Lyoness

Wonderful! Sounds like you are in the right place for success, keep going strong!

I really think 40's--I'm 49--is one of those pivotal decades where we really face ourselves, our past decisions and start looking at what we really want for the rest of our lives, or at least the next big chunk of them. I know I want to begin my next decade sober, see what that is like.

stlrsfan

I had nothing at all yesterday and didn't miss it in the slightest and no cravings, no ill effects. I know that doesn't mean it's over, but I'm on the right path. Now I need to learn what triggers me to want it, and think that I can use it pleasurably without getting hooked, which is obviously impossible for me.

Yep, I'm 45 and am feeling exactly as you say. I lost Mom in 2010 which triggered me to quit my smoking cigarettes. It seems like a very long time, but 3 years isn't that long and there has been a TON of emotions and changes for me. I think I'm finally realizing that things have consequences and life isn't forever. (just like they tell us when we are kids!)

The sound of spending a decade sober and no dependent sounds awesome. No worries of illegal crap, a fix or anything stupid. I have a sneaky suspicion that both of us will like what we see, and certainly like the way our bodies respond to treating it better and with respect!

-Jim

Lyoness

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I don't think three years is that long when facing such a tremendous loss. I bet your mom would be really proud of the changes you are making! (2010 was a hard year filled with loss for me, too, and that really fed my addiction.)

I agree and am looking forward to it (and hoping too)!

stlrsfan

Thank you. Mom passed on July 4th of that year, right in front of my eyes, and it hurt me for a long time. In fact, I still think of it daily. I still go to reach for the phone to call her daily. She was my Mom, she was my best friend. She was the coolest Mom, but also treated me like "her baby" when I needed her care. I was the youngest of the family and she treated me special. I owe her everything. She would be proud. She knew of my demons, and while she didn't condone, she also didn't shun me. She would have been thrilled with all of my attempts to quit things and all of the successes at doing so.

I'm sorry for your loss in that year as well. And I understand how it feeds addiction. It's so easy to crush emotional loss with drugs. But I think if we do so, we're just now hiding the problem instead of facing it and learning to cope with it.

I'm actually going from NY to NJ this Friday for the weekend, to spend a few days with family - but more importantly, to go to the cemetery. I think it's time I start dealing with things the proper way, and learn to deal with my grief in a better way.

-Jim

Lyoness

Your mom sounds like an amazing person, you were truly blessed to know her. I believe that those we love always stay with us, in our hearts, our minds, our essences so she is still with you. Clearly her love is alive in you and that is a small miracle in this world.

I think it's awesome you are going to visit her in the cemetary this weekend. And to learn how to deal with your grief. We live in a culture that just doesn't allow grief and often punishes us if we feel it. That tired mantra of "just get over it" is too often said and devoid of compassion.

I know the hardest thing for me is to feel my intense feelings, particularly grief. I'm always afraid I will be consumed by them, by the pain and disappear. And that is one huge fuel in all of my addictions.

I am trying to do and be different now too. I have a lifetime of grief to deal with and I am starting slowly to do so. First, by just accepting the fact that I have a lifetime of grief. This time I feel more committed to doing this and I think/hope that will make the difference. I know that I really don't want to give up my recovery at this point. The same me, the same feelings will still be there on the other side of any relapse and it's just not worth it.

midnightfallen

I came here just now to look for a thread like this. My husband went to a treatment program about two weeks ago for alcohol dependance and I've been supportive about the drinking, I'm glad he's getting help and it made me see my own bad alcohol habits. I can deal with not drinking, but I never considered I couldn't smoke pot when my husband got out of treatment.
I had a conference today with his councilors and they pointed out how bad that can be for my husband and trigger his drinking to be around me even if I don't smoke or drink in the house or around him, but do it when I'm out. And I kind of freaked out.
The thought of not smoking pot everyday kinda made me panic. I've been smoking more or less daily for 18 years so not doing it, like not just being "dry" for awhile, but not having it in my life made me...angry.
My husband and I kind of fought over the phone and he told me I have to fix myself, he's working on himself and we have to either make changes to be together or we need to not be together...and I got angrier.
But I've had a good cry, and I thought seriously about my life, and it would be beyond foolish to choose to stay the depressed person I am who does use pot to self medicate and glaze over my real issues and throw away my marriage when I can grow up, face myself and be with the person I truly love.

Lyoness

Midnightfallen, welcome to Soberrecovery! You will find a lot of information and support here to help you in your quest to stop smoking. It's terrific that you had a wakeup call through your husband and his counselors and because of this choose to join him in recovery, to save your marriage and yourself!

We were just talking about marijuana in my counseling group tonight, how it is still perceived as "just pot" and therefore not treated as the serious drug that it is. You will find that people take it seriously here.

Scott1981

I use to be on weed every day since I was 15.gave it up about 5 years ago..i use to grow it sell it.iv been raided 2 times the last time only 2 months ago.court date is coming up.this was the gateway drug for me.cant smoke it any more gives me panick attacks.for some people they can smoke it all there life and not do any other drugs.didnt happen like that for me tho

I feel better being off all drugs now.im no longer paranoid