Class of March 2013 part 31
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Good morning Marchers 
It rained and rained and rained all night. Dee I believe it's been the same up your way. Isn't it amazing -- the sound of rain on the roof when you are in bed?
Trachy I hope your Dad is doing ok by the time you read this.
Shoes it was so good to read your post, you are such a generous person.
Have a good day everyone.
It rained and rained and rained all night. Dee I believe it's been the same up your way. Isn't it amazing -- the sound of rain on the roof when you are in bed? Trachy I hope your Dad is doing ok by the time you read this.
Shoes it was so good to read your post, you are such a generous person.
Have a good day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Life I hope you are reading here today and I hope you have read the PM I sent.
My remarks last night went too far, I should not have spoken as I did -- it was not helpful. I care for you very much Life and in that caring I spoke less than kindly and helpfully. I apologise unreservedly to you, Dee and the other Marchers.
My remarks last night went too far, I should not have spoken as I did -- it was not helpful. I care for you very much Life and in that caring I spoke less than kindly and helpfully. I apologise unreservedly to you, Dee and the other Marchers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Life when you come on here next please read this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-trigger.html and most particularly post #10.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,293
Marcher, that is an incredibly good post. I got a lot out of it too as I'm working on the things I need to do to stay sober. I'm still under 2 weeks and doing well but I have been around this Mulberry bush too many times and now realize clearly that I can't become complacent. I have to work this as if my life depends on it -- and it truly does!
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
Hi all,
Thank you for your recent responses. Please be assured that I fully appreciate everything you say, including the hard talk..........there is absolutely NO offence taken. I know that everything written is out of concern. Marcher I have PM'd you.
Thanks Marcher for directing me to that thread. there is most def food for thought there, after i've written this i'll add my own post to the thread.
Sass, i;m so proud of you, you are doing so well, keep it up, you sound in fab form.
I see my PDoc tomorrow again. I'm dreading telling him the truth but it has to be done. This is it, he gave me three weeks and I blew it.
I'm not looking forward to the next chapter but I fully intend to go to as many meeting as poss this week.........hopefully every day except tomorrow as I see him at lunch and tap in the eve.............but Tue onwards.
Thanks everyone for your input after my last post re rehab. I know you're all right. I had a conversation with my Aunt last night. It's hard talking to someone on the other side of the world, esp to someone who rarely drinks and has no concept of addiction. I mentioned rehab and she got angry saying that my priorities were wrong, I needed to be out searching for a job.
It was a hard tel conversation and i'm still trying to digest her words. Likewise, I know she'll have gone off the phone and had a rethink.
Anyway, it's been a big afternoon. Story for another day. Shower and bedtime for me.
speak soon folks.
J xx
Thank you for your recent responses. Please be assured that I fully appreciate everything you say, including the hard talk..........there is absolutely NO offence taken. I know that everything written is out of concern. Marcher I have PM'd you.
Thanks Marcher for directing me to that thread. there is most def food for thought there, after i've written this i'll add my own post to the thread.
Sass, i;m so proud of you, you are doing so well, keep it up, you sound in fab form.
I see my PDoc tomorrow again. I'm dreading telling him the truth but it has to be done. This is it, he gave me three weeks and I blew it.
I'm not looking forward to the next chapter but I fully intend to go to as many meeting as poss this week.........hopefully every day except tomorrow as I see him at lunch and tap in the eve.............but Tue onwards.
Thanks everyone for your input after my last post re rehab. I know you're all right. I had a conversation with my Aunt last night. It's hard talking to someone on the other side of the world, esp to someone who rarely drinks and has no concept of addiction. I mentioned rehab and she got angry saying that my priorities were wrong, I needed to be out searching for a job.
It was a hard tel conversation and i'm still trying to digest her words. Likewise, I know she'll have gone off the phone and had a rethink.
Anyway, it's been a big afternoon. Story for another day. Shower and bedtime for me.
speak soon folks.
J xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,293
Life, i found that directly, openly and honestly telling my pdoc the whole situation was one of the best things I've ever done. I was scared before I did it but actually doing it was easier than thinking about it and he did not reject me or say anything other than helpful things. I hope you have a similar experience!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,188
Trachy, sorry to hear about your dad, I hope his only lasting effect is frequent teasing at family gatherings! It may well have not been a case of deliberately overindulging, some of these bars make their cocktails a little on the strong side, and from what I remember of drinking spirits, the effects don't all come into effect immediately, so by the time I decided to ow down or stop, I was already at least one drink too late! Hugs to them both, joking apart I am sure I gave them both a jolt. Well done on not letting it give you an excuse to drink.
You are doing really well, treading new ground, but you are putting your best foot forward, and you should be really proud of yourself for all to be effort you are putting in to prioritising your sobriety.
Sass, how are you getting settled? New homes all have their own new noises in the night to adapt to, and new kinks to cope with, but before you know it you will think of it as home.
Have you met any of the neighbours yet?
Life, it is understandable that your aunt would see your priorities differently. As someone who doesn't understand addiction it is easy to see how getting work to keep afloat (especially from a generation who don't believe in avoidable debt) would be her first concern. Your only concern right now has to be sobriety. Alcoholism has been the cause of all the other problems you are currently trying to deal with, so until your recovery is well under way you will not be ready to properly make progress elsewhere.
I guess I am lucky, I never got that 'pink cloud' feeling, but I have seen it many times in posts 'this time I can feel the difference' 'I can see where I went wrong before' 'I'm only 2days sober, but I just know this is it' it gives the addict a false sense of ability to manage their recovery, because the early euphoria makes it all seem so easy as though this new and positive attitude will be enough to carry them forward. That makes it difficult for them to listen and hear when others suggest more support, not merely relying on the emotional high. It would be wonderful if merely believing in our deep desire for sobriety was enough to make the changes happen and for sobriety to become permanent, but no one emotion lasts, it must make room for others. We wake up happy, or sad or grumpy, or content, look in the mirror and feel ancient or sexy, sad news makes us cry. Happy news makes us cry. The wrong word deliberate or inadvertent turns our world upside down or inside out, and suddenly, for the addict, our one reliable tried and trusted true friend is there to lean on and make all the strange up and downyness of life go away for a while.
Life you are right to make as many meetings as you can, and to be honest with your PDoc whatever the consequences. Unfortunately for us, addiction does bring a lot of consequences, and sadly, for a lot of addicts, fear or inability to deal with those consequences causes us to turn once again to the addiction. As an intelligent woman with a medical background who has worked with addiction, there is nothing anyone can tell you about the realism of the disease, the consequences of not stopping, healthwise, lifestyle wise. You know you have reached the point where your choices are stark, you don't need me to point them out.
But ultimately there are choices, because human life is about choices. From the moment we first begin to make our own decisions, what food we like, what toys we want, what friends we choose. All of our decisions give direction to our lives, but each direction can be altered by another decision. You can make the decision to never drink again, and then move he|| and high water to ensure that you can follow through on it.
My ex husband decided he couldn't live without alcohol, he chose instead, to live without the woman he loved. Because i chose not to continue living with an alcoholic and he chose not to accept the help offered. He died a miserable man, the only friends he had were drunks, he had no possessions,anything of value was sold pawned or stolen. He lived in a sh1tehole, all he could afford. He had neither the energy or motivation to clean his home, his clothes or himself. He ate only if someone took pity on him and fed him. Every penny he was given, borrowed or stole went on drink. His only thoughts were where his next drink was coming from.
When I first met Bernie, he was 30. He was a heavy drinker then, possibly a fledgling alcoholic, I don't know, I had no experience of alcoholism, no conception of addiction. But he was fun. He had a questing mind, he was intelligent, humorous, generous, well liked. He worked hard and he loved me. Couldn't believe his luck, thought he was out of his league catching me, but wasn't away to ignore his chance and married me before I could come to my senses. We had some happy times in those early years, until 'carefree' turned into 'irresponsible' and too many Monday morning hangovers lost too many jobs. Our choices, our decisions diverged. I was ready to move forward, grow, he wanted to stay where he was, drinking. I continued to maintain us both for far to long,without knowing it I became his enabler. Until we reached the point I knew I had to sever the connection or join him in his alcoholism. His choice was to use the proffered help to sober up or lose me.
We made our choices, I don't regret mine. I know he regretted his, but up until the day he died, he still had a choice, he still chose alcohol. He was barely in his 50s a physical and mental wreck. His funeral was attended by the few remaining drunks left alive who knew him.
When my own alcoholism became too apparent to ignore, when I realised it was escalating to an extent I could no longer control, I had a choice. I chose to make some very difficult, some humiliating, some shaming decisions. I chose sobriety. I chose to wake up every day of the rest of my life making darn sure that the next 24 hours I wouldn't drink. I go to bed thanking the fates for helping me in my sobriety. And I wake the next day, ready to battle. It does get easier, the biggest battle I have now is complacency, and I don't underestimate it.
I work chuffing hard at my sobriety, I respect the war I have with addiction, I do whatever I need to to a void reaching for a glass. My decision today; I. Will. Not. Drink. Period.
You are doing really well, treading new ground, but you are putting your best foot forward, and you should be really proud of yourself for all to be effort you are putting in to prioritising your sobriety.
Sass, how are you getting settled? New homes all have their own new noises in the night to adapt to, and new kinks to cope with, but before you know it you will think of it as home.
Have you met any of the neighbours yet?
Life, it is understandable that your aunt would see your priorities differently. As someone who doesn't understand addiction it is easy to see how getting work to keep afloat (especially from a generation who don't believe in avoidable debt) would be her first concern. Your only concern right now has to be sobriety. Alcoholism has been the cause of all the other problems you are currently trying to deal with, so until your recovery is well under way you will not be ready to properly make progress elsewhere.
I guess I am lucky, I never got that 'pink cloud' feeling, but I have seen it many times in posts 'this time I can feel the difference' 'I can see where I went wrong before' 'I'm only 2days sober, but I just know this is it' it gives the addict a false sense of ability to manage their recovery, because the early euphoria makes it all seem so easy as though this new and positive attitude will be enough to carry them forward. That makes it difficult for them to listen and hear when others suggest more support, not merely relying on the emotional high. It would be wonderful if merely believing in our deep desire for sobriety was enough to make the changes happen and for sobriety to become permanent, but no one emotion lasts, it must make room for others. We wake up happy, or sad or grumpy, or content, look in the mirror and feel ancient or sexy, sad news makes us cry. Happy news makes us cry. The wrong word deliberate or inadvertent turns our world upside down or inside out, and suddenly, for the addict, our one reliable tried and trusted true friend is there to lean on and make all the strange up and downyness of life go away for a while.
Life you are right to make as many meetings as you can, and to be honest with your PDoc whatever the consequences. Unfortunately for us, addiction does bring a lot of consequences, and sadly, for a lot of addicts, fear or inability to deal with those consequences causes us to turn once again to the addiction. As an intelligent woman with a medical background who has worked with addiction, there is nothing anyone can tell you about the realism of the disease, the consequences of not stopping, healthwise, lifestyle wise. You know you have reached the point where your choices are stark, you don't need me to point them out.
But ultimately there are choices, because human life is about choices. From the moment we first begin to make our own decisions, what food we like, what toys we want, what friends we choose. All of our decisions give direction to our lives, but each direction can be altered by another decision. You can make the decision to never drink again, and then move he|| and high water to ensure that you can follow through on it.
My ex husband decided he couldn't live without alcohol, he chose instead, to live without the woman he loved. Because i chose not to continue living with an alcoholic and he chose not to accept the help offered. He died a miserable man, the only friends he had were drunks, he had no possessions,anything of value was sold pawned or stolen. He lived in a sh1tehole, all he could afford. He had neither the energy or motivation to clean his home, his clothes or himself. He ate only if someone took pity on him and fed him. Every penny he was given, borrowed or stole went on drink. His only thoughts were where his next drink was coming from.
When I first met Bernie, he was 30. He was a heavy drinker then, possibly a fledgling alcoholic, I don't know, I had no experience of alcoholism, no conception of addiction. But he was fun. He had a questing mind, he was intelligent, humorous, generous, well liked. He worked hard and he loved me. Couldn't believe his luck, thought he was out of his league catching me, but wasn't away to ignore his chance and married me before I could come to my senses. We had some happy times in those early years, until 'carefree' turned into 'irresponsible' and too many Monday morning hangovers lost too many jobs. Our choices, our decisions diverged. I was ready to move forward, grow, he wanted to stay where he was, drinking. I continued to maintain us both for far to long,without knowing it I became his enabler. Until we reached the point I knew I had to sever the connection or join him in his alcoholism. His choice was to use the proffered help to sober up or lose me.
We made our choices, I don't regret mine. I know he regretted his, but up until the day he died, he still had a choice, he still chose alcohol. He was barely in his 50s a physical and mental wreck. His funeral was attended by the few remaining drunks left alive who knew him.
When my own alcoholism became too apparent to ignore, when I realised it was escalating to an extent I could no longer control, I had a choice. I chose to make some very difficult, some humiliating, some shaming decisions. I chose sobriety. I chose to wake up every day of the rest of my life making darn sure that the next 24 hours I wouldn't drink. I go to bed thanking the fates for helping me in my sobriety. And I wake the next day, ready to battle. It does get easier, the biggest battle I have now is complacency, and I don't underestimate it.
I work chuffing hard at my sobriety, I respect the war I have with addiction, I do whatever I need to to a void reaching for a glass. My decision today; I. Will. Not. Drink. Period.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,293
DD, I went to an AA meeting today. It was a Big Book/discussion meeting and we went over steps 10 and 11. I think I'm starting to shed some of my prejudices. Those sayings that were driving me nuts: it finally dawned on me that the benefit is that they are easy to remember :-) I live in a rural area but there are still enough meetings that I've noted about 4 or 5 that I want to try. I can see that this will be important for me in staying sober over the long run. Thanks again for your very helpful comments/perspective!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,293
Toots, I'm slowly getting settled in. It was hard to focus on when I was shuttling almost daily between condo and apartment. The time I'm spending on recovery also slows things down a bit but recovery is my #1 priority. I am making slow but noticeable progress in organizing but am also making sure I don't isolate. It's annoying to not instantly have things arranged, 
, but it's about time I learned patience!
, but it's about time I learned patience!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
I'm back at home. Dad's fine and their vacation proceeds.
And I have to confess. I drank last nite. I was out running errands and thought, "I need a beer". So I stopped and ordered one. While sitting there I though about how my parent's situations were stressing me and how I deserved some respite and holy shite what the hell am I doing?
I got off the barstool and went back to the folks' house and did the chores that I needed to do. I left half a beer sitting there. Unheard of in my life.
i knew I had to answer to y'all. I knew that drinking again wasn't me. I just had to test it, to see, to find out, to be true.
I needed to be honest with y'all. This was not a relapse. Let's just call it a moment.
And I have to confess. I drank last nite. I was out running errands and thought, "I need a beer". So I stopped and ordered one. While sitting there I though about how my parent's situations were stressing me and how I deserved some respite and holy shite what the hell am I doing?
I got off the barstool and went back to the folks' house and did the chores that I needed to do. I left half a beer sitting there. Unheard of in my life.
i knew I had to answer to y'all. I knew that drinking again wasn't me. I just had to test it, to see, to find out, to be true.
I needed to be honest with y'all. This was not a relapse. Let's just call it a moment.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Aw Toots - thank you for sharing that story. I'm so glad you put yourself first in a tough situation.
Sass, so glad the closing is over and was so successful -- now go put your feet up for a bit and relax.
Sass, so glad the closing is over and was so successful -- now go put your feet up for a bit and relax.
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