The Character Defect That I'm Currently Working on ???
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The Character Defect That I'm Currently Working on ???
Much talk in Recovery circles regarding us sobering up and then dealing with letting go of some of our old ways of thinking and being rid of our Character Defects. Oh-it sounds so easy. Actually, I have found this to not only take a lot of work and time but, also many, many prayers.
Do you have one (Character Defect) or more that you are working on today ?
If I may, I will throw this one out -- "proving that I'm right."
Even when I'm right -- possibly best for everyone at times to let it go.
M-Bob
Do you have one (Character Defect) or more that you are working on today ?
If I may, I will throw this one out -- "proving that I'm right."
Even when I'm right -- possibly best for everyone at times to let it go.
M-Bob
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Ha!!! Proving that I am right is a classic one for me.
Right now though, I am working on ego. Just left a timely As Bill Sees It mtg- at a clubhouse I only go to occasionally- and here on the eve of 9 months, ego, in the sense of looking at things from the "I" perspective is my challenge.
A holiday plan related issue has come up with my boyfriend's ex wife, and we are navigating the challenge. I have been upset by some aspects over the past two days and yesterday my sponsor very directly asked me if I could look at the situation from his perspective instead of mine. Trying to do that through our day yesterday really aided our communication and resolution. If I can get out of my alcoholic mind, it is easier to deal with these interpersonal challenges- and makes for much smoother resolution.
Great topic as always, MBob, thanks!
Right now though, I am working on ego. Just left a timely As Bill Sees It mtg- at a clubhouse I only go to occasionally- and here on the eve of 9 months, ego, in the sense of looking at things from the "I" perspective is my challenge.
A holiday plan related issue has come up with my boyfriend's ex wife, and we are navigating the challenge. I have been upset by some aspects over the past two days and yesterday my sponsor very directly asked me if I could look at the situation from his perspective instead of mine. Trying to do that through our day yesterday really aided our communication and resolution. If I can get out of my alcoholic mind, it is easier to deal with these interpersonal challenges- and makes for much smoother resolution.
Great topic as always, MBob, thanks!
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Hey, MMB. Good thread. I have LOTS of character defects, but I think my most limiting one is one that I call "the default no." When something new is presented to me, an event, a plan, etc. my first thought is to say "no." No, I don't want to do that. No, that's stupid. No. I am working on, if not saying yes, at least not saying no immediately. Does that make sense?
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I describe myself as living Sober ... Happy, Joyous and FREE.
However, it is only by working a Program of Personal Responsibility and Honesty ... So ... these are some of the Character Defects I am aware of in me, that I am working the Program to be free from:
+ Critical & Judgmental of others
+ Thoughts and behaviors dominated by lust, perversion, and porn from years of living in un-checked Self-Will-Run-Riot.
+ At work, talking openly about egregious mistakes made by others and letting my conversation subject others to my un-checked spewing of criticism.
+ I sometimes let my tiredness at night affect my attitude, behavior, comments, and responses toward my wife, and I can be 'less than loving'.
+ There is more, but thanks to the Program of Sobriety I work, I recognize these (most of the time) and instead of justifying my Character Defects, I can work toward being FREE from being controlled by them.
I sometimes 'excuse' my Character Defects when I think about Paul in the New Testament having a 'Thorn in the Flesh', that God told him to accept in himself, and maintain his allegiance to God working in his life, in spite of the Thorn in the Flesh that he had. However, as I have stated in this Post, and because of wake-ups like this Thread, I do my best to NOT self-justify or compartmentalize them away.
RDBplus3
However, it is only by working a Program of Personal Responsibility and Honesty ... So ... these are some of the Character Defects I am aware of in me, that I am working the Program to be free from:
+ Critical & Judgmental of others
+ Thoughts and behaviors dominated by lust, perversion, and porn from years of living in un-checked Self-Will-Run-Riot.
+ At work, talking openly about egregious mistakes made by others and letting my conversation subject others to my un-checked spewing of criticism.
+ I sometimes let my tiredness at night affect my attitude, behavior, comments, and responses toward my wife, and I can be 'less than loving'.
+ There is more, but thanks to the Program of Sobriety I work, I recognize these (most of the time) and instead of justifying my Character Defects, I can work toward being FREE from being controlled by them.
I sometimes 'excuse' my Character Defects when I think about Paul in the New Testament having a 'Thorn in the Flesh', that God told him to accept in himself, and maintain his allegiance to God working in his life, in spite of the Thorn in the Flesh that he had. However, as I have stated in this Post, and because of wake-ups like this Thread, I do my best to NOT self-justify or compartmentalize them away.
RDBplus3
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Originally Posted by RDBplus3 
+ I sometimes let my tiredness at night affect my attitude, behavior, comments, and responses toward my wife, and I can be 'less than loving'.
The improvement shown towards her I think has been a great one ( although still room for improvement).
That's what a big part of this sobriety thing is for me -- with God's help making changes for the better.
Kind of like keeping an old guitar in tune.
M-Bob
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Into my third year of sobriety, I now understand what friends in the program share about not wanting to ask God to remove certain defects. That's painful - when I can indeed progress but come to that wall of ......do I really want to let this one go!?
The sentiment I find useful is while I still of course have my defects, I can choose not to act on them. I pretty much just rotate through the 7 deadly - some more than others. Sloth can be a big one for me.........
I can't
He can......
Think I'll let Him - right!?
"Today I can allow others to be wrong....." I find this brings serenity
The sentiment I find useful is while I still of course have my defects, I can choose not to act on them. I pretty much just rotate through the 7 deadly - some more than others. Sloth can be a big one for me.........
I can't
He can......
Think I'll let Him - right!?
"Today I can allow others to be wrong....." I find this brings serenity
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Well I'm always right so I don't have to worry about that one. And I know pretty much everything. I'm smarter than most people. And I'm special so the normal rules don't apply to me, you know unless someone is looking. I am humble however so just knowing that I'm perfect and admitting it means I've got that under control. I'm very compassionate, you know, as long as you don't ruffle my feathers or contradict me. I mean, you understand right? Of course you do. My higher power guides me but knows I've 'got this' so understands why I only need her when times are tough. Right? Right.
Character defects. Oh I've taken care of those. Right as rain
Character defects. Oh I've taken care of those. Right as rain
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Well I'm always right so I don't have to worry about that one. And I know pretty much everything. I'm smarter than most people. And I'm special so the normal rules don't apply to me, you know unless someone is looking. I am humble however so just knowing that I'm perfect and admitting it means I've got that under control. I'm very compassionate, you know, as long as you don't ruffle my feathers or contradict me. I mean, you understand right? Of course you do. My higher power guides me but knows I've 'got this' so understands why I only need her when times are tough. Right? Right.
Character defects. Oh I've taken care of those. Right as rain
Character defects. Oh I've taken care of those. Right as rain
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'Welp' as tomsteve would say (totally baffling to an Aussie like me :-)),
I'll respond in the spirit of general 'what is recovery' per this sub-forum, and with complete respect for you bob and all who practice the steps-as-written.
My stuff is - for me - more through a psychological lens, worked alongside large doses of Buddhist and other wisdom/s. So, currently:
Practising compassion for and forgiveness of my self - my 'old' self from childhood through adulthood to now (which is where all those traumas and heavy baggage play out in my mind, feelings and behaviours). In my hard-earned experience, that main theme is bandied about a great deal everywhere, not just in relation to addiction recovery - but as you say, bob, actually developing it and feeling it, and so behaving from that place....quite another thing.
So for me, that leads back - over and over again - to identifying when I'm getting stuck in criticism (of myself, and therefor usually projecting it onto others). Then stopping to ground myself, using whatever means are helpful in this place and time. Examples of 'taking action' to soothe my fevered brow are things like:
- talking to another person who understands this stuff - that's something I'm also working on, learning who is safe to broach this stuff with, and who is decidedly NOT - my very sanity depends on this currently;
- in solitude, turning to any of the multiple sources of wise encouragement in books, internet, podcasts,etc; or
- maybe a particular meeting somewhere - particular in the sense that it usually has more rather than less members who also 'get' this less-punitive style, or
- often the most potent one: just taking a lesson from my dog, when she just shakes herself - dog's do it so comprehensively, don't they?! - and then lies down, nods off to sleep and relaxes or resumes whatever she's Just Doing, no judgement, no worry, no angst
I'll respond in the spirit of general 'what is recovery' per this sub-forum, and with complete respect for you bob and all who practice the steps-as-written.
My stuff is - for me - more through a psychological lens, worked alongside large doses of Buddhist and other wisdom/s. So, currently:
Practising compassion for and forgiveness of my self - my 'old' self from childhood through adulthood to now (which is where all those traumas and heavy baggage play out in my mind, feelings and behaviours). In my hard-earned experience, that main theme is bandied about a great deal everywhere, not just in relation to addiction recovery - but as you say, bob, actually developing it and feeling it, and so behaving from that place....quite another thing.
So for me, that leads back - over and over again - to identifying when I'm getting stuck in criticism (of myself, and therefor usually projecting it onto others). Then stopping to ground myself, using whatever means are helpful in this place and time. Examples of 'taking action' to soothe my fevered brow are things like:
- talking to another person who understands this stuff - that's something I'm also working on, learning who is safe to broach this stuff with, and who is decidedly NOT - my very sanity depends on this currently;
- in solitude, turning to any of the multiple sources of wise encouragement in books, internet, podcasts,etc; or
- maybe a particular meeting somewhere - particular in the sense that it usually has more rather than less members who also 'get' this less-punitive style, or
- often the most potent one: just taking a lesson from my dog, when she just shakes herself - dog's do it so comprehensively, don't they?! - and then lies down, nods off to sleep and relaxes or resumes whatever she's Just Doing, no judgement, no worry, no angst
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Oh, yes, the judgemental thing. I try really, really hard not to judge people. My famly is very judge-y, so I come by it righteously. But I hate that I do it, and try my best not to. Sometimes I am better at this than other times.
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lack of patience -- I know that too much coffee doesn't help
patience
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay:
to have patience with a slow learner.
3.
quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence:
to work with patience.
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay:
to have patience with a slow learner.
3.
quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence:
to work with patience.
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
I have been working on that particular character defect for a while now (long while).
The improvement shown towards her I think has been a great one ( although still room for improvement).
That's what a big part of this sobriety thing is for me -- with God's help making changes for the better.
Kind of like keeping an old guitar in tune.
M-Bob
The improvement shown towards her I think has been a great one ( although still room for improvement).
That's what a big part of this sobriety thing is for me -- with God's help making changes for the better.
Kind of like keeping an old guitar in tune.
M-Bob
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Originally Posted by August252015
Thanks for the reminder to add this right next to ego as my current and ongoing focus ones!
That always smarts to be told that.
The one telling me probably does not have this same problem.
Hopefully -- we are all a work in progress today.
M-Bob
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Character Defect -- Self Imposed Anxiety
I say self imposed mainly because I know that too much coffee will lead me to anxious thoughts and feelings and a slight chest pain yet, I still love my coffee.
M-Bob
Anxiety
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Anxiety is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints, and rumination.[1] It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over anticipated events, such as the feeling of imminent death.[2] Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is a response to a real or perceived immediate threat,[3] whereas anxiety is the expectation of future threat.[3] Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing.[4] It is often accompanied by muscular tension,[3] restlessness, fatigue and problems in concentration. Anxiety can be appropriate, but when experienced regularly the individual may suffer from an anxiety disorder.[3]
People facing anxiety may withdraw from situations which have provoked anxiety in the past.[5] There are various types of anxiety. Existential anxiety can occur when a person faces angst, an existential crisis, or nihilistic feelings. People can also face mathematical anxiety, somatic anxiety, stage fright, or test anxiety. Social anxiety and stranger anxiety are caused when people are apprehensive around strangers or other people in general. Furthermore, anxiety has been linked with physical symptoms such as IBS and can heighten other mental health illnesses such as OCD and panic disorder. The first step in the management of a person with anxiety symptoms is to evaluate the possible presence of an underlying medical cause, whose recognition is essential in order to decide its correct treatment.[6][7] Anxiety symptoms may be masking an organic disease, or appear associated or as a result of a medical disorder.[6][7][8][9]
Anxiety can be either a short term "state" or a long term "trait". Whereas trait anxiety represents worrying about future events, anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear.[10] Anxiety disorders are partly genetic but may also be due to drug use, including alcohol, caffeine, and benzodiazepines (which are often prescribed to treat anxiety), as well as withdrawal from drugs of abuse. They often occur with other mental disorders, particularly bipolar disorder, eating disorders, major depressive disorder, or certain personality disorders. Common treatment options include lifestyle changes, medication, and therapy.
M-Bob
Anxiety
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Anxiety is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints, and rumination.[1] It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over anticipated events, such as the feeling of imminent death.[2] Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is a response to a real or perceived immediate threat,[3] whereas anxiety is the expectation of future threat.[3] Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing.[4] It is often accompanied by muscular tension,[3] restlessness, fatigue and problems in concentration. Anxiety can be appropriate, but when experienced regularly the individual may suffer from an anxiety disorder.[3]
People facing anxiety may withdraw from situations which have provoked anxiety in the past.[5] There are various types of anxiety. Existential anxiety can occur when a person faces angst, an existential crisis, or nihilistic feelings. People can also face mathematical anxiety, somatic anxiety, stage fright, or test anxiety. Social anxiety and stranger anxiety are caused when people are apprehensive around strangers or other people in general. Furthermore, anxiety has been linked with physical symptoms such as IBS and can heighten other mental health illnesses such as OCD and panic disorder. The first step in the management of a person with anxiety symptoms is to evaluate the possible presence of an underlying medical cause, whose recognition is essential in order to decide its correct treatment.[6][7] Anxiety symptoms may be masking an organic disease, or appear associated or as a result of a medical disorder.[6][7][8][9]
Anxiety can be either a short term "state" or a long term "trait". Whereas trait anxiety represents worrying about future events, anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear.[10] Anxiety disorders are partly genetic but may also be due to drug use, including alcohol, caffeine, and benzodiazepines (which are often prescribed to treat anxiety), as well as withdrawal from drugs of abuse. They often occur with other mental disorders, particularly bipolar disorder, eating disorders, major depressive disorder, or certain personality disorders. Common treatment options include lifestyle changes, medication, and therapy.
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Frick- well that is where you are wrong. I am always right and everything is about me. The world exists for a place where I an stand while I share (with the right amount of dramatic pain) my 'oh well children' wisdom with those poor people who do not know that since I am so sober after an eternal 10 months- they have to listen. I have been sober so long- I can chuckle with benevolent patience at the misguided antics of others by starting off saying 'back in the day' and my favourite- ' well, when I started in the rooms, my life was soooooo hard'.
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Must be common to mankind.
Once again the EGO raises it head
and the head is once again cut off
only in time to grow a new head.
Often in these my older days I'm heard saying
I hate that.
M-Bob
Once again the EGO raises it head
and the head is once again cut off
only in time to grow a new head.
Often in these my older days I'm heard saying
I hate that.
M-Bob
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I would say that right now I'm working on complacency. I'd been stuck in a rut of accepting the status quo and I am taking action to make changes. With action comes facing fears, however irrational, which also means challenging those irrational thoughts.
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