The Hydro Thread
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Hey guys, I'm here. Thanks for the posts. They were awesome. I read every single one of them more than once. There is a lot of great advice in them, and I wanted to make sure my cheese brain retained as much of it as it could. They really were great posts.
So, yes, I do have the basic text NA book. The blue one. I got it, ironically, from a girl who was selling me pills. She had more than one book. I wonder how she's doing.....
Anyway, thanks OP for all the awesome advice. I will read that chapter tonight before bed. I like this NA meeting I found so far. Everyone is very nice, and most are close to my age. There is also a nice mix of both men and women, and I like that, too. All in all, so far it's going well. I haven't talked and probably won't for a while as I am such a wallflower. But, I figure I can chat a little before and after meetings to help me open up more. So people can get to know me and I can get to know them. I am the type of person that needs to feel uber comfy in my surrounding environment before I can open up. But, that's just how I am. I wish so much that I could go more though. They have one every day at noon except for the weekends, but right now I can only get a ride for one a week. And, it's too far to walk, and not on the bus route. Sucks cuz I know I would be able to do so much better if I could go every day for a while. This is going to be such a long hard process. I am not deluding myself anymore into thinking that I will wake up one day and this will all be over and just a bad dream. I don't see any happy endings in my near future.
My mom and I are fighting like crazy, and my bro has gone back to his usual self. Nuff said there. Except they are both breaking my back with all their added stress. So, when I say I am going through hell. Through like the worst time in my life, I am NOT being a diva. I am seriously struggling. I read in one of the NA pamphlets I got that sometimes a day at a time isn't enough, and they suggested that you can try just 5 min at a time. So, that's what I am doing right now. 5 min at a time. Am also reading the basic text. Am taking lots of baths like Tea suggested. I am trying. Trying, trying, trying. Trying so hard I feel like I'm gonna kill myself trying.
I am doing those coloring books, too Tea. I love them. And thanks, too for pointing out that my mom is a big trigger for me. I never thought about it much before, but you are right. So right. And, my bro is, too. You helped me realize that, too. So, am going very little contact for awhile. Just what's necessary and nothing more. For now. Because neither of them understand boundaries. Sad really, because I could use some encouragement from them right now. Instead, I have to come here to get amazing encouragement and help. And I do. You guys come through. Every time. I am also trying to think the way Jaddy was saying. That at least I can do this at home. I'm not in jail, and I don't have to work. I can't even imagine that, so I have mad respect for those that do.
Ok. Going to curl up in bed with my puppy. I am hiding until at least Monday. I have no pills, no cigs, no money. Nothing. Nada. So, I figure I better hide until the worst of things pass. I am just so lost right now. All my safety nets are gone. It's just me now. At least the bills are paid. And, of course, my puppy is taken care of. She has, and will never, suffer for my use.
The next few days are going to be hell on earth. I am scared to death.
Love you guys.
So, yes, I do have the basic text NA book. The blue one. I got it, ironically, from a girl who was selling me pills. She had more than one book. I wonder how she's doing.....
Anyway, thanks OP for all the awesome advice. I will read that chapter tonight before bed. I like this NA meeting I found so far. Everyone is very nice, and most are close to my age. There is also a nice mix of both men and women, and I like that, too. All in all, so far it's going well. I haven't talked and probably won't for a while as I am such a wallflower. But, I figure I can chat a little before and after meetings to help me open up more. So people can get to know me and I can get to know them. I am the type of person that needs to feel uber comfy in my surrounding environment before I can open up. But, that's just how I am. I wish so much that I could go more though. They have one every day at noon except for the weekends, but right now I can only get a ride for one a week. And, it's too far to walk, and not on the bus route. Sucks cuz I know I would be able to do so much better if I could go every day for a while. This is going to be such a long hard process. I am not deluding myself anymore into thinking that I will wake up one day and this will all be over and just a bad dream. I don't see any happy endings in my near future.
My mom and I are fighting like crazy, and my bro has gone back to his usual self. Nuff said there. Except they are both breaking my back with all their added stress. So, when I say I am going through hell. Through like the worst time in my life, I am NOT being a diva. I am seriously struggling. I read in one of the NA pamphlets I got that sometimes a day at a time isn't enough, and they suggested that you can try just 5 min at a time. So, that's what I am doing right now. 5 min at a time. Am also reading the basic text. Am taking lots of baths like Tea suggested. I am trying. Trying, trying, trying. Trying so hard I feel like I'm gonna kill myself trying.
I am doing those coloring books, too Tea. I love them. And thanks, too for pointing out that my mom is a big trigger for me. I never thought about it much before, but you are right. So right. And, my bro is, too. You helped me realize that, too. So, am going very little contact for awhile. Just what's necessary and nothing more. For now. Because neither of them understand boundaries. Sad really, because I could use some encouragement from them right now. Instead, I have to come here to get amazing encouragement and help. And I do. You guys come through. Every time. I am also trying to think the way Jaddy was saying. That at least I can do this at home. I'm not in jail, and I don't have to work. I can't even imagine that, so I have mad respect for those that do.
Ok. Going to curl up in bed with my puppy. I am hiding until at least Monday. I have no pills, no cigs, no money. Nothing. Nada. So, I figure I better hide until the worst of things pass. I am just so lost right now. All my safety nets are gone. It's just me now. At least the bills are paid. And, of course, my puppy is taken care of. She has, and will never, suffer for my use.
The next few days are going to be hell on earth. I am scared to death.
Love you guys.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Yeah...those coloring books...makes me feel like a kid again when life was more simple and we could color for hours on end...good times...maybe that's why coloring is so therapeutic! I am glad you are enjoying it too.
We are with you, angel...keep on keeping on...it is worth the fight; it's a good fight. Just remember we don't judge you, ever.
As to the 'trying' thing. We do our part...we try..we do our best...it's about all we can do. I DO draw on my higher power, as I understand It...and that helps me a lot...because it seems like no matter how hard I try, I still need help/strength from another source.
We are with you, angel...keep on keeping on...it is worth the fight; it's a good fight. Just remember we don't judge you, ever.
As to the 'trying' thing. We do our part...we try..we do our best...it's about all we can do. I DO draw on my higher power, as I understand It...and that helps me a lot...because it seems like no matter how hard I try, I still need help/strength from another source.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey guys....
On day 2. Again. No sleep yet. Very little food. I HATE having to write 'on day 2' again. I feel like the boy who cried wolf one too many times. Or in my case, the girl who cried sober too many times.
It is now Feb. My SR one year anniversary. And I am typing this from the same ******* place I did when I first got here. Actually, things are worse.
Man, do I feel like a useless piece of crap.
I am sick of being me.
Thanks, everyone, for so much.
Love you guys.
On day 2. Again. No sleep yet. Very little food. I HATE having to write 'on day 2' again. I feel like the boy who cried wolf one too many times. Or in my case, the girl who cried sober too many times.
It is now Feb. My SR one year anniversary. And I am typing this from the same ******* place I did when I first got here. Actually, things are worse.
Man, do I feel like a useless piece of crap.
I am sick of being me.
Thanks, everyone, for so much.
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
I'm coming out of the rabbit hole I've been in since November.
Got up there pretty high again with hydro.
Ran out down to last 7 Tylenol 3's in the wean process.
Feeling dope sick. Not killer but wonder after codeine runs out where I'll be.
Chance for more hydro in two days.
Dang it.
Got up there pretty high again with hydro.
Ran out down to last 7 Tylenol 3's in the wean process.
Feeling dope sick. Not killer but wonder after codeine runs out where I'll be.
Chance for more hydro in two days.
Dang it.
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Posts: 1,099
Holy cow,Dawg!! I just got on here to check messages and saw your posts. I woulda fallen down if I wasnt still in bed!! lol Wow, I am so glad you are here. I mean, not why, but just that you are. Ah hell, you know what I mean. It's so ironic we are back here again. At the same time. Must be meant to help each other. Our hp's at work or something.
No judgements or questions here ex ept how are you and do you wanna get clean with me again. We did it once.
You should check out your thread. I used the hell out of it!! I want you to feel free to write all you want on this thread. If you wznt. That's what its here for. Anything. Anytime.
I am on day 3, so not going anywhere. Feel like I got run over by a blind giraffe.
Anyway, I am rambling. Haven't slept for 3 days. But, had to come on and respond. Man, it sure is good to hear from you. Btw, how is your lovely wife?? And the job??
I really hope you are ok. I am here for you, my friend. Nothing has changed. If you want to quit, I will stick with you.
No judgements or questions here ex ept how are you and do you wanna get clean with me again. We did it once.
You should check out your thread. I used the hell out of it!! I want you to feel free to write all you want on this thread. If you wznt. That's what its here for. Anything. Anytime.
I am on day 3, so not going anywhere. Feel like I got run over by a blind giraffe.
Anyway, I am rambling. Haven't slept for 3 days. But, had to come on and respond. Man, it sure is good to hear from you. Btw, how is your lovely wife?? And the job??
I really hope you are ok. I am here for you, my friend. Nothing has changed. If you want to quit, I will stick with you.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
It's like I want to quit because I've tapered off the heavy doses due to running out.
But I can't work and WD at the same time.
I need to be in bed for a week.
It's a dilemma. I have 6 Tylenol 3's left to ease me off.
One hard day with nothing on Tuesday but that night I can get hundreds of hydros.
My wife has no idea what I go through.
She doesn't deserve this and I could get caught by authorities getting pills.
Tough place to be.
You're an angel Sugar.
All self-induced.
But I can't work and WD at the same time.
I need to be in bed for a week.
It's a dilemma. I have 6 Tylenol 3's left to ease me off.
One hard day with nothing on Tuesday but that night I can get hundreds of hydros.
My wife has no idea what I go through.
She doesn't deserve this and I could get caught by authorities getting pills.
Tough place to be.
You're an angel Sugar.
All self-induced.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
RailDawg777 - what kind of work do you do? Plenty of people have withdrawn and worked at the same time. If you take a look at some of the old methadone threads you will see people that worked heavy, physical labor jobs while withdrawing. You are going to have to withdrawal at some point. I think work can be helpful in giving you some sort of distraction. Laying around with nothing to do in withdrawal made it worse in my opinion.
So, how bad do you want this?
So, how bad do you want this?
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Hey Dawg....
I'm here. So, I read your posts, and you know I can't convince you not to use Tuesday. That's up to you. What I can say is that I understand exactly where you are. You know I do.
Have you played all scenarios through in your head?? I mean, you could A.) Wait out Tuesday , get your pills and go until you run out again. But, then you will be right back here in this spot again. Eventually. 2.) You could wait out Tuesday, go to get the pills, get busted by the cops and end up in jail. You will still end up right back here again, just taking a much longer route. And detox in jail. Plus, your wife will find out. C.) Go to work in wd's. It would suck. But, it's doable, I hear.4.) Call in sick??
I know which choice I would have made . However, no matter what you decide to do, you will eventually end up right back where you are now. ALL roads lead back here. No one can stay high forever. It's the laws of physics. Everything that goes up. must come down. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. You can't stay on the pills forever. They will get you in the end. So, whether you decide to use or not Tuesday, you are just prolonging the inevitable. It will always come down to this. It took me a long time to figure that out. Too long. I could go 17 steps out my door right now and get pills. She has them, and they are for sale. And, I have a little money. But, I haven't. You know why?? Because there's no point. Just stretching out the pain and the inevitable outcome. This is it Dawg. THIS is the only way out. Whether you do it at home, at work, in jail, your wife knows, she doesn't know, you use Tuesday, you use Wednesday. Doesn't matter. ALL roads lead back here. Always and forever.
Jeez, I hope I said something that helped. I am on day 4 and so tired I could cry. Can't think at all. So, I hope I made some sense. I am here for you, whatever you decide. I will stay with you and help you through if you want it. I care very much, and want only the best for you. I want you to be happy.
Ok. Gotta go. Feel like **** for real.
Love and hugs.
I'm here. So, I read your posts, and you know I can't convince you not to use Tuesday. That's up to you. What I can say is that I understand exactly where you are. You know I do.
Have you played all scenarios through in your head?? I mean, you could A.) Wait out Tuesday , get your pills and go until you run out again. But, then you will be right back here in this spot again. Eventually. 2.) You could wait out Tuesday, go to get the pills, get busted by the cops and end up in jail. You will still end up right back here again, just taking a much longer route. And detox in jail. Plus, your wife will find out. C.) Go to work in wd's. It would suck. But, it's doable, I hear.4.) Call in sick??
I know which choice I would have made . However, no matter what you decide to do, you will eventually end up right back where you are now. ALL roads lead back here. No one can stay high forever. It's the laws of physics. Everything that goes up. must come down. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. You can't stay on the pills forever. They will get you in the end. So, whether you decide to use or not Tuesday, you are just prolonging the inevitable. It will always come down to this. It took me a long time to figure that out. Too long. I could go 17 steps out my door right now and get pills. She has them, and they are for sale. And, I have a little money. But, I haven't. You know why?? Because there's no point. Just stretching out the pain and the inevitable outcome. This is it Dawg. THIS is the only way out. Whether you do it at home, at work, in jail, your wife knows, she doesn't know, you use Tuesday, you use Wednesday. Doesn't matter. ALL roads lead back here. Always and forever.
Jeez, I hope I said something that helped. I am on day 4 and so tired I could cry. Can't think at all. So, I hope I made some sense. I am here for you, whatever you decide. I will stay with you and help you through if you want it. I care very much, and want only the best for you. I want you to be happy.
Ok. Gotta go. Feel like **** for real.
Love and hugs.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe 
RailDawg777 - what kind of work do you do? Plenty of people have withdrawn and worked at the same time. If you take a look at some of the old methadone threads you will see people that worked heavy, physical labor jobs while withdrawing. You are going to have to withdrawal at some point. I think work can be helpful in giving you some sort of distraction. Laying around with nothing to do in withdrawal made it worse in my opinion.
So, how bad do you want this?
So, how bad do you want this?
Not a boast just the way it is
I took 12 Imodiums last night and 20 this morning.
I must say I'm not feeling that bad.
Took a Tylenol 3 this morning so that helps but I'm convinced the Imodium makes a difference.
The Tylenol 3 alone I'd be flat on my back.
But I walked 5 miles just now to see the UT Austin Tower where Charles Whitman shot all those people in 1966.
It looks the same. Always was interested in why he would have done this.
Thanks for the support.
I may need to stop using. Already into the WD period I was trying so desperately to avoid.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
Sugar I'm only talking my experience today and am not advocating anything to anyone.
I've been up for 5 hours. Haven't had heavy hydro for 3 days. Just Tylenol 3 equal to 1/20 the dose of hydro I was on.
I took a Tylenol 3 when I woke up but 5 hours later I have NO URGE to take another one.
Maybe I'm jinxing myself and my butt is going to get kicked in short order.
But I took 12 Imodiums last night and 20 this morning.
No WD feeling right now. Just walked 5 miles and ate.
If this feeling lasts I may be able to work and get through this.
Just wanted to share.
I've been up for 5 hours. Haven't had heavy hydro for 3 days. Just Tylenol 3 equal to 1/20 the dose of hydro I was on.
I took a Tylenol 3 when I woke up but 5 hours later I have NO URGE to take another one.
Maybe I'm jinxing myself and my butt is going to get kicked in short order.
But I took 12 Imodiums last night and 20 this morning.
No WD feeling right now. Just walked 5 miles and ate.
If this feeling lasts I may be able to work and get through this.
Just wanted to share.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Hey, maybe all that walking helped get the endorphins running!! 5 miles is a pretty good jaunt. I would so love to really exercise. Like I used to. You know, before the pills and bad decisions. I can't wait for that day.
So, I'm thinking you are doing a lot of thinking. lol Well, that came out weird, but you know what I mean. I can almost FEEL your wheels turning from here. I know cuz I have been where you are now SO many times. Should I use or not?? And always I found a way to justify using. But, it was never as wonderful as I had made it out to be in my head. I would get some, take them all, then be right back in wds again soon enough. There will just never be enough pills in the world to satisfy me. And what if there were?? What if we had an endless supply of pills that we knew would never run out?? What then?? Overdose and die, most likely. But what if the worst happened?? What if you got bored with all the pills you could ever want?? Because we are human, that's what would happen. We'd get bored with chasing a high we can never acheive again with the pills and move on to something else. Like heroin. Sniffing glue. Whatever. My point is, and I swear I have one, is that, in the end, no amount of pills will ever satisfy us, because it's not really the high we are chasing anymore. It's the not feeling like THIS EVER AGAIN that we are chasing. At least that's the way it is for me. I have sat in my sweat and bad choices for 4 days now, and I don't want to do it again.
Ok. I am rambling, and now I lost my train of thpught. ****, I hate wds. See what I mean??
So, I'm thinking you are doing a lot of thinking. lol Well, that came out weird, but you know what I mean. I can almost FEEL your wheels turning from here. I know cuz I have been where you are now SO many times. Should I use or not?? And always I found a way to justify using. But, it was never as wonderful as I had made it out to be in my head. I would get some, take them all, then be right back in wds again soon enough. There will just never be enough pills in the world to satisfy me. And what if there were?? What if we had an endless supply of pills that we knew would never run out?? What then?? Overdose and die, most likely. But what if the worst happened?? What if you got bored with all the pills you could ever want?? Because we are human, that's what would happen. We'd get bored with chasing a high we can never acheive again with the pills and move on to something else. Like heroin. Sniffing glue. Whatever. My point is, and I swear I have one, is that, in the end, no amount of pills will ever satisfy us, because it's not really the high we are chasing anymore. It's the not feeling like THIS EVER AGAIN that we are chasing. At least that's the way it is for me. I have sat in my sweat and bad choices for 4 days now, and I don't want to do it again.
Ok. I am rambling, and now I lost my train of thpught. ****, I hate wds. See what I mean??
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Hey, just saw your last post. That would be great if it went that way. Just please be careful with the immodium. You can od on that, too. I know doing ANYTHING in wds just is like the worst, but just try not to overtake anything.
Just worried about you, my friend.
Just worried about you, my friend.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
Sugar your posts ALWAYS make sense and it's never a rant.
You say important things.
I expected today to be far worse.
Call in sick and lay in bed.
But I think the Imodium has made the difference.
I feel bad you're sick Angel.
Maybe tomorrow I'll feel the same.
I'm going to take 20 more Imodium in the morning.
If tomorrow isn't too bad I bet I'll stay away from the hydros. I'm not Jonesing at all right now.
Hope you feel better.
You say important things.
I expected today to be far worse.
Call in sick and lay in bed.
But I think the Imodium has made the difference.
I feel bad you're sick Angel.
Maybe tomorrow I'll feel the same.
I'm going to take 20 more Imodium in the morning.
If tomorrow isn't too bad I bet I'll stay away from the hydros. I'm not Jonesing at all right now.
Hope you feel better.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by sugarangel
Hey Dawg....
I'm here. So, I read your posts, and you know I can't convince you not to use Tuesday. That's up to you. What I can say is that I understand exactly where you are. You know I do.
Have you played all scenarios through in your head?? I mean, you could A.) Wait out Tuesday , get your pills and go until you run out again. But, then you will be right back here in this spot again. Eventually. 2.) You could wait out Tuesday, go to get the pills, get busted by the cops and end up in jail. You will still end up right back here again, just taking a much longer route. And detox in jail. Plus, your wife will find out. C.) Go to work in wd's. It would suck. But, it's doable, I hear.4.) Call in sick??
I know which choice I would have made . However, no matter what you decide to do, you will eventually end up right back where you are now. ALL roads lead back here. No one can stay high forever. It's the laws of physics. Everything that goes up. must come down. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. You can't stay on the pills forever. They will get you in the end. So, whether you decide to use or not Tuesday, you are just prolonging the inevitable. It will always come down to this. It took me a long time to figure that out. Too long. I could go 17 steps out my door right now and get pills. She has them, and they are for sale. And, I have a little money. But, I haven't. You know why?? Because there's no point. Just stretching out the pain and the inevitable outcome. This is it Dawg. THIS is the only way out. Whether you do it at home, at work, in jail, your wife knows, she doesn't know, you use Tuesday, you use Wednesday. Doesn't matter. ALL roads lead back here. Always and forever.
Jeez, I hope I said something that helped. I am on day 4 and so tired I could cry. Can't think at all. So, I hope I made some sense. I am here for you, whatever you decide. I will stay with you and help you through if you want it. I care very much, and want only the best for you. I want you to be happy.
.
I'm here. So, I read your posts, and you know I can't convince you not to use Tuesday. That's up to you. What I can say is that I understand exactly where you are. You know I do.
Have you played all scenarios through in your head?? I mean, you could A.) Wait out Tuesday , get your pills and go until you run out again. But, then you will be right back here in this spot again. Eventually. 2.) You could wait out Tuesday, go to get the pills, get busted by the cops and end up in jail. You will still end up right back here again, just taking a much longer route. And detox in jail. Plus, your wife will find out. C.) Go to work in wd's. It would suck. But, it's doable, I hear.4.) Call in sick??
I know which choice I would have made . However, no matter what you decide to do, you will eventually end up right back where you are now. ALL roads lead back here. No one can stay high forever. It's the laws of physics. Everything that goes up. must come down. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. You can't stay on the pills forever. They will get you in the end. So, whether you decide to use or not Tuesday, you are just prolonging the inevitable. It will always come down to this. It took me a long time to figure that out. Too long. I could go 17 steps out my door right now and get pills. She has them, and they are for sale. And, I have a little money. But, I haven't. You know why?? Because there's no point. Just stretching out the pain and the inevitable outcome. This is it Dawg. THIS is the only way out. Whether you do it at home, at work, in jail, your wife knows, she doesn't know, you use Tuesday, you use Wednesday. Doesn't matter. ALL roads lead back here. Always and forever.
Jeez, I hope I said something that helped. I am on day 4 and so tired I could cry. Can't think at all. So, I hope I made some sense. I am here for you, whatever you decide. I will stay with you and help you through if you want it. I care very much, and want only the best for you. I want you to be happy.
.
Here's one way it was worded by Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac. ie: If you start you eventually have to stop so she realized it was better not to start.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wZI...wZIOtOCbpw#t=6
Raildawg. Good to see you again. You can do this. You have our support!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
Thanks tea tree old friend!
I suspect I'll be here with all of you for many years to come.
Amazingly I feel normal.
It's very strange and I don't want to rub it in on my friend Sugar.
The Imodium has taken away all WD.
Still have 5 Tylenol 3's left for weaning but haven't taken one for 8 hours.
It's really crazy as I saw myself very sick today.
Interesting.
Thanks again tea tree!!
I suspect I'll be here with all of you for many years to come.
Amazingly I feel normal.
It's very strange and I don't want to rub it in on my friend Sugar.
The Imodium has taken away all WD.
Still have 5 Tylenol 3's left for weaning but haven't taken one for 8 hours.
It's really crazy as I saw myself very sick today.
Interesting.
Thanks again tea tree!!
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