Authenticity V
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by Della1968 
Then sometimes I wonder if I really am just crazy.
Love to all
Love to all
From your posts, you're a caring, fun person. It takes a while for a whole personality to regroup after quitting whatever your DOC. I think you'll regain your self in ways that you like, with or without therapy, with or without labels, and discover new gifts.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
On the therapy topic 
Just back from the "dreaded" session. Of course there was nothing to worry about it, and it went very well, but to be honest I'm still a bit antsy and it'll probably take the whole day and then a night for it to wear off without very clear thoughts and interpretations in my head. Which is completely fine with me, it includes patterns I often have: sometimes I get into the sessions anxious, then I experience gradual relaxation as the discussion progresses, anxiety-wise. Other emotions surface during, and occasionally I leave more loaded with these than when I had entered the room. But I've learned and I know that is really a sign good work has been done. Anyhow, my head is still spinning a bit right now so take everything with a grain of salt here
Robby, yes I can totally see that you would feel that way about therapy. If you allow me a little bit of interpretation... maybe you were in conflict with the environment in your very young years, and then took that forward to later phases based on your experiences that you could successfully manage and overcome the conflicting situations? I am absolutely there with you in my expectations that my being in therapy is not for my therapist cheering me on. In fact, one of the very first things that came up when I first entered therapy was my seeking better ways of doing things in my life, my subjectively perceived discrepancy between my potential and realization/performance, and my life-long pattern of seeking out people who reminded me of this said dissonance and reinforced me in challenging ways to overcome it towards the "higher" end.
Right now, I do the therapy (psychoanalytic kind) to understand myself better, to improve myself in the context of my life, my personality, my goals. But I personally also seek compassion and acceptance -- things that I have tended to give myself scarcely earlier in life. Not so much seeking validation for what I subjectively perceive as my shortcomings or someone who would always push me to aim higher, challenge me all the time, encourage me to overcome myself in my endeavors (I had these for decades when younger, thankfully not at the same level these days). It's more a balanced kind of understanding and interaction that I seek in therapy: identify problems and seek constructive solutions, but also a sort of peaceful unity experience, where each of us are individuals and yet accept and nourish each-other, belong, and can use whatever work in the therapy to co-evolve. Yeah I do prefer the co-evolution as we go, rather than purely just making me better or sorting out my issues. I've had a life-long problem avoiding truly nourishing relationships and instead, preferring ones that push me "higher", higher, and higher. So with this therapy now, I like to seek and find (yes, that is an expectation) a balance, a compromise, something that truly works without wearing me down every day or often, without pushing me overly beyond my limits, and all this through working in a connection with two people involved. I can't adequately express how I enjoy this, and how much good I get out of it. Maybe it says something if I share two perceptions my current therapist expressed (I asked him to tell me how he felt in the first session with me, after his asking me the same). He said things along the lines of my being very open, a series of things about anxiety, that I should have come to see him like 20 years ago, and that I should definitely be in therapy. He also added, on top of the issues I described to him during that session, he said that he he had the impression I wanted to be in a relationship (I told him bits and pieces about my history in that area). This was towards the end of our first session, and for people who can interpret interpersonal exchange, not only one-sided... well, for me it was a great sign.
And yep, I went back and it continues. Been like... over 4 months with this therapist. I like the f2f meetings best, but we have also done lots of Skype, sometimes phone, and he is okay with all these media.
I was in therapy before this for a year, and this current ~4 months is a very short time for psychoanalytic therapy, but the more we do it the more I get to love it... and it's far from being smooth, without conflicts, only being pleasant. But in sum, it's a relationship I love to be in (and I think he likes it, too), regardless of occasional adversaries. And I'm totally fine with some sessions just being chill.
Just back from the "dreaded" session. Of course there was nothing to worry about it, and it went very well, but to be honest I'm still a bit antsy and it'll probably take the whole day and then a night for it to wear off without very clear thoughts and interpretations in my head. Which is completely fine with me, it includes patterns I often have: sometimes I get into the sessions anxious, then I experience gradual relaxation as the discussion progresses, anxiety-wise. Other emotions surface during, and occasionally I leave more loaded with these than when I had entered the room. But I've learned and I know that is really a sign good work has been done. Anyhow, my head is still spinning a bit right now so take everything with a grain of salt here
Robby, yes I can totally see that you would feel that way about therapy. If you allow me a little bit of interpretation... maybe you were in conflict with the environment in your very young years, and then took that forward to later phases based on your experiences that you could successfully manage and overcome the conflicting situations? I am absolutely there with you in my expectations that my being in therapy is not for my therapist cheering me on. In fact, one of the very first things that came up when I first entered therapy was my seeking better ways of doing things in my life, my subjectively perceived discrepancy between my potential and realization/performance, and my life-long pattern of seeking out people who reminded me of this said dissonance and reinforced me in challenging ways to overcome it towards the "higher" end.
Right now, I do the therapy (psychoanalytic kind) to understand myself better, to improve myself in the context of my life, my personality, my goals. But I personally also seek compassion and acceptance -- things that I have tended to give myself scarcely earlier in life. Not so much seeking validation for what I subjectively perceive as my shortcomings or someone who would always push me to aim higher, challenge me all the time, encourage me to overcome myself in my endeavors (I had these for decades when younger, thankfully not at the same level these days). It's more a balanced kind of understanding and interaction that I seek in therapy: identify problems and seek constructive solutions, but also a sort of peaceful unity experience, where each of us are individuals and yet accept and nourish each-other, belong, and can use whatever work in the therapy to co-evolve. Yeah I do prefer the co-evolution as we go, rather than purely just making me better or sorting out my issues. I've had a life-long problem avoiding truly nourishing relationships and instead, preferring ones that push me "higher", higher, and higher. So with this therapy now, I like to seek and find (yes, that is an expectation) a balance, a compromise, something that truly works without wearing me down every day or often, without pushing me overly beyond my limits, and all this through working in a connection with two people involved. I can't adequately express how I enjoy this, and how much good I get out of it. Maybe it says something if I share two perceptions my current therapist expressed (I asked him to tell me how he felt in the first session with me, after his asking me the same). He said things along the lines of my being very open, a series of things about anxiety, that I should have come to see him like 20 years ago, and that I should definitely be in therapy. He also added, on top of the issues I described to him during that session, he said that he he had the impression I wanted to be in a relationship (I told him bits and pieces about my history in that area). This was towards the end of our first session, and for people who can interpret interpersonal exchange, not only one-sided... well, for me it was a great sign.
And yep, I went back and it continues. Been like... over 4 months with this therapist. I like the f2f meetings best, but we have also done lots of Skype, sometimes phone, and he is okay with all these media.
I was in therapy before this for a year, and this current ~4 months is a very short time for psychoanalytic therapy, but the more we do it the more I get to love it... and it's far from being smooth, without conflicts, only being pleasant. But in sum, it's a relationship I love to be in (and I think he likes it, too), regardless of occasional adversaries. And I'm totally fine with some sessions just being chill.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by haennie
Robby, yes I can totally see that you would feel that way about therapy. If you allow me a little bit of interpretation... maybe you were in conflict with the environment in your very young years, and then took that forward to later phases based on your experiences that you could successfully manage and overcome the conflicting situations? I am absolutely there with you in my expectations that my being in therapy is not for my therapist cheering me on.
When I worked with my therapists it was more about me coming to "reasonable and practical" terms with my own limitations and ongoing failures rather than reviewing my successes in overcoming conflicting situations. There is a world of difference between my paying for the services of an attentive ear, and my sharing with a friend my troubles. When I pay for an informed opinion of my struggles with failures, I expect to be told an unvarnished appreciation of my abilities relative to my failures. In other words, I've not knowingly been in therapy to review my talents at overcoming my challenges.
I'm not sure I'm really getting to the meaning of your interpretation?
For how you experience your own therapy, I can understand how that satisfies you. For me, such a relationship as I'm thinking you're describing would be more a friendship or mentor type relationship in actual practice, and not so much a therapeutic "in session" relationship. No matter. How we participate in our therapy is really our own choice to make or not make of course.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
OK, no more interpretations. They are all subjective, yours are, too. That was just because you posted:
"Nothing worse for me then a session that has me feeling comfortable throughout the session. Is that weird? How do others feel?"
"Nothing worse for me then a session that has me feeling comfortable throughout the session. Is that weird? How do others feel?"
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Ouch. Felt the closure there.
I suppose I walked into that with my asking how others felt. Okay. I'll own that. I thought we were sharing our own informed experiences with respect to therapy and therapists. My subjective thoughts on your share of how therapy works for you, was all about me stating how that would work for me, and not about how it worked for you. You stating how you think my past experiences played into my therapy was more an objective opinion rather than a subjective opinion of my experiences, yes? Or what am I missing here?
You know, being in disagreement is not a problem. We're both seriously aware differing opinions and experiences are not evidence enough to have a "problem" in our discussion.
I suppose I walked into that with my asking how others felt. Okay. I'll own that. I thought we were sharing our own informed experiences with respect to therapy and therapists. My subjective thoughts on your share of how therapy works for you, was all about me stating how that would work for me, and not about how it worked for you. You stating how you think my past experiences played into my therapy was more an objective opinion rather than a subjective opinion of my experiences, yes? Or what am I missing here?
You know, being in disagreement is not a problem. We're both seriously aware differing opinions and experiences are not evidence enough to have a "problem" in our discussion.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I hated every minute of therapy. I think I just had a bad therapist. She told me all the time what I 'should' have been feeling. Maybe there was some process that I needed to follow, and I wasn't doing it right. I don't know, but I'd be wary of going down that path again to be honest. I think I will just accept that I'm weird.
Lots of love to you all, and Vic,...There must be a psychic link between us.!
I'm dead tired tonight. Sweet dreams everyone ❤️❤️❤️
Lots of love to you all, and Vic,...There must be a psychic link between us.!
I'm dead tired tonight. Sweet dreams everyone ❤️❤️❤️
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Jeni26
I hated every minute of therapy. I think I just had a bad therapist. She told me all the time what I 'should' have been feeling. Maybe there was some process that I needed to follow, and I wasn't doing it right. I don't know, but I'd be wary of going down that path again to be honest. I think I will just accept that I'm weird.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Hi all. You guys are my therapy. I seem to have hit a sweet spot and am riding it out. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.]
That's great news Puffy! A woman I know was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They are going to do surgery on her but it was caught so early she is expected not to have to do chemo.
That's great news Puffy! A woman I know was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They are going to do surgery on her but it was caught so early she is expected not to have to do chemo.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi Wolfie. Yeah, therapy really made a difference for me with my anxieties. In therapy I was finally able to understand I was not at fault for how I felt about so many outstanding issues in my life. My feelings were mine to own or not, and this really helped me make better choices on who I wanted to be with respect to what I had already experienced. Therapy offered me new opportunities to appreciate what I had going for me so as to learn from my experiences no matter how awful they were I could still learn and grow and change.
I hope for you every success Wolfie.
I hope for you every success Wolfie.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by silentrun
Hi all. You guys are my therapy. I seem to have hit a sweet spot and am riding it out. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.]
That's great news Puffy! A woman I know was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They are going to do surgery on her but it was caught so early she is expected not to have to do chemo.
That's great news Puffy! A woman I know was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They are going to do surgery on her but it was caught so early she is expected not to have to do chemo.
Enjoy that sweet spot silentrun!! Glad to hear your friend was detected early for her cancer. I'm always grateful to hear cancer can be beaten.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Friends, this is going to be serious... I am checking out of SR. Please don't try to persuade me to not do it as I've decided it just as firmly as not drinking back in 2014 Jan, and I expect it to be just as efficient. It's not that I am going back to drinking, much the opposite: staying here beyond the purpose of the forum now tends to find me obsessive again, and again... and this is time for me to do something about it.
Robby... I know
You taught me some of the best lessons in life, in more ways than I could describe here. I won't be too sophisticated with my "exit" for reasons I am sure you understand just as well as myself. I think I've told you (and many of us here) most of the the thoughts and feelings I've experienced in relation to recovery, but it's not me to keep showing it over and over. The time I've spent here, with you, with us all has been one of my most invaluable and unforettable times in my life.
What's next... is always in the air
Robby... I know
You taught me some of the best lessons in life, in more ways than I could describe here. I won't be too sophisticated with my "exit" for reasons I am sure you understand just as well as myself. I think I've told you (and many of us here) most of the the thoughts and feelings I've experienced in relation to recovery, but it's not me to keep showing it over and over. The time I've spent here, with you, with us all has been one of my most invaluable and unforettable times in my life.
What's next... is always in the air
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by haennie
Robby... I know
You taught me some of the best lessons in life, in more ways than I could describe here. I won't be too sophisticated with my "exit" for reasons I am sure you understand just as well as myself. I think I've told you (and many of us here) most of the the thoughts and feelings I've experienced in relation to recovery, but it's not me to keep showing it over and over. The time I've spent here, with you, with us all has been one of my most invaluable and unforettable times in my life.
What's next... is always in the air
You taught me some of the best lessons in life, in more ways than I could describe here. I won't be too sophisticated with my "exit" for reasons I am sure you understand just as well as myself. I think I've told you (and many of us here) most of the the thoughts and feelings I've experienced in relation to recovery, but it's not me to keep showing it over and over. The time I've spent here, with you, with us all has been one of my most invaluable and unforettable times in my life.
What's next... is always in the air
Hi (((haennie))))
Yeah. I understand. No worries. You will be missed, and that is a good thing, and for what it means, I will dearly miss you, my friend. I'm comforted you are sharing with us a confident surety in your choice. I'm honored and grateful I have a lasting importance in your life. Thank you beyond words for that. And like wise, I very much assure you (((haennie))).
Thank you for being you (((haennie))) in our friendship. You're such a breath of freshness! Naturally, I hope to see you again visit us here. So I won't really say goodbye, okay?
Robby
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