Jane63

Morning!
Doing abit better today than yesterday! I walked 2-blocks last night and up the hill beside my house!!! Whew! Then hubbs and I sat on our deck and chatted till dark...so nice! I am so blessed to have him in my life and if I can ever muster up enough energy to post on the gratitude forum...I will honor that!

I read some of my older posts when I first started this thread and I sure was one scared little mouse! I sure have come along way and don't plan on looking back...just forward and to the good stuff!!!!

Well, just wanted to check in and say HI to ya'll! The sun is out today and I'm going to get out and work in my much-neglected garden and play with my dog! ((((HUGS))))
jane

Dawn10

So glad to hear you are feeling so good. Yes you have come a long way since your first post. i hear so much assurance and resolve in your posts. Keep it up.
P.S. Talking to you from Rhode Island and spoiling my nephews only slightly rotten, but then, I have only been here for 6 hours! (LOL)

Jane63

Hi Dawn! Thanks for taking time out of your vacation to reply! I was soo happy to see it today when i got on! I hope you are having a wonderful time hun...you deserve it!!!

Not doing so well today {ugg} and yesterday wasn't so great either even tho I was sure that sunshine would work miracles on me...kind of a let down. I did get out some and got a good nights sleep, but this "new" slow-motion life is taking a toll on my already exagerated anxiety and I just keep wondering how much longer it will last.

I am under alot of stress...dealing with it as positive as I possibly can, but it seems as everything has just hit us at once! My dad has not been well and we just found out it was a small stroke...he is "not himself" right now and will not let my mom leave him which is making her abit frustrated {I wish I could help more!}...last night my hubby called an hour before work ended and said his mom was being transported to the ER suffering from what we think could be a stroke also {won't know till later}...poor hubby didn't get home till late and I know this is all taking quite a stress on him as well! Didn't walk last night, but opted instead for ordering out {I still cannot cook much} and just relaxing around the house.

So, I wake up today...still moving like a daggone sloth, anxiety, and such a gloomy day! I took off one of my catapress patches yesterday also thinking that might make me move abit faster...it does seem to have made a tiny bit of difference...not much tho...I will take the other off either today or tomorrow. Still no cravings {Thank God!} but some mild depression with not being able to do what I want to yet...quite agravated that I am even having trouble writing my own name and paying bills that were pilling up on my desk! {Grrr!} Later, I have to call the insurance co and deal with them....been putting that off and now I absolutely have to...not looking forward to that, but will feel better once i get it done I'm sure!

Our daughter is coming home from the beach Sunday so I'm hoping hubbs and i can go grocery shopping tonight to get some easy to cook stuff and snacks! I also need to do at least one load of laundry and want badly to strip her bed and have it all cozy and fresh for her when she arrives! Depending upon how my MIL is doing...Lord willing, we will be able to get some things done tonight and tomorrow.

Well, just wanted to get some of this out of my head and I am feeling abit better already! ((((HUGS))))) to my angels! Take care!
jane

Dawn10

Jane,
Well, I will probably say things you already know, but here goes. Stress is a part of life. How we deal with it is the thing that seperates one from another. Keep up your plan of exercise, walking, etc and that will help some. Address your Higher Power--prayer and that always helps me. Acknowledge that you can't handle it alone and allow friends and family to help when necessary. Those are all things I learned in recovery.
That said, so sorry your family is having these health issues. i know it is hard to see parents age. My Mom is only 72, but is in a nursing home with multiple health problems. She has her own addictive issues to deal with, but that is another post!!! Fortunately my Dad is in great health for 73 and we are each others support system. My best friend is a newly in recovery alcoholic and we support each other. Our best resource in the Bible and our church family.
I am sure you are looking forward to your daughter's return. How old is she? is she old enoug for you to share what the past 2 weeks have brought? I am sure she would be so proud of you. I am!
Got to go--my nephews and i are headed to the children's gourmet resturaunt--Mcdonald's!

Jane63

Hey Dawn!
LOL! That was quick! What a sweetie you are to write me...I am doing OK and have been praying and calling friends and family to keep in contact...I need that and so do they so its helps all of us!
My daughter is 17...wonderful child that i am blessed to have {all honors student and so full of wisdom for such a youngster!} She thinks I was in the hospital for 4-days having TMJ surgery and am healing up from that, although i have made the hint several times that I am no longer taking the meds that made mommy a zoombie before {she "knew", bless her heart!}...I am going to tell her my story eventually because I think it is important for her to know what can happen if you let it...leaving out some painful events, of course as i don't want to burden her mind with negitivity...just positive thoughts for our families future!
OK...this little sloth is going to get up from here and "git er done"...LOL...well, give it my best shot anyways!
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) ENJOY YOURSELF!!!
jane

Jane63

Afternoon!
Dawn, hope you are enjoying yourself on that vacation! I read my reply yesterday and thought how rude of me...I do hope your mom is doing OK and that is wonderful your dad is there for you! I am the opposite and my mom is my rock...we are best friends...just like my own daughter and myself!

Hubby is helping me clean today and do up some laundry...I am still pretty weak and not very happy about not being able to work like I am used to around here! I am considering joining a weight class here that starts you out slow and works at a slow pace...have to do something, so i guess that is a good start! I need to check with my doc first tho and have my heart checked as it has been flipping around in my chest kinda funny the last couple of days and I swear if I have a freakin heart attack after all i've been through...well,....guess i won't go there, but you know what I mean!?!

My MIL is home now and doing fine...it was not a stroke, but possible alergic reaction to some food she had eaten! Thank God! My dad is doing alittle better too and mom is getting him out to walk more. We are all looking forward to daughters return tomorrow and I might not be in as much for awhile, but will check back as time permits!
((((((HUGS))))))))) for my angels here! Take care and God Bless!!
jane

Jane63

Hi all,
Just a quick post to say "Hello" and hoping all are well and happy! I am doing fine...getting stronger with each day! {19-days clean!!!} I am busying myself with laundry, which when you have a teen in the house and a very active husband...the piles never really seem to go away {LOL}...also, still trying to get in a walk in the evenings with hubby and our dog...didn't join the weight class and don't really think I will since it is based on the bank-draft system and I've never thought much of that. I have started crocheting again which occupies my mind and hands and is also helping me to regain some better coordination...just taking it one day at a time which is working for me well!
I will check in from time to time and want to send my angels ((((HUGS))))!!!
Take care!
Jane

Dawn10

Hooray--19 days.
So glad to hear from you. I think about you often. Keep posting and keep us posted. :lumpy

jcoleman

I'm new to this as well and am trying to find out what to expect while I am coming off Xanax. My doctor prescribed this for me years ago and I had no idea it was addictive. My new doctor is trying to get me off of it but I have no idea what to expect as I decrease my dosage. Can anyone help!

Dawn10

Jane,
We haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks. Hope all is well. I think about you daily.
I survived a near miss with Hurricane Charley. If I was 20 miles south of where I am, I don't know that I would have a home. It made me think that " if I don't go back to using after this stress, I am doing pretty good!"

amanda_76

Dawn-
We were a close call also...Sarasota. My bro...not so lucky- He lost his entire house and everything he owned, except vehicles. That was a crazy ordeal!!! That was the closest I have ever been to a hurricane.
It is kind of neat seeing someone so close in distance to me on this board :-)

Jane, I know you dont know me but I wanted to share with you how I finally got my energy back. I was about 20-30 days clean and I could finally go out in public, so I went to my local GNC and I got some Ultra Mega Gold multi-vitamins, and I got some B-12 500. I also got some fish oils to help with my brain function. I got L-theanine to combat my anxiety issue. I too took xanax or valium for 10 years for anxiety, but once I got clean from the pain pills, I thought....why do i want to keep putting this crud into my body, when there is something natural that I can take instead.
I didnt think it would ever be possible to be normal again, but I feel more normal and content with myself than I have ever felt in my entire life!!!
I hope you are doing well, and if you ever need anything....dont hesitate to ask or pm me or whatever!!! :-)
Take care-
Amanda

skunkape138

Welcome Jane,
First off, you must make that big step and realize you may have a problem and tell your doctor or at least commit to getting off and finding alternative pain relief. Im an addict and i understand, but more so, my father is a chronic pain sufferer and has been from Vics to oc's to fetynol patches and now is going for surgery and must come down on all counts, even smoking. I sympathise with anyone in this situations because your addicted, at least at first, not by choice. So if you want to take the bull by the horns you will have to take all suggestions and stay with it. You can do it if you want to.

Jane63

Hello!!!
Sorry I have been MIA for awhile! I am doing GREAT and am 33-days CLEAN today!!!! Still no cravings and my body is finally starting to come out of the fog and I find myself doing the things I used to LOVE...like the day-long hike I took with my family the other day wayy out in the woods and playing in the creek there!! {LOL! I caught a crawldad!! HEhehe!!}

My husband tells me everyday how beautiful I am and sometimes how much he "missed me" but is so glad to have ME back...it is almost like we are newlyweds again! {And if I didn't have all these gosh darn medical bills to pay off, I would surely go off somewhere for the wknd with him.....but that is still to come, I hope!! LOL!}...I had a long talk with my daughter {she's 17} and she knows now too...I didn't realise how bad I had gotten this past year and know that I have to work extra hard to make up for all that 'lost time". I am just so full of love for my family and so blessed to have them!!!

DAWN...I am sooo glad you are OK and hope things have settled down for you stress-wise!!! That ol' "Charley" was one heck of a storm and I pray that those touched by it are getting back to some sort of normalcy soon. Please take care and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, my angel!!

Amanda, thank you for the info and enlightning post!!! I will most defantely keep it in mind...for now though, things are going very well for me and somedays I find that I don't even need the Xanax...I am thankful to have it for the days that I do though. Please TC and continue to do well!!!

Hi skunk...please read my whole thread and see that I did take the bull by the horns 33-days ago and couldn't be happier!! Thank you though, and I hope you are doing well also!!

(((((HUGS for my angels)))))
Jane
PS...."Paige"...if you are reading this please PM me here or on other site! I am concerned and want to know how you are farring! You are in my thoughts and prayers always!!! (((HUGS)))

Dawn10

Jane,
So happy to hear from you and that all is going so well. I knew you could do it. Keep it up. Big old group hug from all of us on this posting site. I am so proud that you told your daughter. I know it must have been hard, but isn't it great to no longer have the secrets?
Keep in touch. :heart:

ashley80

Jane, I am SO happy for you! 33 days is wonderful! Congratulations!

Ashley

Jane63

Hi Ash and Dawn!!!
Just a quick note to say HI and send some ****{HUGS}}} your ways!!! School started today and I have the place alll to myself!! YAYY! {LOL!} OK...I still do miss my "baby" often throughout the day! {sometimes, LOL}

I tried my hand at some replies today...not sure how it went as I have a bad habit of rambling stuff off the top of my head, but hopefully it might help someone here out!

My energy is comming back with a vengance...and I am finding that my pain is settling down as well and I'm not needing to take the Ibuprofen as much!!YAYY! Humm, maybe I'm actually getting some of my endorphins back??!! {Hubby is happy about that!! Heehee!!! OK...TMI...sorry!! :-)

Hope you both are well and happy!! Take care angels!!!
Jane

Dawn10

:35: :35:
Jane,
So good to hear from you. You are doing so wonderfully. Just by keeping aware of how your body is feeling is a good thing. At least you are feeling and not trying to numb the feelings with the pills.
Things are good on this end. Working hard, doing church work and trying to help in some small way with the Hurricane Charley relief. It is very humbling.
Keep posting replies. Step #12 is " to share our experience, strength and hope with others". You can do that in a mighty way!
Keep in touch
Dawn

Jane63

Hello friends,
Just had some free time in between straightning the house and doing a load of laundry {UGG!} and thought I would check in on ya'll! :shysmile:

Today didn't start out so great and I felt almost as if I was coming down with 'something", but feeling better as the day winds on. I seem to go for weeks feeling great and then have a day or two of just not feeling so well...almost like I felt the first couple weeks after detox...but I have read this is to be expected and am coping. I also have alot of stress right now with my dad being so sick and I'm trying to stay strong for him and my mother. It's hard, but I am coping and trying to do 'good things" for myself to keep focused and in good shape. I quit walking in the evenings for about a week {too busy to walk and just plain exhausted in the evenings!} and just started up again and man, Oh man...my legs let me know that "they" didn't think much of the break I took! {LOL}

I do have a question for ya'll and something that has sort of been weighing heavy on my mind...I have noticed alot lately that my hubby and other family members are paying so much attention to my every move...and emotions...{well, it feels that way to me at least!} sometimes I feel like they are afraid I am going to slip back into the addiction {which I can't blame them for that} BUT, it is driving me nuts! :bigeyes: I have reassured them and even got abit angry a few times recently which I immediately feel bad for because I know they are just watching out for me...but Jeez, it makes me feel sometimes like I am under the microscope, if ya' know what I mean! I hope this makes sense as I do ramble on {Hehe!!}, but I wondered if others had dealt with this sort of thing from their families and friends after recovery and how they felt about it? I guess I just don't want them to worry so much or to make me feel like a "child" as I wouldn't have worked so hard to get to this point if I didn't plan on staying this way for good! I know guilt plays a big part in recovery and it is something we have to learn to cope with constructively, which I think I am doing quite well...but sometimes all the "reinforcements" from family {mostly hubby} bring on alot of the guilty feelings and makes it quite tough!
Any comments or input is welcome!! :shysmile:

DAWN! Hun, I am thinking of you and sure hope that darn Francis stays clear of your area! Please post when you can and let me know how your doing! I will be keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers!

Hiya ASHLEY! How are you doing dear? Please check in and say HI when you can and sending you big ****{HUGS}}}!!!
Till next time....take care all!
Jane

servicejunkie

I had to deal with my x-wife putting me on a very short leash for quiet some time. Can you really blame them?? Trust is something thats earned, and you will have to work to earn it back gradually. It's also good that they do that because it lets you know that they care about you and they are also holding you accountable for your actions today. My wife would try and lay a guilt trip on me for quiet awhile, until I stopped allowing it!! After a little while in recovery I realized that If I didn't have those things that I used to feel guilt and shame over, than I would still be out there using drugs and creating more havoc. Those things I did to feel guilty gave me the courage to get clean. Be grateful you did what you did to get where you are today, all the experience you have gained from your pain is what made you who you are today!Keep it up, Mike

Dawn10

Jane,
Glad to see your post. Yes, Frances has us nervous, but if it stays on the track it is on, it will impact us with heavy winds and rain, but not the devastation of landfall. However, things do change, so all prayers are appreciated. I am praying that God just turns Frances out to sea and it goes away. He can do that, because look at the Hurricane of our lives He has calmed!
As for your question about your family and friends and their every attention to your behavior--been there, had that happen. I think it is normal. (Whatever that is!) :wink2:
I think there is a trust factor that we as addicts have to re-establish with family and friends who saw us at our worst and now that the "honeymoon" is over--the joy of them seeing us sober--they are now on guard. Just keep reessuring them you are taking it all one day at a time and leave it at that. I used to get to upset with my Mom--who has her own addiciton issues, but still hasn't acknowledged them, that we really had some screaming matches.
I have learned which battles to fight.
So, hang in there and keep on doing what you are doing. Living a life free of chemicals! :35: :35:
Take care, Dawn