I promised to be back after the holidays....
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Blankspace87 
Honestly...I am so scared about the pressure from others to drink on Feb 1st and onwards.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,901
I had to pop into my old local pub briefly to meet my partner yesterday and got myself a non-alcohol drink to have while he finished up. There were a couple of ladies in there who I used to drink with. One commented that I wasn't drinking. The other said "oh no, Berry hasn't drunk for a few years now. She stopped for Lent one year and felt so good she just didn't drink again." Oh, the power of bull-poop!
I laughed and pointed out that actually I used Lent as a cover to get through the first 6 weeks without pressure to drink, and that from about a month sober was, to be honest, when it finally started getting pretty bad and I needed to get some support in place. The first year was anything but easy, but it was all worth it. And learning to walk to the beat of my own drum, lonely as it might have seemed at times, has helped me grow as a person on the inside, and prepare for some (hopefully) pretty big changes in the future, which I don't expect all my old (punk and alcohol steeped) friends to be particularly supportive of, as I start to explore my vocation in Christian ministry.
I hope that you are able to go forward with conviction; Walk to the beat of your own drum; and lean into your fear. Gather round you an army of supporters, and become support for them as well as you work on your recovery, free yourself from the chains of fear and addiction, and grow in ways you never dreamt possible.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
I laughed and pointed out that actually I used Lent as a cover to get through the first 6 weeks without pressure to drink, and that from about a month sober was, to be honest, when it finally started getting pretty bad and I needed to get some support in place. The first year was anything but easy, but it was all worth it. And learning to walk to the beat of my own drum, lonely as it might have seemed at times, has helped me grow as a person on the inside, and prepare for some (hopefully) pretty big changes in the future, which I don't expect all my old (punk and alcohol steeped) friends to be particularly supportive of, as I start to explore my vocation in Christian ministry.
I hope that you are able to go forward with conviction; Walk to the beat of your own drum; and lean into your fear. Gather round you an army of supporters, and become support for them as well as you work on your recovery, free yourself from the chains of fear and addiction, and grow in ways you never dreamt possible.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Great job on staying sober this long. If you want to stay sober, devise a plan and stick to it. It gets easier to stay sober the longer you are sober. Remember its better to be sober thinking about drinking than to be drinking wishing to be sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Blankspace87
My January sobriety has lasted. Some tough moments, but I have found the 'shield' of Dry January very comforting. Honestly...I am so scared about the pressure from others to drink on Feb 1st and onwards.....
how about removing the pressure as part of the solution?
hanging around people who will show pressure to drink and hanging with them because it pays to be part of the "in crowd" isn't worth the risk to me, no matter if its work or play.
i didn't get sober to be an all jacked up people pleaser.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,269
Don't drink.
See a doctor.
Go on antabuse.
You don't have to ditch your friends, just lay ground rules and tell them that your body and mind can't handle alcohol. If they don't understand that, then what kind of friends are they?
Heck, be a designated driver. Write down all the reasons you wanted a "dry January." What did it feel like coming down on January 1st? Probably not so well, right? Reason #1. What does it do to your life when you're caught in the drinking cycle? Reason #2. Add a bunch of personal reasons.
You have support. Associate yourself with the following equation:
You + Alcohol = Death. Or You + Alcohol = Unbearable Hell.
See a doctor.
Go on antabuse.
You don't have to ditch your friends, just lay ground rules and tell them that your body and mind can't handle alcohol. If they don't understand that, then what kind of friends are they?
Heck, be a designated driver. Write down all the reasons you wanted a "dry January." What did it feel like coming down on January 1st? Probably not so well, right? Reason #1. What does it do to your life when you're caught in the drinking cycle? Reason #2. Add a bunch of personal reasons.
You have support. Associate yourself with the following equation:
You + Alcohol = Death. Or You + Alcohol = Unbearable Hell.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 24
Hi everyone. This is my first post.
Blankspace...I did the same thing, dry January. It wasn't too hard surprisingly, no detox symptoms really. I combined quitting with a new diet plan and exercise regimine which helped, but as the month went on (and now has ended) I'm feeling some anxiety. I quit because I was getting nothing done except drinking every night (beer, at home mostly) and it was making me feel like a piece of crap. Like I was surrendering control of my life. I had the feeling I was at a crossroads where one direction would lead off a cliff, and the other to an unknown place that might include the chance to live the life I want to live and self control. I'm very disciplined with some things, but not alcohol. 1 beer leads to 6, which leads to 12+. I like to drink the 8.5% stuff so it adds up. One of my buddies, who I'm sure is an alcoholic, stopped with me and it was kind of a mutual challenge which both of us have completed. I became aware that I was thinking and planning for Feb 1 for a scheduled binge and it started to make me very nervous. Now I don't know what to do. I was at a party the other night (first one without drinking) and some woman started giving me grief about not drinking which was a new one for me. I'm not the kind of person to have trouble telling people like that to go screw themselves, and it was interesting watching drunks through a sober lens, but I'm scared that if I drink again it will lead to the same old familiar place. My uncomfortable/comfortable place. Like a pillow with rocks in it. I'm sure the most obvious advice is "Well...don't drink if it worries you!" Makes sense but is really difficult to reconcile somehow. I guess the worst part is feeling out of control and that decisions are being made for me because of my drinking. I know it's ultimately my decision but alcohol sometimes really does feel like another voice in my head (figuratively speaking).
What are you going to do Blankspace?
By the way, it's obvious there's a lot of wisdom and experience on this forum and I appreciate it very much.
Blankspace...I did the same thing, dry January. It wasn't too hard surprisingly, no detox symptoms really. I combined quitting with a new diet plan and exercise regimine which helped, but as the month went on (and now has ended) I'm feeling some anxiety. I quit because I was getting nothing done except drinking every night (beer, at home mostly) and it was making me feel like a piece of crap. Like I was surrendering control of my life. I had the feeling I was at a crossroads where one direction would lead off a cliff, and the other to an unknown place that might include the chance to live the life I want to live and self control. I'm very disciplined with some things, but not alcohol. 1 beer leads to 6, which leads to 12+. I like to drink the 8.5% stuff so it adds up. One of my buddies, who I'm sure is an alcoholic, stopped with me and it was kind of a mutual challenge which both of us have completed. I became aware that I was thinking and planning for Feb 1 for a scheduled binge and it started to make me very nervous. Now I don't know what to do. I was at a party the other night (first one without drinking) and some woman started giving me grief about not drinking which was a new one for me. I'm not the kind of person to have trouble telling people like that to go screw themselves, and it was interesting watching drunks through a sober lens, but I'm scared that if I drink again it will lead to the same old familiar place. My uncomfortable/comfortable place. Like a pillow with rocks in it. I'm sure the most obvious advice is "Well...don't drink if it worries you!" Makes sense but is really difficult to reconcile somehow. I guess the worst part is feeling out of control and that decisions are being made for me because of my drinking. I know it's ultimately my decision but alcohol sometimes really does feel like another voice in my head (figuratively speaking).
What are you going to do Blankspace?
By the way, it's obvious there's a lot of wisdom and experience on this forum and I appreciate it very much.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 30
I am ashamed and that accounts for my silence on here of late.
Of course, I drank alcohol on Feb 1st. In fact I've drunk alcohol every damn day of February because I'm a weak waste of space. Much of it the 'peer pressure' to have a drink but I'm not kidding anyone. I'm the one also having a drink at home alone and also the one who turns 'a quick drink' or a couple that would be fine for most people, into 5, 6 hour or more binge. Dragging others along with me.
I'm so sad, I wasted that month and feel like all I 'achieved' from completing it has been replaced by complete shame because of the last 10 days.
Of course, I drank alcohol on Feb 1st. In fact I've drunk alcohol every damn day of February because I'm a weak waste of space. Much of it the 'peer pressure' to have a drink but I'm not kidding anyone. I'm the one also having a drink at home alone and also the one who turns 'a quick drink' or a couple that would be fine for most people, into 5, 6 hour or more binge. Dragging others along with me.
I'm so sad, I wasted that month and feel like all I 'achieved' from completing it has been replaced by complete shame because of the last 10 days.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,677
I think there's a difference between being weak and being addicted. I drank for 20 years and now I've been sober for ten.
The strength was always there.
I had to change my life pretty drastically - but I don't regret it for a minute - I have a much better life now in its place.
If you're ready to make that change, or even if you're still a little scared of doing so, this is a great place for support.
I recommend that you stop drinking sooner than later tho...every extra day makes it that much harder to stop.
D
The strength was always there.
I had to change my life pretty drastically - but I don't regret it for a minute - I have a much better life now in its place.
If you're ready to make that change, or even if you're still a little scared of doing so, this is a great place for support.
I recommend that you stop drinking sooner than later tho...every extra day makes it that much harder to stop.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 94
Blankspace, I am so sorry to read your post. I have been thinking and hoping for you. Did you continue to read here on SR daily in February while you were drinking?
Remember the proudness you felt in January? You can get that back. Sending you hugs and strength to beat this evil beast.
Remember the proudness you felt in January? You can get that back. Sending you hugs and strength to beat this evil beast.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: co
Posts: 329
Blanks pace,
First post on your thread.. I get it. So do almost everyone here.
You can do this. I just wasted 4 months from just that first drink.
I'm back, come back with me. It is such a better place to be.
I agree with Dee, the more you drink the harder it is to quit. I'm proof.
First post on your thread.. I get it. So do almost everyone here.
You can do this. I just wasted 4 months from just that first drink.
I'm back, come back with me. It is such a better place to be.
I agree with Dee, the more you drink the harder it is to quit. I'm proof.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,803
Blankspace
Have you ever checked the threads here in the Secular Connections on AVRT/RR?
If you did/do I think you will be able to reflect on how well you handled the AV , through Jan , and how you could expand on that and quit for good, if that is what you want(I'd vote for that , but I'm biased
)
Have you ever checked the threads here in the Secular Connections on AVRT/RR?
If you did/do I think you will be able to reflect on how well you handled the AV , through Jan , and how you could expand on that and quit for good, if that is what you want(I'd vote for that , but I'm biased
)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Blankspace,
There is no need to beat yourself up over it. You had 31 days sober and time to process the difference between the two completely different lifestyles. So, now you just have to decide if you want sobriety now. Getting sober is just not drinking but being recovered is getting spiritually fit which will take the desire and need to drink from you. Once you work on your sobriety and recover you will no longer have guilt, remorse, shame, black outs, hang overs, anger, drama, confusion, paranoia, fear, legal problems, etc.
I am praying for you BS and keep coming back we will always be here welcoming you back with open arms.
There is no need to beat yourself up over it. You had 31 days sober and time to process the difference between the two completely different lifestyles. So, now you just have to decide if you want sobriety now. Getting sober is just not drinking but being recovered is getting spiritually fit which will take the desire and need to drink from you. Once you work on your sobriety and recover you will no longer have guilt, remorse, shame, black outs, hang overs, anger, drama, confusion, paranoia, fear, legal problems, etc.
I am praying for you BS and keep coming back we will always be here welcoming you back with open arms.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Please don't be sad or ashamed, Blankspace. You accomplished Dry January and you have joined the community here. Those are important things.
When I first joined SR, I got sober for the grand total of 8 days. I didn't make a plan, I didn't read all the stickies and other great information on this forum, I didn't take it very seriously at all, largely because I hadn't really accepted how bad my problem was.
Nevertheless, when I was ready to stop, when I was no longer denying my problem, SR was the best place to come to.
The best antidote for feeling sorry for yourself is to take some action.
Commit to stopping, make a plan to achieve sobriety and start reading all that you can about it here. You may have learned some things in the 31 days that will inform your sobriety plan.
When I first joined SR, I got sober for the grand total of 8 days. I didn't make a plan, I didn't read all the stickies and other great information on this forum, I didn't take it very seriously at all, largely because I hadn't really accepted how bad my problem was.
Nevertheless, when I was ready to stop, when I was no longer denying my problem, SR was the best place to come to.
The best antidote for feeling sorry for yourself is to take some action.
Commit to stopping, make a plan to achieve sobriety and start reading all that you can about it here. You may have learned some things in the 31 days that will inform your sobriety plan.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Lost in the Caribbean
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by Blankspace87
I am ashamed and that accounts for my silence on here of late.
Of course, I drank alcohol on Feb 1st. In fact I've drunk alcohol every damn day of February because I'm a weak waste of space. Much of it the 'peer pressure' to have a drink but I'm not kidding anyone. I'm the one also having a drink at home alone and also the one who turns 'a quick drink' or a couple that would be fine for most people, into 5, 6 hour or more binge. Dragging others along with me.
I'm so sad, I wasted that month and feel like all I 'achieved' from completing it has been replaced by complete shame because of the last 10 days.
Of course, I drank alcohol on Feb 1st. In fact I've drunk alcohol every damn day of February because I'm a weak waste of space. Much of it the 'peer pressure' to have a drink but I'm not kidding anyone. I'm the one also having a drink at home alone and also the one who turns 'a quick drink' or a couple that would be fine for most people, into 5, 6 hour or more binge. Dragging others along with me.
I'm so sad, I wasted that month and feel like all I 'achieved' from completing it has been replaced by complete shame because of the last 10 days.
I came back home and saw my family, my Mom pretty much told me I look like **** (at 37 years old) in the nicest way possible. My step dad died and locked my self in a Condo and went on a 5 day binger. I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror while I was dry heaving, red/yellow baggy eyes, over weight, puffy red face and seeing double and it just kind of smacked me in the face.
I just realized its up to me and me only if I want to drink myself to death. No wife/ GF, no kids, small family that has just excepted my drinking and only gets upset if I drink and drive. Came on this site, signed up. Made it 2 weeks and my old boss/ Bahamian drinking buddy wants me to meet him for happy hour. Felt obligated to go because I didn't want him talking to all of our friends/ co-workers saying "I quit drinking" They all know how much I like my rum and cokes and didn't want rumors to spread. Went 5 more days then my ex calls me out of the blue and get into an argument. Go buy a bottle of rum. Then the superbowl came. All my old buddys since I'm back home, only had 3 beers. Which is really good for me.
Now, been sober since. I count the days but have learned not to obsess about them. As a newly getting sober person don't want a reason to go out on a huge binge being disappointed in my self because I had this many days or that many days sober. I'm on here every night mostly lurking. It is tough though some of my friends call me and I just don't pick up because I know they are calling me to go drinking. Avoiding having to explain getting sober to them.
I realized I can and will drink myself to death
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 30
Thank you all for the support and the lack of judgement. Yesterday was drink free (with a lot of temptation) but I felt so sick, mentally and physically, that I resisted.
You're all so totally right- I need to remember that headspace, verging on euphoric, during my sober spell (aside from the last few days when anxiety started to creep in). I achieved so much, made MORE of an effort socially (rather than less, which I'd worried about) and was a much better partner, friend, family member.
Let's get myself back in that headspace.
Thank you ALL for sharing your stories and experiences, makes me understand I'm not alone. Whilst we all have very different lives (hell - what I wouldn't give to be chilling in the Bahamas!) we have one thing in common and that is the demon alcohol. In our heads, we are all so similar.
You're all so totally right- I need to remember that headspace, verging on euphoric, during my sober spell (aside from the last few days when anxiety started to creep in). I achieved so much, made MORE of an effort socially (rather than less, which I'd worried about) and was a much better partner, friend, family member.
Let's get myself back in that headspace.
Thank you ALL for sharing your stories and experiences, makes me understand I'm not alone. Whilst we all have very different lives (hell - what I wouldn't give to be chilling in the Bahamas!) we have one thing in common and that is the demon alcohol. In our heads, we are all so similar.
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