crisco

My main rule is stay away events where you have to drink to gain social acceptance. People should accept your soberity and be happy that you overcame a massive addiction. People should view that AA has brought a new set of coping skills that make you a better person and person that people desire to be around.

It is not the amount of alcohol or drugs being consumed, it is other people's reaction to you not drinking. If people are giving faces or making fun, get out of there. They are people with major issues with emotional security and perhaps, have a problem with alcohol themselves. Some of them actually might need to be telling their story in the rooms.

ImagineMe

So glad this thread was started! I was dealing with the Memorial Day weekend and was all confused on how to go up to our lake home and not drink with the family around; they break out the wine at 5:00 PM and although they all usually only have one or two, it still comes out everyday.

My 3 year old came down with a virus of some sort. Now I ask you, has anyone been excited about their child being sick before? Well, I am! It completely saved me from being confronted with drinking when I am only on day 30.

Now, to be competely honest with the family and explain that drinking makes me sick.

Brucel

I've read in the Big Book that if we have a good reason, we can go anywhere, but think of what you can bring to, rather than take from, any given situation. If you feel strongly enough about not going, then don't go, and instead do somthing for another human being for free and for fun. That's what they (AA) taught me. God Bless

ProfessorFudger

I came out of rehab on Monday 28/03/11 at 11am, and by 6.30pm I was in a pool hall, practicing for my 2 matches, surrounded by beer, yet had 3 cups of tea, and never even thought about having one, and still don't. I was told at my first meeting that is almost impossibly rare. But even now 11 days on, I still dont feel the need, nor the want. Going into rehab changed me in ways in cant describe, and I feel fantastic and at least 20 years younger. I am setting up a similar forum for my local area, and mentionaing this while there because I have the support of my wife, family, work, doctor, rehab team, aftercare team, and now thousands of online people to help me through it, but they cannot beleive I just dont have any cravings at all, my mind is so set and I have so much to lose and nothing to gain by starting again!

Supercrew

I always felt that if I felt so inclined to drink I would no matter where I was. I would have a better chance of drinking alone than in a group or at an event.

If I want to drink I am going to drink no matter where I am, and If I don't want to drink, being around a bunch of drunks will only strengthen that feeling.

I attend a beach softball tournament every year, and it is like Mardi Gras on the sand with bikinis, and I played in it last year, sober and had a great time, and remembered everything, and it was quite fun even sober.

If you don't feel comfortable going, then don't go, but being that most events that I have attended involve alcohol there is no way I could live my life on my terms by being afraid to be near drinking.

JohnBarleycorn

People should accept that some people simply do not drink. Nothing more, and nothing less.

"I don't drink" was once considered sufficient reason, and still is in many cultures. I have several family members who do not drink and who have never had a drinking problem or been "in recovery" or in AA.

ProfessorFudger

Tell the world your recovering, dont keep it inside, let everyone know, the more the better, as you will know the more know, the more you would look an idiot if you had a beer, and no-one wants to look an idiot do they!

Mark75

I never tell anyone about my recovery while turning down an alcoholic beverage at a social event, ski trip, whatever... I do not want that attention... I want to talk about you, or the skiing we did, or the bike ride we just finished... It's not all about me and to make a full disclosure in a casual social event.... well then, it does become, about me.

cantakeit

I hear you. I live in wi. where beer is a way of life. It seems like everything revolves around drinking. I stopped going to county fairs, beer tent, no co. outings, open bar, no playing pool, darts, bowling, fishing and the list goes on. 9 yrs. of this and I finally snaped sadly so I guess I found out what my limit is. I would suggest doing what you really like hobby etc. no mater the $$ because I believe the alternative will be much more costly.

justdave

I went to a party at a friends house the other night. I haven't seen them since I quit drinking, and they really didn't believe I actually quit. I drank soda, and was quite relieved I wasn't the only sober one there, someone else with 14 years sobriety was also there. It felt good to be able to drive myself home without any worry.

newby1961

It talks about in the Big Book that if my spiritual condition is in order I can go anywhere if I have a valid reason for being there.

With that being said though its not my business to judge whether anyone is on good spitual footing but I am thinking anyone with less than a few years might want to really question their motives?

When I had something like 4 or 5 years I started going to the bars with other sober members and we would go to listen to a band and dance. After doing this a few times I had to stop because I found myself getting jealous & angry at all the people who seemed to be able to drink and have a good time. I started feeling like I was missing out on something.

I truly believe w/every fiber of my being that if I had continued going I would of eventually drank.

People who hang around barber shops eventually end up getting a haircut and I don't know many men who go to ***** houses to play cards.

Squizz

BINGO.

For instance: I like UFC and boxing. Why should I fork out $50 to watch these events when I can go to a Boston Pizza or Applebees and watch them there for free? Not to mention, eat a good meal in the process?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, IMO.

*BUT* If you're hanging out with the old crowd at the bar 2-3 nights a week expecting only to drink water, guess again. Believe me, I've played that game, and it doesn't work.

Remember, it's "provided we have a VALID reason for being there."

A guy with 25+ years of sobriety put it to me best one day at work. He said:

"AA and sobriety are supposed to give you your life back. Not take it away."

keithj

There is nothing wrong with that, and many recovered alcoholics are around booze frequently. That comes in Ch. 7 of the book, and assumes that you have taken all 12 Steps, had a spiritual awakening, and have recovered. Even then, it gives specific directions for how to approach such situations.

It might be worth considering, Squizz, if you've met those requirements?

miamifella

Back when I first came into recovery, I told my friends and they just stopped drinking around me. For years, they would ask me if we went out, if I minded if they had a drink. I had never been much of a drinker, so it was not necessary, but it was a nice gesture.

It got a little ridiculous, but I always remember it. I just was open about my recovery and they wanted to help me. Sometimes if we just let it out, people are there for us.

Alcoholics always think everyone is drinking, but at any party or even in any bar, there are always a number of people who choose not to drink.

Squizz

I look at it pretty simple: If you think you're going to drink, don't go. If you're in a bad spot, then don't go. And even if you're in a good spot, have a phone handy so you can call someone if you get tight. Otherwise, leave.

It's really that simple. Have a plan, and you'll be fine. After all, nobody can stop drinking for you. You have to have a plan when you're putting yourself in these situations.

VolcomStone51

This is exactly what I was thinking, and many people hit on it. Ask one of the ladies who won the race afterwards and you will know that the event revolved around alcohol and did not just involve it. I have told my girlfriend many times that I don't mind going places where there is alcohol present, as long as she makes me aware of the situation and that the "backbone" of the event is not alcohol. When she tells me what the event is I know right away what the right choice is (then I just have to make sure I make that decision ).