Steely

Welcome Poppy. Brisbane girl! Congrats on your 66 days and perseverance in trying to post. I don't use the app Poppy, but someone here will, and hopefully help you out. Good people here.

Spent time in the psych unit too Poppy, sometimes respite is truly called for, and very glad it worked for you.

Keep posting Poppy. You can do this, we can do this.

Poppy79

Hi Steely, yep Brissie born and bred
Those 3 weeks in hospital saved me. I know it's early days but it's been about 7 years since i have gone this long without a drink so I am hopeful and a wee bit confident this time is for keeps. Art therapy has also helped me loads. I'm not a big talker so painting and drawing is a great release for my emotions. And exercise. Whereabouts are you located Steely? I have a feeling it's Sydney?

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Steely

Can someone help Poppy? She's got 66 Days up.

I'm figuring you're a girl Poppy, unless of course you are a grandfather.

And good morning to all my fellow travellers. We got dis.

Poppy79

I'm a girl Steely. Poppy is the nickname of one of my canine babies, and also what I used to call my grandfather.
My profile pic is of my other canine baby as a puppy. Gorgeous little munchkins they are
One thing I have noticed on this thread is no one appears to have relapsed which is really great. I was quite worried about starting my recovery just before the festive season kicked off but I am glad I did. I feel like I have gotten through some of the toughest times early on which I am quietly proud of.

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Steely

I've noticed that too Poppy, we all seem to be hanging in by hook or by crook. It's a real comfort to know that others in our Class are fair dinkum about getting sober, and we are not struggling alone on this sometimes difficult journey. We all want it, from my reading.

Your little babies are beautiful Poppy, and was delighted to hear that you called your grandfather "Poppy". Funny you know, a bloke in rehab used to call me Poppy. We got a connection.

Poppy79

Indeed. Staying sober can be difficult, very difficult. One of my worries is becoming complacent and a few years down the track I don't want to assume I can be a 'normal' drinker. That is what happened to me 7 years ago after only a couple of months sober.
I have antabuse on hand should I feel my resolve weakening. This time feels different though. I'm older and wiser. But I have had moments where I 'miss' being able to drink. My mood swings can be pretty hardcore but I keep telling myself nothing worth achieving should be easy otherwise I will take the achievement for granted.

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rainypnw

Good to see you on this thread Poppy. And way to go on 66 days!!!

Jillwink

Welcome Poppy, and congratulations. Steely, I am sorry about your friend. Sending you a big hug.
I think we Nobenders are pretty darn amazing! With our support for each other, I truly know we can starve the monster that has been trying to destroy us, and be free.
My husband and I are still strong. I did go to a party alone tonight, as he wanted to stay home and watch football. I was pretty darn miserable there. Everyone was drinking, and although I had no desire at all to drink, I found I just didn't want to be around all of that. At least three people tried to get me a drink, even though I was drinking hot cider! After about an hour, I just slipped out, went home, put on my pj's, and here we are eating popcorn and watching football together. I hope I don 't become even more of an introvert than I was!!

badgerden

Welcome ot Nobenders Poppy! congrats on 66 days, and am lovin your avatar!
Rainy, Steely, Abriella, Solly, LSW, Tnek Jillwink, Glad to read that you all are doing well.
Jillwink good job on handling the drink pressure at the party!

Today I am at celebrating my 60 day birthday. This is the longest period of time I have gone without alcohol in 4 years. This time around I do feel a difference, more mature, more focused than before. The first few weeks I was consumed with the battle to change my habits, being conscious of what I was doing throughout the day. Like I was living in a bubble that threatened to burst at any minute if I made the wrong decision. A roller coaster of emotions. Now while my path has somewhat leveled off, with the rocks being less slippery and the boulders a little smaller, I feel like I am at one of the more dangerous parts of my hike. I found myself doing the same thing as I did 4 years ago, straying away from here, from SR. Oh I check in every day, but the separation was happening. Not being as diligent as I should, as firm with myself. Don't misunderstand, I haven't drank, I don't want to, do not plan to. But being complacent and drifting is something I cannot allow to be. My addiction has lessened to almost non existance when I am grocery shopping, or out with friends, but I know it is there, waiting for me lose sight of my goal, our goal.

I know that I need to stay here, to be active with my posting. Become part of the Nobenders again. I want to apologize for the babbling, this post just kind of wrote itself, sort of (to borrow a mountaineering phrase) self arrest. I don't want to do this alone, I cant do this alone, but its kind of what I am feeling right now. Not sure why, tomorrow I will be different I am sure, always am. But I really appreciate all of you more than written words can say. I do love ya all!

Badge
60 days

Poppy79

Thanks Badge.
I have been wanting to join in the November thread since, well, November. I feel a bit technically nifty for finding a way to post on here without the app shutting down after a few seconds typing
I agree with your post, I am scared sh*tless of becoming complacent if I don't keep working on my progress. By working I mean:-
- daily physical exercise
- making time for my art
- checking in here regularly
- avoiding triggers but doing my self talk when i do experience a trigger
- refraining from allowing negative thoughts to take over my mind set.
I have noticed my exercise has slowed down a bit ie I am only walking for 1 hour a day when I would normally do 2 x hour walks.
I have gone a few days without picking up a paint brush. Although I have fixed that over the last cpl of days. I'm trying to tell myself that I can have slower weeks and this doesn't mean failure is around the corner.
Might sound like I am wishing my life away but I am really, really wanting to get 12 months under my belt. I have a feeling that at the 1 year mark these worries will be near non existent.

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Steely

Nobenders rock Jillwink, and so do you for leaving the dreary party. Lucid conversation with your husband ensconced on the lounge eating popcorn sounds like a much better way to spend the evening.

Congrats on 60 days badge, you ARE a Nobender. I identify with everything you say, it is my story too.

We all seem to be finding it a bit different this time around. Wiser, stronger, more focussed.

Prior to now, during periods of sobriety, I have always held a secret belief that I would would be able to drink again. I could not believe that I lacked the ability to intervene on my own behaviour and cease after a few drinks like everyone else. It's different this time, and I know that I can't. How much more evidence do I need? None, the proof is in the pudding.

Now as you say Poppy, you sometimes miss not being able to drink. I've had thoughts like that too, but when I think about it realistically all I am missing is a freaky horror show, not the fantasy I conjure of sunlight glinting off a wine glass engaged in happy conversation with my friends. They moved to another table.

As soon as I got the bit that told me I would always be part of a freaky horror show if I were to drink, I wanted sobriety, and I wanted a sobriety that supplied all of the joy, creativity, and good times that I falsely believed alcohol held for me. All my dreams in a bottle, not my own good works. It's time now for my own good works to begin. Just got to get off the couch.

My history is one of falling into complacency too, and really do need the continued reinforcement of coming here, because you my fellows continually and honestly remind me, that this thing is real. How soon I forget. Just keep checking in badge, no pressure.

I'm wanting to put all of the things you describe into my life too Poppy. Some days I have no motivation whatsoever, and have to consciously drive negative thoughts from my mind. But I'm sober and the path is clear, just got to start trekking.

Luv you guys.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Poppy.

The sites not supporting the app anymore- they recommend using the 'mobile' setting instead.

D

Abriella

Hi Nobenders!

Welcome Poppy!! Nice to have another join our group! We are a terrific bunch!

Although I feel much more focused this time, I am still scared sh*tless of complacency and failure. Last year I made it almost 10 months and then the feeling of being left out hit pretty hard. Last night while walking through the grocery store with hubby, I found myself walking through the alcohol isle... the AV started in and I felt like the walls were closing in. Quickly made my way out of that isle. Next time, I'll stay far away from that trigger. Lesson learned.

Checking in here daily has been a tremendous help for me. We learn so much from each other. Thank you all for helping me stay sober!! Hope everyone has a terrific day. Love you all.

Day #48

rainypnw

Way to go on leaving the party when you weren't feeling comfortable, Jillwink. I think being an introvert for the first part of sobriety is not a bad thing. Drunk people are no fun to hang around when you are sober.

Badge, congrats on 60 (now 61) days! I just listened to a podcast this week about the number one way to stay sober. It was not straying from your sober supports. It's good that you recognized what was happening and changed it.

Poppy, I like that you have daily goals. The exercise part is crucial for me too. Those endorphins have a lot to do with how much better I feel every day.

I agree with you, Steely, that I have always thought that someday I would be able to drink like a regular person (moderate). But, I think this forum and my own behavior have shown me otherwise.

Abriella, I understand the AV in the wine section of the store. That section has become off limits to me too!

Lately I've noticed that if I don't check in on here at least twice daily, the AV becomes louder. I went through a period of a few weeks that I felt "all better" and thought that I didn't need SR as much as I did during the first days of sobriety. Then I realized that I'm still in the first days of sobriety at day 54. In a way, I'm just a sober baby. I need all the help I can get to help me stay on this path. We are all helping each other along on this journey.

Steely

I need all the help I can get too rainy, that's why I return. I sometimes think that I'm a weak woos for not being able to do it on my own because I HAVE the knowledge, and really don't want to drink again.....what more do I need?

Like there are heaps of people, majority I think, who just STOP and get on with their lives. Why can't I be one of those people? Don't get me wrong, everyone here is fantastic and I love, respect and admire you all, but I cringe when I think of having to be "dependent" on support for a lifetime. It makes me feel inadequate.

Because I'm so muddled, and depression and anxiety have returned I'm really in no position to entertain such thoughts, and the only thing I can do is hang in on our little boat and keep batting. Rowing

I see some real solution in my starting to put my plans into action, and begin experiencing life. It's the reason I gave up drinking, but lack of motivation is blocking me. I think I'm blocking me, and I've got to get out of my own way and convert thought into action, as to just not drink is not going to cut it.

Also have to be mindful that I don't try to tackle the entire world, but to give myself permission to NOT DO, as well.

Finding balance is difficult at the start and I need here to help me hold the line, and I don't even FEEL like drinking. I'm up against myself now, not the grog.

Jillwink

Where's our strong Steely? You can do this; we are all here for you. Don't let your Nobender group down You should be proud of how well you've done, and we all appreciate the support you've given us all!

badgerden

Lazy day in the Badgers den, spent the majority of the day just kicked back reading and almost finishing a book I have had for a few years reading off and on. Still feeling adrift, a little lost and needy, but also feeling comforted by your posts that I am not really alone.

Hubby is leaving Tuesday for a 5 day conference and I had always done my best drinking during that time. Didnt have to hide the stash in the bathroom or closet, just sit a get hammered at my leisure,,,, I would have to do my best "sober" voice when he called though. I havent come up with a plan for this yet, besides living here in cyberland called Sober Recovery.

Stay strong everyone, together we will get through this!

Badge

Jillwink

Badger- when m hubby is away, I enjoy getting lost in a good book. Keeps the mind occupied

Dee74

I was not one of those who stopped and simply got on with my life, just without alcohol.

Alcohol was many things to me, but mostly it was self medication for a variety of issues, both physical and mental.

Getting sober was one thing - to stay sober was something else.

I needed to look at each and every one of those things I medicated for.

I had to find new better and healthier solutions.

It all took time. It wasn't a sudden change, it was a process.

I wanted to put it all behind me and be 'fixed' *now* - but things that grow over30 or 40 years are resistant to that kind of approach.

Some times you can knock through a wall - and other times you have to work at it until it crumbles.

D

Steely

Thanks Dee you are absolutely right. I just wrote another long post and it got zapped. Give me a fountain pen and a carrier pigeon!