Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi everyone,
Nands, good to hear from you. Glad you are feeling better. I was a little worried about you because I know you've had health issues but I didn't want to hound you. I know sometimes we all need a little space. I'm glad you are feeling ok.
Steely, it's a girl!! She's called Kenton and she's a sober goddess! Joking aside, 9 months is a big deal for me. I've been sober for 9 months before. Four times before. Each time I was pregnant. So being sober for 9 months whilst not pregnant and now going into the 10th month is all new territory for me. I've been feeling a little churned up emotionally and I've read old threads about peaking PAWS at 9 months and wondering if it's that. Or the anniversary of dad's death is coming up. Maybe it's that. Or maybe it's just crazy ol' me having a few mood swings. Who knows. Going to stay sober and investigate these emotions.... they're not overwhelming, just a bit irritating to be honest. Keep crying for no good reason. In private of course. Hopefully it will settle down soon.
I don't want to say anything that will upset you Steely but I also don't want you to think I've forgotten about your mum. I know you are still in the early stages of grief and I think about you often. I'm so impressed with how strong you've been Steely. I'm always here if you want to talk.
Kev, Poppy, Plenny - hope all is going well in your worlds. In a few days time that wedding will be over Poppy - not long now.
Thanks Dee for being there and watching over us all.
So incredibly comforting to know you are all out there, understanding how this feels. I love so many people in the real world but none of them understand how this feels. I'm so glad I can connect with you guys. I'd be lost without you. Thank you all xxxx
Nands, good to hear from you. Glad you are feeling better. I was a little worried about you because I know you've had health issues but I didn't want to hound you. I know sometimes we all need a little space. I'm glad you are feeling ok.
Steely, it's a girl!! She's called Kenton and she's a sober goddess! Joking aside, 9 months is a big deal for me. I've been sober for 9 months before. Four times before. Each time I was pregnant. So being sober for 9 months whilst not pregnant and now going into the 10th month is all new territory for me. I've been feeling a little churned up emotionally and I've read old threads about peaking PAWS at 9 months and wondering if it's that. Or the anniversary of dad's death is coming up. Maybe it's that. Or maybe it's just crazy ol' me having a few mood swings. Who knows. Going to stay sober and investigate these emotions.... they're not overwhelming, just a bit irritating to be honest. Keep crying for no good reason. In private of course. Hopefully it will settle down soon.
I don't want to say anything that will upset you Steely but I also don't want you to think I've forgotten about your mum. I know you are still in the early stages of grief and I think about you often. I'm so impressed with how strong you've been Steely. I'm always here if you want to talk.
Kev, Poppy, Plenny - hope all is going well in your worlds. In a few days time that wedding will be over Poppy - not long now.
Thanks Dee for being there and watching over us all.
So incredibly comforting to know you are all out there, understanding how this feels. I love so many people in the real world but none of them understand how this feels. I'm so glad I can connect with you guys. I'd be lost without you. Thank you all xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Checking in before going to bed!
Good to see you Nands and Steely!
Nands, I don't know how AA is where you live but here it's full of the weirdest and also most normal characters and I think everyone with a drinking problem fits in. I'm very lucky to live somewhere where there are so many different groups and meetings. But then again I know that it isn't for everyone. My BF doesn't like meetings, he says he doesn't get anything out of it.
Kenton, I would definitely second that PAWS seem to peak at 9 months. I am so moody and emotional lately, it's like I'm constantly PMSing. I cry so easily. And my stupid craving are back! With full intensity. It's like a compulsion, like every cell in my body is screaming for a drink.
I have it now actually. I think this was the first dinner party I hosted in my recovery and my first thought after everyone was gone was "get yourself a bottle of wine, you deserve it". I know that's just old thinking patterns but my brain got so excited about that thought within a split second, like a match being lit. And now I want that stupid wine. I could burst into tears for not getting it. There's a shop around the corner that's open 24/7 where I could get one. And a small but still scarily strong part of my brain wants to go. I have cash, roomie is asleep, it's warm outside and there would be that irresistible feeling of a drink. I don't think I will do it but the desire is very strong. Also cause I think I should be forgiven cause this is still my first try. But I don't know what would happen next. Would I stop the next day? Would it be a one off? Would I be drinking for a week? A month? My last detox I was able to do at home but I'm sure next one has to be in hospital due to kindling. And last time i already had hallucinations and shakes. I need to remind myself. It's not worth it.
Dinner with the girls was nice and fun but at two points I felt disconnected and not great. First when drinking stories about last weekend and plans about going out and having drinks for next weekend came up. Second when one girl mentioned her cousin went to rehab before and the others reacted in a weird and judging way. I was recommended to go to rehab by all the therapists I talked to and many AA friends and people on here that i like and value have been. I don't like us being judged for that. I think it was just them gossiping but since my one friend knows about my alcoholism I expected her to be more considerate. But then again I think she doesn't fully understand. When I told her that towards the end of my drinking, drinking was no longer a choice but necessary to not go into withdrawal she was shocked.
She asked me what I miss most about drinking because she thinks being drunk isn't that much fun and it burns your mouth. I tried to explain the feeling I would get when I drink, that excitement and also relief. And how warm I would feel and alive (when drinking worked). She couldn't relate to any of it. I think I / we just react totally different to it than normal drinkers. It's so hard to understand for them how I could value alcohol so much, how i rated it more important than food, sleep, friends, myself.
The meeting with my sponsor was good (she is my sponsor now) and the AA meeting I went to in the evening was nice too.
What upsets me a bit is that I haven't told my roomie about my alcoholism or AA and therefore have to come up with lies and excuses the whole time. I keep telling her that I am going out for dinner with friends but that's a weird lie to keep up because I often come home hungry from those 'dinners' and also I feel rude for never asking her to join cause we're friends now and she always asks me to join her and her friends.
Also hiding such a big part of my life and lying about it reminds me too much of my drinking and it feels wrong. Honesty is one of the most important parts of my recovery and I hate not being honest.
But I'm a bit scared to tell her. I tried to tell her between the lines, today again while we were preparing food together.
I said I'm sorry for being so strict about the no booze policy for tonight's dinner and she said it's alright and asked why stopped drinking. So I said that I wasn't able to do anything else anymore. And she wanted to know what the turning point was for me, that made me think I have to stop. I answered honestly and said that it was when I needed to drink even though I didn't want to just to fight off the shaky hands and when it made me get up at night to drink at my boyfriend's cause I couldn't sleep without it. To which she said 'wow, you're an alcoholic!' But she didn't sound too serious and the next thing she said as 'well I'm sure you can drink normally again after not drinking for so long now' so I don't think she really got it.
Sorry for going on and on but drinking is on my mind and it's all been a bit much the past two days.
I still feel a bit weird when I think about that AA guy who i will stay away from. The part of my brain that suggests he's a good idea is the same part that suggests drinking is a good idea. And I love my boyfriend so much, I really don't want to ruin anything. It's just hormonal confusion anyway. I think it's cause I feel comfortable around him and cause he's straight and we speak the same languages so there was a bit of a connection. He's good looking but not my type really. I'm sure it'll be fine once i see my boyfriend more than once a week again. He (BF) is the most attractive guy I ever met and we have this amazing connection, it's just that he's so unavailable lately which is hard for me.
So yes, lots going on lately. Sponsor, many meetings, dinner party, roomie, AA friends, a friend from out of town will be here this weekend, re-setting my relationship to my BF, it's really a lot going on.
My life is not at all what it was 9 months ago. I used to be so isolated and unable to do anything. Now I'm meeting friends (AA and others) almost daily and have all of this social life all of a sudden. And I get stuff done actually. Oh and I started biking again. I was too scared for years after I had an accident. But I fixed my bike and bought new tires which I put on myself and they have a special layer made of Kevlar which was why I chose them
I rambled on for way too long but it got me through my craving, so thanks for being there.
I love you all and I'm glad to see so many of us being active here again. I love whenever there's a new post in our nobender-thread.
Good night!
Good to see you Nands and Steely!
Nands, I don't know how AA is where you live but here it's full of the weirdest and also most normal characters and I think everyone with a drinking problem fits in. I'm very lucky to live somewhere where there are so many different groups and meetings. But then again I know that it isn't for everyone. My BF doesn't like meetings, he says he doesn't get anything out of it.
Kenton, I would definitely second that PAWS seem to peak at 9 months. I am so moody and emotional lately, it's like I'm constantly PMSing. I cry so easily. And my stupid craving are back! With full intensity. It's like a compulsion, like every cell in my body is screaming for a drink.
I have it now actually. I think this was the first dinner party I hosted in my recovery and my first thought after everyone was gone was "get yourself a bottle of wine, you deserve it". I know that's just old thinking patterns but my brain got so excited about that thought within a split second, like a match being lit. And now I want that stupid wine. I could burst into tears for not getting it. There's a shop around the corner that's open 24/7 where I could get one. And a small but still scarily strong part of my brain wants to go. I have cash, roomie is asleep, it's warm outside and there would be that irresistible feeling of a drink. I don't think I will do it but the desire is very strong. Also cause I think I should be forgiven cause this is still my first try. But I don't know what would happen next. Would I stop the next day? Would it be a one off? Would I be drinking for a week? A month? My last detox I was able to do at home but I'm sure next one has to be in hospital due to kindling. And last time i already had hallucinations and shakes. I need to remind myself. It's not worth it.
Dinner with the girls was nice and fun but at two points I felt disconnected and not great. First when drinking stories about last weekend and plans about going out and having drinks for next weekend came up. Second when one girl mentioned her cousin went to rehab before and the others reacted in a weird and judging way. I was recommended to go to rehab by all the therapists I talked to and many AA friends and people on here that i like and value have been. I don't like us being judged for that. I think it was just them gossiping but since my one friend knows about my alcoholism I expected her to be more considerate. But then again I think she doesn't fully understand. When I told her that towards the end of my drinking, drinking was no longer a choice but necessary to not go into withdrawal she was shocked.
She asked me what I miss most about drinking because she thinks being drunk isn't that much fun and it burns your mouth. I tried to explain the feeling I would get when I drink, that excitement and also relief. And how warm I would feel and alive (when drinking worked). She couldn't relate to any of it. I think I / we just react totally different to it than normal drinkers. It's so hard to understand for them how I could value alcohol so much, how i rated it more important than food, sleep, friends, myself.
The meeting with my sponsor was good (she is my sponsor now) and the AA meeting I went to in the evening was nice too.
What upsets me a bit is that I haven't told my roomie about my alcoholism or AA and therefore have to come up with lies and excuses the whole time. I keep telling her that I am going out for dinner with friends but that's a weird lie to keep up because I often come home hungry from those 'dinners' and also I feel rude for never asking her to join cause we're friends now and she always asks me to join her and her friends.
Also hiding such a big part of my life and lying about it reminds me too much of my drinking and it feels wrong. Honesty is one of the most important parts of my recovery and I hate not being honest.
But I'm a bit scared to tell her. I tried to tell her between the lines, today again while we were preparing food together.
I said I'm sorry for being so strict about the no booze policy for tonight's dinner and she said it's alright and asked why stopped drinking. So I said that I wasn't able to do anything else anymore. And she wanted to know what the turning point was for me, that made me think I have to stop. I answered honestly and said that it was when I needed to drink even though I didn't want to just to fight off the shaky hands and when it made me get up at night to drink at my boyfriend's cause I couldn't sleep without it. To which she said 'wow, you're an alcoholic!' But she didn't sound too serious and the next thing she said as 'well I'm sure you can drink normally again after not drinking for so long now' so I don't think she really got it.
Sorry for going on and on but drinking is on my mind and it's all been a bit much the past two days.
I still feel a bit weird when I think about that AA guy who i will stay away from. The part of my brain that suggests he's a good idea is the same part that suggests drinking is a good idea. And I love my boyfriend so much, I really don't want to ruin anything. It's just hormonal confusion anyway. I think it's cause I feel comfortable around him and cause he's straight and we speak the same languages so there was a bit of a connection. He's good looking but not my type really. I'm sure it'll be fine once i see my boyfriend more than once a week again. He (BF) is the most attractive guy I ever met and we have this amazing connection, it's just that he's so unavailable lately which is hard for me.
So yes, lots going on lately. Sponsor, many meetings, dinner party, roomie, AA friends, a friend from out of town will be here this weekend, re-setting my relationship to my BF, it's really a lot going on.
My life is not at all what it was 9 months ago. I used to be so isolated and unable to do anything. Now I'm meeting friends (AA and others) almost daily and have all of this social life all of a sudden. And I get stuff done actually. Oh and I started biking again. I was too scared for years after I had an accident. But I fixed my bike and bought new tires which I put on myself and they have a special layer made of Kevlar which was why I chose them
I rambled on for way too long but it got me through my craving, so thanks for being there.
I love you all and I'm glad to see so many of us being active here again. I love whenever there's a new post in our nobender-thread.
Good night!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
So my lapse turned into a relapse. Day 1 and utterly ashamed at myself. Thinking of going back to inpatient treatment next week. Will see how I go over the weekend. One thing at least I know, I won't be drinking tomorrow at the wedding. This anxiety isn't going anywhere for awhile I don't think.
I feel like a total failure. Actually had some pretty dark thoughts earlier. So I have come home and plan on laying with my dogs for awhile.
I hope everyone else is doing better than me xx
I feel like a total failure. Actually had some pretty dark thoughts earlier. So I have come home and plan on laying with my dogs for awhile.
I hope everyone else is doing better than me xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I'm so sorry Poppy! 
maybe the inpatient treament is a good idea if you have the option to go.
I'm struggling with a massive craving myself this night. I thought it had passed but now I'm in bed and can't sleep cause I keep thinking about drinking and whether or not there's enough proof that I'm an alcoholic or if I can maybe handle drinking. My brain is in rationalising mode and it drives me crazy, I don't even know why I keep listening to that BS. I came on here, wrote in my gratitude journal and prayed which is my normal night time routine and I hope this craving won't push me into the 24h-liquor shop...
maybe the inpatient treament is a good idea if you have the option to go. I'm struggling with a massive craving myself this night. I thought it had passed but now I'm in bed and can't sleep cause I keep thinking about drinking and whether or not there's enough proof that I'm an alcoholic or if I can maybe handle drinking. My brain is in rationalising mode and it drives me crazy, I don't even know why I keep listening to that BS. I came on here, wrote in my gratitude journal and prayed which is my normal night time routine and I hope this craving won't push me into the 24h-liquor shop...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi Poppy
Maybe a better way to look at it is you've proven you can be sober - now you have to work out what else needs to happen to make that permanent?
Rather than beating yourself up why not take this as a lesson - it's the first drink that does the damage to people like us.
Our only hope for change is to take drinking as a viable option off the table for good.
I'm sure you're ready and willing to face the wedding sober...but these tips are still pretty good
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
D
Maybe a better way to look at it is you've proven you can be sober - now you have to work out what else needs to happen to make that permanent?
Rather than beating yourself up why not take this as a lesson - it's the first drink that does the damage to people like us.
Our only hope for change is to take drinking as a viable option off the table for good.
I'm sure you're ready and willing to face the wedding sober...but these tips are still pretty good
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Thanks for thinking of me kenton, and yes I am still in those early stages of grief for a mother who gave little nurture always keeping up appearances.
An alcoholic daughter did not really fit within the bounds of her white picket fence. Still I grieve for the good parts and what might have been. I must have regressed a little because when addressing her in my head I refer to her as "Mummy", a tag I never used.
Worst of all my son, my landlord, did not come to her funeral because (ha) he had to work! I was broken hearted and it felt like he had not come to my own funeral. Not even a flower or condolence card. I don't know whether I can forgive him but it is a huge move to cease contact with one of your children.
My loyal and long suffering (he got Steely) psychiatrist said how sorry he was and that it must have been crushing, it was and is.
Two days after her death he was still on my case about moving out of here. I can hardly wait, and last discussion with the Dept. Of Housing says that I am right at the top of the list for rehousing. I will regain my independence and integrity, but I am hurt so bad I cannot say.
Good news is that I did not drink, nor even felt the urge. Drinking would have diminished everything and I chose to feel the feelings.
Have noticed too that when speaking with my son I am no longer angry, too hurt for that and just reply in a measured and direct manner. I've noticed that this seems to confuse him which is not my intent but has me see how anger only makes matters worse and don't want to go to angryland any longer, just waiting and wanting to grab my kit and skedaddle. Feel so sad and overwhelmed.
I have so little to offer anyone in terms of "Weddings, Parties, Anything"(an old Australian rock band) except to say kenton that I can relate to your feelings about the bride not attending your Dad's funeral, not even a card.
Out of this, and particularly if you are anxious about attending you have every good reason to not attend. Send her a toaster
Dear Poppy, it will be OK. We are all learning my dear and so long as we can drag ourselves to our feet with sober intent on our minds we are on a winner.
Do be careful about romantic attachments in AA kev they can bring us undone and get in the way of our ultimate goal of finding ourselves in sobriety.
Nands, I am glad that your health is being managed well and hope that you really are OK.
Feeling depressed myself so will close now in fear of losing this post, but always love to all, and we are still hanging tight. Rock on Nobenders.
An alcoholic daughter did not really fit within the bounds of her white picket fence. Still I grieve for the good parts and what might have been. I must have regressed a little because when addressing her in my head I refer to her as "Mummy", a tag I never used.
Worst of all my son, my landlord, did not come to her funeral because (ha) he had to work! I was broken hearted and it felt like he had not come to my own funeral. Not even a flower or condolence card. I don't know whether I can forgive him but it is a huge move to cease contact with one of your children.
My loyal and long suffering (he got Steely) psychiatrist said how sorry he was and that it must have been crushing, it was and is.
Two days after her death he was still on my case about moving out of here. I can hardly wait, and last discussion with the Dept. Of Housing says that I am right at the top of the list for rehousing. I will regain my independence and integrity, but I am hurt so bad I cannot say.
Good news is that I did not drink, nor even felt the urge. Drinking would have diminished everything and I chose to feel the feelings.
Have noticed too that when speaking with my son I am no longer angry, too hurt for that and just reply in a measured and direct manner. I've noticed that this seems to confuse him which is not my intent but has me see how anger only makes matters worse and don't want to go to angryland any longer, just waiting and wanting to grab my kit and skedaddle. Feel so sad and overwhelmed.
I have so little to offer anyone in terms of "Weddings, Parties, Anything"(an old Australian rock band) except to say kenton that I can relate to your feelings about the bride not attending your Dad's funeral, not even a card.
Out of this, and particularly if you are anxious about attending you have every good reason to not attend. Send her a toaster
Dear Poppy, it will be OK. We are all learning my dear and so long as we can drag ourselves to our feet with sober intent on our minds we are on a winner.
Do be careful about romantic attachments in AA kev they can bring us undone and get in the way of our ultimate goal of finding ourselves in sobriety.
Nands, I am glad that your health is being managed well and hope that you really are OK.
Feeling depressed myself so will close now in fear of losing this post, but always love to all, and we are still hanging tight. Rock on Nobenders.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Oh hugs Poppy, Kevlar, Steely anyone who's struggling today.
I had this wonderful productive day and then my BF (we are both sober together again ayayay) told me he was having a craving but said he was going to the bar! I had a massive craving at that moment, but I gently talked him down over the ohone, then I hung up and resolved to accept whatever he chooses to do, and I texted him that I would not be joining him and that we are in this together so please don't drink.
He didn't which is great, but the important thing is that I decided independently of him to do what I was doing no matter what.
It was a very dark craving. Those are very hard to resist. You deserve some comfort and some forgiveness right now. I know how hard it is to suddenly realize what just happened and feel defeated.
I'm happy to hear that you are thinking in a productive way, Poppy.
Hang in there everyone it is a bumpy ride. But it is worth the little victories along the way.
I had this wonderful productive day and then my BF (we are both sober together again ayayay) told me he was having a craving but said he was going to the bar! I had a massive craving at that moment, but I gently talked him down over the ohone, then I hung up and resolved to accept whatever he chooses to do, and I texted him that I would not be joining him and that we are in this together so please don't drink.
He didn't which is great, but the important thing is that I decided independently of him to do what I was doing no matter what.
It was a very dark craving. Those are very hard to resist. You deserve some comfort and some forgiveness right now. I know how hard it is to suddenly realize what just happened and feel defeated.
I'm happy to hear that you are thinking in a productive way, Poppy.
Hang in there everyone it is a bumpy ride. But it is worth the little victories along the way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6tlzpfSgWjY
Weddings, Parties, Anything. Funerals? I ain't drinking no matter what it feels better and I feel stronger.
Too good Plenny it's great when the decision becomes one for the self. Glad he didn't drink though.
The days build again Poppy and your blip imo is still a blip.
Weddings, Parties, Anything. Funerals? I ain't drinking no matter what it feels better and I feel stronger.
Too good Plenny it's great when the decision becomes one for the self. Glad he didn't drink though.
The days build again Poppy and your blip imo is still a blip.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Haven't had the chance to read your post til now but congrats on 9 months to you too Kev
some roommates end up real friends and others stay acquaintances - close acquaintances maybe, but still acquaintances.
I think you've explained all you really need to, IMO
D
some roommates end up real friends and others stay acquaintances - close acquaintances maybe, but still acquaintances.
I think you've explained all you really need to, IMO
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Thanks everyone. Today has been rough, very rough.
I am determined to not drink ever again. If I do, my life as I know it will change for the worse. I will lose my hubby, my job, my friends, my livelihood, everything.
I will try to reply to other posts for support soon, just not really in the right head space at the moment
Love you all xx
I am determined to not drink ever again. If I do, my life as I know it will change for the worse. I will lose my hubby, my job, my friends, my livelihood, everything.
I will try to reply to other posts for support soon, just not really in the right head space at the moment
Love you all xx
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Poppy, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Like Steely, I still think this is a blip. You've been posting here and talking through how you're feeling. I'm certain you can get back into your sober groove like you've done before. I guess it's important to really think about what's going on in your mind before you start drinking. What are the triggers and your thinking patterns? Stay close to here Poppy, I'm sending you loads of love xxx
Kev, well done for the dinner party. I hope the craving has subsided today. I also think you pretty much spelled it out to your roommate. We don't need to have "alcoholic" tattooed across our foreheads and I think even if we did, people still wouldn't understand. They'd think we could still have a few at Christmas etc. I spoke to my sister yesterday who said the regular blackouts she gets from drinking prosecco is due to her hormones. Apparently her friend who is a doctor told her this. I said I think it's more likely to be the prosecco causing the prosecco-induced blackouts to which she replied, "just because you don't like alcohol anymore, don't blame everything on alcohol!". I said I wasn't blaming everything on alcohol, just black outs which are 100% caused by alcohol, regardless of what some dodgy "doctor" might say. This is the sister that loved talking about me behind my back about my "alcohol problem". She knows I'm alcoholic but still she keeps bringing up and justifying alcohol to me every time I see her. I told her three times yesterday that we shouldn't talk about alcohol, that I didn't want to talk about alcohol and still she kept bringing it up. In the end she poured me a glass of wine and said, "why don't you just drink this and chill out?" I took the glass and then very dramatically poured it down the sink and left soon afterwards. It was all very Dallas/Dynasty minus the shoulder pads. I wish my family was a bit more supportive of my recovery but I'm beginning to realise that it suited people when I was drinking. At least they could comfort themselves that they weren't as bad as me. To be honest, her attitude just strengthens my resolve to stay sober so I guess it's a good thing.
Plenny, well done for talking your bf down and for deciding yourself not to drink. That's awesome xx
Steely, I'm sorry about your son. That must be so painful. Hopefully you will move soon and that will mark a whole new chapter in your life. It's so fantastic that you're staying sober through all this. And the hilarious thing is I've already bought my friend a toaster!!! It was on her wedding list. Made me choke on my cornflakes when I read "send her a toaster". You're so funny Steely. I love you.
Love all you guys. Special hugs to Poppy. It will be ok Poppy. You're being tested now but you will get through this difficult time and come out the other side, stronger than ever.
Have a great day everyone xxxx
Kev, well done for the dinner party. I hope the craving has subsided today. I also think you pretty much spelled it out to your roommate. We don't need to have "alcoholic" tattooed across our foreheads and I think even if we did, people still wouldn't understand. They'd think we could still have a few at Christmas etc. I spoke to my sister yesterday who said the regular blackouts she gets from drinking prosecco is due to her hormones. Apparently her friend who is a doctor told her this. I said I think it's more likely to be the prosecco causing the prosecco-induced blackouts to which she replied, "just because you don't like alcohol anymore, don't blame everything on alcohol!". I said I wasn't blaming everything on alcohol, just black outs which are 100% caused by alcohol, regardless of what some dodgy "doctor" might say. This is the sister that loved talking about me behind my back about my "alcohol problem". She knows I'm alcoholic but still she keeps bringing up and justifying alcohol to me every time I see her. I told her three times yesterday that we shouldn't talk about alcohol, that I didn't want to talk about alcohol and still she kept bringing it up. In the end she poured me a glass of wine and said, "why don't you just drink this and chill out?" I took the glass and then very dramatically poured it down the sink and left soon afterwards. It was all very Dallas/Dynasty minus the shoulder pads. I wish my family was a bit more supportive of my recovery but I'm beginning to realise that it suited people when I was drinking. At least they could comfort themselves that they weren't as bad as me. To be honest, her attitude just strengthens my resolve to stay sober so I guess it's a good thing.
Plenny, well done for talking your bf down and for deciding yourself not to drink. That's awesome xx
Steely, I'm sorry about your son. That must be so painful. Hopefully you will move soon and that will mark a whole new chapter in your life. It's so fantastic that you're staying sober through all this. And the hilarious thing is I've already bought my friend a toaster!!! It was on her wedding list. Made me choke on my cornflakes when I read "send her a toaster". You're so funny Steely. I love you.
Love all you guys. Special hugs to Poppy. It will be ok Poppy. You're being tested now but you will get through this difficult time and come out the other side, stronger than ever.
Have a great day everyone xxxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Oh that's a complete crack up kenton. When I suggested the toaster I was going to suggest inscribing the card with "you're toast", but naturally reconsidered. Would've been funny though.
Man, does your sister ever want you to drink and I for one wouldn't be making an appointment with her doctor friend any time soon. Unconscionable really, particularly as she is having black out.
Sounds too that she wants to talk about it at some level, even if in the negative. Nobody I know actively encourages someone to drink after they have expressed a desire to quit, not unless they have a problem themselves, or injure the other (sorry) in some way. But that's not you're problem. Yay!
I would have loved to have seen you pour that wine down the sink. Absolutely majestic.
I'm really starting to see that alcohol is not the real question, but what underpins our wanting to get out of it with alcohol. Ouch!
I knew this intellectually but it hadn't quite reached my heart and mind in any real sense. Maybe it's easier on the psyche to look at the liquid in the bottle rather than the fear, anger, disgust, etc. that liquifies our minds? I want a strong and solid mind. But always with humour.
It sure ain't in the glass when I look at it closely, it's in my head. So to drink would deny me this last chance to find myself. My own personal Last Chance Saloon.
And Saloon can have more meanings than one. Just looked it up and it can mean a "house for a specified purpose". Coming here is helping me build that house. Love you guys.
Hey Poppy we're in this together having both had a blip, and I can assure you that you will settle back into your sober groove as kenton says. I've clocked up a bit over 3 months since my own error in judgement and can't express strongly enough how good it feels to have not thrown myself into the quagmire of self destruct, something that comes ever so naturally to me, and don't want to I die in the mud.
We will lose everything Poppy if we continue, and I'm getting the feeling that you are going to do this irrespectve, and though it's tough for you at the moment, and I remember the feeling believe me, but believe me too, when I say it passes. True.
We make mistakes, we learn, and we can teach others. We rock Poppy.
Early here so will close with my love.
Man, does your sister ever want you to drink and I for one wouldn't be making an appointment with her doctor friend any time soon. Unconscionable really, particularly as she is having black out.
Sounds too that she wants to talk about it at some level, even if in the negative. Nobody I know actively encourages someone to drink after they have expressed a desire to quit, not unless they have a problem themselves, or injure the other (sorry) in some way. But that's not you're problem. Yay!
I would have loved to have seen you pour that wine down the sink. Absolutely majestic.
I'm really starting to see that alcohol is not the real question, but what underpins our wanting to get out of it with alcohol. Ouch!
I knew this intellectually but it hadn't quite reached my heart and mind in any real sense. Maybe it's easier on the psyche to look at the liquid in the bottle rather than the fear, anger, disgust, etc. that liquifies our minds? I want a strong and solid mind. But always with humour.
It sure ain't in the glass when I look at it closely, it's in my head. So to drink would deny me this last chance to find myself. My own personal Last Chance Saloon.
And Saloon can have more meanings than one. Just looked it up and it can mean a "house for a specified purpose". Coming here is helping me build that house. Love you guys.
Hey Poppy we're in this together having both had a blip, and I can assure you that you will settle back into your sober groove as kenton says. I've clocked up a bit over 3 months since my own error in judgement and can't express strongly enough how good it feels to have not thrown myself into the quagmire of self destruct, something that comes ever so naturally to me, and don't want to I die in the mud.
We will lose everything Poppy if we continue, and I'm getting the feeling that you are going to do this irrespectve, and though it's tough for you at the moment, and I remember the feeling believe me, but believe me too, when I say it passes. True.
We make mistakes, we learn, and we can teach others. We rock Poppy.
Early here so will close with my love.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I can't express how grateful I am to be a part of the Nobenders. Your words of support and kindness actually give me more determination to nip this bloody disease in the bud.
I'm nervous today, maid of honour and making a speech and I wish I could stand proud with 9 months under my belt, but I will still stand proud knowing that I am human, I make mistakes and I will learn from them.
I hate alcohol and the damage it does! Kicking the biarch to the kurb.
Hi, I'm poppy and I don't drink because I'm allergic to it
I will probably be pretty active on here today and apologies in advance if I make my posts all about me.
I've decided to give AA a crack. I don't really see the point going back to inpatient treatment next week when I would have to leave each day to go to work (bride/boss will be in Japan on her honeymoon). So I think I will try AA and mindfulness (thanks for the tip Kenton) and antabuse (got 2 weeks supply left and apparently this medication hasn't been available in Australia since Feb this year. WTF).
When I get 2 weeks under my belt I am positive I will be over the mental hump of thinking I can moderate. And the self destruct mentality.
We all deserve happiness, none of us are bad people. And I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Love you all to the moon and back xx
I'm nervous today, maid of honour and making a speech and I wish I could stand proud with 9 months under my belt, but I will still stand proud knowing that I am human, I make mistakes and I will learn from them.
I hate alcohol and the damage it does! Kicking the biarch to the kurb.
Hi, I'm poppy and I don't drink because I'm allergic to it
I will probably be pretty active on here today and apologies in advance if I make my posts all about me.
I've decided to give AA a crack. I don't really see the point going back to inpatient treatment next week when I would have to leave each day to go to work (bride/boss will be in Japan on her honeymoon). So I think I will try AA and mindfulness (thanks for the tip Kenton) and antabuse (got 2 weeks supply left and apparently this medication hasn't been available in Australia since Feb this year. WTF).
When I get 2 weeks under my belt I am positive I will be over the mental hump of thinking I can moderate. And the self destruct mentality.
We all deserve happiness, none of us are bad people. And I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Love you all to the moon and back xx
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Midnight here so just a quick post. Good luck with the speech and everything else at the wedding Poppy. You can do it! Just get through this weekend and start on your plan and everything will be ok. You sound really mentally strong Poppy. Post as much as you want. And make it all about you. You've been an enormous support to me and trying to be a support to you helps me in my journey so it's all good. And I've started telling people I'm allergic to alcohol too which is perfectly true. I am allergic to it. If I started falling over and talking nonsense and starting arguments and blacking out every time I ate spuds, I'd say I was allergic to spuds and stop eating them pretty damn quick. It's only because we're brainwashed to believe we can't function in normal society without alcohol that giving it up seems so odd to others. Even when we are clearly allergic to it. Good luck Poppy xxx
Steely, you're so right. It's not the alcohol,, it's what we're running from or what we're searching for when we get that need to reach for the bottle even though we know we're allergic. I start my cbt counselling in September.... I think I already know some of the reasons why I turned to alcohol but it will be good to get to the bottom of it. Getting to the bottom of my issues rather than the bottom of a bottle - that's my aim from now on.
Off to bed... be back when I wake up. Lots of love to everyone xxxx
Steely, you're so right. It's not the alcohol,, it's what we're running from or what we're searching for when we get that need to reach for the bottle even though we know we're allergic. I start my cbt counselling in September.... I think I already know some of the reasons why I turned to alcohol but it will be good to get to the bottom of it. Getting to the bottom of my issues rather than the bottom of a bottle - that's my aim from now on.
Off to bed... be back when I wake up. Lots of love to everyone xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Your sister is behaving horrible Kenton. I guess I couldn't be around her. Well done for pouring the wine down the sink.
Poppy, I hope you're doing well at the wedding and also good luck with AA. It took me a while to warm up to it but once i accepted it and opened up to their program it really changed my life.
I just came home (to my BF's) after picking up my 9 months chip at the big Friday night meeting. I was nervous about going cause it's such a big meeting (50-70 people) to which I hadn't been before and also I knew I had to speak in front of everyone. Which I'm generally fine with but I get a bit nervous before.
So an AA friend messaged me today asking if I came to the meeting and i said yes but that i was nervous so he offered me to meet up before and go there together which was really nice of him.
My sponsor also came to the meeting and surprise, surprise MY BOYFRIEND CAME TOO!
I was so happy and it was such a nice feeling to receive all this support and to have him there and my sponsor and some really lovely AA friends. I just love being in a room full of people who understand, care and support each other. And the birthday meetings are so nice cause people are genuinely happy for everyone's success and I find that is very rarely the case in our competitive world. So many people gratulated me and said so many nice things to me and it was so special to have my BF with me and introducing him to some of my AA friends.
When you pick up a chip for a sobriety milestone you have to go to the front and explain shortly how you made it so I said a few words and also thanked my BF for his support and for encouraging me to go to back to AA when I felt really unstable some months ago. It was so nice to see his face in the crowd and he looked so proud and also touched and it meant so much to me that he came.
We went out for a semi-fancy dinner afterwards and now just sat in his kitchen with some tea, biscuits and chocolate and had a nice chat.
That AA guy I mentioned in my last posts wasn't there tonight. I was relieved. I know I shouldn't get romantically involved with anyone there (apart from my BF) and I won't. It's not serious, just a bit of confusion cause I miss my BF during the week and feel a bit lonely and hormonal.
Bed time now. Love you all!
Poppy, I hope you're doing well at the wedding and also good luck with AA. It took me a while to warm up to it but once i accepted it and opened up to their program it really changed my life.
I just came home (to my BF's) after picking up my 9 months chip at the big Friday night meeting. I was nervous about going cause it's such a big meeting (50-70 people) to which I hadn't been before and also I knew I had to speak in front of everyone. Which I'm generally fine with but I get a bit nervous before.
So an AA friend messaged me today asking if I came to the meeting and i said yes but that i was nervous so he offered me to meet up before and go there together which was really nice of him.
My sponsor also came to the meeting and surprise, surprise MY BOYFRIEND CAME TOO!
I was so happy and it was such a nice feeling to receive all this support and to have him there and my sponsor and some really lovely AA friends. I just love being in a room full of people who understand, care and support each other. And the birthday meetings are so nice cause people are genuinely happy for everyone's success and I find that is very rarely the case in our competitive world. So many people gratulated me and said so many nice things to me and it was so special to have my BF with me and introducing him to some of my AA friends.
When you pick up a chip for a sobriety milestone you have to go to the front and explain shortly how you made it so I said a few words and also thanked my BF for his support and for encouraging me to go to back to AA when I felt really unstable some months ago. It was so nice to see his face in the crowd and he looked so proud and also touched and it meant so much to me that he came.
We went out for a semi-fancy dinner afterwards and now just sat in his kitchen with some tea, biscuits and chocolate and had a nice chat.
That AA guy I mentioned in my last posts wasn't there tonight. I was relieved. I know I shouldn't get romantically involved with anyone there (apart from my BF) and I won't. It's not serious, just a bit of confusion cause I miss my BF during the week and feel a bit lonely and hormonal.
Bed time now. Love you all!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Poles apart Poppy, but even though I was emerging from my own blip found that giving eulogy at my mother's funeral was so much the better because I was sober and wanting it bad. You will feel really proud of yourself, I know I was. Onwards!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
That was funny Plenny. Fair dinkum, poverty sucks, and sobriety rocks. Apart from those times I want to shoot myself.
I just invented the Steely tomato soup where you just chuck a whole pile of (about to rot) tomatoes into a pot of boiling water, skin them, mash 'me up, and you got soup. Or is that baby food, or tomato purée?
I dunno, but I ate it with the left over scraps of bread in the freezer which I toasted. Yummo!
Rock on sober sisters.
I just invented the Steely tomato soup where you just chuck a whole pile of (about to rot) tomatoes into a pot of boiling water, skin them, mash 'me up, and you got soup. Or is that baby food, or tomato purée?
I dunno, but I ate it with the left over scraps of bread in the freezer which I toasted. Yummo!
Rock on sober sisters.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
