Marijuana anyone?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
Thank YOU! I really do feel like a giant baby when other addictions are so much more difficult physically to overcome. HOWEVER, my life has been a ball of stress for the past two months and there have been MANY, MANY times that I've wanted to just give in and smoke a bowl to numb it all and tune it out. But I haven't...and I want to be proud of myself whether I quit a hard drug or not. And yes, it's me arguing with me right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 398
I still get hung up on those thoughts of...inadequacy, I guess. But everyone that I have shared with, here and in meetings, has only shown support. Those doubts are either my addiction talking, or those "other" addicts have issues with me and keep it to themselves. Either way, I tell myself not to listen to the doubts in my head. It it possible that others think I am weak? Yes, and in some ways I certainly am.
Yes, some people have dealt with some really horrible demons. That doesn't make mine feel any easier and I don't think it should belittle my own clean time.
NA literature talks about how, in early recovery, we try to find the differences between ourselves and other addicts, instead of focusing on the similarities. This has been true for me.
I think where I'm at now is the same as most any other addict: I'm a child emotionally, but trying to cope with adult feelings and life's adult problems and stress. I've never done it before.
You should be proud. This addiction is very real and two months clean is huge!
Yes, some people have dealt with some really horrible demons. That doesn't make mine feel any easier and I don't think it should belittle my own clean time.
NA literature talks about how, in early recovery, we try to find the differences between ourselves and other addicts, instead of focusing on the similarities. This has been true for me.
I think where I'm at now is the same as most any other addict: I'm a child emotionally, but trying to cope with adult feelings and life's adult problems and stress. I've never done it before.
You should be proud. This addiction is very real and two months clean is huge!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
It's so nice to hear from someone who gets it! I was talking today about how I make it less than what it is because quitting is so "easy". Sure, the physical withdrawal, while it does exist no matter what anyone says, is certainly not as difficult as opiate withdrawal, for example. But the psychological is pretty much the same, I think. I relied on a drug all day every day to escape my life. I didn't feel "right" sober and I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. I tried a million times and failed. I even stopped trying because it seemed so pointless and I had resigned myself to the fact that I would just be high until I died. Everyday I think about smoking and I don't because I know where it leads me. I lived in a cloud of smoke for a reason and, like you said, now I'm trying to cope with my feelings, issues, whatever...as just ME. That feels good. It's like starting over.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
I have been an on and off heavy drinker for 3 years which got quite serious but I have now fortunately stopped, but throughout that time I have always loved pot. I'm really worried cos although I've kicked the booze on the head which would've ultimately been the drug that would've killed me over cigs or weed, I still can't envisage life without having the relief of slipping in to an altered state of mind which ive been doing for the last week with pot. Sometimes I don't even smoke for relief but just because the state of mind it gives me is strange and surreal and awe - some. I've been sober off my DOC booze for two months now but I picked up an eighth of nice weed a week ago and have been smoking everyday since. I know it's coming time to stop cos although I never get paranoid from it, I don't want to risk a mental breakdown which happened to a friend of mine who smoked constantly. He said it put him in fantasy world which seemed great at first but suddenly turned dark and hellish.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 35
Thank you to all wh have posted in this thread. I've posted in a few other spots but felt compelled to share a little bit about what happened to my daughter. She started smoking when she was 15. Turned out she was bipolar and probably self medicating for depression, but we didn't know that at the time. We live in a medical-legal marijuana state, so she'd get potent medical grade stuff. She was a nationally ranked athlete and had three separate colleges offering her scholarships. She was a honors student with a high GPA. Our lives slowly became unmanageable over the next three years. Cops, arrests, juvenile probation, lost interest in sports, then school. She'd spend every day looking for pot, looking for people to smoke with; every night on the internet trying to hook something up for tomorrow. In the end she moved in with her dope dealer and his girlfriend and they'd get her high and use her. He progressively gave her more stuff to use, coke and Xanax and idk everything else, to the point she didn't remember anything that had happened. She barely graduated from high school. College is a big questionmark. People think marijuana is no big deal. I hear it all the time where we live. It is a big deal and it ruins lives. My daughter is in recovery but there's a lot of damage left to deal with.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Quantum superposition
Posts: 46
Smoking bud was bad for me because it's all I did 24/7. I would smoke $50 a day and I'm not rich. It also made me more lazy than I already am. I wouldn't associate with people that didn't smoke, because I didn't like to go more than 30 minutes without a joint. I said screw college.... never got a good job... just sold weed and smoked weed and did other substances 24/7. It was definitely a problem for me. Out of all my addictions, I miss pot the most though. I love the smell, the taste.... the relaxing high... I wish I wasn't such a junkie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 398
I am really grateful for the recent posters who added to this thread during the past week. It has been really helpful and powerful to read your posts and reread my own from last year. It really helped me to remind myself where I was, that I'm not alone, and that this is no joke, for some of us it is serious s**t.
Mattyboy, I loved loved Mary Jane, but then she turned on me, before I quit, things were very very dark for me, especially when I smoked.
LazyBonez, my addiction really restricted me, too. Financially, crappy jobs, the people I hung out with, I get it.
Carrots, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. One thing in your daughter's favor is her youth. It won't be easy, but she can learn a lot about herself while she is still young, and hopefully be free for the rest of her life.
Mattyboy, I loved loved Mary Jane, but then she turned on me, before I quit, things were very very dark for me, especially when I smoked.
LazyBonez, my addiction really restricted me, too. Financially, crappy jobs, the people I hung out with, I get it.
Carrots, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. One thing in your daughter's favor is her youth. It won't be easy, but she can learn a lot about herself while she is still young, and hopefully be free for the rest of her life.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Marijuana is definitely no joke, especially the insanely strong strains they grow, or hybridize or chemically create now. It was plenty strong when I was actively addicted two decades ago but on the rare times I've had it in the last decade, I have been shocked at how intense it is. Not really pleasurabe but more an instant ride to super paranoia, being cold, anxious, shivery, a bit of a nightmare really. And if anyone does have mental health issues like bipolar or unipolar depression, a one way ticket to a very bad place.
Even when I quit I was in a very dark place, too. I'd been trying to surpress what ultimately turned out to be a huge awakening and healing crisis that I NEEDED to survive and be able to grow.
I am so grateful that marijuana addiction is being taken seriously now. And I applaud all of you who are thinking about and/or are getting yourselves free.
Even when I quit I was in a very dark place, too. I'd been trying to surpress what ultimately turned out to be a huge awakening and healing crisis that I NEEDED to survive and be able to grow.
I am so grateful that marijuana addiction is being taken seriously now. And I applaud all of you who are thinking about and/or are getting yourselves free.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 158
I was entranced by it when I first started smoking it at first then the excitement wore off, but I never got hooked per say and would smoke here and there but never an everyday habit. I know some people who are hooked though and are basically burn outs where that's all they do. I'm totally a supporter of medical marijuana though for those who truly suffer and can use its health benefits. It's sad that things that have the great potential for helping those with illness ends up in the wrong hands.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 47
I enjoyed this thread, and thought I would add to it, and maybe ask a little advice from those who were or are in the same boat.
I'm 45 and have smoked on and off since I was about 19 or so. Was clean for a long stretch in there too. In 2010 I quit smoking cigarettes, and a day into the withdrawals, I quit smoking weed too. At that time I don't recall exactly how much I smoked, but it was enough to have some sort of high throughout the day, and especially at night, and I learned to use it to help fall asleep. Anyway, that withdrawal time was rough, but I quit smoking cigarettes as Mom had recently passed from cancer. Of course I later started smoking weed again, but never have touched another cigarette.
Last August I had a cervical fusion surgery in my neck and was on hydrocodone for approximately 10 weeks or so. About 2 days into the withdrawals, I once again quit smoking weed. It's like my mind playing tricks, and when suffering, it says get rid of everything. That opiate withdrawal, and quitting weed, was living hell on earth. I'm sure the majority of my suffering was the opiate withdrawals, but quitting the weed didn't help matters. As usual, down the road I went back to smoking again.
I took hydrocodone for 4 days or so, starting a few Fridays back. Yeah, I know, if I went through hell, why would I even look at one again? I guess I was dumb enough to think that some "fun" wouldn't be an addiction. Well, they lasted until last Monday. Today is day 7 since I had any and am at the tail end of withdrawals. Yep, just that one weekend of abuse brought it back, just not as bad. But now I am at the point where I want to drop the weed for good.
Now I am planning on seeing a counselor/therapist/group to help find out why I end up going back to weed.
I smoke only about 6-8 puffs per day now. Due to the other crap, I am at the gym daily in the sauna/steam, eating and drinking right and trying to do all the right things. Once I feel better, in a week or so, I am going to try and knock it down to like 3-4 hits per day, then to 2.
Will tapering like that lessen any withdrawal effects I have when I eventually drop the weed for good? After these prior events, when I say I am terrified of further withdrawals, I truly mean it, it scares me badly.
My goal is to drop from this 6-8 puffs per day slowly, but be done by August 1 at the latest. I just hope I can avoid some of the worst symptoms by the taper.
I'm 45 and have smoked on and off since I was about 19 or so. Was clean for a long stretch in there too. In 2010 I quit smoking cigarettes, and a day into the withdrawals, I quit smoking weed too. At that time I don't recall exactly how much I smoked, but it was enough to have some sort of high throughout the day, and especially at night, and I learned to use it to help fall asleep. Anyway, that withdrawal time was rough, but I quit smoking cigarettes as Mom had recently passed from cancer. Of course I later started smoking weed again, but never have touched another cigarette.
Last August I had a cervical fusion surgery in my neck and was on hydrocodone for approximately 10 weeks or so. About 2 days into the withdrawals, I once again quit smoking weed. It's like my mind playing tricks, and when suffering, it says get rid of everything. That opiate withdrawal, and quitting weed, was living hell on earth. I'm sure the majority of my suffering was the opiate withdrawals, but quitting the weed didn't help matters. As usual, down the road I went back to smoking again.
I took hydrocodone for 4 days or so, starting a few Fridays back. Yeah, I know, if I went through hell, why would I even look at one again? I guess I was dumb enough to think that some "fun" wouldn't be an addiction. Well, they lasted until last Monday. Today is day 7 since I had any and am at the tail end of withdrawals. Yep, just that one weekend of abuse brought it back, just not as bad. But now I am at the point where I want to drop the weed for good.
Now I am planning on seeing a counselor/therapist/group to help find out why I end up going back to weed.
I smoke only about 6-8 puffs per day now. Due to the other crap, I am at the gym daily in the sauna/steam, eating and drinking right and trying to do all the right things. Once I feel better, in a week or so, I am going to try and knock it down to like 3-4 hits per day, then to 2.
Will tapering like that lessen any withdrawal effects I have when I eventually drop the weed for good? After these prior events, when I say I am terrified of further withdrawals, I truly mean it, it scares me badly.
My goal is to drop from this 6-8 puffs per day slowly, but be done by August 1 at the latest. I just hope I can avoid some of the worst symptoms by the taper.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
When I quit using marijuana (I just can't get myself to say weed, I'm from the "pot" generation) I went cold turkey. I don't remember feeling specific, acute withdrawal effects so much as my mind felt foggy, hazy, not right for about six months. After that time it just cleared spontaneously. However, this is pot from two decades ago, and while it was strong, it's not the crazy stuff they have now.
I would encourage you to just go for it, though, and rip the bandaid off. The withdrawals should not be anything like with the opiate withdrawals, you're probably right that it was that which was so intense before. Even if it is bad, if you keep doing all the healthy things you mentioned, it should help. Especially drinking lots of water to flush out your system.
I'm not normally a fan of cold turkey but I think you might find it hard to stick to your taper or want to smoke past August and since you're almost there, why not go all the way? I'm just afraid that if you keep using you might fall back into the hydros, too.
In any case, I would encourage you to discuss this with your counselor and group and see what they say, too.
And congratulations for getting off the hydros! That is awesome!
I would encourage you to just go for it, though, and rip the bandaid off. The withdrawals should not be anything like with the opiate withdrawals, you're probably right that it was that which was so intense before. Even if it is bad, if you keep doing all the healthy things you mentioned, it should help. Especially drinking lots of water to flush out your system.
I'm not normally a fan of cold turkey but I think you might find it hard to stick to your taper or want to smoke past August and since you're almost there, why not go all the way? I'm just afraid that if you keep using you might fall back into the hydros, too.
In any case, I would encourage you to discuss this with your counselor and group and see what they say, too.
And congratulations for getting off the hydros! That is awesome!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Lyoness 
When I quit using marijuana (I just can't get myself to say weed, I'm from the "pot" generation) I went cold turkey. I don't remember feeling specific, acute withdrawal effects so much as my mind felt foggy, hazy, not right for about six months. After that time it just cleared spontaneously. However, this is pot from two decades ago, and while it was strong, it's not the crazy stuff they have now.
I would encourage you to just go for it, though, and rip the bandaid off. The withdrawals should not be anything like with the opiate withdrawals, you're probably right that it was that which was so intense before. Even if it is bad, if you keep doing all the healthy things you mentioned, it should help. Especially drinking lots of water to flush out your system.
I'm not normally a fan of cold turkey but I think you might find it hard to stick to your taper or want to smoke past August and since you're almost there, why not go all the way? I'm just afraid that if you keep using you might fall back into the hydros, too.
In any case, I would encourage you to discuss this with your counselor and group and see what they say, too.
And congratulations for getting off the hydros! That is awesome!
I would encourage you to just go for it, though, and rip the bandaid off. The withdrawals should not be anything like with the opiate withdrawals, you're probably right that it was that which was so intense before. Even if it is bad, if you keep doing all the healthy things you mentioned, it should help. Especially drinking lots of water to flush out your system.
I'm not normally a fan of cold turkey but I think you might find it hard to stick to your taper or want to smoke past August and since you're almost there, why not go all the way? I'm just afraid that if you keep using you might fall back into the hydros, too.
In any case, I would encourage you to discuss this with your counselor and group and see what they say, too.
And congratulations for getting off the hydros! That is awesome!
I'm a tad too scared to quit cold turkey today. I'm at the tail end of my other withdrawals, but I might just do that when I get back to full strength.
Let's put it this way, still full of anxiety, but better, much better, all I had today was 3 little puffs. I didn't crave for it, but I knew it would help the knot in my stomach from the anxiety. I will admittedly probably have one more a short while before bed tonight. The good news is, that amount today, used to be how much I would smoke before I would get out of bed years ago!
I'm hoping as I nurse myself back to 100%, which shouldn't be much longer at all, I can continue this schedule. I'm trying my hardest, even during the end of opiate withdrawals, and that's all I had.
It's weird to hear someone say they are "committed" to finally putting something down, while still doing it. But I've always quit for the wrong reasons, hence the quick decisions and quick picking back up again. I want to not only limit withdrawals, but also attack this in a way where I don't go back this time. And no way I even try another hydro. I am an addict, and I am finally seeing that clearly. I thought I could "have fun" every now and again, but I can't. And for the first time, I'm not unhappy that I can't, and not unhappy to admit I'm an addict.
So it's nearing the end of healing for one, and I'm about to get my other wound checked out and start healing that one too.
Thanks again! -Jim
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by stlrsfan
Thanks, Lyoness!
I'm a tad too scared to quit cold turkey today. I'm at the tail end of my other withdrawals, but I might just do that when I get back to full strength.
Let's put it this way, still full of anxiety, but better, much better, all I had today was 3 little puffs. I didn't crave for it, but I knew it would help the knot in my stomach from the anxiety. I will admittedly probably have one more a short while before bed tonight. The good news is, that amount today, used to be how much I would smoke before I would get out of bed years ago!
I'm hoping as I nurse myself back to 100%, which shouldn't be much longer at all, I can continue this schedule. I'm trying my hardest, even during the end of opiate withdrawals, and that's all I had.
It's weird to hear someone say they are "committed" to finally putting something down, while still doing it. But I've always quit for the wrong reasons, hence the quick decisions and quick picking back up again. I want to not only limit withdrawals, but also attack this in a way where I don't go back this time. And no way I even try another hydro. I am an addict, and I am finally seeing that clearly. I thought I could "have fun" every now and again, but I can't. And for the first time, I'm not unhappy that I can't, and not unhappy to admit I'm an addict.
So it's nearing the end of healing for one, and I'm about to get my other wound checked out and start healing that one too.
Thanks again! -Jim
I'm a tad too scared to quit cold turkey today. I'm at the tail end of my other withdrawals, but I might just do that when I get back to full strength.
Let's put it this way, still full of anxiety, but better, much better, all I had today was 3 little puffs. I didn't crave for it, but I knew it would help the knot in my stomach from the anxiety. I will admittedly probably have one more a short while before bed tonight. The good news is, that amount today, used to be how much I would smoke before I would get out of bed years ago!
I'm hoping as I nurse myself back to 100%, which shouldn't be much longer at all, I can continue this schedule. I'm trying my hardest, even during the end of opiate withdrawals, and that's all I had.
It's weird to hear someone say they are "committed" to finally putting something down, while still doing it. But I've always quit for the wrong reasons, hence the quick decisions and quick picking back up again. I want to not only limit withdrawals, but also attack this in a way where I don't go back this time. And no way I even try another hydro. I am an addict, and I am finally seeing that clearly. I thought I could "have fun" every now and again, but I can't. And for the first time, I'm not unhappy that I can't, and not unhappy to admit I'm an addict.
So it's nearing the end of healing for one, and I'm about to get my other wound checked out and start healing that one too.
Thanks again! -Jim
And you're right, one thing at a time, one day at a time. Sounds like you are on the right path, keep going strong!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Lyoness
You're welcome! And I know it's easier said than done! I absolutely could not go cold turkey on the opiates, you can read about that in some of my other posts. And I do understand using the pot to help with the opiate withdrawals, I have done that myself when I ran out of opiates in the past.
And you're right, one thing at a time, one day at a time. Sounds like you are on the right path, keep going strong!
And you're right, one thing at a time, one day at a time. Sounds like you are on the right path, keep going strong!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Lyoness
Sometimes we just hit that place where we are really ready for recovery and that is probably why you're smoking less. That is wonderful!
Originally Posted by FatallyUncool
Dear Jim, please keep posting and keep being honest with yourself. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
I think I was always honest with myself inside, but the devil on my shoulders kept telling me things to convince me things are no big deal, not harmful and all that other crap. For me, marijuana was and is addictive. Then again, for me, anything is addictive with my personality. So at 45 I'm still learning about myself, but I should consider myself blessed that I am recovering now and that I DO keep learning.
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