Sunflowerlife

Hey Weev- I use the app by recovery elevator. For some reason it doesn't give the sobriety date, just the time sober! But yes, if I look back on the calendar it was Wednesday, May 3rd for me. 52.04 days since my last drink, so it was 7 weeks on Tuesday

We are all around the same time then- every sober day is a day to celebrate!

Sunflowerlife

Congratulations on that Rainman!

Sunflowerlife

I had a dream last night that I was with 2 of my high school friends and one of them told me she was an alcoholic. I then told her I was one too and that I hadn't told her before because I didn't think she'd believe me. I was crying in the dream and I woke up with tears in the corner of my eyes (can't remember the last time that happened.)

I know where the dream came from- yesterday my one best friend who was in the dream put a picture up on her Facebook wall of a trash can outside of a drugstore in her ritzy beach town, which now had a sticker on it showing "no needles" as in "do not dispose needles into this trash can." Her and her friends mentioned how disturbing it was and I got the sense that they were judging their local drug addicts and it triggered a great anger inside of me. I made a comment about addiction being everywhere and she then justified her post saying there are way too many rehabs and sober homes in the area and too many strung out people taking over the town. She said alcohol and marijuana are one thing but crack, cocaine, heroin and bath salts are another story completely. Funny thing is, she drinks and smokes pot. The other funny thing is she obviously doesn't know I have been addicted to pot, booze, cocaine and opiates at one point or another in my life. She obviously doesn't know I was even shooting up coke over ten years ago.

I don't know...I realize I was triggered because I felt judged myself having been a drug addict at one point and an alcoholic currently. I guess in the dream I just wanted someone to understand that none of this was or is a choice. Getting better is a choice. Not touching drugs again was a choice. Not drinking now is a choice. I suppose if you've never experienced it you can't really understand it.

Thanks for reading.

Dee74

Hey SFL

I remember it being rough in the early days when people just didn't understand.

These days I figure as long as I can understand, I'm doing well.

I try to be the change I want to see in the worl, without having to carry a soapbox around with me, just in case.

It's a balance thing

don't let ignorant folks rent too much space in your head

D

Sunflowerlife

You are right D, thanks.
Believe me I went back and forth between not commenting and having a strong urge to comment and of course it's Facebook so my ego won. Oh well. Lesson learned. If anything it reminded me of how far I have come and how much further I will go on this journey.

WeaverBird

Hello Sunny, Babe, Rainman, Caramel and anybody else visiting.

Thinking of you all and hoping you navigated Friday night without the booze.

I didn't even think about buying a bottle till this afternoon and then I put up my skull and crossbones symbol in my head and it passed in a moment. Fantastic progress cos I'm not quick on the uptake with this recovery stuff.

Checking in after an amazing meeting and feeling in a very good mood. I feel warm wishes towards the whole world! The fog is clearing a little bit and I wondered if that would ever happen.

Taste buds getting well too. I just ate a whole bowl of ripe and sweet cherries. Heaven!

Love to all

Sunflowerlife

Love to you too Weev...mmm cherries!
Glad you are feeling so good today and nice job fighting the old AV. I had a thought this morning, it's been an awful day with moody kids and impatient huband- I even lost it this morning like a lunatic. I just want to feel better than this. I know it will come- need to recover from that sugar binge the other day- it takes me 3 days to feel normal again

WeaverBird

You know what, I think you should be gentle with yourself. You've moved mountains to get all those days sobriety under your belt. You're helping people here, a husband and small children. Do you realise how hard that is? I have a dog to worry about, and he's had to be really forgiving of me. If I had anyone living with me... look out flying crockery.
Time to be gentle with yourself. Love and hugs

Sunflowerlife

Thanks Weev, you brought tears to my eyes.
I just found a blog on FB called Buddist Boot Camp- I want this peace in my life and I am determined to get it.

All this time I am blaming my kids and my husband for my uneasiness but the truth is it's all on me. I keep telling myself I will make the changes I need (read more, meditate more, less tv) and I keep resisting it.

So I have a challenge for myself which starts tomorrow- no tv for a week (I usually watch it while my son naps) and instead I will read, meditate or doing something valuable. If I don't start now I never will. I want so badly to be better than who I am. Maybe that sounds like I'm being hard on myself but to me it feels like I'm just not living up to my potential and how much longer can I go on wasting my days not becoming a better parent, wife and mother? I feel like I suck at all of those things and I mean that with all of my heart- I am not good at it.

I have a book on it's way by a neuropsychiatrist which will hopefully help me understand the brain of my children more (and my own) and help me with my parenting struggles. I have to fix me before anything else in my life gets better. I also joined a 30 day affirmations challenge. Need to dig up a journal from these moving boxes.

So much to do- I just want to be better than who I currently am. Yes, I am proud of myself for being sober but it's not enough. I heard a quote the other day that went, "you know you're an alcoholic when you stop drinking and things don't get better." I was confused at first but now it makes sense- my life isn't better because I still have to work on me- the messed up me who chose drugs and alcohol since age 15 to get away from reality. How can I do this? I need to change my reality by changing my thoughts and beliefs.

I can do this. I have to, I want to. I will!

Thanks for listening- I hope you are having a beautiful Sunday!

Sunflowerlife

WeaverBird

Dearest Sunny, thank you for recommending Buddhist Bootcamp. I've just been listening to him speak and he makes things nice and simple. I've been interested in zen for ages and bought a book but it's way too complicated for me to see how it applies to my life with my present wool head. This guy knows the way were all living in 21st century noise and drama and how buddhism can help. I loved his t-shirt:

KEEP CALM AND... THAT'S ALL...JUST KEEP CALM

I also loved what you said about quitting alcohol and finding you have a mountain of work to do. I thought I'd turn back from a pumpkin into a princess if I just got through 5 days of detox.
Worse, I know that Step 4 is part of healing yet will I start it? Three days of avoiding the pain I *think* will come from taking a good long look at what I became through drink. I'm going to try to make the printer work...

Love and hugs - tomorrow we sit !!!

Rainman1

Hey SR Gang., Sunday afternoon and all is well. My daughter and granddaughter made it in Fri night, It's been 3 weeks since I've seen them, amazing how much a baby can grow in 3 weeks. Woke up Sat morning and got breakfast going (bacon stuffed French toast) everything was good but then I started thinking it's the weekend, I should be drinking beer. It's crazy how the brain works. It somewhat passed but was still in the back of my head most of the day. Today has been pretty much the same thing, hanging in the pool with the family and in the back of my mind same thing is going on, I should be having a beer. It's not that I really want one, it's just that's what I have always done.

WeaverBird

Hi Rainman, I'm glad you had a nice weekend by the pool with your family. Even gladder that you didn't have a beer or many beers. Just think, you'll be present for all the changes in your grand baby's life. It's exciting.

Bacon stuffed french toast sounds really exciting to me right now. Have eaten like a horse this evening. I hope you enjoyed it! Your sense of taste really returns, doesn't it?

I think the drink must imprint itself deep in the brain as the solution to so many situations or feelings that it's going to take time to do all those things alcohol free and learn a new habit. Just seeing certain people's numbers come up on my phone triggers me.

Love and hugs to you and yours

Sunflowerlife

I need that shirt- I need that to be a poster in every room of this house! So glad you like him too.

I know, somehow I also thought I would be sober and life would get better. I mean don't get me wrong, it was a lot worse when I was drinking but now I have to deal with all the crap I avoided for the last 25 years of drinking and drugging.

Did you get the printer to work? What is the problem? Maybe I can help? Sometimes you can download the driver online...
How is Step 4 coming along? I just looked it up online. Looks like a lot of soul searching and truth digging. I bet you will feel better afterwards even though it may be challenging. Thinking of you.

Sunflowerlife

How sweet and wonderful to be with your family- glad you enjoyed your weekend. I get thoughts like that too- it's just our brain reacting to what it thinks should be "the norm." Luckily with enough sobriety, we will make new patterns in there and the thought of drinking won't come up anymore. I am actually pretty fascinated by neuroplasticity- really would like to research sobriety books based on the ideas of rewiring the brain. I know meditation has a lot to do with- I would love to start doing that again regularly.

Anyway, hope you have a great week and hope to hear from you soon...

Rainman1

Monday, Glad it's over(almost) . No real issues with wanting to drink, I'm really stressed out at work which was a big trigger point/ excuse to drink. I have about a 45minute to 1hr drive home from work everyday, in the past I would stop and get "roadie" or 2. I've replaced that with making sure I have plenty of water to drink and I call my wife or kids. Their support is more than I deserve. I posted on the New to Sobriety forum when I first found this site about what caused me to get sober. May 6 I received a DWI, not my first. I have 2 previous DWI's that I received pretty much back to back in 1982. Back in those days coke was my drug of choice, I went into rehab back in 85', I always said drugs whether it be coke, weed or other illegal substance was what my problem was. Yes, I was taught a drug is a drug is a drug. I said that if I had 1 joint or 1 line I would be back on drugs, I haven't touched any of that since rehab, I actually said the same thing when I quit smoking cigarettes 20 years ago, If I have just 1 I'll start smoking again. Anyway I stayed completely sober for around 5 years, then I started with having a Margareta every now and then, then I started with beer, first just a casually, slowly more and more until I got to the point of everyday drinking. Along with work stress I have a court appearance Fri. I don't think anything will happen on this court date. I'm just scared. I'm afraid of losing everything. Sorry for rambling.

Sunflowerlife

Hey Rainman- I would be anxious about the court date as well but I will be thinking of you and hoping everything goes smoothly. I've had a DUI in my past as well- it is not fun at all. Thank god we didn't hurt anyone. My neighbor (we just moved in May) has a bumper sticker on her car that reads, "A drunk driver killed my son." I just got goosebumps writing that. I can't imagine losing my child like that. Thank God we stopped the insanity and NEVER have to go back to that awful place again.

Sounds like you are making good new habits, like water in the car and phone calls instead of a drink. My old therapist was a big proponent of replacing bad habits with different ones before trying to eliminate the habit all together. Seems like it works.

Hope your week gets easier, not more stressful at work. Good to hear from you, as always!

WeaverBird

Hello to you both from England. It's hot but raining so it's like a jungle out there.

I don't think either of you give yourselves enough credit for what you are achieving while giving up alcohol. From the outside, I read all the things you do, and am pretty impressed. Don't be hard on yourselves, not when you're doing something about this mega-problem. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

If only I could take my own advice Yesterday was stuff-myself-with-food day, then avoid all mirrors. Today is shopping. And I do need the t-shirt for the gym, but the other 10 items??? I'll have to return it all tomorrow... Doh. Honestly, I swear when you refuse to face emotions, they come out sideways where we don't have any defences.

Lots of genuine tears of sadness today which I hope are healing rather than angry tears of frustration and self-pity which I had at the beginning.

Laughter too though. It's quite hard to write about serious things when the dog has a squeaky plastic brussels sprout toy he's throwing in the air and catching. It was his Christmas present. One of many, individually wrapped, if I'm truthful.

p.s. Where are you Caramel and BatholithBabe? Thinking of you. Hope all is going well?

Love and peace to all.

Caramel

Hello Weev1l - all good here, thanks for asking.
Love the vision of the dog and his brussels sprout toy!
Happy days to you.

Poppy2006

Hi all need to this post, my sober date is May 12, 2017