the house, I love animals and call the cats I grew up with my sister and 2nd mum, I love dressing up pretty and wear a sexy dress with elegant heels and a red lip but I also don't mind getting dirty and he often says I look like Lara Croft. I have all these different sides to me, some typically girl, some more the opposite. But he makes me feel like a lady all the time. He loves and accepts all of those sides and he doesn't make me feel more or less of a woman because of any of them. Which I never had before with anyone. So he really helped me to accept myself with all my sides and appreaciate them instead of trying to force myself to be only this or that which was what I did all my life before.
It helps to hear from you and from Ananda that I wasn't alone with that weird way of thinking. I always had problems identifying with my role as a woman and felt uncomfortable about being one. It was first when I met my BF that I started to feel 'natural' and relaxed about being a woman. He didn't ever expect me to do certain things, dress a certain way or act a certain way because I'm a women. He finds me attractive and sexy the way I am naturally with all my quirkiness and geekiness and that's one of the reasons I love him so much. He loves me for who I am. I do look very pretty and girly, I'm petite but still very feminine, i love science and maths, I'm not good at dancing, I'm really loving and caring and love to cook and bake for the people I like, I do / did graffiti, I do a lot of sewing, weaving and other fabric art, I paint, I run, I build my own furniture, I DIY a lot and fix things around the house, I love animals and call the cats I grew up with my sister and 2nd mum, I love dressing up pretty and wear a sexy dress with elegant heels and a red lip but I also don't mind getting dirty and he often says I look like Lara Croft. I have all these different sides to me, some typically girl, some more the opposite. But he makes me feel like a lady all the time. He loves and accepts all of those sides and he doesn't make me feel more or less of a woman because of any of them. Which I never had before with anyone. So he really helped me to accept myself with all my sides and appreaciate them instead of trying to force myself to be only this or that which was what I did all my life before.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
Oh kev,, you didn't come across as being upset by my joke, it's was me! I overthink everything and never want to hurt anyone and thought later that it might have come across as trivialising. Man, are we/me such sensitive little petals. 
But that ain't a bad thing, hey?
I'm going back to re-read everyone's posts, but before I do wanted to say Nands that I am so sorry your father 'spoke' to you that way, it makes me want to cry. Makes me want to punch him in the head.
Next time you converse with your Da tell him he could not be more wrong if he tried. I'm so sorry Nands.
But that ain't a bad thing, hey? I'm going back to re-read everyone's posts, but before I do wanted to say Nands that I am so sorry your father 'spoke' to you that way, it makes me want to cry. Makes me want to punch him in the head.
Next time you converse with your Da tell him he could not be more wrong if he tried. I'm so sorry Nands.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
Have just been offered DoH accommodation 1 bedroom "villa" As I'm over 55 I can elect to live in older persons' accommodation and this is what it is. I'm looking at it tomorrow and am pretty excited. I elected 'older persons' to avoid 'the block'. Say hello to the quiet neighbour. Boundaries.
Wish me luck, this could be me ticket to ride? Uncertain and a bit scared, but I think can bat.
Was thinking Nands that when (as you), I converse with my mother in my mind, and knowing she is dead has been very liberating for me in an unusual but happy way. (love you Mum
) She's giving me the 'go ahead'. Becoming my own mother. And she's OK.
The mother I seem to be developing in my head is the mother I [wanted [/I] her to be, and she directs me well and better now. I think that's psychological development, and a good thing? I work stuff out pretty weird but it's working for me. To date. Eek.
Seems single older women are now the peaking (here) statistic showing vast numbers of single older women facing homelessness in the real sense of the word. I was waiting to see it happen, and it has.
Hope this place is good. Apparently it is very near an aquatic centre which would be great.
Still rocking (in my ol' rocking chair) And I hate the thought of real packing. 
As I'm over 55 I can elect to live in older persons' accommodation and this is what it is. I'm looking at it tomorrow and am pretty excited. I elected 'older persons' to avoid 'the block'. Say hello to the quiet neighbour. Boundaries. Wish me luck, this could be me ticket to ride? Uncertain and a bit scared, but I think can bat.
Was thinking Nands that when (as you), I converse with my mother in my mind, and knowing she is dead has been very liberating for me in an unusual but happy way. (love you Mum
) She's giving me the 'go ahead'. Becoming my own mother. And she's OK. The mother I seem to be developing in my head is the mother I [wanted [/I] her to be, and she directs me well and better now. I think that's psychological development, and a good thing? I work stuff out pretty weird but it's working for me. To date. Eek.
Seems single older women are now the peaking (here) statistic showing vast numbers of single older women facing homelessness in the real sense of the word. I was waiting to see it happen, and it has.
Hope this place is good. Apparently it is very near an aquatic centre which would be great.
Still rocking (in my ol' rocking chair)
And I hate the thought of real packing. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
Was thinking where was Poppy who said she was going to post more often following her blip.
Hope you're OK Poppy and if your blip turned into a blipie please come back and talk about it. We all need these answers.
Hope you're OK Poppy and if your blip turned into a blipie please come back and talk about it. We all need these answers.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hello Steely!! Love it when I'm logged in at the same time as one of you. Makes me feel like we're in the same place. Kind of.
Good luck with the move Steely. I hope you like the accommodation being offered. My mum moved into an over 60s older person village after dad died. She doesn't speak to me but I hear from my sisters that she's very happy there. She's made loads of new friends and there's loads going on. Sounds like a real community. I'm happy she's happy.
We're off to the seaside today. Kids are so excited and so am I!!! Can't wait to get there and eat fish and chips by the sea. In the rain. Doesn't matter how cold and wet it is, we will be on the beach with our buckets and spades. Got to love the English summer. Well, I would love it. If it ever decides to show up!!! Will check in again later. Lots of love to everyone xxxx
Good luck with the move Steely. I hope you like the accommodation being offered. My mum moved into an over 60s older person village after dad died. She doesn't speak to me but I hear from my sisters that she's very happy there. She's made loads of new friends and there's loads going on. Sounds like a real community. I'm happy she's happy.
We're off to the seaside today. Kids are so excited and so am I!!! Can't wait to get there and eat fish and chips by the sea. In the rain. Doesn't matter how cold and wet it is, we will be on the beach with our buckets and spades. Got to love the English summer. Well, I would love it. If it ever decides to show up!!! Will check in again later. Lots of love to everyone xxxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Originally Posted by Steely 
I think I meant, "To each according to her needs...". 
I was gonna correct you! I thought wow ... does Steely misunderstand the basic text !
I wish you luck on the housing. So you are saying there are actually advantages to being a "little old lady"? (LOL)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Kenton!
Have a great time! When I was over in 2009 a real high point was Robin Hood's Bay (??I think?) Jiggy and I had a great time and the fish and chips with mushy peas is so much better than American style fish and chips! We walked from the hostel over to the town in the morning and left to go back too late...had to take the "high" path and had only a cell phone to negotiate in the dark!
lmao
What can you expect from 2 alckies!
Have a great time! When I was over in 2009 a real high point was Robin Hood's Bay (??I think?) Jiggy and I had a great time and the fish and chips with mushy peas is so much better than American style fish and chips! We walked from the hostel over to the town in the morning and left to go back too late...had to take the "high" path and had only a cell phone to negotiate in the dark!
lmaoWhat can you expect from 2 alckies!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
OK guys ... I know it is none of my business ... that said, if any of you are comfortable with it, would you care to share your age?
I'm 59.
I was just going through a box of old photos we dried out to save after the flood, and I couldn't believe how different I looked at 20 ... I mean I wouldn't even have recognized myself if I didn't know from the rest of the picture! Back in the day I was thin and good looking.... yet I always thught I was fat and ugly... How warped can self perception be!
Poppy and Plenty ... hope all is well. Whether it is or isn't I hope you post soon. We are here ready to give soppy hugs and kisses!
I'm 59.
I was just going through a box of old photos we dried out to save after the flood, and I couldn't believe how different I looked at 20 ... I mean I wouldn't even have recognized myself if I didn't know from the rest of the picture! Back in the day I was thin and good looking.... yet I always thught I was fat and ugly... How warped can self perception be!
Poppy and Plenty ... hope all is well. Whether it is or isn't I hope you post soon. We are here ready to give soppy hugs and kisses!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I'm 41 but feel like I'm 90! I've been by the seaside for 3 hours and already the clean sea air is sending me off to sleep and it's only 7.30pm! Think I'll be going to bed tonight at the same time as my 6 year old!! Xxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
So sorry I have caused worry to my favourite nobenders. I am doing well, been sleeping a bit and I am now running the brides business so have been under the pump at work.
I haven't drank. I've taken it off the table for good. No moderation for me ever.
I was a bit concerned about lunch time yesterday but I didn't even want to have a drink.
I'm 38 by the way
Today I am driving down the coast to visit clients so I expect I will have time between appointments to check in.
Thank you for being wonderful people. The relief I feel knowing you all understand this journey is amazing xoxo
I haven't drank. I've taken it off the table for good. No moderation for me ever.
I was a bit concerned about lunch time yesterday but I didn't even want to have a drink.
I'm 38 by the way
Today I am driving down the coast to visit clients so I expect I will have time between appointments to check in.
Thank you for being wonderful people. The relief I feel knowing you all understand this journey is amazing xoxo
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I'm so glad you're doing okay Poppy. Better than ok, it sounds like you're doing great. And I agree, it's wonderful that we can connect with each other and we all understand. None of us have to explain the whole alcohol thing - we all just get it.
I love SR. Age, nationality, colour, religion - none of that stuff matters here. We're united by our shared allergic reaction to alcohol. You guys are like family. I love you all xxx
I love SR. Age, nationality, colour, religion - none of that stuff matters here. We're united by our shared allergic reaction to alcohol. You guys are like family. I love you all xxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I ditto kentons post this group of people are wonderful.
Even though I blipped, I feel at home in this group so I'm not going anywhere. No sirree.
You are all stuck with me lol.
Just went for a walk/jog. I feel my pre blip self coming back and it's amazing.
xx
this group of people are wonderful. Even though I blipped, I feel at home in this group so I'm not going anywhere. No sirree.
You are all stuck with me lol.
Just went for a walk/jog. I feel my pre blip self coming back and it's amazing.
xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Glad to hear you're staying with us Poppy
I'm 27 but I feel older (and younger). Younger cause I feel so immature when it comes to self care and being responsible and independent. I still go to uni and feel a bit behind.
Older cause I've been through so much already and just generally often feel a bit exhausted from life. It's starting to get better though.
Today I'm mega worn out. I had social interaction non stop. Got up, baked and ate with my roomie, called a friend who's in hospital, went to my physiotherapy session (which was a proper exercise and exhausting, I left with shaking knees), then went to a meeting, then home, cooked and ate dinner with my roomie again while planning our holiday with my BF.
Yesterday was non stop social interaction too and so was Saturday. I am getting better at this but still need my downtime which I didn't really get lately.
I haven't had an evening for myself in over a month.
Tomorrow I'll go to the doctor to let them check my foot. I was in constant pain today. That was draining too.
So I'll say good night. I'd love to respond to everyone but I have to get up in 7 hours and will have a long day tomorrow.
Lots of love!
I'm 27 but I feel older (and younger). Younger cause I feel so immature when it comes to self care and being responsible and independent. I still go to uni and feel a bit behind.
Older cause I've been through so much already and just generally often feel a bit exhausted from life. It's starting to get better though.
Today I'm mega worn out. I had social interaction non stop. Got up, baked and ate with my roomie, called a friend who's in hospital, went to my physiotherapy session (which was a proper exercise and exhausting, I left with shaking knees), then went to a meeting, then home, cooked and ate dinner with my roomie again while planning our holiday with my BF.
Yesterday was non stop social interaction too and so was Saturday. I am getting better at this but still need my downtime which I didn't really get lately.
I haven't had an evening for myself in over a month.
Tomorrow I'll go to the doctor to let them check my foot. I was in constant pain today. That was draining too.
So I'll say good night. I'd love to respond to everyone but I have to get up in 7 hours and will have a long day tomorrow.
Lots of love!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Hi everyone! I missed a lot! Ok there was a big flood in my area and I had to trudge through all this gross waist deep water and on top of that work has been insane, and I just haven't been in since this all happened!
Nothing better than simple tomatoes and basil Steely!
Great job Poppy so happy to hear you are staying and working on things
I know there's lots of you with updates that I read but I need to eat I am so exhausted. It's been a crazy week.
Nothing better than simple tomatoes and basil Steely!
Great job Poppy so happy to hear you are staying and working on things
I know there's lots of you with updates that I read but I need to eat I am so exhausted. It's been a crazy week.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Such a beautiful day to be on the Gold Coast and seeing the gorgeous beach.
I've been recommended a book to read, the naked mind. Has anyone read it? Apparently it goes into the brain make up of problem drinkers.
I've been recommended a book to read, the naked mind. Has anyone read it? Apparently it goes into the brain make up of problem drinkers.
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