Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 6
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Hi everyone. Just in case anyone was wondering where I've been, Bf relapsed and I followed shortly after. I was so hoping we wouldn't be that codependent. Nothing bad happened, fortunately, but we are picking up the pieces of what happened. I am not sure if he is going to get back on the wagon with me or not. I've been pretty nervous about it for a few days. I might not write more or read more tonight but I will try to soon. I hope all is well
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Sorry to hear about your bf and you 
At least you have come back here sooner rather than later and getting back on track.
I am so scared of relapsing. It's a deep seeded worry in the pit of my stomach. Can I ask what might have triggered your relapse? Was it because your bf did and you felt you were missing out on the 'fun'?
Sorry in advance, I am a super curious person, I don't mean to intrude or get too personal.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
At least you have come back here sooner rather than later and getting back on track.
I am so scared of relapsing. It's a deep seeded worry in the pit of my stomach. Can I ask what might have triggered your relapse? Was it because your bf did and you felt you were missing out on the 'fun'?
Sorry in advance, I am a super curious person, I don't mean to intrude or get too personal.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
That was legendary Lady. I have social anxiety too (unusual for a socialist 
so going to the meeting took another step in the right direction. Just being around people with no pressure to talk or even engage, and you feeling proud gives greater credence to "slow exposure" being a successful strategy.
I've found that with greater sobriety, and the building of the days my confidence has improved (pittsville, before) and am feeling a BIT more comfortable being ME around other people, even if I don't say a word......they'll think we're dark horses and super interesting Very happy for you Lady.
Badge (and everyone) I feel like an idiot, but I'm a happy idiot who might now be read as a panic merchant who thought her friend was dying. She saw her oncologist yesterday and though he is not entirely sure (85%), he reckons the mass they saw is scar tissue from the the original surgery. She has to return in 6 months, and reckons too that she has anorexia. She had it when young, and has been under enormous pressure of late to 'control' her ailing body, I suppose.
Best news ever, but I feel like an idiot.....I just couldn't imagine the world without her, only friend I've had for years and years, naturally the grog, and we are both on the same page. All did point to a return of the cancer. Hallelujah, I'm a bum!
I haven't started writing either, but now have my trusty spiral binder and pen poised in anticipation.....or freakiness more like it! This one small step had me see in my mind the way I wanted my desk to be laid out with all my tools at hand.
My dazzled brain, and super lack of confidence and motivation is what is holding me back. But that's no excuse, it's a cop out, and am slowly somehow working towards change. Trying to drop the angst.
One thing I know for sure is that writing really does help in making sense of things, seeing things from different angles, perspectives, remembering more objectively, pulling it all together somehow, and however muddled, is what I think is going to be the making of a ME. It is just as you say.
And it's at that point that alcohol becomes superfluous.
I'm too long again, but I guess I'm writing and it does help.
Thinking of you all, and feel like I know you all because I am in the same struggle.
Rock forever Nobenders.
so going to the meeting took another step in the right direction. Just being around people with no pressure to talk or even engage, and you feeling proud gives greater credence to "slow exposure" being a successful strategy. I've found that with greater sobriety, and the building of the days
my confidence has improved (pittsville, before) and am feeling a BIT more comfortable being ME around other people, even if I don't say a word......they'll think we're dark horses and super interesting Very happy for you Lady. Badge (and everyone) I feel like an idiot, but I'm a happy idiot who might now be read as a panic merchant who thought her friend was dying. She saw her oncologist yesterday and though he is not entirely sure (85%), he reckons the mass they saw is scar tissue from the the original surgery. She has to return in 6 months, and reckons too that she has anorexia. She had it when young, and has been under enormous pressure of late to 'control' her ailing body, I suppose.
Best news ever, but I feel like an idiot.....I just couldn't imagine the world without her, only friend I've had for years and years, naturally the grog, and we are both on the same page. All did point to a return of the cancer. Hallelujah, I'm a bum!
I haven't started writing either, but now have my trusty spiral binder and pen poised in anticipation.....or freakiness more like it! This one small step had me see in my mind the way I wanted my desk to be laid out with all my tools at hand.
My dazzled brain, and super lack of confidence and motivation is what is holding me back. But that's no excuse, it's a cop out, and am slowly somehow working towards change. Trying to drop the angst.
One thing I know for sure is that writing really does help in making sense of things, seeing things from different angles, perspectives, remembering more objectively, pulling it all together somehow, and however muddled, is what I think is going to be the making of a ME. It is just as you say.
And it's at that point that alcohol becomes superfluous.
I'm too long again, but I guess I'm writing and it does help.
Thinking of you all, and feel like I know you all because I am in the same struggle.
Rock forever Nobenders.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Hi Plenny and Poppy. Your posts dropped in while I must have been writing mine.
I'm sorry about the lapse Plenny, but seeing you write that you will see Poppy in the artists' thread had me know that you were back on track.
So easy to lapse with your partner, friend, neighbour, landlord, it really is. I've done it too.
I hope your boyfriend does get back back on the wagon, but one thing I think I do know, is that we all have our own timetables in getting sober, and the amount of significance we place on having our OWN sobriety. No other way works, how could it?
See you when you're ready Plenny, and hope you are painting. That would make a good painting actually, ''Relapse in Double'. A one off work.
I'm sorry about the lapse Plenny, but seeing you write that you will see Poppy in the artists' thread had me know that you were back on track.
So easy to lapse with your partner, friend, neighbour, landlord
, it really is. I've done it too. I hope your boyfriend does get back back on the wagon, but one thing I think I do know, is that we all have our own timetables in getting sober, and the amount of significance we place on having our OWN sobriety. No other way works, how could it?
See you when you're ready Plenny, and hope you are painting. That would make a good painting actually, ''Relapse in Double'. A one off work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Portsmouth UK
Posts: 97
Greetings again Fellow Travellers. Checking in at 63 days (9 weeks) without alcohol.
Although I read the posts daily, I generally post just once a week. Given that it's Winter here, not much happens. Too many days where, when you look out of the window, a warm fire and a good book look the best option for the day.
I seem to be doing pretty well, although to be honest, there's not much overt temptation around at the moment - no family or friend celebrations. We do still have a cupboard full of booze though. I may have given up the demon drink, but my dear lady wife has not. Not that she drinks much, but she enjoys a variety of things like flavoured vodkas and gins, Baileys, the odd whisky with a mixer of some sort. Sometimes my AV steers my eyes to the cupboard, but I don't follow up on the steer. We go to the pub every couple of weeks for a meal. Strangely enough the AV doesn't kick in there.
I know that some people, on kicking the booze into touch, then rid the house of all drink and avoid going to places where alcohol is prevalent (pubs, clubs et al), but I thought that I should live life as normally as possible. I can't stop other people from drinking. Neither can I rid the world of pubs, clubs and off-licenses. Supermarkets have whole sections dedicated to drink, and I do need to go to the supermarket. So I just carry on living my life and ignoring the available booze. I tell myself that I don't need it; it won't do me any good at all if I do succumb to it, and I'll feel great in the morning.
So, to all of you Class of November 2016 Nobenders - enjoy life, and remember to keep the faith........
Although I read the posts daily, I generally post just once a week. Given that it's Winter here, not much happens. Too many days where, when you look out of the window, a warm fire and a good book look the best option for the day.
I seem to be doing pretty well, although to be honest, there's not much overt temptation around at the moment - no family or friend celebrations. We do still have a cupboard full of booze though. I may have given up the demon drink, but my dear lady wife has not. Not that she drinks much, but she enjoys a variety of things like flavoured vodkas and gins, Baileys, the odd whisky with a mixer of some sort. Sometimes my AV steers my eyes to the cupboard, but I don't follow up on the steer. We go to the pub every couple of weeks for a meal. Strangely enough the AV doesn't kick in there.
I know that some people, on kicking the booze into touch, then rid the house of all drink and avoid going to places where alcohol is prevalent (pubs, clubs et al), but I thought that I should live life as normally as possible. I can't stop other people from drinking. Neither can I rid the world of pubs, clubs and off-licenses. Supermarkets have whole sections dedicated to drink, and I do need to go to the supermarket. So I just carry on living my life and ignoring the available booze. I tell myself that I don't need it; it won't do me any good at all if I do succumb to it, and I'll feel great in the morning.
So, to all of you Class of November 2016 Nobenders - enjoy life, and remember to keep the faith........
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 354
Hi everybody. Made it through Christmas and New Year but due to all that was going on I caved in. Have been in a very bad place for the last couple of weeks. Today is my day one again. Am going to work very hard with my therapist to not give in when under so much bad stress. Really has been an awful time. Feel disappointed but need to do this. Hugs to all and thinking of everybody. X
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Congrats on 9 weeks Golly, and I don't care if other people drink either. Reading in front of a warm fire sounds so much more civilised, peaceful and relaxing. True bliss (for me) compared with the outrage of the booze.
Not funny at all, but can remember (when young) coming home from a dance and finding my father asleep and intoxicated in front of the warm fire and his shoes were on fire. He was 'alcoholic', and it eventually killed him. Dad wouldn't mind me telling that story, hey, Dad?
Thinking of you too Kimmy and glad you are back in pride of place, emerging from the 'bad place'. Stress is really dreadful, and like you had to start to develop better coping strategies.
I'm not very good at it, but am really trying to be kind to myself and stepping back from the demands of others, and the pressures of life. For me, it is working better all around.
Happy birthday Kimmy, and best birthday present ever.
Not funny at all, but can remember (when young) coming home from a dance and finding my father asleep and intoxicated in front of the warm fire and his shoes were on fire. He was 'alcoholic', and it eventually killed him. Dad wouldn't mind me telling that story, hey, Dad?
Thinking of you too Kimmy and glad you are back in pride of place, emerging from the 'bad place'. Stress is really dreadful, and like you had to start to develop better coping strategies.
I'm not very good at it, but am really trying to be kind to myself and stepping back from the demands of others, and the pressures of life. For me, it is working better all around.
Happy birthday Kimmy, and best birthday present ever.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 354
Thanks Steely. I also am really not good at stepping back from the demands of others. I unfortunately allow things in on me so very much. Things end up consuming me. Your such a kind person and thank you for your thoughts. X
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Today makes it 80 days sober. I can't believe that; 80 days. I feel like I was just proud to make it to 5 days.
I'm really trying to change my diet, and cut out sugar, processed food, etc. I swear, sometimes I feel the sugar cravings are worse than the booze cravings were.
I'm really trying to change my diet, and cut out sugar, processed food, etc. I swear, sometimes I feel the sugar cravings are worse than the booze cravings were.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
I'm the same Kimmy in letting people/things consume me. Case in point being the recent heavy demands of my family, where the stress was beginning to affect my health. My skin and hair too It was also a threat to my sobriety, and in fact had me relapse at 8 months. I had, and have to change.
Am learning to lay down boundaries and feel OK about saying 'no'. Still not very practiced at it, and and can even feel bad about doing so. Sometimes it comes out all wrong or too strongly, and think it may have something to do with guilt about my past, and an ill conceived attempt at making amends.
I have to know that I have an entitlement to set boundaries and know my limits, so I'm just plugging away at it until I get it right. I'm looking for balance, and hope work with your therapist helps you along the this path too. We can do this.
Congrats on 80 days tnek, me 81 days and feeling proud of that too.
Hope everything goes well for you on Friday Ladyshipwreck
It was also a threat to my sobriety, and in fact had me relapse at 8 months. I had, and have to change. Am learning to lay down boundaries and feel OK about saying 'no'. Still not very practiced at it, and and can even feel bad about doing so. Sometimes it comes out all wrong or too strongly, and think it may have something to do with guilt about my past, and an ill conceived attempt at making amends.
I have to know that I have an entitlement to set boundaries and know my limits, so I'm just plugging away at it until I get it right. I'm looking for balance, and hope work with your therapist helps you along the this path too. We can do this.
Congrats on 80 days tnek, me 81 days and feeling proud of that too.
Hope everything goes well for you on Friday Ladyshipwreck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 354
Hi everybody. Day 2.
Steely, It's a hard road to travel. Not good at saying no either. Let everything, every situation and everybody in on me way too much. Seeing my therapist today and for the next few weeks is something I really want to focus on. The stress was also affecting my health, I looked dreadful, and was literally walking around like a zombie. So yes in the end, I did cave in and let all of this take my sobriety. I know that in the end I can't blame anybody only myself. Don't want this to be the treadmill I walk so thus the reason I need to change. Your right Steely, we can do this.
Congratulations to everybody sounds like you are all doing so well. I wish I was still at the same milestone as you all but unfortunately am not. But hey, I'm back on that horse and will continue on my journey. Could not have gotten this far without you all. Big hugs. Xxx
Steely, It's a hard road to travel. Not good at saying no either. Let everything, every situation and everybody in on me way too much. Seeing my therapist today and for the next few weeks is something I really want to focus on. The stress was also affecting my health, I looked dreadful, and was literally walking around like a zombie. So yes in the end, I did cave in and let all of this take my sobriety. I know that in the end I can't blame anybody only myself. Don't want this to be the treadmill I walk so thus the reason I need to change. Your right Steely, we can do this.
Congratulations to everybody sounds like you are all doing so well. I wish I was still at the same milestone as you all but unfortunately am not. But hey, I'm back on that horse and will continue on my journey. Could not have gotten this far without you all. Big hugs. Xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 94
Hi Nobenders! Just checking in. My husband and I are still doing great!
We've been eating way too much sugar, so that's next on our list to knock out. Tnek, yes, I was never a sweet eater before stopping drinking. I read a lot about it last night, and it's quite normal to switch from alcohol to sugar. I will now get rid of that, less evil, vice too!
We've been eating way too much sugar, so that's next on our list to knock out. Tnek, yes, I was never a sweet eater before stopping drinking. I read a lot about it last night, and it's quite normal to switch from alcohol to sugar. I will now get rid of that, less evil, vice too!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 275
Steely, I'm so glad to hear about your friend. Congrats on day 82!
Kimmy, good to see you here on day 2!
tnek, I'm right there with you. I've never had sugar cravings until I quit drinking. I'm trying to get a handle on that in the next few weeks. I don't want to replace one addiction with another. Congrats on day 81!
Jillwink, good to hear that everything is going well for you. I need to read up on how to curb the sugar cravings...
Solly, congrats on 9 weeks. Way to be strong around alcohol. I cannot have it anywhere around my house. My partner quit drinking the same day I did. I'm in awe of the people (like you) that quit drinking and still live with someone who is a normal drinker. It takes much more self-control than I have!
Plenny, we are here to support you and I know we are all rooting for you.
Hello, Dee and Poppy (and anyone else I missed)!
Yesterday was the closest I've come to drinking in the past 58 days. I had an emotional exchange with family and went to Costco on what seemed to be the busiest day of the year (?). It all somehow added up to a screaming AV in my brain. Not sure how I made it through, but I did. I'm feeling much better this morning and had to come here first thing to check in. I haven't done that for a few days and can tell a difference in the AV when I don't stay active on SR.
Kimmy, good to see you here on day 2!
tnek, I'm right there with you. I've never had sugar cravings until I quit drinking. I'm trying to get a handle on that in the next few weeks. I don't want to replace one addiction with another. Congrats on day 81!
Jillwink, good to hear that everything is going well for you. I need to read up on how to curb the sugar cravings...
Solly, congrats on 9 weeks. Way to be strong around alcohol. I cannot have it anywhere around my house. My partner quit drinking the same day I did. I'm in awe of the people (like you) that quit drinking and still live with someone who is a normal drinker. It takes much more self-control than I have!
Plenny, we are here to support you and I know we are all rooting for you.
Hello, Dee and Poppy (and anyone else I missed)!
Yesterday was the closest I've come to drinking in the past 58 days. I had an emotional exchange with family and went to Costco on what seemed to be the busiest day of the year (?). It all somehow added up to a screaming AV in my brain. Not sure how I made it through, but I did. I'm feeling much better this morning and had to come here first thing to check in. I haven't done that for a few days and can tell a difference in the AV when I don't stay active on SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Milestones come in all different forms Kimmy. My relapse at 8 months was a milestone for change, and that's progress. Zombie? Me too.
Glad to hear that both you and your husband are doing well Jillwink.
Another day of change.
Glad to hear that both you and your husband are doing well Jillwink.
Another day of change.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Hi rainy, and thanks for your kind your words.
It's the emotional stuff that gets me too rainy. Trying to learn how to deal with my emotions rationally, rather than recourse to alcohol. It's never worked for me, ever.
It's the emotional stuff that gets me too rainy. Trying to learn how to deal with my emotions rationally, rather than recourse to alcohol. It's never worked for me, ever.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 126
Against all odds, my husband is most likely being retained. I feel like a boulder has been lifted off of my chest. For 10 months we have been expecting he was going to get kicked out and it has been a long drawn out nightmare. I don't have the energy right now to get into it but it has been so emotionally taxing, living under a cloud of daunting uncertainty.
I truly believe it happened for a reason. During this time we both quit drinking. My faith in my higher power (although I'm still not sure exactly certain what my interpretation of God is) has strengthened tremendously. My husband who used to think that he was the God of his own destiny, has found faith in a higher power.
I didn't actually have to go to the hearing. But it was 4 hours and I was a nervous wreck. And after everything was over and we got the good news, I seriously felt high on life. It was surreal.
Welcome Poppy! Your pup is super cute
Plenny and Kimmy The most important thing is that you're back on track and you didn't stay gone long. Be proud of that.
Happy Bday Kimmy!
Tnek 80+ days that's fantastic!
Jillwink right there with you on the sugar cravings
Steely I'm hoping to find the confidence in just being me with out the crutch of alcohol as well. I try and tell myself that it might not be easy, but at least I'm being the real me. I took my daughter to a bday party tonight and all of the other moms were having beer. I felt socially awkward and the reality crossed my mind that if I had a beer it would be easier to talk. But it's a very small price to pay.
I saw you mention that you lost your dad to alcohol? Unless I read that wrong. I lost my mom to alcohol only a couple years ago. I'm still messed up about that.
I think I might try going to AA sometimes. I don't want to do steps but I think it might be a good opportunity to work on my social skills. Also I was thinking maybe it could be like free therapy haha! If I can get the nerve up to talk. Since I am to scared to make an appointment with an actual therapist. Okay I guess I should say it would be "therapeutic", not actually like therapy because I wouldn't be counseled or anything.
I truly believe it happened for a reason. During this time we both quit drinking. My faith in my higher power (although I'm still not sure exactly certain what my interpretation of God is) has strengthened tremendously. My husband who used to think that he was the God of his own destiny, has found faith in a higher power.
I didn't actually have to go to the hearing. But it was 4 hours and I was a nervous wreck. And after everything was over and we got the good news, I seriously felt high on life. It was surreal.
Welcome Poppy! Your pup is super cute
Plenny and Kimmy The most important thing is that you're back on track and you didn't stay gone long. Be proud of that.
Happy Bday Kimmy!
Tnek 80+ days that's fantastic!
Jillwink right there with you on the sugar cravings
Steely I'm hoping to find the confidence in just being me with out the crutch of alcohol as well. I try and tell myself that it might not be easy, but at least I'm being the real me. I took my daughter to a bday party tonight and all of the other moms were having beer. I felt socially awkward and the reality crossed my mind that if I had a beer it would be easier to talk. But it's a very small price to pay.
I saw you mention that you lost your dad to alcohol? Unless I read that wrong. I lost my mom to alcohol only a couple years ago. I'm still messed up about that.
I think I might try going to AA sometimes. I don't want to do steps but I think it might be a good opportunity to work on my social skills. Also I was thinking maybe it could be like free therapy haha! If I can get the nerve up to talk. Since I am to scared to make an appointment with an actual therapist. Okay I guess I should say it would be "therapeutic", not actually like therapy because I wouldn't be counseled or anything.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
