sunshinebaby

This June we have our usual community raceday where all the girls get dressed up and have lunch and music and fashion parades etc etc It's a whole lot of fun and we had a ball last year. I think we drank from 11am to 8.30pm.

I've decided not to go this year. I am so frustrated because I know all the girls will be drinking and I don't even want to have the complimentary glass of wine because I'll be back to day 1 and I just don't want to start again.

I should just get dressed up and go but I know I will feel like I am boring and missing out on the fun because I won't be drinking. I hate that this is the way it is. I know you can have fun being sober but once you get there and get in the mood......

So I'm not going. What do you think?? I"m also 111 days alcohol free. My husband commented how nice my skin looked yesterday.

yeahgr8

I think it just goes to show how the insanity doesnt magically go away when we put the drink down.

You have 111 days sober, which i presume wasn't a particlarly easy thing to achieve? I also presume that you had good reason, less than 4 months ago, to quit drinking?

So today you remember what fun it was at this event and, to be honest, are feeling a bit peeved at not being able to drink like your friends and wishing you could, because then you would be able to go and have fun with your friends?

Just think would a sane, mature person be thinking that? Do you believe you have a disease or that you chose to drink before to the extent that it was affecting your life. If it is the disease talking to you then you have to do something to have it removed, even if on a daily basis. If you don't believe that disease concept and you are thinking about doing something that you know will cause you harm then you are mentally ill. Either way pls seek help:-)

I completely understand where you are coming from, xmas before last i did a 5 month dry stint and when i drank again i remember being so angry at the fact that i could have been drinking over xmas and i didn't...kind of the other way round to your situation...

smacked

Are you simply abstaining from alcohol, or are you working a recovery program? Merely abstaining is a torturous way to go about things, getting some support and working on recovery really seems to releive issues like you're feeling/facing.

Ceres

I had a friend in recovery accompany me to events early on. I did this someone else for a party recently. Just having someone in recovery with you, does wonders for keeping the craving monsters away. Or, if you're not in a program - Bring someone with you who knows you need to be SOBER and won't take your crap if you in fact get cravings. ;-)

loveon2legs

I'm facing somewhat of the same situation on Sunday... I bought tickets for a fundrasier (the society is one I'm involved in) it's being held at a pub!! My hubby is coming with me for support, I've already planned it out...he gets the comp drinks, we leave after we eat...I'm almost 3 months sober...and like you don't want to pick up again....

xo

sailorjohn

I think even a relative newcomer can figure out what are social occasions that involve alcohol, and social occasions that revolve around alcohol.

I still avoid the latter, I'm not attracted to those occasions these days. Nothing for me there.

Rev

I'm starting to find it amusing that people always feel the need to compliment their socializing with alcohol. Are we (humans) really so bad that we can't stand each other without a couple of belts? If alcoholics have a problem with booze, non-alcoholics really aren't so far behind, IMO.

Rev

sunshinebaby

Thanks all. I just don't really want to go. I don't want to go and wipe myself out like we all did last year, and let me tell you, ladies racedays are a haven for drunk, dancing, ridiculously embarrassing women. I know because I was one of them last year. It's very fun at the time and thats why I don't want to go, because I know I won't have fun. Not with this crowd anyway.

I don't want a hangover the next day, and I don't want to feel bad about myself. It's really a mind control thing for me now, I refuse to drink alcohol. I went to the bottle shop yesterday to get some port (I use it in spag bol) that I don't eat anyway, but I didn't even want to buy alcohol.

My son told someone the other day that mummy doesnt' drink hawaian (wine) anymore, and that gave me more motivation than anything else. I sort of think that alcohol has been a part of my life since I was 16, now I want the rest of my life to be without it. Sort of the other side of the coin.

Boleo

At 111 days you my or may not be ready to mingle with wet places & wet faces.
At some point between 6 months and 1 year I felt confident I could go anywhere and be with anyone provided I had a valid reason to be there and had a exit route planed in case I needed to leave early.

I now go to bars, parties and family get-together's that involve alcoholic drinking but I don't hang around any longer than necessary. In short I leave when other people start to feel that they "have arrived".

Dee74

I wouldn't go to a ladies raceday and I have 3 years - you know what they do there Sunshine - the races are a side event.

D

Taking5

Please don't go. I would like to see you stay safe and sober. Also please explain to this ignorant yankee what a "Ladies' race day" is.

trapeze

How about planning something else for that day? Something you will feel good about doing.

Missybuns

I stayed away from activities where I formerly drank (or used dope..or both) for as long as the strong cravings lasted. This took about a year. Now I check my motivations for attending ANY activity involving alcohol. If I decide to attend I do not go without another recovering addict or family member who knows I'm in recovery. I always have a way out if needed.

I do not go into drinking establishments. The only reason I would ever have to go into an alcohol heavy activity would be to hear my brother play music. Even then...I have the option to hear him play at other venues...and those are the one I choose.

I have no business ....and truly no longer have the desire to attend activities surrounded by drinking.

I like how sailorjohn put it.

Peace,
Missy

Missybuns

oops double post...but since Im here...I have the same question:

are you abstaining or active in your recovery?

Peace,
Missy

Spawn

I think you made the right decision,...you shouldn't put your recovery in a dangerous situation. If drinking is the main goal of any event you should question your motives for going.

Shygirl

That's exactly what I'm looking for, is a friend to accompany me on this lonely journey.....even if for starters....online....yes... online....would be good. I just don't have any sober friends....or that won't take my crap. Thank you for listening!

pinkgurl87

You made a good decision not going. Good for you, you need to avoid places that trigger drinking, I know I need to do that too. Keep up the good work.

sayonara

For me NOTHING is worth risking your decision not to if you have really decided that you don't want to drink ever again.

Early on, I used a device whenever I was in social situations where people around me were drinking and there was the slightest possibility that the demon in my head would tempt me. I had to come up with some sort, any sort, of coping mechanism so that I could slay the dragon of temptation.

I just told everyone who offered me a drink that I was on antibiotics for an infection in my ear. Noone, not a soul ever said, "ah, cmon, you can have just one" because it is common knowledge that you can't drink on antibiotics. So I sipped my gingerale, feeling no pressure from anyone, and got to be at an event where some people got plastered.

It worked for me and although I know it was a "lie", it was one of those "little white lies" that I felt comfortable with. Given the choice of telling a little white lie or breaking my resolve to never ever drink again was a no-brainer. I know that some people wouldn't be comfortable with that strategy, that's OK with me. All I'm saying is, it worked for me.

I know that I can't and won't ever drink again, but I'm not going to let that get in the way of doing things that I enjoy, like say for example going to listen to live music at a venue where alcohol is served, or holidays with family and friends.

Peace and blessings on your journey.

stugotz

It took me a while to understand that the word "drink" doesnt always mean alcohol. Thank God for coffee. Just sayin...

Che

I think you should avoid functions where the main purpose is basically to drink and get drunk. Bars, clubs, whatever... But go to things where people might have a drink or two of their own accord (family dinners, going to a friends house... whatever), and prove to yourself that you have the will to not drink, because the event is not about drinking.

It sounds to me the event you're talking about in the OP has the purpose of getting drunk. There's nothing for you there, sorry It's the same reason you shouldn't go to a liquor store. The only purpose of going there is to get alcohol, and you don't want alcohol.

Don't focus too much on this one event. Just look forward to an event that you know you can go to that isn't about drinking. You have a husband and son; go have a picnic with them or something, ideally whenever an event like this is on. That way you even have an excuse if they ask you