My first attempt at recovery from opiate addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 39
My first attempt at recovery from opiate addiction
Hello, I'm new. I introduced myself on the newbie board, but was directed here for support.
I have been taking pain medication off and on for nearly a decade due to an injury I sustained in a car accident as a teenager. i have tried physical therapy, non-narcotic pain medication, massage... I could never get a referral to pain management due to my insurance being the way it is.
I reinjured myself last year and began my downwardmspiral into full-blown addiction. I always told myself i was just taking it for pain, even when I had to buy pills on the street. i spent every spare dollar I had keeping myself stocked up, every waking moment worried about how I was going to get more when I was about to run out.
I realized it was becoming a problem when I was taking close to 100mg of hydrocodone every day, and waking up in withdrawal. I had to keep a steady dose in me all day just to keep myself from being sick. I have been tapering for about 6 months, although there are times when I haved scored some oxy for a few days, or found some hydros for cheap and just taken more than I needed, just to feel good for a night or a weekend.
Then, about 3 weeks ago, i went to score from a friend and he gave me a strip of suboxone, grabbed my mouth and forced me to dissolve it beneath my tongue. He had a few spares from his prescription and has been supplying me for a few weeks now while I quickly taper. Being on e suboxone has helped me to get my mind straight, and realize what I must do. I have to get clean, at any and all costs.
My friend has run out of spares for me, and i am down to .5 mg twice a day, but as of yesterday only once a day, and am beginning to see thatnthis dose will not sustain me as I still am experiencing mild early WD symptoms (yawning, watery eyes). I am preparing myself for my final dose tomorrow, and then I am going to try to suffer through WD if I can. My greatest fear is relapsing to ease my symptoms, as I always have over the last hear when I try to stop.
I have visited my insurance's chemical dependency physicians and ey are treating me like I am a criminal, and making me feel shameful. Theyoffer only one outpatient program: an intensive 7 day a week program where you spend most of every day at the facility in groups and counseling sessions for months. This is the only way that they will offer me suboxone treatment, and the only way i canafford suboxone treatment is through my insurance, but if i participate, I will lose my job.
I have a boyfriend who is not a drug user or and addict, and he is as supportive as he can be (he does not understand the nature of addiction, or realize how hard this struggle is for me), and have only that one friend in recovery, withnwhom i plan to attend NA meetings soon, so that we can besupportive of one another.
I dont know if its wiser to just detox now or save the money to see a private physician and ride out the financial hardship of obtaining suboxone treatment that way, since i would only have to attend meetings on my own schedule then.
I dont know if I can come clean about my addiction to my family, who are enabling me, for fear of judgment, or of disappointing them.
I'm here to meet others who have had the strength to break through this, and to find support while I try to make this right. I am open to any advice, suggestions, or just to hear your experiences or words of wisdom..
Thank you.
I have been taking pain medication off and on for nearly a decade due to an injury I sustained in a car accident as a teenager. i have tried physical therapy, non-narcotic pain medication, massage... I could never get a referral to pain management due to my insurance being the way it is.
I reinjured myself last year and began my downwardmspiral into full-blown addiction. I always told myself i was just taking it for pain, even when I had to buy pills on the street. i spent every spare dollar I had keeping myself stocked up, every waking moment worried about how I was going to get more when I was about to run out.
I realized it was becoming a problem when I was taking close to 100mg of hydrocodone every day, and waking up in withdrawal. I had to keep a steady dose in me all day just to keep myself from being sick. I have been tapering for about 6 months, although there are times when I haved scored some oxy for a few days, or found some hydros for cheap and just taken more than I needed, just to feel good for a night or a weekend.
Then, about 3 weeks ago, i went to score from a friend and he gave me a strip of suboxone, grabbed my mouth and forced me to dissolve it beneath my tongue. He had a few spares from his prescription and has been supplying me for a few weeks now while I quickly taper. Being on e suboxone has helped me to get my mind straight, and realize what I must do. I have to get clean, at any and all costs.
My friend has run out of spares for me, and i am down to .5 mg twice a day, but as of yesterday only once a day, and am beginning to see thatnthis dose will not sustain me as I still am experiencing mild early WD symptoms (yawning, watery eyes). I am preparing myself for my final dose tomorrow, and then I am going to try to suffer through WD if I can. My greatest fear is relapsing to ease my symptoms, as I always have over the last hear when I try to stop.
I have visited my insurance's chemical dependency physicians and ey are treating me like I am a criminal, and making me feel shameful. Theyoffer only one outpatient program: an intensive 7 day a week program where you spend most of every day at the facility in groups and counseling sessions for months. This is the only way that they will offer me suboxone treatment, and the only way i canafford suboxone treatment is through my insurance, but if i participate, I will lose my job.
I have a boyfriend who is not a drug user or and addict, and he is as supportive as he can be (he does not understand the nature of addiction, or realize how hard this struggle is for me), and have only that one friend in recovery, withnwhom i plan to attend NA meetings soon, so that we can besupportive of one another.
I dont know if its wiser to just detox now or save the money to see a private physician and ride out the financial hardship of obtaining suboxone treatment that way, since i would only have to attend meetings on my own schedule then.
I dont know if I can come clean about my addiction to my family, who are enabling me, for fear of judgment, or of disappointing them.
I'm here to meet others who have had the strength to break through this, and to find support while I try to make this right. I am open to any advice, suggestions, or just to hear your experiences or words of wisdom..
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
If you can quit and go cold turkey, that is what I recommend! I tried every to taper, also tried subs, and why they worked great, I missed the high.. I am now 91 days today off about 150mg per day of percocet. You can do this if you really want!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Why would you lose your job if this program is through your job? Don't they have to give you time off (medical leave) if you request it and get a doctor's approval?
that being said, many wise people have suggested cold turkey is best.
that being said, many wise people have suggested cold turkey is best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 39
I agree, I think cold turkey is the best. If i kept maintaining i would only be prolonging the inevitable.
To answer you keltie, my insurance is NOT through my employer. It is through a family member's employer. My employer does not offer insurance benefits or paid time off of any kind. If i take that much time off from work, i will lose my job and my place to live, etc. it's not an easy situation, considering to seek private treatment outside my insurance would cost me money i dont have. So the affordable treatment puts me on the street, but cleans me up. And they will not make exceptions in this program for anyone with a job. If you want suboxone through them, you must comply.
I appreciate the advice, and congratulations icandoit12, i hope to be where you are soon! It is so inspiring and good to know that if others can do it, i can too.
To answer you keltie, my insurance is NOT through my employer. It is through a family member's employer. My employer does not offer insurance benefits or paid time off of any kind. If i take that much time off from work, i will lose my job and my place to live, etc. it's not an easy situation, considering to seek private treatment outside my insurance would cost me money i dont have. So the affordable treatment puts me on the street, but cleans me up. And they will not make exceptions in this program for anyone with a job. If you want suboxone through them, you must comply.
I appreciate the advice, and congratulations icandoit12, i hope to be where you are soon! It is so inspiring and good to know that if others can do it, i can too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
That sounds incorrect to me, but I am not calling you a liar. If you truly want to be on Suboxone there are lots of psychiatrists who can prescribe it. Maybe it is different in California.
I agree cold turkey is the best way to go if you can do it. Suboxone comes with its own set of problems, but if you continue relapsing those problems are better than the alternative sometime.
No reason to wait to go to NA meetings. They are there for you. You just have to do it.
Good luck!!!
I agree cold turkey is the best way to go if you can do it. Suboxone comes with its own set of problems, but if you continue relapsing those problems are better than the alternative sometime.
No reason to wait to go to NA meetings. They are there for you. You just have to do it.
Good luck!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
I have never met anyone who has acheived long term abstinence from their drug of choice with suboxone or methadone. I've seen many fall back to their drug of choice.
I had a family member on methadone clinic for years. they were "weening him down" from 180mg at the rate of 2mg a week LOL. He ended up punching someone out there so they got a restraining order against him (the only way he knew he could resist the temptation to go back and get sucked back in). He sweated and shook for a month or three and is now doing fine.
You want to just switch up your habit, go for it, if you want to live a life free from having to use every day to keep from getting dope-sick you're going to have to suffer a bit. Millions of people have done it before you and you can do it too. You are not alone and every early day you get through without any drugs is one more day you never have to do again.
I would encourage you to check out NA as soon as possible. I found my answers there, it's where people go when their drug use has taken on a life of it's own, stop using and STAY STOPPED.
I had a family member on methadone clinic for years. they were "weening him down" from 180mg at the rate of 2mg a week LOL. He ended up punching someone out there so they got a restraining order against him (the only way he knew he could resist the temptation to go back and get sucked back in). He sweated and shook for a month or three and is now doing fine.
You want to just switch up your habit, go for it, if you want to live a life free from having to use every day to keep from getting dope-sick you're going to have to suffer a bit. Millions of people have done it before you and you can do it too. You are not alone and every early day you get through without any drugs is one more day you never have to do again.
I would encourage you to check out NA as soon as possible. I found my answers there, it's where people go when their drug use has taken on a life of it's own, stop using and STAY STOPPED.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: winston salem,nc
Posts: 1
day 7
That helped so much Thankyou. I hate the weirdness i feel and my throat is sore and the sneezing,God I wish today is better than yesterday,so much panic attacks,i want to just giveup but too scared to i have come this far just maybe im can do this,this time
and Mansikka....Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 39
Thank you, everyone. I have decided to go cold turkey, as Insee no reason to trade addictions for another. I used the suboxone to taper down and I had my last 1/2 mg dose this morning.
I am going to an NA meeting tomorrow evening as well. thank you all so much for the support and advice, and for the honest feedback I have not been receiving from those around me who have been trying to spare my feelings or make it easier for me.
I will keep update how it goes over the next few days. Thank you all so much again.
I am going to an NA meeting tomorrow evening as well. thank you all so much for the support and advice, and for the honest feedback I have not been receiving from those around me who have been trying to spare my feelings or make it easier for me.
I will keep update how it goes over the next few days. Thank you all so much again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 39
marcus- my insurance is through Kaiser permanente and they have very strict guidelines apparently. You can only receive suboxone treatment through kaiser At their chemical dependency treatment programs and you must meet a demanding and intensive outpatient criteria to get suboxone maintenance/taper treatment at all. All of the ohysicians i have contacted outside of my insurance (assuming i will pay out of pocket) cost $250-$400 a month in doctors visits alone and the prescription,msince outside my insurance, would be $200-$400 a month. I simply dont have that much extra cash. My insurance was supplying the majority of my DOC as it was, so it was affordable for me to use.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Highland Ranch, CO
Posts: 41
I went cold turkey from140 mg of oxy, it sucks believe me but I didn't see another way to do it. It seemed like I was awake for 21 days..it is not fun. It if u want it u will do it...make a commitment to yourself and just don't use one day at a time...Go to meetings, it helps and come on here too. I stay clean because I never want to go through withdrawals ever again, I hope and pray that I remember them for the Rest of my life... Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 33
Congrats on your decision to take your life back. There are many methods inwhich you can tackle your addiction, I would highly recomend consulting medical profesionals for the physical symptoms, and a support group for pshyc/spiritual condition.
Good Luck
HD
Good Luck
HD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 39
Today day one, and while Im sure there is still suboxone in my system there can't be much left. I am close to 40 hr out from my last suboxone dose, and am experiencing mild WD (although this is a resuot of my taper being too fast, or the sub dose being too low, im sure). I am currently experiencing intense cravings and the desire to use, even knowing i probably wouldnt experience euphoria anyway. But i'm gonna get through today, its already 5pm, i am so close to finishing out the day, I have to be strong.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by albeitslowly 
Today day one, and while Im sure there is still suboxone in my system there can't be much left. I am close to 40 hr out from my last suboxone dose, and am experiencing mild WD (although this is a resuot of my taper being too fast, or the sub dose being too low, im sure). I am currently experiencing intense cravings and the desire to use, even knowing i probably wouldnt experience euphoria anyway. But i'm gonna get through today, its already 5pm, i am so close to finishing out the day, I have to be strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
albeit - I have done the cold turkey twice....you can do it. I have no plans of ever repeating it. DO NOT GIVE into the cravings or think it will be better with a little bit of drugs...they will send you backwards in any amount. four more days and you will be in much better shape. Be glad you had a bit of a taper with suboxone. Don't start the pain over. Hang tough!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 683
LH is 100% correct, you're turning the corner and in just a couple of days... No more Physical W/D!
Be sure to keep yourself hydrated and eat a good diet right now. I cannot emphasize how much a good diet is right now. NO caffeine! Eat lots of eggs and bananas! Eggs for your brain and the bananas for the potassium for your muscles. Melatonin works good for sleep.
Be sure to keep yourself hydrated and eat a good diet right now. I cannot emphasize how much a good diet is right now. NO caffeine! Eat lots of eggs and bananas! Eggs for your brain and the bananas for the potassium for your muscles. Melatonin works good for sleep.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Lots of great advice. I am now day 16 of cold turkey and it has been much easier after the first few days although you have a bit of time under your belt. All the symptoms sound perfectly "normal" for withdrawl. The insomnia was/is the worst for me. I am not done with it but am sleeping abit more than I was when I didn't sleep at all.
Some day you will feel it being gone and you will see the world through different eyes and it will be a great feeling. You just have to get through this first.
Add my agreement that cold turkey is the best. All the others are just more dependency.
Some day you will feel it being gone and you will see the world through different eyes and it will be a great feeling. You just have to get through this first.
Add my agreement that cold turkey is the best. All the others are just more dependency.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 71
No update yet? Hope your still clean, as i am not. Ive been threw the withdrawal about 4 times i think. the first one i came off of 30 to 40 bags of dope a day COLD TURKEY. it was terrible. worst withdrawal ever. others were not as bad. this time around i was doing allot last year for the whole year. for the last month ive been doing about 1 to 2 30s a day. for the past last 2 weeks, ive only had 1mg of sub a day, with 1 or 2 days here n there with nothing, then it walks in my door and i use.
never say never, because i did the first time i kicked, and i got caught in it again.and i still remember my first kick VERY vividly. i have 1 and a half subs left, and im really trying to make this my last. i keep slipping up i know ugh. but im trying. ittll happen, and when it does ill be me again, i hope your doing well. you should take lots of hot showers, try to get up get out and take bike rides or walks, i know you hate to get up and outta bed or whatever, but it helps, sweating it out really helps. drink mad water. eat lots of soup. AA NA never helped me, i hate it personaly, i have my reasons. but i know it works for some people and i never tell someone not to try it, i just hate it when it turns my best friend into an AA NA FREAK who wont even talk to me because i dont go to meetings, i swear it, i was clean when i met up with him and he wouldnt even take my nu,mber, ugh we were friends for our whole lives, we were like brothers. but oh well im happy hes clean.
and i hope your still clean and riding out this kic. BE STRONG
listening to music helps, try some floyd, guns n roses, metallica, or my music!
Hunter Schick-Albanese | Wildwood, NJ | Hip Hop / Classic Rock | Music, Lyrics, Songs, and Videos | ReverbNation
never say never, because i did the first time i kicked, and i got caught in it again.and i still remember my first kick VERY vividly. i have 1 and a half subs left, and im really trying to make this my last. i keep slipping up i know ugh. but im trying. ittll happen, and when it does ill be me again, i hope your doing well. you should take lots of hot showers, try to get up get out and take bike rides or walks, i know you hate to get up and outta bed or whatever, but it helps, sweating it out really helps. drink mad water. eat lots of soup. AA NA never helped me, i hate it personaly, i have my reasons. but i know it works for some people and i never tell someone not to try it, i just hate it when it turns my best friend into an AA NA FREAK who wont even talk to me because i dont go to meetings, i swear it, i was clean when i met up with him and he wouldnt even take my nu,mber, ugh we were friends for our whole lives, we were like brothers. but oh well im happy hes clean.
and i hope your still clean and riding out this kic. BE STRONG
listening to music helps, try some floyd, guns n roses, metallica, or my music!
Hunter Schick-Albanese | Wildwood, NJ | Hip Hop / Classic Rock | Music, Lyrics, Songs, and Videos | ReverbNation
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
