I promised to be back after the holidays....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 30
Thanks all. Not all of the replies are easy reads, but I guess this is not an easy problem to deal with, and everyone has posted with the best intentions.
I'm making a plan...because of who I am as a person and my insecurities (I care a lot about what others think) my biggest problem is how to explain to others why I continue my sobriety post Dry January. Like the guy who mentioned Lent, it's given me a chance to do what I have needed to do for a long time. I just don't know how to 'come out' without being judged. However, if I am genuinely feeling on top of the World after a month off (and I'm already at 2 days! First in many months for me) I will probably just cite how great I feel.
I'm making a plan...because of who I am as a person and my insecurities (I care a lot about what others think) my biggest problem is how to explain to others why I continue my sobriety post Dry January. Like the guy who mentioned Lent, it's given me a chance to do what I have needed to do for a long time. I just don't know how to 'come out' without being judged. However, if I am genuinely feeling on top of the World after a month off (and I'm already at 2 days! First in many months for me) I will probably just cite how great I feel.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad to hear you're feeling good at the moment, and that you intend to make a plan to safeguard your sobriety.
I think the thing is that mostly people don't really care too much about us stopping drinking - apart from our very closest drinking buddies.
I don't often go in my old haunts now, but that landlord (from Lent) still doesn't charge me for my coffee or my diet coke. People still move out of 'my' bar stool as well - like I want to hold sitting back in that space! !?! There are still a lot of the same tired old faces in there declaring that they "just can't believe you're still sober!" Cue sharp sucking in of breath and head shaking. One person even offered to make me an award for managing it lol. So. Not too much judgement now they've got used to it. I suspect there was more judgement involved when I was staggering around, running out of money on a regular basis, getting stroppy about getting served, or someone sitting in 'my' bar stool, being not-very-funny and half-arsed-level obnoxious. I just never noticed it because I cared more about getting drunk.
Are you worried that they'll think less of you because you're teetotal, or is it getting the label 'alcoholic' that's fluffing your fear-feathers? I suspect that for me it was a bit of both of these, depending on who I was talking to.
BB
I think the thing is that mostly people don't really care too much about us stopping drinking - apart from our very closest drinking buddies.
I don't often go in my old haunts now, but that landlord (from Lent) still doesn't charge me for my coffee or my diet coke. People still move out of 'my' bar stool as well - like I want to hold sitting back in that space! !?! There are still a lot of the same tired old faces in there declaring that they "just can't believe you're still sober!" Cue sharp sucking in of breath and head shaking. One person even offered to make me an award for managing it lol. So. Not too much judgement now they've got used to it. I suspect there was more judgement involved when I was staggering around, running out of money on a regular basis, getting stroppy about getting served, or someone sitting in 'my' bar stool, being not-very-funny and half-arsed-level obnoxious. I just never noticed it because I cared more about getting drunk.
Are you worried that they'll think less of you because you're teetotal, or is it getting the label 'alcoholic' that's fluffing your fear-feathers? I suspect that for me it was a bit of both of these, depending on who I was talking to.
BB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Scary because so many people never make it back to sobriety. I guard my sobriety closely even after 25 years because I know I have another drink in me but I doubt I have another recovery. I will never forget a meeting where I sat next to a man who was crying. I asked if he wanted to talk and said he'd had six years and went out. Since then he'd been to five rehabs and couldn't stay sober.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Blankspace87 
I'm making a plan...because of who I am as a person and my insecurities (I care a lot about what others think) my biggest problem is how to explain to others why I continue my sobriety post Dry January. Like the guy who mentioned Lent, it's given me a chance to do what I have needed to do for a long time. I just don't know how to 'come out' without being judged.
Granted, your drinking buddies will notice, but for the most part you will need to make some changes in crowds you hang out with. Trying to live the life of a drunk without the drink is very unsatisifying and pretty annoying to be honest. Being around drunk people when you are sober is not much fun. And at the end of the day, your true friends will support your decision.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Blankspace87
Current update is that I'm 9 days sober.....
Longest I've gone without a drink in over 10 years.
Still in turmoil over what happens on feb 1st though.
Longest I've gone without a drink in over 10 years.
Still in turmoil over what happens on feb 1st though.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 30
16 days complete!
Better still, I have had two social occasions (in bars) this week - one of them an anniversary party (not mine!). Both times I've drank tap water with ice and lemon. Both times I've been told "you're not drinking? But you're still really fun" or on one occasion "I could have sworn you seemed buzzed". Now I do see both of those things as compliments (however strange that may seem to others) as I was so anxious I wouldn't have a social personality and would withdraw into my self and make excuses to leave early. Am I just learning to live without alcohol?! I know it's early day. But I'm surprising myself, and it feels good.
Better still, I have had two social occasions (in bars) this week - one of them an anniversary party (not mine!). Both times I've drank tap water with ice and lemon. Both times I've been told "you're not drinking? But you're still really fun" or on one occasion "I could have sworn you seemed buzzed". Now I do see both of those things as compliments (however strange that may seem to others) as I was so anxious I wouldn't have a social personality and would withdraw into my self and make excuses to leave early. Am I just learning to live without alcohol?! I know it's early day. But I'm surprising myself, and it feels good.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on 16 days blankspace. It is awkward being in situations with other drinkers, especially early on in sobriety. I also tried to "test" myself several times by going to many of the same places I had always hung out and drank non-alcoholic beer or soda. I was quite pleased that I was able to do so but after not too long i grew very weary of it because it just wasn't fun. Pretty much all I did was wish I was able to have a drink with the rest of them or resent the fact that they could drink alcohol but I could not.
I personally feel that "learning to live without alcohol" means finding different things to do and different people do to them with - vs. living my same life from before just without alcohol.
I personally feel that "learning to live without alcohol" means finding different things to do and different people do to them with - vs. living my same life from before just without alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 30
I guess this might seem unusual but I actually had no issue with being in bars / at a party with alcohol. Other people drinking and being 'merry' almost carried me along with them. I'm not sure whether that's a really good, or bad sign. My work colleagues drink a lot and there are regular trips to bars. I'm pretty sure I could cut back my attendance by 50% but it pays to be part of the 'in' crowd if that makes sense , even if I'm not drinking. There are a few hobbies I want to pursue outside of socialising in bars though! I just need a quieter period at work so I actually have some of my own time.
Day 18! I've broken out with bad acne though, is this normal? Part of my body detoxing?
Day 18! I've broken out with bad acne though, is this normal? Part of my body detoxing?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Blankspace87
I guess this might seem unusual but I actually had no issue with being in bars / at a party with alcohol. Other people drinking and being 'merry' almost carried me along with them. I'm not sure whether that's a really good, or bad sign. My work colleagues drink a lot and there are regular trips to bars. I'm pretty sure I could cut back my attendance by 50% but it pays to be part of the 'in' crowd if that makes sense , even if I'm not drinking. There are a few hobbies I want to pursue outside of socialising in bars though! I just need a quieter period at work so I actually have some of my own time.
Day 18! I've broken out with bad acne though, is this normal? Part of my body detoxing?
Day 18! I've broken out with bad acne though, is this normal? Part of my body detoxing?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Outonthetiles
A "challenge" implies moderation. Moderating your drinking absolutely won't work. Sooner or later, everyone who's successful at this has to make a decision to never drink again and mean it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 30
My January sobriety has lasted. Some tough moments, but I have found the 'shield' of Dry January very comforting. Honestly...I am so scared about the pressure from others to drink on Feb 1st and onwards.....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
