Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomer's Daily Support Threads
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-28-2017, 05:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 46,992

Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11


The last part:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-10-a-26.html
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.


Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-28-2017), kenton (07-28-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-28-2017, 08:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 866
Thanks for getting us a new home Anna. I like it here Hope everyone is having a good day. I just watched Despicable Me 3 with my kids, great movie. Don't have much else to talk about, just thought I'd check in and say hello and I hope everyone is doing ok. Lots of love to everyone xxxx
kenton is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kenton For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-28-2017), Dee74 (07-30-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-28-2017, 01:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Poppy79's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 539
Heya Kenton, I am doing okay. Still trying to work through some anger and resentment both at myself and others who I feel 'pushed' me to my blip.
I probably shouldn't be feeling these emotions towards others but I do.
I started reading the AA book yesterday, not sure how to take the context really. And I just took some antabuse so drinking is off the table for me.
Just wish my anger and hurt would dissipate ya know
Anyhoo, have a wonderful weekend and thanks for the support. You are all amazing xx
Poppy79 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Poppy79 For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-28-2017), Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-29-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-28-2017, 02:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
ananda's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,151
Blog Entries: 1
Poppy,

Yeah ... anger can be tricky...

It is never a good idea for me to lock it in a closet (unless very temporarily), yet I can't really let it go off in a destructive or aimed way either.

Remember the old saying ... drinking at people is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Oh ... listen to John Prine's "Bruised Oranges", it is awesome on this topic!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFD2wZaBciY


You might want to take a look at something I keep finding helpful from the AA type inventory (lots about it I don't agree with or like)...

Underneath my anger is ALWAYS fear. The fear may be reasonable or unreasonable, a small one or a large one, easy to find or hard to find, but it is always there for me.

Then I go all Buddhist on it

fear comes from my desire to be "safe" or for my or others I care about worlds, views or other stuff be safe. And for me, safety is not a part of what this world we live in is about. Of course I seek basic safety, but to expect it or want it always ... well I will always be disappointed.

I am trying to learn to live with uncertainty, change, and my inability to control the whole ball of wax.

So I don't jump in front of cars, but I don't waste my time looking out for a car that might crash into me ... and recognize that ultimately I don't have any real control over whether or not I get run over by a maverick car.

Just my thoughts ... use what helps and pitch the rest cause I am as often wrong as right!

__________________
Copyright 2006 - 2017 Ananda

You can't stop living just because it hurts a little - Ananda's Mom
ananda is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ananda For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-29-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-28-2017, 05:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 514
Hi Kenton, Poppy and Ananda!

I'm at my BF's and even though we didn't go to the big English speaking meeting where I wanted to pick up my 9 months chip we had a really lovely evening. His health problems were back today but his mood was still better. We could even bike around for a bit and had nice dinner. It makes me so happy to see him in a slightly better mood, I love him so much!

Poppy, if you're interested in AA literature and struggle with the Big Book, I recommend reading the 12 Steps & Twelve traditions. I still struggle with huge parts of the big book. Especially the stuff about Bill. I just can't relate to it. From the Big Book the chapter 5 how it works helped me the most in the beginning. I definitely was that person that tried to control everything, the actors, the light, the whole play and it never worked out like I wanted it to. The harder I tried, the harder I failed.

So I'm learning to let go of my own will and just take life as it comes and I noticed that when I find myself trying to force things, it often ends in a mess. Now I try to step back when things feel forced and uneasy and go a slightly different path where I feel like things are just in a certain 'flow'. And that's usually when everything's going great without putting much effort in. May that be my HP guiding me or not, it makes life a lot easier

Nands, I also have that problem with looking / wishing for constant safety. I am always looking for some kind of guarantee that everything's gonna be fine. I try to make other people give me that guarantee which is just childish. But again, the only way out is to have faith.

Have to go to bed now, good night everyone!
kevlarsjal is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kevlarsjal For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-28-2017), Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-29-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 05:08 AM   #6 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 866
Hi everyone,

Poppy, whenever I'm feeling angry, mindfulness always helps me. Even just 10 minutes gets me out of my head for long enough to get some perspective. Mindfulness helps me with every emotion actually. Whenever I'm sitting in my car and feel stressed because I'm running late again, I just try to concentrate on my breathing and I always feel calmer.

Sitting in the hairdressers at the moment getting my hair highlighted. I'm being brave and trying a different colour. It feels like as good a time as any for a change...... just hope I don't end up looking like a badger..... I did once, after a particularly disastrous highlighting experimental experience. Oh well, I'm sure it will be ok.........

Hope everyone is doing really well xxxx
kenton is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kenton For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-29-2017), Dee74 (07-30-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 06:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 93
Hi all! Just checking in to say I'm still going strong! No drinks since November 25, and truly believe I will never drink again. My husband quit December 1 and has also been strong; however, he confessed on his recent week-long fishing trip with his buddies (the same 4 go every year and end of day drinking was always included), that he did have "a couple of beers". I was soooo disappointed in him, as I had asked him before the trip if he would be ok not drinking on this trip. He assures me that it won't be a problem, and I hope he's right. He probably had a worse drinking problem than I, and I am often reminding him that it all starts back with one drink.

Anyway, I hope that he's right and he "has it under control. It was just a couple of beers."

Stay strong fellow ones.
Jillwink is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Jillwink For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-29-2017), Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-29-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 09:03 AM   #8 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 866
Hi Jillwink, glad all is going well with you.

I reckon the fact your husband was honest with you is a really good sign that this is just a blip. If I was planning a big relapse, I know I'd start being really secretive about my drinking. I know we're all different but I feel his honesty is a good sign.

Got my hair coloured, cut and blowed dry earlier. Really treated myself. The second I walked out of the hairdressers, the heavens opened, the rain poured and by the time I got home I looked like a drowned rat!!! Got to laugh.... love to everyone xxx
kenton is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kenton For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-30-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 03:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Poppy79's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 539
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you made me laugh out loud Kenton. Thank you! I haven't laughed for over a week.
Did you like the highlights and new hair style before it pelted rain?
Hi JW, I agree with Kenton. Being open about drinking again is a great sign. I recently had a blip and refuse to allow it become a relapse so I am still counting that I have over 260 days of sobriety. If anything, my recent blip totally reminded me where I do not want my life to go...
Poppy79 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Poppy79 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-30-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-30-2017, 04:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 514
Glad to hear you're still going strong Jillwink!

Kenton, I hope your hair looks nice?

Poppy, that sounds like a really good way of looking at things!

Hi Nands!

Steely and Dee, hope you're both doing well and will be joining us again soon!

Ugh I have to vent again. This time about my roomie. Well actually not so much about her. But she went out today (in my city it's normal to go out any time of the weekend for example Sunday noon and get pissed and take some pills and dance to techno for 10 hours and then go home to have dinner) and she took some mdma and other stuff. She came home and wouldn't stop talking about how fun and amazing her day was. I guess she's still excited about that kind of stuff cause she's new to the city. But it's the kind of **** I'm trying to get away from. So I feel resentful that I can no longer do the same. Even though I'm doing relatively well in recovery and making great progress and generally feeling much better and happier I still miss knocking myself out with drugs or alcohol. It's so deeply engraved into my brain. Taking the 'easy' way of not having to deal with life. Problem is I wouldn't keep it to one night like my roomie does. As long as I give myself the option it will be my only option.
It's hard to deal with the fact that I can't do this anymore. I'd love to drink a bottle of vodka now before going to bed. Judging by how strange that must sound to most people I think it's quite clear that I'm an alcoholic and that it won't ever be the normal drinking I'll enjoy. For now I'll try to let go of the resentments and remember to take it one day at a time. I never signed any document saying that I will never ever drink again, I just know that it'd get me in trouble cause I'm an alcoholic and that i won't drink tonight.

To top it all off my roomie also went on telling me about her 'alcoholic phase' at uni where she could drink as much as one bottle of wine without puking...

She doesn't know I'm an alcoholic. I just told her I don't drink cause it was making my life too complicated and basically got in the way of doing things cause it was the only thing I was doing. Crazy how direct that is but to someone who doesn't know anything about addiction it doesn't mean anything. She thinks I'm crazy disciplined that I won't even have a drink every once in a while. I told her that if I had a drink with her today, I'd have one on my own the next morning. She didn't get it. Crazy how they just don't get it. So glad that my BF gets it. I just texted him when my roomie came home high, telling me about her 'alcoholic phase' and my resentments towards her and he just understood. Like I'm sure you'll all understand.

Sorry for another vent but it was absolutely necessary to calm down my brain before going to bed. And doing that rather by writing all that stuff down than by chemically altering it.

Thanks for being there! Love to all of you!
kevlarsjal is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kevlarsjal For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-30-2017), Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-30-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-30-2017, 04:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Poppy79's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 539
I hear you Kev, some people will never 'get it' and whilst it's great for them to have avoided the wrath of addiction, it doesn't really help us on our journey. I have spent most of last week angry at everyone for not 'getting it'.
Poppy79 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Poppy79 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-30-2017), Plenny (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-30-2017, 08:25 PM   #12 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 153,214
Blog Entries: 1
Its going to take me a little while to catch up but I hope everyone's doing ok



D
__________________
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
kenton (07-30-2017), Plenny (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-30-2017, 10:38 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Poppy79's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 539
You've been missed Dee I hope your time away was enjoyable.
Poppy79 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Poppy79 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-30-2017), kenton (07-30-2017), Plenny (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-30-2017, 10:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 153,214
Blog Entries: 1
Yeah I just did nothing Poppy - it was good

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
kenton (07-30-2017), Plenny (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-30-2017, 11:51 PM   #15 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 866
Hi Dee! Glad you had a good break.

Poppy, hope you are feeling ok and getting over the anger. I always think anger can be quite useful if it spurs us towards taking necessary action but not so great if it becomes all-consuming. Being human is so darn hard!!! Sometimes it all seems to be a complex balancing act. And I'm a creature that operates at the extremes of life so I'm not great at balancing.

Love my hair thank you Kev! I'm still brunette but now have caramel highlights and after having a good cut, it looks much more healthy (maybe getting drenched in the rain helped??!)

Your roommate's "alcoholic phase" sounds like my old warm up drinking! I don't understand normal drinkers and their moderation powers so I guess it's hard for them to understand us. It's great that you vented here rather than drinking which will only hurt you. I went out on Saturday night and everyone got hammered. Not nicely drunk but hammered. I could tell early on how the night was going to go but because I was driving I knew I could escape at any point. It was boring but ok until one girl I don't know started really quizzing me on why I don't drink. She was off her head drunk, I could smell vomit on her breath and she was leaning on me for support. I just told her that I choose not to drink because I don't react well when drinking. She said, "cool! What happens when you drink?" I was trying to get away from her at this point because her breath was making me feel sick but she kept following me around. Then she started saying she wanted to watch me drink because she wanted to see what happened. Maybe she thought I'd turn into the Incredible Hulk or something and start hurling furniture through the windows. Anyway, she was fairly easy to lose, seeing as she couldn't really stand up so I got away from her and all the other drinkers and drove myself home.

It wasn't a pleasant evening and has made me think about a wedding I have to go to in September. It's an old uni friend and unless everyone has changed massively since university (which I guess is possible seeing as I've changed and I was the biggest drinker of them all) I know the wedding is going to be a very drunken event. It's in another part of the UK so we'll have to stay over. I am now doing some research to find the nearest hotel/B & B to the reception party. I plan to sneak off throughout the day and chill in my room, reading and watching TV. I think as long as I have regular breaks from the drinkers I'll be ok.

Nands, how's everything going with you? I hope you are well.

Steely, I miss you xxxx

Lots of love to everyone xxxxx
kenton is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kenton For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-31-2017), Dee74 (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-31-2017, 02:30 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 514
Thanks for understanding Poppy and Kenton! I never knew how much it helps to just have someone who understands until I wanted to get sober.

Kenton, I'm glad the hair looks good! I'd love some highlights but since a hair dresser completely ruined my hair by bleaching all of my roots and then added dark colour bits when I asked for highlights, I stopped going to hairdressers and only cut it myself. Maybe one day I find the courage to get over it

That girl at the party sounds nasty and annoying, I don't know if I had been able to deal with her the way you did.
In a way it makes it easier that my roomie was high and not drunk.

Still it's tricky for me to handle. I noticed how the alcoholic part of my brain is running wild since last night. While I was brushing my teeth before going to bed I caught myself thinking about how I could get away with a relapse the longest. Main problem being that I promised my BF to be completely honest about my drinking and I assume he wouldn't leave me if it was a slip but if I planned on continuing with drinking for some weeks or months or even longer I doubt he'd just stay around and watch. Which is fair and good. But my brain was desperate to find I way how I cold drink and still have him in my life. How selfish and horrible.

This morning after waking up my first thought was that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic and just had an 'alcoholic phase' like my roomie had. I call this BS cause I'm pretty sure that all my drinking phases were alcoholic in the past couple years. Also it's doubtful my roomie had to drink in the morning before uni, during uni or was unable to go to her lectures because of drinking. Also doubtful she had to drink when she really didn't want to.

It's such a crazy and powerful disease and it's such insanity that it keeps telling us we don't have it. I had a bit of a freak out about it. I'll have to be super careful and really work on my recovery all my life or I might end up drinking again.

I guess I'm really lucky to have a partner who is the same. He doesn't only understand but also is a constant reminder and I know that I can't BS him. He knows I'll never be able to drink normally. So I have no room for 'experiments'.

Time to read some of my AA literature and meditate in the hope that my brain will calm down again and stops obsessing about the fact that some of my friends can drink while I don't. I'm not even jealous of their partying, it's only the drinking which I'd prefer doing on my own.

It's great to have you back Dee! Doing nothing can be the best and most productive sometimes.

I wish everyone a great day morning /night / evening!
kevlarsjal is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kevlarsjal For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-31-2017), Dee74 (07-31-2017), kenton (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-31-2017, 06:09 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Plenny's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,440
Sigh. Day 1. A four year battle of back and forth.
Plenny is online now  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Plenny For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-31-2017), Dee74 (07-31-2017), kenton (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-31-2017, 06:34 AM   #18 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 866
I'm sorry Plenny. At least you're here, amongst all of us who understand. Post if you want to talk about it. We're here whenever you need us xxx
kenton is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kenton For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-31-2017), Dee74 (07-31-2017), Plenny (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-31-2017, 07:24 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Plenny's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,440
Thanks kenton. I guess I just don't know what to say anymore. Not in a defeated tone, I just feel pretty redundant. I don't feel like a failure but I feel scared. I think it's really affecting my health. Obviously. But here I am in the first day. The first few days are always scary.
Plenny is online now  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Plenny For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-31-2017), Dee74 (07-31-2017), kenton (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Old 07-31-2017, 09:14 AM   #20 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 866
Yes, the first few days are scary. Physically and emotionally. Make sure you go and see your doctor Plenny if you are really concerned about your health. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I know you already know that these feelings won't last but that probably isn't much help to you right now. Just drink lots of water, eat when you're hungry and try to rest when you can.

I feel so fed up with being an addict today. Most days I feel ok about it. I accept that there's worse things in life than being alcoholic and all I have to do to be free of symptoms is not drink. Simple. Today it doesn't feel simple. Today it feels overwhelming. Today I feel like I want to scream, "why is it so hard??"

It's not even that I want to drink. I just want to be free of all the thought patterns that turned me to alcohol in the first place. But I guess as Steely would say, "there's no way through it but through it".

Let's just stay sober and keep going Plenny. I'm with you and sending you lots of love xxxx
kenton is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kenton For This Useful Post:
ananda (07-31-2017), Dee74 (07-31-2017), Plenny (07-31-2017), Steely (08-01-2017)
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:38 PM.